WildWop
CAGiversary!
Get out of my gym, dammit.
Yes, I'm talking to you. You paragon of health and fitness. You lazy, good for nothing New Years Resolution gym-goer. Get out of my gym.
You all know who you are. Don't deny it. You spend 9 months of the year getting fat, eating your bon-bons, chocolate, and cake, then all of a sudden... WHOA IT'S NEW YEARS! I HAVE TO GET IN SHAPE! Get out of my gym.
There's nothing wrong with being lazy. I'm lazy most of the time too, just not in the gym. Stay lazy. Stay home. You don't take up space that I want to occupy that way. You don't occupy the cardio machines for 20 minute shifts of brisk walking that is doing next to nothing to alleviate that ample gut, ass, or treetrunk thighs. There wouldn't be enough of you to fill up all those treadmills, stairclimbers, and elliptical running machines if you just stayed home. Keep eating. Get out of my gym.
You only go to the gym on Mondays and Tuesdays anyway. I know this, you know this. Your resolve isn't very... resolute. No strength of will. You don't really want to work out at all. Society tells you that you should. "Make a resolution to get in shape," says Society. You agree with Society, but we both know it's on a limited trial basis. Thirty day money-back guarantee. Ninety day warrantee on all parts. Fat ass now, same fat ass later. Give it up. Stay home. Watch reality TV. Get out of my gym.
If you really wanted to lose weight and get in shape, you'd work out year-round, right? Perhaps eat healthy too. But you don't. Your Societal Guilt Complex only lasts for a month or two after New Years. Then you stop caring. It takes too much effort. Eating ho-ho's and going to McDonald's is so much easier. You like efficiency in your laziness. The gym isn't efficient for you, it isn't quick. It's too hard. You get so tired. So stay home. Sit on the couch. Drink a beer. Or two. Or twelve. Get out of my gym.
I'm not fat, you say. Perhaps you're not. Perhaps you're perfectly svelt. Blessed with a fast metabolism. Ok, so why are you in my gym? I'm getting in shape, you say. Interesting. Most people try to get in shape by working out hard. Level 2 on a seated bike for 20 minutes is not hard. Go for a walk. Outside. Much better. Fresh air is good for you, anyway. Just stop clogging up my gym. And put away your damn cell phone. You're obviously not straining if you can talk on your cell phone while working out. Prioritize. Your life outside the gym is more important. Wheeling-and-dealing. Socializing. Working out is not high on your list. Hop in your car. Go home. Rub one off to a picture of your professional hero, Lee Iaccoca. Get out of my gym.
March is but two months away. Your guilt will wane. Don't devate from your normal life. Stay home. Be content. That is who you are. Just get the hell out of my gym.
Yes, I'm talking to you. You paragon of health and fitness. You lazy, good for nothing New Years Resolution gym-goer. Get out of my gym.
You all know who you are. Don't deny it. You spend 9 months of the year getting fat, eating your bon-bons, chocolate, and cake, then all of a sudden... WHOA IT'S NEW YEARS! I HAVE TO GET IN SHAPE! Get out of my gym.
There's nothing wrong with being lazy. I'm lazy most of the time too, just not in the gym. Stay lazy. Stay home. You don't take up space that I want to occupy that way. You don't occupy the cardio machines for 20 minute shifts of brisk walking that is doing next to nothing to alleviate that ample gut, ass, or treetrunk thighs. There wouldn't be enough of you to fill up all those treadmills, stairclimbers, and elliptical running machines if you just stayed home. Keep eating. Get out of my gym.
You only go to the gym on Mondays and Tuesdays anyway. I know this, you know this. Your resolve isn't very... resolute. No strength of will. You don't really want to work out at all. Society tells you that you should. "Make a resolution to get in shape," says Society. You agree with Society, but we both know it's on a limited trial basis. Thirty day money-back guarantee. Ninety day warrantee on all parts. Fat ass now, same fat ass later. Give it up. Stay home. Watch reality TV. Get out of my gym.
If you really wanted to lose weight and get in shape, you'd work out year-round, right? Perhaps eat healthy too. But you don't. Your Societal Guilt Complex only lasts for a month or two after New Years. Then you stop caring. It takes too much effort. Eating ho-ho's and going to McDonald's is so much easier. You like efficiency in your laziness. The gym isn't efficient for you, it isn't quick. It's too hard. You get so tired. So stay home. Sit on the couch. Drink a beer. Or two. Or twelve. Get out of my gym.
I'm not fat, you say. Perhaps you're not. Perhaps you're perfectly svelt. Blessed with a fast metabolism. Ok, so why are you in my gym? I'm getting in shape, you say. Interesting. Most people try to get in shape by working out hard. Level 2 on a seated bike for 20 minutes is not hard. Go for a walk. Outside. Much better. Fresh air is good for you, anyway. Just stop clogging up my gym. And put away your damn cell phone. You're obviously not straining if you can talk on your cell phone while working out. Prioritize. Your life outside the gym is more important. Wheeling-and-dealing. Socializing. Working out is not high on your list. Hop in your car. Go home. Rub one off to a picture of your professional hero, Lee Iaccoca. Get out of my gym.
March is but two months away. Your guilt will wane. Don't devate from your normal life. Stay home. Be content. That is who you are. Just get the hell out of my gym.