[quote name='metaphysicalstyles']Just some additional input. My wife has struggled with addiction in the past, and has always found risque behavior appealing. From the time that we met, I have had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing both of these characteristics. She cheated on me a few times early in our relationship. Two of which instances were with complete strangers. Prior to our relationship, she maintained an intimate relationship with a married couple... ultimately leading the husband to abandon his wife and the three-way relationship for an exclusive relationship with my now wife. During her relationship with this guy, she started with the whole bulimia gig coupled with an unhealthy addiction to Ultram XR. At this same time, she was in med school, and being concerned for her health, he contacted the school to advise them of these issues. From how the story was told to me, she believes it was out of spite because she was being unfaithful. But I honestly believe that this was more of an attempted intervention. Regardless, these actions she's exhibiting is not unusual when taking into account her previous psychological issues.
Before the "you should have known better than to have married that woman" comments come flooding in, allow me to defend myself. I was never a "saint" by any means (use your imagination). However, as I assume most people experience, I just decided one day that I wasn't going to "party" or participate in rather risque behavior any longer. I went back to college, graduated with honers, and began focusing on my career. During this time, I stumbled on to this gorgeous Lebanese woman on Myspace (of all gawd forsaken places). She too was in school, pursuing her degree in medicine. Even though she lived two hours away, we decided to give having a relationship a shot. After I graduated from college, she wanted me to move in with her. We had been together for almost a year by this time, and I managed to land a job at the local university in the city she was living. So I moved.
We married two years later... as this is what she ultimately wanted. We accepted that we both had torrid pasts, and agreed that we were both ready for a life with one individual. A more "straight" life... with only leisurely dabbling in random illicit substance (this was prior to having a child of course). I've remained faithful to her ever since the day we met. She on the other hand, not so much. However, the three instances did occur before we married, and she considers these instances as mistakes, but justifies them as her last "hurrahs." I trusted her in this explanation, even though it actually sickened me. Look... you do stupid things when you're 30 and in love.
Shortly after we married, she expressed how badly she wanted to start a family... and because I give her everything that she wants, I agreed. We introduced our daughter to the world nine months later. I felt for sure that if marriage wouldn't keep her straight, being a mother to a beautiful little girl would.
So that's the abridged back story. Our relationship is void of any serious issues. She has everything she could ever want. I do the cleaning, the cooking, the transportation of the daughter to and from school, managing our finances, and so forth... not because I want to, but because if I don't, she certainly won't either. Due to her bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (I assume), she become irate when it's suggested that she keep up her end of the deal (the deal being having a home, husband, and daughter). Instead, she just does what she wants to do.
She cycles her addictions. For a few weeks, it will be alcohol. Then it will be prescription pain killers. Sleeping pills. Then a combination of two or more. Then I have it out with her... and she stops (or just conceals it). This lasts a few weeks, and then she seems "stable." But this gaming thing has lasted over a year... and it almost seems as if it's allowing her to revert back to her behaviors prior to marriage. She games, participates in questionable online affairs, and because she barricades herself in the bedroom when she plays, she also takes the opportunity to take pills and binge eat/drink.
So this whole mess is more deeply rooted than just a gaming addiction. However, this is the most profound effect I have seen any of her addictions have on her life. Not to self promote, but I couldn't imagine that any other woman would find a relationship with me to be difficult. I believe that my desires and expectations are no more extreme than the average thirty-something person. I don't expect for her to carry more than a quarter of the responsibilities at home, nor do I expect wild monkey sex every night. Just a little bit of attention every so often... directed toward the house, my daughter, and me.
Update:
As I'm typing this, she calls and claims that she no longer likes me. All because I asked that she not spend any more money on the game.[/QUOTE]
im not gonna say you should have seen shit because really from my own experiences i know love can blind you to alot of things about people and also about yourself. people can change for the better no matter what theyve done but the main component to that is wanting to change.
you wanted to and it seems you did your wife hasnt and doesnt want to ad probably never will so from here on in you need to figure out what you want or remain miserable. even beyond what you want think about whats best for your kid beause what shes doing has to be hurting her as well.
also do you want your daughter to be like her? if not move on because its scary the shit kids pick up from the way their parents act and if you wait too long she could end up more like her mom. im sure your wife has some good qualities of some kind and at times things may be ok but look at the overall theme of your life and how many days are good compared to how many are bad?
if you want to try and fix things you have to take charge and let her know whats what but before you do that id suggest you collect any and all things of value you have and move them somewhere safe.
also if your name is on any of her credit cards ( where youd be liable for the debt, and if you have joint accounts end them now because i get the feeling as soon as you try to lay down the law shes going to wreck your shit and take any and all valuables she can find and leave. you also want to take your kid somewhere where she cant get to her and to someone you can trust to not let the mom walk away with.
unless your wife suddenly has an epiphany and feels guilt for all shes done to you , which i dont see happeing, the worst is around the corner. cheating is cheating i dont are when you do it and if shes doing it online id think she was doing it online too so get checked out because you never know.
after all that goodluck i hope things turn out in your favor whatever that may be.
, my dad didn't even take away my mom's computer and she ended up buying her own laptop without him knowing just so she could flirt with some assbag over the internet. She'll find a way to get what she wants.
