Seriously, what does it take?
First, you have to have an infatuation with ridiculous toys that eat up a large chunk of your income. Perhaps these:
Now I’m not talking about buying a couple. You have to have a COMPULSIVE need to have them ALL, regardless of your financial situation. And you also must keep those toys away from your son, even it he cries that he just wants to touch them. You must then have a long conversation on the differences between toys and action figures , explaining to him that his plastic figures are toys and can be played with, but daddy's plastic figures are action figures and need to be displayed.
Next, you have to be over 30 and exclusively listen to the same music as 15 year olds. You must listen to nothing that came out before you were 15. Who cares that the bands are singing about teenage issues; YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY TOO! I mean, you may be 37, but something is definitely CRAWLING IN YOUR SKIIIINNNN!!!!! You must have WOUNDS THAT WILL NOT HEEAAALLL!!!!! Basically, your philosophical existence must be rooted in the beliefs of someone who looks like this:
Now, there is still a fundamental prolbem: the previous examples are simply inward. What I mean is that unless someone knows you intimately--which is hard since you behave like an ignorant man-child and can't properly express your emotions--they’ll never know that you are an ignorant man-child. What’s the proper solution? You guessed it, RED SPIKY HAIR. Red Spiky Hair is a way to say to 15 year olds, "Hey, I may have crow's feet, wrinkles, and a kid, but I'm still just like you!" The redder the better. Your hair needs to look something like this:
So now that we’ve talked about a bunch of inward and outward stuff, we must now discuss how you project your inner ignorant man-child. The best place to do this is on the internet. Why? Because on the internet you can be faceless and interact with other people on an equal basis. It allows you to bypass those awkward conversations with real people. But, most importantly, the internet is the best place to be to put your hand on the pulse of 15 year olds. You can find out their latest tastes in music, fashion, and thought. The internet allows the ignorant man-child to remain fresh and live forever.
But what’s the point of just being on the internet? To totally project your ignorant man-child you must be in a position of faux-power. The best way to do that is to be a moderator on the type of site where a bunch of young kids are guaranteed to visit. I suggest a video game site. There you can pick fights with other moderators , make corny jokes about 17 year olds with long hair , or just be so dang retarded . What's a good site to do this? Maybe a place where the owner doesn't give a shit about the forums and lets Ignorant Man-Children abuse their power. Maybe a place owned by a guy who looks like this:
Here are just a few things, but I’m sure there are more. Basically, follow these steps and you’ll have what it takes to be an ignorant man-child. Now that we know the formula, we just need to find someone who fits the bill. Does anyone have any idea?
Maybe there can be a poll in the next OTT to figure out who is actually an Ignorant Man-Child?
First, you have to have an infatuation with ridiculous toys that eat up a large chunk of your income. Perhaps these:
Now I’m not talking about buying a couple. You have to have a COMPULSIVE need to have them ALL, regardless of your financial situation. And you also must keep those toys away from your son, even it he cries that he just wants to touch them. You must then have a long conversation on the differences between toys and action figures , explaining to him that his plastic figures are toys and can be played with, but daddy's plastic figures are action figures and need to be displayed.
Next, you have to be over 30 and exclusively listen to the same music as 15 year olds. You must listen to nothing that came out before you were 15. Who cares that the bands are singing about teenage issues; YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY TOO! I mean, you may be 37, but something is definitely CRAWLING IN YOUR SKIIIINNNN!!!!! You must have WOUNDS THAT WILL NOT HEEAAALLL!!!!! Basically, your philosophical existence must be rooted in the beliefs of someone who looks like this:
Now, there is still a fundamental prolbem: the previous examples are simply inward. What I mean is that unless someone knows you intimately--which is hard since you behave like an ignorant man-child and can't properly express your emotions--they’ll never know that you are an ignorant man-child. What’s the proper solution? You guessed it, RED SPIKY HAIR. Red Spiky Hair is a way to say to 15 year olds, "Hey, I may have crow's feet, wrinkles, and a kid, but I'm still just like you!" The redder the better. Your hair needs to look something like this:
So now that we’ve talked about a bunch of inward and outward stuff, we must now discuss how you project your inner ignorant man-child. The best place to do this is on the internet. Why? Because on the internet you can be faceless and interact with other people on an equal basis. It allows you to bypass those awkward conversations with real people. But, most importantly, the internet is the best place to be to put your hand on the pulse of 15 year olds. You can find out their latest tastes in music, fashion, and thought. The internet allows the ignorant man-child to remain fresh and live forever.
But what’s the point of just being on the internet? To totally project your ignorant man-child you must be in a position of faux-power. The best way to do that is to be a moderator on the type of site where a bunch of young kids are guaranteed to visit. I suggest a video game site. There you can pick fights with other moderators , make corny jokes about 17 year olds with long hair , or just be so dang retarded . What's a good site to do this? Maybe a place where the owner doesn't give a shit about the forums and lets Ignorant Man-Children abuse their power. Maybe a place owned by a guy who looks like this:
Here are just a few things, but I’m sure there are more. Basically, follow these steps and you’ll have what it takes to be an ignorant man-child. Now that we know the formula, we just need to find someone who fits the bill. Does anyone have any idea?
Maybe there can be a poll in the next OTT to figure out who is actually an Ignorant Man-Child?
5 day weekend followed by a day of work, followed by another 5 day weekend...sweet!
ing work issues I have to come in on Wednesday to do some damage control with a client.
