Any advice on taking advantage of other people's misery?

Do each of the following, escalating to the next if the previous fails.

Yell at her, slap her in the face, hide her things, make her cry, then divorce her.

But seriously, just have a conversation about it, then compromise to get her to make the changes you want - you'll have to make some too even if it's not fair, like accomplishing anything else in marriage.
 
Can't you pretend you lost your job and that you go out daily just looking for a new one. Ideally say that it's been a while since you got laid off and that you've been faking it this past couple weeks or something.

Then tape parts of divorce papers to her purse, car keys, etc. Placing these on items she uses to dig your hole will encourage her to go to 10% frivolous spending.

Basilofbakerstr, DDS
 
[quote name='basilofbkrst']Can't you pretend you lost your job and that you go out daily just looking for a new one. Ideally say that it's been a while since you got laid off and that you've been faking it this past couple weeks or something. [/QUOTE]

I had this idea recently, but it was inspired by the Simpsons episode with Colbert in it. It would backfire. My wife would ask me to run some errands at the last minute causing a mark against me at work, she would wonder how the hell daycare and other bills are being paid for after a few weeks or I would mention something or somebody at work.

[quote name='basilofbkrst']Then tape parts of divorce papers to her purse, car keys, etc. Placing these on items she uses to dig your hole will encourage her to go to 10% frivolous spending. [/QUOTE]

Yeah. Divorce doesn't work on women after kids are involved. If I (or any other man married with two children) divorce my wife, I'd hand over about 40% of my gross pay and lose the roof over my head.

...

I asked my wife if these layoffs changed her mind about paying debts faster. Nope. Her department is safe. What if they start laying off people in her department? Nope. She is good at her job and would be one of last to be let go.

I laughed, BUT that attitude is normal. Once again, the goal is to repeat and to prolong the occurrence when she displayed the correct attitude.
 
[quote name='Capitalizt']Move into a cheap apartment and save 100% of the extra income. Problem solved.[/QUOTE]

Am I taking the wife and kids with me?

If not, why wouldn't I sleep in my car until December and really save money?

EDIT: Anyways, the goal isn't to leave my wife and kids.
 
Alright, maybe I was too harsh before. New plan: Hide her shit, and if she doesn't notice it for a week or so, then you ebay it.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']
I asked my wife if these layoffs changed her mind about paying debts faster. Nope. Her department is safe. What if they start laying off people in her department? Nope. She is good at her job and would be one of last to be let go.

I laughed, BUT that attitude is normal. Once again, the goal is to repeat and to prolong the occurrence when she displayed the correct attitude.[/QUOTE]

........

What is this I don't even.

I'm so glad my husband and I are the same page with finances, ie being cheapasses.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']........

What is this I don't even.

I'm so glad my husband and I are the same page with finances, ie being cheapasses.[/QUOTE]

When did you get married?
 
If you're that concerned about the stability of your wife's job why don't you cut your spending, like everyone else said, don't spend on things you don't need and also maybe both of you start looking at applying for more stable, better paid jobs?
 
On topic, it's all about self discipline and self control. If she can't control her spending, maybe you need to sit her down and break down all of your finances. You need to set limits and maybe take control of the money. If she can't adhere to that, really lay on the guilt trip, have other family members talk to her about it. Suggest that she needs counseling.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']This says the lawyer making 6 figures.[/QUOTE]

Sort of... but not really. I do OK and I live within my means but I'm by no means "well off" or anything like that - I live within a very tight budget (too tight, IMO). I remember thinking that if I could make $100,000 out of school I'd be set for life but the reality of the situation is that I live in a house that is about 1/3 the size of the one I grew up in (my father worked for the government and my mother was a teacher so they weren't exactly rolling in it either) and money is still tight.

[quote name='benjamouth']:rofl:
It's long dead, when did they thaw you out Grandad ?[/QUOTE]

Get off my lawn!

[quote name='dmaul1114']I didn't see her comment as a big deal, and don't see why she herself called it trolling.[/QUOTE]

I didn't take it personally or anything - I just don't feel sorry for most people who can't live within their means. Most people don't need 1/2 the crap they waste their money on - I'm not even talking about cable TV or internet access - there are tons of grown men on this very site looking for the best deals on Transformers and showing off their gigantic DVD collections! What a waste! What people do with their money is none of my business and if you can afford it than go for it but I have way too many friends who live like this yet they are over their heads in debt - and don't care! I'm just jealous.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']Am I taking the wife and kids with me?

If not, why wouldn't I sleep in my car until December and really save money?

EDIT: Anyways, the goal isn't to leave my wife and kids.[/QUOTE]

It doesn't need to be a 1br apartment buddy. How much is your mortgage? There are nice 2 bedroom places for $650 in Louisville (I know, I live here). Put the kids in one room, you and your wife in another. If you insist on something bigger you can get a 3br townhouse for $800-ish.
 
Buying transformers is better than those assholes wasting their time and money building arcade cabinets :p.

I just got the futurama dvd collection for $108. I don't even buy dvds anymore (since I rarely watch anything more than once), but I had to have the huge bender head...and I do love some futurama (and haven't seen all the movies).

But where do you draw the line really? I have debts (student loans), all extra money could go toward paying down those debts until they were eliminated, but that would suck. So for me it's just that I'm not going to build up more debt for unnecessary shit, although I could possibly be paying down current debt if I didn't buy it. It's still irrational and in the end will cost me more money in interest. There's still a measure of immediate vs. delayed gratification.

At the same time I've built up some savings, but if instead I used all of that money to pay off my loans they'd be half paid now. But then if some shit happened and I needed money then I'd be fucked. So there's planning for unforeseeable events, which will also ultimately lead me to paying more money in interest on loans.

So yeah, there's not really a clear-cut way to go about it, so it seems like it's just a measure of how severely you're fucking yourself over, not whether or not you're doing it.
 
[quote name='SpazX']Buying transformers is better than those assholes wasting their time and money building arcade cabinets :p.[/QUOTE]

Exactly! If you can afford it, then spend your money on whatever makes you happy. I was just making an overly-generalized statement - I know lots of people who "waste" their money on what I would consider stupid shit but they aren't drowning in debt. Have at it! What pisses me off is when I hear people bitch and moan about their finances but they've got 22 versions of Optimus Prime dolls collecting dust on a shelf next to their goddamn batarang that they had to have that came with the Arkham Asylum Special Edition. :D
 
Since we are back on topic I will say this.

Although the simply solution is to say dont spend too much and stay within your means. Its kinda naive to think that the only reason why Americans are in debt is because they hit Micky D's a couple times in a week.

Like I said before, never in our nations history have we put young adults in such a deep hole when they try to start their lives. I have often refereed to it as a "Reverse Dowry." Its not uncommon for people to graduate a 4 year college just to move back in with their parent because they cant afford to even feed themselves.

That is also not including the countless examples of debt do to medical illness of from not having insurance. There are thousands of stories of a young adult just living within their means that has the unfortunate luck of getting sick or getting in an accident that drains their entire bank account.

For such a real problem in America most of you are listing some bullshit ass "tips." Half the people dont need HDTV? How does that help recent grad whos appendix burst and they now owe the hospital over thousands of dollars in medical treatment?

Yes there are stupid people out there just spending away but there is a equal amount of people working 2-3 jobs while going to school waiting for an opportunity that is probably going to go to someone willing to take a pay cut to keep working.

There are some very real problems out there that cant be solved by, "Not buying Transformers dvds."
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']I had this idea recently, but it was inspired by the Simpsons episode with Colbert in it. It would backfire. My wife would ask me to run some errands at the last minute causing a mark against me at work, she would wonder how the hell daycare and other bills are being paid for after a few weeks or I would mention something or somebody at work.



Yeah. Divorce doesn't work on women after kids are involved. If I (or any other man married with two children) divorce my wife, I'd hand over about 40% of my gross pay and lose the roof over my head.

...

I asked my wife if these layoffs changed her mind about paying debts faster. Nope. Her department is safe. What if they start laying off people in her department? Nope. She is good at her job and would be one of last to be let go.

I laughed, BUT that attitude is normal. Once again, the goal is to repeat and to prolong the occurrence when she displayed the correct attitude.[/QUOTE]

This might be helpful.

used_golf_balls.jpg


:lol:

I'm sorry you are in your situation though. Doesn't sound like balls alone are enough to handle it. If anything, this shows why people need to be on the same page before they get married. Hell, I think a credit check, a prenup, and a psychological profile isn't unreasonable before marriage and probably should be standard procedures because brother, when you are hitched, that shit is for real.
 
[quote name='GuilewasNK'] Doesn't sound like balls alone are enough to handle it. If anything, this shows why people need to be on the same page before they get married. Hell, I think a credit check, a prenup, and a psychological profile isn't unreasonable before marriage and probably should be standard procedures because brother, when you are hitched, that shit is for real.[/QUOTE]
This.
 
Honestly, if you need a credit check, etc. then you don't know that person well enough to get married. I think that's the main problem, not a lack of private investigators or some shit. Not to mention that a lack of trust to that extent is also probably a good reason not to get married (at that point at least).

Just date somebody first, for at least a few years, and don't base the entire relationship on superficial shit where you never have a real conversation, and you'll have all the information you need. If somebody changes later from reasonable to unreasonable then doing this shit beforehand isn't really going to matter (besides a prenup, I guess).
 
[quote name='Soodmeg']There are some very real problems out there that cant be solved by, "Not buying Transformers dvds."[/QUOTE]

Of course this won't solve everyone's problems but it is a start. Too many people spend every penny they make instead of setting some aside for an emergency or whatever may come up (or for their own future). I work with morons who make hundreds of thousands a year and are still living paycheck to paycheck because they are living above their means.

I'd love to go out and buy a new TV or put an addition on my house - and I guess I could if I wanted to because I have the money - but I can't afford to (there's a difference) because I can't not have money in the bank for the "what-if" scenario. This includes all unknowns like what if I need a new roof or a new hot water heater or some unforeseen surgery? I realize that people can be responsible and still have something happen that they can't afford or that puts them in a huge hole - that's life and it sucks. I can't feel sorry for people who don't take responsibility or control of their financial situation when they are in a position to do so and if you are wasting money on Transformers DVDs then you are in a position to at least make your financial situation better than it currently is. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. It's not that hard.
 
[quote name='SpazX']Honestly, if you need a credit check, etc. then you don't know that person well enough to get married. I think that's the main problem, not a lack of private investigators or some shit. Not to mention that a lack of trust to that extent is also probably a good reason not to get married (at that point at least).

Just date somebody first, for at least a few years, and don't base the entire relationship on superficial shit where you never have a real conversation, and you'll have all the information you need. If somebody changes later from reasonable to unreasonable then doing this shit beforehand isn't really going to matter (besides a prenup, I guess).[/QUOTE]


To be fair, I am speaking as a happily single person and I am basing most of my opinion on what my sister is going through with her husband. Since I am not married myself my opinion really isn't as important as those who are married.
 
funny thing is, if everyone lived within their means, we would all be without jobs. face it consumption drives capitalism, drives commerce, drives jobs. so we cut consumption, which cuts demand, which cuts production, which cuts jobs, which cuts taxes going into government, spiraling until collapsing on top of itself
 
[quote name='SpazX']
But where do you draw the line really? I have debts (student loans), all extra money could go toward paying down those debts until they were eliminated, but that would suck. So for me it's just that I'm not going to build up more debt for unnecessary shit, although I could possibly be paying down current debt if I didn't buy it. It's still irrational and in the end will cost me more money in interest. There's still a measure of immediate vs. delayed gratification.

At the same time I've built up some savings, but if instead I used all of that money to pay off my loans they'd be half paid now. But then if some shit happened and I needed money then I'd be fucked. So there's planning for unforeseeable events, which will also ultimately lead me to paying more money in interest on loans.
[/QUOTE]

No, you're doing it right IMO. It's just the nature of life in the US today for the typical 20-30 year old. You're going to probably have student loan debt, probably going to have a mortgage, maybe a car loan etc.

That doesn't mean you can't spend money on entertainment and luxuries. It just means that you have to spend every spare cent paying down debt and living like a poor person. It means pay at least (and ideally a bit more) than the minimum payments on all your debts, put a set amount in savings, and then you can spend on luxuries after other necessities like food etc. are paid for.

The problem is people who live paycheck to paycheck, paying the minimum (or less and getting behind) on debts, aren't putting anything in savings, but yet blow money on luxuries.

You're doing the same I and others do. Focus on paying debts, building some savings, and spending some left over money on luxuries. That's pretty much the definition of living with in ones means--as long as the debts are things like student loans, mortgage on a house with in your means etc. Not credit card debt from buying TVs etc.

[quote name='SpazX']If somebody changes later from reasonable to unreasonable then doing this shit beforehand isn't really going to matter (besides a prenup, I guess).[/QUOTE]

Yep, and FoC will say that's what happened to him. i.e. see him asking DoK how long she and her husband have been married.

Age could have a lot to do with it too. If you get married during or right after college etc., you won't have much idea of how the person will deal with debts, budgeting and other pressures of entering real life.

I'm adjusting too it myself, just finishing grad school last summer. Through college etc. most people are just living on tight budget, many times provided by parents, scholarships, student loans etc. and not thinking of saving money, paying down debt etc.

So I think that's why a lot of married couples end up with disagreements over finances. They get married at ages before either of them really have experience with managing money, dealing with debts etc. so it's hard to know for sure where each person will stand on those fronts.

[quote name='javeryh']Of course this won't solve everyone's problems but it is a start. Too many people spend every penny they make instead of setting some aside for an emergency or whatever may come up (or for their own future). I work with morons who make hundreds of thousands a year and are still living paycheck to paycheck because they are living above their means.
[/QUOTE]

Yep, you shouldn't spend a dime on luxuries unless you're paying down your debts, paying all your bills and other necessities, and putting some money in savings. After that you can budget some discretionary income for luxuries.

[quote name='ritchardf']funny thing is, if everyone lived within their means, we would all be without jobs. face it consumption drives capitalism, drives commerce, drives jobs. so we cut consumption, which cuts demand, which cuts production, which cuts jobs, which cuts taxes going into government, spiraling until collapsing on top of itself[/QUOTE]

Yep, and that's why our economy will eventually crash IMO. It's far too much based on consumerism and selling people luxury goods and services they don't need. When things get tough, most people tighten their belts and cut back spending on such things. Which is why it's still tough for retail even with the economy slowly bouncing back. There will be a lag before people as a whole are throwing the same levels of money at luxuries as they were a couple years ago.
 
[quote name='ritchardf']funny thing is, if everyone lived within their means, we would all be without jobs. face it consumption drives capitalism, drives commerce, drives jobs. so we cut consumption, which cuts demand, which cuts production, which cuts jobs, which cuts taxes going into government, spiraling until collapsing on top of itself[/QUOTE]

There would also be less need for unemployement benefits, food stamps, financial aid and other social progams. That would offset a lot of the lowered consumption because people would have money saved for those tough times.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Yep, and FoC will say that's what happened to him. i.e. see him asking DoK how long she and her husband have been married.[/QUOTE]

I was asking when she got married. She didn't send me an invite, any pictures or any videos.

Will things change in their marriage that strains or frustrates either of them? Nobody knows.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']I was asking when she got married. She didn't send me an invite, any pictures or any videos.

Will things change in their marriage that strains or frustrates either of them? Nobody knows.[/QUOTE]

Out of curiosity, FoC, what age where you and your wife when you got married? Was it right after college etc.?
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Out of curiosity, FoC, what age where you and your wife when you got married? Was it right after college etc.?[/QUOTE]

Her: 23 and the year before she graduated college.

Me: 26 and the year before I graduated college the second time.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']My wife works for the second largest employer in Louisville.

Yesterday, they decided to lay off over 1,000 people.

My wife's department is unaffected, but no one knows the future.

For a brief, glorious moment, she realized losing her job would spell financial doom for our family.

Then, American Idol came on and only 17 spots were left in the top 24.

I want to extend that moment for a year or two to have her help our family get out of debt permanently.

Any ideas other than the constant fear of losing everything to motivate her?[/QUOTE]

Aren't you the same guy who posted before about your wife blowing money and not paying her bills she is supposed to take care of?
 
Ah, then I can see why you have such problems. At 23 and still in college there was no way to know how she'd handle finances etc. in the real world.

I didn't know you'd graduated college twice. I assume that was the CS degree. What was your first degree in.
 
Just got married a couple months ago. I'm 22 and husband is 33. I just graduated from college in the summer, he graduated almost 11 years ago. :lol: But we are both very frugal and I don't really see this changing. We aren't afraid to talk about money and savings and it's one of the things we don't fight about, because we are upfront and willing to bring things up immediately. I really really think couples need to be on the same page with finances and agree to a financial plan before they get married. Too many couples wait until after and then they find out their spouse has like $20k in credit card debt and $100k in student loans or some shit and has no intention of slowing down. Or something happens like in FOC's case.
 
[quote name='DestroVega']Aren't you the same guy who posted before about your wife blowing money and not paying her bills she is supposed to take care of?[/QUOTE]

Yes.

Is there something inconsistent between that thread and this thread?

...

Let's an analogy:

A baby is born. Every few hours, the baby shits or pisses itself. It has to be cleaned. Day in, day out for years. One day, the baby walks over to the toilet and deposits urine or feces in the toilet. There is an improvement in the situation. Realizing constantly changing soiled diapers is not required, there should be some desire to push the baby to use the toilet repeatedly.

...

Let's bring it back to the thread. On the day my wife's employer decided to let go hundreds of people, my wife had the epiphany that our debts make us vulnerable. Before that day, her obliviousness towards finances was accepted most days and long term plans compensating for it were in place. Ergo, the plan to be in a financially enviable place just before my kids grew up. If that epiphany could be harnessed, several years could be shaved off of the plan and the same place reached.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']I didn't know you'd graduated college twice. I assume that was the CS degree. What was your first degree in.[/QUOTE]

B.A. in Biology back in '97 from Wa"r"shington University in St. Louis.

In an alternative universe, I'm sure I've used my education successfully. I probably have a goatee though.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']Yes.

Is there something inconsistent between that thread and this thread?

...

Let's an analogy:

A baby is born. Every few hours, the baby shits or pisses itself. It has to be cleaned. Day in, day out for years. One day, the baby walks over to the toilet and deposits urine or feces in the toilet. There is an improvement in the situation. Realizing constantly changing soiled diapers is not required, there should be some desire to push the baby to use the toilet repeatedly.

...

Let's bring it back to the thread. On the day my wife's employer decided to let go hundreds of people, my wife had the epiphany that our debts make us vulnerable. Before that day, her obliviousness towards finances was accepted most days and long term plans compensating for it were in place. Ergo, the plan to be in a financially enviable place just before my kids grew up. If that epiphany could be harnessed, several years could be shaved off of the plan and the same place reached.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, it just seems from the conversation you've posted that she actually NEEDS to be laid off from her job to actually realize that she's wasting money and needs to cut back. Sometimes that is all that can be done with people who won't listen to reason.
 
Dude, look in your Sunday paper and see if they have some pimp hand on sale. :lol:

Seriously though, women don't have the market cornered on putting their foot down in a relationship. Try it and report back to us. Sure, you may be cut off from knockin' boots for awhile, but that is the least of your problems.
 
I was in a similar situation 7 years ago, FoC. We weren't spending 94% of our income every month, more like 114%

Credit card spending out of control, late fees for unpaid or late bills, it was a mess.

I sat down with my wife, said this was unacceptable. I threatened to leave.

I cut up all our credit cards, except for my American Express. I had her sign a form that direct deposited her paycheck into a checking account that only I had control of, that I paid bills from.

We now own both our cars outright, and the only debt we have is 10% of her original student loan and our mortgage.

We're a lot happier.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']My wife works for the second largest employer in Louisville.

Yesterday, they decided to lay off over 1,000 people.

My wife's department is unaffected, but no one knows the future.

For a brief, glorious moment, she realized losing her job would spell financial doom for our family.

Then, American Idol came on and only 17 spots were left in the top 24.

I want to extend that moment for a year or two to have her help our family get out of debt permanently.

Any ideas other than the constant fear of losing everything to motivate her?[/QUOTE]

I know a lot of people who work at Humana, they all seemed to make it through.
 
[quote name='chakan']I was in a similar situation 7 years ago, FoC. We weren't spending 94% of our income every month, more like 114%

Credit card spending out of control, late fees for unpaid or late bills, it was a mess.

I sat down with my wife, said this was unacceptable. I threatened to leave.

I cut up all our credit cards, except for my American Express. I had her sign a form that direct deposited her paycheck into a checking account that only I had control of, that I paid bills from.

We now own both our cars outright, and the only debt we have is 10% of her original student loan and our mortgage.

We're a lot happier.[/QUOTE]

The stick won't work on the wife. Divorce will only damage the kids and turn my car into my apartment for a few years. That being written, she knows the fishing pole is in one hand and the other has a pair of scissors.

My wife finds fault with the carrot, too. She was telling me how she finds our "Big To Do List" restrictive. She says she wants to get out of debt, but she doesn't want to focus on getting out of debt. I don't know how somebody gets out of debt without putting any effort towards it, but why ask the tough questions? Then, she tells me how her family didn't focus on bills when she was young. I didn't have the heart to remind her that her mother is in and out of insane asylums, has an SSI paycheck, is so bad with money that my wife is her designated payee and lives in a 900 square foot house with five other people, a malfunctioning toilet and a tin roof.

I did inform her that the "Big To Do List" isn't going anywhere.
 
I hope you don't take offence, but your wife sounds unreasonable. I see your dilemma; I don't know how you'd get through to her.
 
[quote name='chakan']I hope you don't take offence, but your wife sounds unreasonable.[/QUOTE]
Which is why he made this topic. Why would he take offense?
 
Her fear of uncertainty is coming across as lazy. She wants to do the bare minimum because she's scared that if she goes balls out and fails, she's gonna be worse off. Throw in a pinch of escapism/delusionality and we have her situation. You can't scare someone like that into anything because then they just become more escapist. Divorce also would never work because then you'd just end up with a wife like the crackhead in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman".

What has worked well for me in the same situation with my mother is to pretty much make her feel like she's on her own. That's different than divorce because everyone knows with that, there's a windfall and thus continues the blissful ignorance. Making her feel as if she's on her own is pretty much acting as if you could keep it together by yourself with the kids. She'll start thinking that if shit hits the fan, it'll be on her. When she realizes that she sinks or swims on her own merit and not on some magical lifesaver like she thinks now, things will change immediately. Either that or someone tried that with her mother and that's why she ended up the way you described. I dunno man. I tried.
 
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