It's okay, straight dudes are allowed to be into traps.
Lies! She's no trap! How can a boy be called Bridget?
(Don't quote me on that.)
Yup, figured it out a bit ago and didn't post. Got two controllers working for split-screen co-op and the game runs great!
Launch the config app (not config from inside the game), go to the joystick tab, check the Z-axis box. Hit apply. Then go through the mappings for all the buttons. L2 should be 1ZMIN and R2 should be 1ZMAX. Xinput (360) maps the triggers to the positive and negative halves of the Z-axis.
Takes a little effort to get it set up, but that was $2 very well spent. The game is a hell of a lot of fun playing against people who suck just as badly as you.