Impact gets a million billion stars tonight. It was a great night of melodrama. We got attempted murder, a champion in an adult diaper, Lethal's awesome KOOPA armband, Don West saying things loudly, Mike Tenay saying things loudly AND making faces, EY getting the girl, AJ being a dick, Christian being a dick, and Angle being an idiot. Also, an X division match with some highspots for the first time in a long time, and a "pay per view quality main event" with a

finish. I got some laughs out of them further implying that Brock and Goldberg are coming to TNA, and I hope we get a VKM segment bashing WWE for misleading its audience to further make TNA Impact into a comedy program.
"After burning Sting with a fireball, Abyss and James Mitchell wanted more of Sting, but when they went to investigate, the only thing left of the icon was his trademark baseball bat!"
"THIS IS WHAT WE KNOW!"
"Back in my day, we had two-sided rings made out of sheep skin and testicles!"
"The X division showcase is next!"
"He can prove to the world, and most importantly, Chris Sabin, that he deserves to be in the X division".
"What could be better for an Impact main event? THAT TAKES ME BACK TO 2005!'
"Here comes Alex Shelley!.. and he spits in their faces!"
The X division champion is wearing Depends.
"THIS IS WHAT IMPACT IS ALL ABOUT!"
"Didya hear that? Christian Cage wants Tomko to take one for the team!"
LAX tries to murder someone...
"HELLO EVERYONE, I'M MIKE TENAY AND THIS IS DON WEST!"
"It's like Chicken Soup for the Soul, isn't it Joe-Joe Bear. It's all so confusing!"
"NO ONE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS SITUATION!"
It's nice to TNA to mislead people with the Brock and Goldberg text messages.
"What world? That world. On TV"
"It's Christy Hemme! OH HELL NO YOU'RE NOT!"
"Obviously burning him didn't work, so it's time to step the violence up!"
Tenay - UH OH!
Hemme - I WANT YOU TERMINATED!
Cornette - You wanna get even with him? Marry him! That'll teach him!
Cornette - You want a match? Fine, you've got it!
Hemme - WHO'S MY OPPONENT!?
Cornette - TO BE DETERMINED!
Kip - HAHAHAHA, TO BE DETERMINED!
"You wanna know WHAT'S UP!"
"I can't wait for Against All Odds, Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage!"
"You had to go and tell the world that he shot his father three times, and now he's worse than he was before I met him! What's wrong with you, Sting!?"
"I can do things the easy way and hand the tape of you beating and kidnapping me to the authorities, and that oughta be good for about 15 to 20 years, and it'll be a great influence for all the little Stingers!"
"He's wearing an Abyss mask, but is he wearing ABYSS' MASK! WHAT'S GOING ON!?"
"You wanna cross that line! THEN DO IT! GET IN MY RING!"
"Are you looking for a Pay-Per-View quality main event? YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!"
"TEXT IT NOW!"
"Kurt Angle has left his dressing room and is heading towards the IMPACT ZONE!"
"To me, you're nothing more than a bold-faced liar!"
"WOW"