controling relationships

charcoalfeather

charcoalfeather

CAGiversary!
I really wanted to get a tattoo but my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i did and we have been dating for almost 4 years now. He also said he would break up with me if i started smoking or dye my hair. Is this reasonable or not??
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']I really wanted to get a tattoo but my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i did and we have been dating for almost 4 years now. He also said he would break up with me if i started smoking or dye my hair. Is this reasonable or not??[/QUOTE]

Dump the fucker. If he doesn't love you for who you are, find someone who does. It's just that easy.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']I really wanted to get a tattoo but my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i did and we have been dating for almost 4 years now. He also said he would break up with me if i started smoking or dye my hair. Is this reasonable or not??[/QUOTE]
If the tatoo was on your lower back above your ass, then yes.
 
no i wont break up with him i just wanted support for our fight because i know that i am right to be mad at him for this and he just doesnt see it. and on top of him being upset, he is going to be even more mad that i posted it on this site because he also posts here.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']I really wanted to get a tattoo but my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i did and we have been dating for almost 4 years now. He also said he would break up with me if i started smoking or dye my hair. Is this reasonable or not??[/QUOTE]
Hmm that seems slightly unreasonable.
If he cares about you, he should allow you to do something you really want to do. Try talking to him rationally about it. Tell him to put aside the breakup reasons and explain why he doesn't want you to do this. Then you can explain why you want to and also point out, even though he's your boyfriend he doesn't own you.
4 years is a long time, just sit down and discuss. If there's still a conflict of interest, then get it and then see what happens.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']no i wont break up with him i just wanted support for our fight because i know that i am right to be mad at him for this and he just doesnt see it. and on top of him being upset, he is going to be even more mad that i posted it on this site because he also posts here.[/QUOTE]

Well, then enjoy your dysfunctional relationship.
 
[quote name='GuilewasNK']Have you ever said anything similar to him about breaking up if he does something you don't want?[/QUOTE]

yes i have but nothing as silly as to dye my hair. I threatened to break up with him if he ever started to smoke pot or the time when he stopped talking to me because of EQ.
 
You might want to find out about what the root of his spazzery is. For instance, various religions have rules pertaining to the body being sacred (hence no graffito-tagging or smoking, though the hair dye one is new to me.) If he's this serious about small stuff like what you're talking about, who knows what else he expects of you down the line?
 
you're either about to go to college or have already started college. you're at a point in your life where you as a person might change. that change might not be what you're bf is looking for. in any case, don't force anything and let things come the way they do. everything will fall into place.
 
[quote name='jmcc']You might want to find out about what the root of his spazzery is. For instance, various religions have rules pertaining to the body being sacred (hence no graffito-tagging or smoking, though the hair dye one is new to me.) If he's this serious about small stuff like what you're talking about, who knows what else he expects of you down the line?[/QUOTE]


haha well we are both "catholic" so that is out of the question.
I think it is because he likes the whole innocent thing and i think that is just silly.

like one time i drank and he completely flipped out on me. It is as if it is ok for him to do it but he wants to keep me in the closet for the rest of my life
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']yes i have but nothing as silly as to dye my hair. I threatened to break up with him if he ever started to smoke pot or the time when he stopped talking to me because of EQ.[/QUOTE]
Again, you need to hash it out with cooled tempers. Discuss things logically. You might want a third-party to moderate the conversation, ya know like make sure only one of you is talking at a time.
 
What we really need to help get a better understanding of the whole situation is for you to post a pic of the two of you. We need to see who the better looking person is, that's the one that needs to obey the other.
 
[quote name='mtxbass1']think really hard about the tattoo. My GF has one and it seemed like a good idea at the time, but she hates it now.[/QUOTE]

Second'd

I'm guessing you're pretty young, so I won't talk about futures. But I can definitely understand the whole smoking issue. I've had a long standing rule to never get involved with a smoker. It's disgusting.

Remember, tattoos are forever, I would ask you to rethink it, not for him, but for yourself. A lower back tattoo can prevent you from getting an epidural during birth. Most tattoos will stretch and fade as you age. Think of how you'll look at 40 years old with three kids and a massive tattoo.

Third, dyeing your hair. He's probably just afraid you'll look different. I say if you want to do that, do it. There aren't any real consequences. If he can't roll with a hair color change, definitely dump him. He's got some life lessons to learn.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']haha well we are both "catholic" so that is out of the question.
I think it is because he likes the whole innocent thing and i think that is just silly.

like one time i drank and he completely flipped out on me. It is as if it is ok for him to do it but he wants to keep me in the closet for the rest of my life[/QUOTE]
Hm, that is a little controlling, but maybe he's just tryong to protect you. You're a big girl, now, though. You can make your own decisions, whether they are right or wrong. You will never be your own person if you can't make your own choices and your own mistakes.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']I really wanted to get a tattoo but my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i did and we have been dating for almost 4 years now. He also said he would break up with me if i started smoking or dye my hair. Is this reasonable or not??[/QUOTE]

This is completely unreasonable. Are you not an individual? Time to buy this tool a one way ticket to Dumpsville.
 
Also, since you'll be posting pics and all, if you could go ahead and take a pic of yourself, sitting topless on the toilet, sucking on a banana with "Jimmie" written on one titty and "Mac" written on the other, in red lipstick, that would be great too.

Thanks in advance.
 
AH i didnt mention this but i really dont want a tattoo and i would never start smoking. It is just the fact that he refuses to let me if i wanted to and that bothers me... do you understand? i mean there are many other things those were just examples
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']Also, since you'll be posting pics and all, if you could go ahead and take a pic of yourself, sitting topless on the toilet, sucking on a banana with "Jimmie" written on one titty and "Mac" written on the other, in red lipstick, that would be great too.

Thanks in advance.[/QUOTE]

Hey! Hey! No! Not cool man! Food doesn't go into the bathroom!
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']AH i didnt mention this but i really dont want a tattoo and i would never start smoking. It is just the fact that he refuses to let me if i wanted to and that bothers me... do you understand? i mean there are many other things those were just examples[/QUOTE]
A relationship is (or should be) 50-50, all the way down the line. You shouldn't be able to do whatever you want, and neither should he. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to not want you getting a tattoo, and if a tattoo is more important to you than him, then the relationship is already over.

It sounds like you've been together for too long, but if you want to stay together, work out some compromises.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']AH i didnt mention this but i really dont want a tattoo and i would never start smoking. It is just the fact that he refuses to let me if i wanted to and that bothers me... do you understand? i mean there are many other things those were just examples[/QUOTE]
Ah I see. Testing boundries. Look those are totally reasonable requests, except smoking (the health effects and icky kissing breath understood). Dyeing your hair, getting a tatoo, these are things you don't need permission to do. It's your hair, it's your body. Just be reasonable. If you stay in a relationship where you and your partner are always restricting the other, you'll be miserable. It might be time for you to be on your own for awhile, to discover who you are without him.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']AH i didnt mention this but i really dont want a tattoo and i would never start smoking. It is just the fact that he refuses to let me if i wanted to and that bothers me... do you understand? i mean there are many other things those were just examples[/QUOTE]

So you claimed you wanted a tattoo and that you wanted to smoke so that he would say "don't do that" and threaten to dump you? Then posted on here about how unreasonable he is?

Skank.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']AH i didnt mention this but i really dont want a tattoo and i would never start smoking. It is just the fact that he refuses to let me if i wanted to and that bothers me... do you understand? i mean there are many other things those were just examples[/QUOTE]

You are not getting it. If you want to do something - whatever it is - and your significant other threatens to break up with you over it then he/she is a douche and you should get as far away as you can. After you snap that pic of you on the toilet with the banana and post it here make sure your boyfriend sees it - that will really piss him off.
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']Also, since you'll be posting pics and all, if you could go ahead and take a pic of yourself, sitting topless on the toilet, sucking on a banana with "Jimmie" written on one titty and "Mac" written on the other, in red lipstick, that would be great too.

Thanks in advance.[/QUOTE]


:applause:
 
[quote name='javeryh']You are not getting it. If you want to do something - whatever it is - and your significant other threatens to break up with you over it then he/she is a douche and you should get as far away as you can.[/QUOTE]
"I want to go sleep with these 3 other guys."
"OK hunny, you should be able to do whatever you want, and I'm a douche for not wanting you to do that."

Nice philosophy.
 
[quote name='fanskad']So you claimed you wanted a tattoo and that you wanted to smoke so that he would say "don't do that" and threaten to dump you? Then posted on here about how unreasonable he is?

Skank.[/QUOTE]

Because god forbid people find out what kind of person their significant other is at some point.
 
[quote name='evilmax17']A relationship is (or should be) 50-50, all the way down the line. You shouldn't be able to do whatever you want, and neither should he. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to not want you getting a tattoo, and if a tattoo is more important to you than him, then the relationship is already over.

It sounds like you've been together for too long, but if you want to stay together, work out some compromises.[/QUOTE]

I totally disagree. A relationship should be 90-10 in each person's favor. Who wants half of the shit they do in life to be a compromise? If it's not 90-10 in your favor then you just aren't compatible with each other and should end it now before you waste any more time. Compromise is another way of saying both people are losers.
 
[quote name='evilmax17']"I want to go sleep with these 3 other guys."
"OK hunny, you should be able to do whatever you want, and I'm a douche for not wanting you to do that."

Nice philosophy.[/QUOTE]

Dying hair/tattoo = sleeping with 3 other men?
 
[quote name='evilmax17']"I want to go sleep with these 3 other guys."
"OK hunny, you should be able to do whatever you want, and I'm a douche for not wanting you to do that."

Nice philosophy.[/QUOTE]

um, yeah - that's exactly right. If she really wants to sleep with 50 other guys and her boyfriend isn't OK with it then the relationship is over (although it might not mean the guy is a douche). I don't understand people who are in relationships where they can't do what they want or feel like they need to ask permission to do shit.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']i was right he was completely pissed that i posted this on here. wonderful.... just more stuff to fight about[/QUOTE]
you 2 need to sit down with a third party to mediate the conversation. A neutral third-party mind you. Work it out, or move on.
 
[quote name='javeryh']um, yeah - that's exactly right. If she really wants to sleep with 50 other guys and her boyfriend isn't OK with it then the relationship is over (although it might not mean the guy is a douche). I don't understand people who are in relationships where they can't do what they want or feel like they need to ask permission to do shit.[/QUOTE]
Well that's really the whole point. If you're in a relationship where you would frequently WANT to do something that the other person is COMPLETELY against, then the relationship is over (regardless of whose fault it is). That's really what it boils down to.

The whole thing is, if you really cared about eachother, then you wouldn't even WANT to do anything to hurt the other in the first place. If you knew that your boyfriend really didn't like tattoos, then why would you even bring it up?

Sabotage. It's over.
 
[quote name='javeryh']um, yeah - that's exactly right. If she really wants to sleep with 50 other guys and her boyfriend isn't OK with it then the relationship is over (although it might not mean the guy is a douche). I don't understand people who are in relationships where they can't do what they want or feel like they need to ask permission to do shit.[/QUOTE]


You have a lot to learn.
 
Well, if he's already pissed, then take JimmieMac's banana photo and upload it.

Oh, and for me if you would, I'd like you to take one with you drinking a big glass of lemonade with "fanskad's urine" written on it. Be topless for that one too.

(It would be better if it was actually urine.)
 
[quote name='xzafixz']You have a lot to learn.[/QUOTE]


well you can talk to him if you want because this is my wonderful boyfriend xzafixz
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']well you can talk to him if you want because this is my wonderful boyfriend xzafixz[/QUOTE]
ah my theory confirmed. You two should discuss this in person with another person. It's really gonna get messy here.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']well you can talk to him if you want because this is my wonderful boyfriend xzafixz[/QUOTE]

Oh yay. Another Kayden/GG thread. :roll:
 
[quote name='AngellicLulu']ah my theory confirmed. You two should discuss this in person with another person. It's really gonna get messy here.[/QUOTE]

thanksi shall try
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']thanksi shall try[/QUOTE]
listen the neutral third party really helps. It keeps emotions in check. You do not want an emotional argument. It's best to be logical and rational when discussing these sorts of things.
 
[quote name='xzafixz']You have a lot to learn.[/QUOTE]

I'd love to hear what, exactly, I have to learn. I'll admit I don't know everything about relationships (who does?) but I certainly don't have a problem with mine and I couldn't be happier. What I do know is that if you spend 1/2 of your life asking permission and making compromises then you are going to be miserable 100% of the time. The goal is to find someone you are compatible with - I've found that you should minimize compromising to about 10% of the time or less and only on the minor stuff in order to have a healthy relationship for both people.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']I really wanted to get a tattoo but my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i did and we have been dating for almost 4 years now. He also said he would break up with me if i started smoking or dye my hair. Is this reasonable or not??[/QUOTE]
i havent read anything past this post, so if what im sayings been said im sorry.

hes being totally unreasonable, if he cant accept you for who you are, youre better off getting rid of him. i understand that a certin attachment exists after a 4 year relationship, but you'd be better off without him if he's saying shit like that.

neither partner in any relationship has the right to control the other the way he's trying to.

now to read the rest of the topic and prolly get in some arguments ^^
 
[quote name='javeryh']I'd love to hear what, exactly, I have to learn. I'll admit I don't know everything about relationships (who does?) but I certainly don't have a problem with mine and I couldn't be happier. What I do know is that if you spend 1/2 of your life asking permission and making compromises then you are going to be miserable 100% of the time. The goal is to find someone you are compatible with - I've found that you should minimize compromising to about 10% of the time or less and only on the minor stuff in order to have a healthy relationship for both people.[/QUOTE]


If you ever plan on getting married more than 10% compromise will be needed for a marriage that doesn't end in divorce.
 
[quote name='charcoalfeather']no i wont break up with him i just wanted support for our fight because i know that i am right to be mad at him for this and he just doesnt see it. and on top of him being upset, he is going to be even more mad that i posted it on this site because he also posts here.[/QUOTE]
support for your fight, thats pretty juvinile.
 
[quote name='xzafixz']If you ever plan on getting married more than 10% compromise will be needed for a marriage that doesn't end in divorce.[/QUOTE]
It's not compromise when you tell your significant other you'll break up with them if they do such and such.
 
[quote name='AngellicLulu']It's not compromise when you tell your significant other you'll break up with them if they do such and such.[/QUOTE]


But this was also blown way out of proportion, things are said when people are mad that isn't true, or wasn't meant in the way it comes out to seem. You seem reasonable enough to understand that. This whole thing was blown so out of proportion.
 
[quote name='punqsux']support for your fight, thats pretty juvinile.[/QUOTE]


I AM 18! he is 20. of course we are both imature. i just wanted to know that i had a justification to be upset or worried. that is all... support was the wrong word to use for that i am sorry
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
bread's done
Back
Top