[quote name='lordwow']I dated a girl who had similarly as strict parents, except she agreed with them. We started dating in HS, and when college rolled around, I finally had to dump her because, as I put it, if she couldn't stand up to her parents controlling her life, she wouldn't be able to stand up to anyone.
When I was 20, I was living on my own, working 2 jobs, and in a stable relationship (the one I still am now). If either of your parents are still telling you what to do, it's time to move on as long as you have the maturity to do so. I still have a great relationship with my parents, but I'm completely independant from them except for health insurance (which is covered because I am a college student through their work).
20 year old should be put under curfews or told how much time they can spend with people, they are adults.
That all being said, I'm an an RA, and I have been one for 4 years, and I've seen the BAD side of people going off on their own with no responsibility (alcohol posioning, drug addiction, sexual assault, etc). It's a double edged sword, but I think that anyone who is competent and has some street smarts can make it in the world on their own, but they also need support from family (not necessarily financial) to make it through tough times.[/quote]
If she agreed with them it would have been over a long time ago. With her accepting that these are idiotic rules it makes me feel more comfortable staying with her.
" 20 year old should be put under curfews or told how much time they can spend with people, they are adults."
Did you mean to say not?
[quote name='pittpizza']OP, please allow me to relay a story to you. Jason is one of my biggest mentors who I greatly admire and has had great success as a solo practioner (Lawyer working for himself) in Miami.
Basically the background was similar to yours only it was taking place about 10 years ago, while HE WAS IN LAW SCHOOL! Over-protective parents are not uncommon and this shit happend to him and his girl (now wife) when they were in their early twenties. They married so you know it worked out.
While Jason was in lawschool she did some work for her dad in NY, in the garmet industry and basically her Dad was not going to give her time off to come spend the weekend with him. This (like your encounter) sort of acted like a catalyst where the parents are trying to establish dominance, show him (and you) who really controls what hapens with their daughter. Like your GF, his GF was pissed at this overprotectivness. So he, (very very ballsy) wrote her dad a letter saying something along the lines of:
"Dear Mr. Snothopple,
My client, Ms. Snothopple has informed me that in violation of New York Consolidated Statutes "xxxx" she has been denied vacation as required by New York employment code "xxxx"." It went on to lay out avenues of compliance and possible consequences of noncompliance including employment litigation.
Basically it was a well written legal threat that if he didn't comply he risked being sued. Was it a baseless threat? Probably. Does the threat of suit scare the shit out of anybody even when it is just a threat? Hell Yes!
One avenue you do have available to you, and I am not joking in the least, is to use the threat of pressing simple assault, aggravated assault, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and probably some other charges against the dad to show the family that (1) You have some balls, some knowledge, and the will power to fight for this girl and (2) You and your GF are adults, not children. The fact that he attacked you in his home is no defense especially when you were there with their consent. Now this may be overboard and more than you're prepared to do, which is completely understandable. Its just that reading about how this dad treated you, especially with physical violence, really pissed me off as I am sure it did you.
Whether gritting your death, digging in, and taking a stand once and for all is the best option for you is a question only you can answer. You should be aware though that like Mr. Snothopple, sometimes drastic measures are necessary to say "Okay, this girl is no longer yours, she is mine and it is time for you to let her go." It is something that every father has to struggle with, yet it is a necessary part of life.
I have seen this same protectionims apply to sons as well. It does seem that Mooky has a point that Mom seems to want to free her up for college guys whom she now sees as better than you.
I would not blackmail em into givin her some slack by threatening to press charges, not because I wouldnt want to, or because it wouldnt be beneficial to set a precedent that you're the boss (it would), but simply becasue I'm more of a pacifist and don't have the minerals that Jason did.[/quote]
Very interesting story. I was considering doing a similar type of thing and contacting some authorities. But I don't know what the hell that would do with her parents and my gf, I'd feel like an ass if her parents got pissed and kicked her out. But I may consider this type of move.
You know, this could also be a test for you, OP. Perhaps the parents are trying to see just how far you'll go to assure them that you are the right man for their daughter?
I still think you should have bitch-slapped the dad for laying hands on you.
Haha, trust me I wanted to. But I didn't want it blowing up any bigger. And I do not think its a test, they knew me for to long and all their tests were at the beggining.
[quote name='karkyco']HAHAHA this is the best idea, but please get a film crew to film it.
While your dad is carving the meat, you can casually bring up the tidbit of info her dad gave you a la: "so dad, my girl's dad here called you AND mom bad parenets, called me a total loser, etc. What do you think about that?"[/quote]
My dad already knows about what his dad said/did, and he was ready to go over there and kick his ass, but I told him not to and not to press charges... How long can you wait until pressing charges? Am I already out of time?
[quote name='jer7583']It's not the easy thing right now, but I say stop worrying about it so much and whenever she wants to come around, she can. Otherwise just have fun with friends and slow down the relationship. If it's meant to be, it'll be. I'm tired just thinking about having to battle it out with parents on top of making a relationship work, which is hard enough..[/quote]
Yea, good advice. I have been trying to not worry about it so much and just use this as an opprotunity to play lots of games and chill with my friends. But it's just hard...
Like tonight I wanted to take my GF to a movie because there is this movie that both of us will enjoy (I dont want to say because its a surprise and I think she may read these boards sometimes) and her parents told her no. Ugh, its the little things that drive me crazy.
[quote name='mykevermin']No, it isn't necessary, but we're trying to resolve the situation first, and the cherry on top is for the parents to recognize their folly (even if that takes the form of that very telling silence). Anything short of that, however, will reassure them that DB is a
up, and he's bringing their little princess down with him.
It isn't necessary, but it's pretty crucial to avoid the parents feeling justified in their stance for the rest of your lives.
That's the root of the problem, isn't it? A guy goin' to CC ain't husband material. They want a lawyer, a doctor, an MBA. Christ, they'd settle for a BFA compared to a community college student.
Sorry for the rampant classism, but I'm fairly convinced that this is the root of her parents' thinking (especially if you had been, in the past, "family," and now you're a "
up"). The parents have grandiose plans for their daughter, and they don't involve you. They involve those rich guys with college degrees you see in the Versace ads in Esquire.
Am I right? Is your education related, in any way, to their sudden ire?
[/quote]
Nope, I know education (in terms of me) is entirely not a part of it. Where I live Community College is the smart choice. It's cheap, easy and makes it so once you get into the college of your choice you dont have to worry about taking the shitty crap. And she is also attending it.
[quote name='Kfoster1979']
Someone said above I think Mooky? It seems to me more is going on then the parents. I am betting she might be ready to move on but has no idea on how to do it, she told Mom and Dad and now they are trying to help. Also bad idea to move in with her I get the idea she would go nuts with all the new freedom and go cock crazy(ok not really but the world will be open and she might start looking around more).
Looking back now the best thing I did was end it with my gf and move on for me. The Bear of 20 will not be the same Bear of 25 , 28, or 30. My advice it's time to move on get your life were you want it and don't mess with this crap.[/quote]
Well, I know her. I know that may sound like BS, but trust me she would tell me if that is the case. And shes the one worried about me breaking it off with her, not the other way around.
Great advice though, its nice to see others that have came out of these sorts of things ok.
If she cared enough about you, and really wanted to see you then she would, but she doesn't and she won't. Get over it, and get over her. Go lift some weights, go for a run, clear your head.
I understand that. But it's really not that simple (although that is said alot). You have your best friend. Your best friend from highschool, the one you have experience many things with and have grown with that person to be a team that works together very well. And to just end it all because her parents turned crazy is not only hard but mind blowing.
It's not like shes just some chick that I bang and party with. She is my buddy and I she has turned into a gamer and someone that shares all my same interests. I don't want to ruin that!
Besides... we haven't beat Bioshock, Uncharted or Mario Galaxy yet...
Oh and to this:
" If she cared enough about you, and really wanted to see you then she would, but she doesn't and she won't"
She does, she sneaks out all the time or pretends like she's going somewhere else and comes and hangs out with me even if its only 1 hour. That is also why I say, you cannot hold an Adult back from what they want.... cause they'll get it if you like it or not. I just hate not hanging out legitally.
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