Sharmell - The following message has been brought to you by the Main Event Mafia.
Angle - We have provided you with countless hours of entertainment…
Steiner - Bringing smiles to the faces of men, women, and children throughout the world…
Nash - With a will unmatched by any other superstars in the history of professional wrestling…
Booker - BUT NOW a threat plans to derail our MESSAGE OF HOPE…
Angle - …and destroyed the respect that we have spent years to establish…
Booker - Through honesty…
Angle - Ferocity
Nash - And plain old HARD WORK!
Angle - That threat is… THE FRONT LINE!
Steiner - Tonight, with the support of wrestling fans around the globe…
Angle - The Main Event Mafia will fight the good fight to maintain the status quo.
Booker - And preserve the integrity that throughout our combined 75 years in this business…
Nash - We have worked so hard to establish!
Angle - Jarrett is at home still licking his injuries. (later, shots air of Jarrett wrestling during the post-PPV UK tour…) Are you gonna stop us, Jim?
Cornette - I’ve been authorized to WARN YOU…
Booker - MY NAME IS BLACK SNOW AND I’M HERE WITH MY CO-HOST, CHET LEMON! WHADYA THINK ABOUT THE SHOW TODAY, CHET!?
Nash - IT’S TAKEOVER TIME IN THE IMPACT ZONE!
Booker - What do they call that at the start of the show?
Nash - I believe it’s called PYRO MAN, BLOW YOUR LOAD!
Booker - BLOW YA LOAD, DUDE!
Booker - Whadya think about Matt Morgan? He’s a big guy!
Nash - YUP, A BIG GUY!
Booker - THE LEGENDS CHAMPION BOOKER T WILL BE IN ACTION AGAINST TNA’s FINEST referees!
Steiner - WHITE TRASH AND REDNECKS, THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS A NYLON-TITLE KNOCKOUT HANDICAP MATCH SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL. WHAT DAT MEANS IS FOUR BITCHES ONE. First, SALT JO. SOL…SO…JO Bolt, I haven’t slept with them - how am I supposed to know what their names are!? YOU GOT THREE BITCHES and the TNA Knockout Champion Awesome Kong, the group known as Kong-fucious!
Nash - I believe it’s Kongtourage…
Booker - Soljourner Bolt… I think she’s got some relation to Thunderbolt Patterson. You know?
Steiner - Their opponent, representing the TNA Front Line - coming to a truck stop near you - one of the nastiest bitches in wrestling history. ONE DIRTY BITCH, ODB!
Nash - This is the first time I’ve gotten a close look… THAT’S A MAN, BAYBE!
Booker - What do you think about Rhaka Khan?
Nash - She’s a giraffe. She’s a big one.
Booker - SHE’S A BIG GIRL! About 6 foot 5!
Nash - Four on one…and not in a hotel room.
Booker - Raisha’s got that suit on - it’s known for blinding people!
Booker - Elbow to the throat…ADAM’S APPLE!
JB - I’ve heard that Mick Foley’s coming here, and he has BACKUP!
Angle - HAHAHA, BACKUP!? What - two homeless guys and a dirty sock? I WANT TO COME, I BEG MICK TO COME! Ever since Karen left, you’ve been no fun here. I think you were getting close to me to get close to her.
JB - Bros before hoes - always! But I do have strong feelings for you.
Angle - SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND LISTEN to me - you take these (MEM shirts) and go out in the crowd and you make us some money, and if I see you pocketing one cent, I’ll take you out. Now I have to go watch a group of zebras get their asses kicked by the hunter - Booker T!
Steiner - This next match is gonna be a meat grinder, because the two referees have no chances cuz they’re a bunch of candy asses! Rudy Charles, and the next victim is Andrew Thomas! VICTIMS, COME ON DOWN!
(pre entrance, looking at monitor)Booker - I see Booker T - he’s drinking water! GETTING READY!
Nash - Yes he is…Black Snow…
Booker - BLACK SNOOOWWWW!
Nash - My partner Black Snow has left…WOW, THERE’S BOOKER T FOR THE FIRST TIME! LEGENDS CHAMPION BOOKER T IN THE HOUSE!
(to JB)Steiner - Tell your story walking, bitch!
Nash - Gimme a shirt and put it on my tab.
(after Booker threatens Hebner)Steiner - HE’S GOING FOR THREE REFEREES NOW!
Nash - I don’t know if anyone knows this, but Earl did screw Bret.
Nash - Was Andrew Thomas once a WWE Champion?
Nash - Text TNA to…and I’ll also send you a naked shot of myself.
Angle - Kev, this is the greatest night in TNA history! WHAT, A HOT CHICK!? SECTION 3 - I’LL GET A CAMERA ON HER RIGHT AWAY!
Booker - oh…my…god…here he comes - seven foot three, 20 pounds… THE BLUE PRINT MATT MORGAN! DAT’S A BIG GUY! I’VE SEEN HIM IN THE GYM - HE’S A BIG GUY! ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT MATT MORGAN - HE’S A BIG GUY!
Steiner - His opponent, from that suckhole country that you call Canada. STOP BUILDING A WALL TO KEEP MEXICANS OUT, AND BUILD ONE TO KEEP CANADIANS OUT! FROM CANADA, MAKE BELIEVE MUSCLE, PETEY WILLIAMS!
Booker - One thing is that you can tell he still has a lot of admiration for Steiner - he still wears that thing on his head, the moustache, and the black gimmick right down the middle. After the beat down, you’d think he’d want to change. That’s kinda scary!
Booker - WE’RE LIVE AND PETEY WILLIAMS IS HOLDING ON! HE’S CLIMBING THE LADDER! HE’S ON THE SIXTH RUNG, TRYING TO GET ON TOP!
(after Petey plays possum)Booker - It’s the oldest trick in the book…but Morgan will still fall for it!
Booker - He hits the…what do you call that? The knee/jaw buster!
Booker (during beat down) Booker T’s pulling Creed up - he’s gonna hit him with the big thrust kick…HE JUST HIT HIM WITH THE BIG THRUST KICK! WHAT DA HELL’S GOING ON!? BOOKER T’S A BAD MAN!
Booker - (to 3D) THIS IS BLACK SNOW! How ya guys doing?
Steiner - This next McContest is scheduled for one fall, introducing first hailing from Dunkin Donuts from the great state of Obesity - TEAM 3D! Their opponent, from the Main Event Mafia, from Venice Beach, California, the current TNA World Heavyweight Champion, THE ICON STING!
Booker - This guy’s an icon all over the world. You mention the word “Sting” and people come from MILES AROUND!
(as Sting wrestles in a shirt)Booker - THIS STING IS IN GREAT SHAPE!
(to Ray)Steiner - SHUT UP, BITCH!
(after Ray does the uranage)Booker - HE USED MA BOOK END! HE SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED FOR DAT!
(as Mick Foley’s bad offense leads to selling from Steiner)Nash - YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN’ ME!?
Foley - As amusing as this experiment has been, it is OVER! First of all, two weeks ago, Hernandez cashed in his Feast or Fired opportunity and he wrestled his butt off against Sting, and it ended prematurely due to the MEM, so you will get another shot at the TNA World Heavyweight Title! Steiner, you like weapons? I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is you’ll wrestle in a weapons match against Abyss. For Abyss, it’ll be like Christmas - he can use anything. You will be the boy Santa forget - YOU WILL GET NOTHING! Kurt, you like handicap matches? Tonight, you’ll wrestle in the main event of Impact. Tonight, you will see action 1-on-2 against BOTH MEMBERS OF LAX!
Sharmell - THIS IS DISCRIMINATION AGAINST THE MAFIA, I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY!
Mick - HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Cornette - Don and Mike, let’s go to the announce table, because I’ve got an announcement of a SPECIAL ATTRACTION for Against All Odds!
Tenay - BIG ANNOUNCEMENT COMING FROM JIM CORNETTE ABOUT AGAINST ALL ODDS!
Cornette - Now that we’ve taken over the Impact Zone, and at Against All Odds, Booker T ONE ON ONE WITH REFEREE SHANE SEWELL!
Tenay - LEVEL OF COMPETITION FOR SHANE SEWELL JUST WENT THROUGH THE ROOF!
(seconds after this breaking news, somehow)DW - HE FEELS LIKE HE HAS THE HONOR OF ALL THE REFEREES ON HIS SHOULDERS! IT’S HIS JOB TO DO!
Tenay - SCOTT STEINER TAKEN OUT BY SUICIDE - THE VERY MYSTERIOUS CHARACTER FROM TNA IMPACT - THE VIDEO GAME!
Joe (with paint on his face like Umaga) - MAIN EVENT MAFIA, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THE REAL SAMOA JOE!