Free 1 month xbox live code to the ....

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
 
LOL @ killhawk really LOL. As for CAG 79 well NOT funny. As it is I've been suffering all season long w/ their remarkable 2-12 record not to mention the fact that since they went to the SB in 02' they've gone nowhere.....quick! Also since they left me here in L.A. in 94' I've been missing NFL tailgating except for the occasional OAK trip..........
 
Theres an American, French, and Japanese buisness mam sitting at a table eat lunch.

Part of the way through the American pushes on his ear and starts having a conversation. When he is done he says my company is so advanced they installed a phone in my ear.

Then the French guy pulls on his pinky and begins talking into it. When he is done he says my company is so advanced they installed a phone into my hand...

A couple of minutes later the Japanese guy runs into the bathroom and doesnt come back...After ten minutes the American and French guy decide to go into the bathroom and open the door. They see the Japanese guy sitting there with toilet paper coming out of his but and they ask what he is doing.He says: Recieving fax, ran out of paper....


Hmmm it was definitely funnier in person. I dont want the code i just wanted to post that
 
what's the worst part about eating a vegtable?

The wheelchair

(one more for ya)
Did you hear about Helan Keller's new car
Yeah, niether did she!
 
can i please have the code?

i was walking down the street and i saw a dog and thought, what would a dog say if it could talk? NOTHING cuz dogs cant talk!

wanna hear a joke? xbox customer support
 
[quote name='khamui']How do you seat 4 gay guys at a bar, with 1 chair?

Turn the chair upside down.[/quote]

lmao thats so wrong!
 
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my PAW!"

Trust me. This one kills...
 
NY12912061856-big.jpg

k-fed yo
 
[quote name='MillerTime2523']:rofl: :rofl:

Though I'm not one who should be talking:

The Buffalo Bills. :roll:[/quote]

ehm.... Detroit Lions :drool:
 
A kid was asked to define 'crap' in his english class, he answered confidently, "Uwe Boll and Matt Millen". When his teacher told his parents about it, his dad replied, "He definitely deserves to be in the Honor Roll for that response."
 
President Bush and Colin Powell were sitting down at a conference
They are talking about the planned Iraq Invasion in 2003
President Bush says. " You see here Colin were gonna go in there and kill a million Iraqi's and a Blond with huge tits."
"Why in the hell would you kill a blond with huge tits." said Powell
Bush turns toDick Chenney. "I told you no one would give a shit about 1 million dead Iraqis."
 
Why do Jews watch porn in reverse?

Because they like the part where the prostitute gives the guy money.


/some of my best friends are jews
 
[quote name='APE992'].


/some of my best friends are jews[/quote]


So what does that mean? You're special because you have a couple Jewish guys as your best friends? Or are you trying to say that by having friends of that religion you're allowed to joke around and not be called anti sementic because you have jewish friends?


Or are you simply just afraid of being called anti sementic by saying some joke?

Just wondering because you sounding a bit insecure.....
 
Just saying I am not anti-semetic, that it's only a joke and only to be taken in the context of a joke. I suppose I should have assumed that since it was a joke thread everything posted would be taken as such.
 
How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them.


What's the hottest thing about twenty-seven year-olds?

There's twenty of them.


What's so great about having sex with a ten year old in the shower?

You can slick her hair back and make her look seven.
 
I don't have a joke, but I did hear on the news today that Willie Nelson got hit by a car



...He was playing on the road again
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
 
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage =/

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
 
There was a chief of a small village made of grass huts. Every now and then, he would command his village to invade another village. As a trophy, they would take the thrones of the kings of these villages and keep them in the top of their cheif's hut. One day, however, the hut collapsed. All the thrones fell on the chief's head and killed him.

The moral of the story?

People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
 
[quote name='2&2']I don't have a joke, but I did hear on the news today that Willie Nelson got hit by a car



...He was playing on the road again[/quote]

:rofl::rofl:

I laughed so hard.. it's not even that funny!
 
I Guess its my turn for a racist joke! how do you get a bunch of domincans in a van?........ you throw a welfare check in it.
 
An American game programmer visits Japan for a conference. Being from Texas, the guy hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can order something American to eat. The concierge tells him he's in luck, and that a pizza place had just opened. The American takes the number, and calls the pizza place, ordering a medium pepperoni pizza for delivery. Twenty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door. The American takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery guy, "What the fuck did you put on this thing?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put, on the pizza, what you ordered, pepper only."
 
Its long but I think its pretty good, enjoy

Three business men whom were friends heard about a biggest big contest, in which the largest pig would win the owners a large sum of money. None of the men owned a pig so they ran out to purchase one immediately. They purchased the largest pig they could possibly find, and then started brainstorming on how to make it fatter.

The men figured that if they could feed the pig as much as possible it would most likely get larger. As the weeks past the men found that the pig was only getting a couple pounds heavier and the contest deadline was nearing. They finally came to the conclusion that they could cork the pig's ass so that it could no longer shit. This method was very creative and it was working fantastically and the deadline for the contest was at its end.

The men found that they could not possibly move the pig because it was so large, and so arranged that the judges come to the pig. The judges arrived and immediately awarded the men the grand prize because of the grotesquely huge pig.

After being awarded their prize the men decided that they would free the pig of it's corked ass. As the men were about commence in the uncorking they were stricken with fear with all the shit that would get all over them. They quickly came to the conclusion that they could have a trained monkey uncork the pig's ass and all would be well.

Soon the trainer arrived with his monkey and showed the monkey what it had to do. Then the monkey was placed before the pig's corked ass and had to wait for the signal before it could uncork. One man decided it would be safer if he were 10 feet back, the second thought maybe 20 feet it be even safer, and the third was confident that 30 feet would by far be the safest distance from the pig's fecal matter and he would watch the uncorking with his binoculars.

The trainer gave the monkey the signal to uncork the pig's ass, and the shit flew over the first man, kept going over the second man, and landed right onto the third man. The other two men immediately ran to the third man to see if he was okay. They arrived to help the third man and he was utterly covered in shit from head to toe laughing histerically.

The first two men were extremely confused as to why the third man would be laughing so hard and asked "why are you laughing, youre all covered in pig shit?"

The third man replied,"that's not funny at all but you should've seen that monkey try to put the cork back in."
 
^ That joke isn't very funny at all.

If they cashed the check, they'd be arrested for fraud or whatnot. Also, there are people that live on welfare in the U.S., and some of them might even be reading this thread.

You, sir, have no class.

EDIT: Gah, that was directed at the guy on the other page.
 
[quote name='Ub3rChief']^ That joke isn't very funny at all.

If they cashed the check, they'd be arrested for fraud or whatnot. Also, there are people that live on welfare in the U.S., and some of them might even be reading this thread.

You, sir, have no class.

EDIT: Gah, that was directed at the guy on the other page.[/QUOTE]

That was the funniest joke here. I laughed my ass off.
 
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
 
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