I just found out my GF of 4 years is cheating on me

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[quote name='Strell']... a bunch of really good shit....[/quote]

Strell, you rule. It's like you were there back in college when this shit happened to me... as much as it completely sucks I think every man should go through this at least once. It's an eye-opener.
 
You made the absolute right decision. Even a small amount of mistrust will only grow larger and larger over time. Of course, remember the actions that you took as well....just try to apply them in the future.

There's always a prettier girl, a bigger freak in bed, a flashier car, a bigger house. The idea is to achieve a certain level of satisfaction and then accept that what you have is worth keeping. That the cost of the upgrade will, for whatever reason, not amount to a proportional increase in your happiness.
That can be your car, your home theatre, your Wife.....etc.
 
I dont want to sound like Dr. Phil but i think you guys have a trust issue if you are hacking thru her emails..

Trust is a very important thing. Its everything.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Strell, you rule. It's like you were there back in college when this shit happened to me... as much as it completely sucks I think every man should go through this at least once. It's an eye-opener.[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I hesitate to say everyone should go through it, but it does open your eyes.

It hit me very, very hard. And had I known what I know now (every idealist's dream phrase), I would have told the girl to shove off and eat shit. Additionally, I don't feel a need to dredge up personal stories for amusement of those on the net, primarily because the intended effect you want hardly ever happens. I.e., chances are greater you'll run into a bunch of assholes chiding you and championing whatever bullshit you are enduring, rather than any kind of support.

That isn't to say everyone should commiserate on the net with each other like an extended Oprah network. Far from it. But you have to sometimes just put the facts on the line for others. ANd having gone through it, I've got enough ammo to last me for eons.

Live and learn, man. Live and fucking learn.
 
Check your local property laws. I'd hate to see you on People's Court cuz this chick is trying to screw you out of rent money/posessions or something (since you said you did live together.)
 
I'm going to laminate strell's post and keep it in my pocket, just in case.
 
YOU DONT HAVE TO SAY WHAT YOU DID

I ALREADY KNOW

I FOUND OUT FROM HEEEEEEEEIIIMMMM


hahhaa that song makes me laugh so hard.
 
[quote name='Strell']It hit me very, very hard. And had I known what I know now (every idealist's dream phrase), I would have told the girl to shove off and eat shit. [/quote]

So true. When I look back at the amount of bullshit I put up with and how I was completely and heartlessly walked all over I get embarassed just thinking about it. I did get the satisfaction most people don't get though when she told me 2 years later it was the biggest mistake she ever made and then I got to tell her to shove off and eat shit (or something pretty close to it).
 
Ok true story, Shannon K. (keep that last name hidden).

We dated for like 7 months when I was a junior in high school. She was a freshman at Milikin university. I remember the day she told me she cheated on me. I used to always say "if i catch a bitch cheating i'll fuck her in the ass and leave" hahaha you know where this is going.


I go down there on a train to, what she thinks, work it out. I end up getting there and sorta patch shit up and we go to a party that night. Lots of drinks later i'm drunk but not totalled and shes definately drunk. We start messing around and she goes down on me and i'm like alright lets fuck. She get undressed, i yank the condom out and go to it. A few minutes in i go to switch positions to the doggy and i go to insert and instead of vaginal i go anal she lets out a yelp and a what was that and i say just go with it. She goes with it and the next day she could barely walk and called me the biggest asshole ever, and i laughed and said "yeah but i can sit on mine without any pain you cheating slut" and left.

We haven't talked since, but i always chuckle about it.
 
[quote name='Maynard']Ok true story, Shannon K. (keep that last name hidden).

We dated for like 7 months when I was a junior in high school. She was a freshman at Milikin university. I remember the day she told me she cheated on me. I used to always say "if i catch a bitch cheating i'll fuck her in the ass and leave" hahaha you know where this is going.


I go down there on a train to, what she thinks, work it out. I end up getting there and sorta patch shit up and we go to a party that night. Lots of drinks later i'm drunk but not totalled and shes definately drunk. We start messing around and she goes down on me and i'm like alright lets fuck. She get undressed, i yank the condom out and go to it. A few minutes in i go to switch positions to the doggy and i go to insert and instead of vaginal i go anal she lets out a yelp and a what was that and i say just go with it. She goes with it and the next day she could barely walk and called me the biggest asshole ever, and i laughed and said "yeah but i can sit on mine without any pain you cheating slut" and left.

We haven't talked since, but i always chuckle about it.[/QUOTE]Truly living the dream. :lol: :applause: :applause: :applause:
 
[quote name='Greetard']Whoa... you're hilarious!

It has always baffled me why anyone would think that you're just a simple-minded douchebag. Your type of humor is far superior to mine. Seriously, you're stuff is absolute gold compared to anything that I could ever come up with. Yessirree-bob, I can tell that you'll get plenty of laughs from that little slice of genius.

Angry about the Ken doll comment? Is it because I damaged your ego? Wanna' talk about it?

EDIT: Ladies and gentlemen, the reason for the "I Hate Greetard" Thread:
http://www.cheapassgamer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=91822&page=2[/quote]

Right, because simple-minded douchebags aren't the ones that bash someone for their opinion, the way they look, and continually do it instead of just ignoring their posts. 'Simple-minded' wouldn't be how someone cannot accept someone else's views or genetic disposition. 'Douchebag' wouldn't refer to how someone always flames another person.

I guess you caught me being one! :roll: :roll: :roll:

That wasn't an "I Hate Greetard" thread. That was the "A List Of Immature People Who Actually Hate People Over The Internet" thread, and you're the only CAG that fits the category. Well done!
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']no i'm not drunk, i've come to the sad, sorry pathetic realization, that human life, must end, and that I and I alone must end it, and that anyone that stands in my way must be silenced, and I am the destroyer, and everyone else, friends, girlfriends, etc is just in my way of our goal... join me my brothers, cry no more, suffer no more, and find your true meaning[/quote]

Are you taking applications? :cool:
 
If you guys live together there is no reason why a chick should be out in bars without you. If i were you i would try to f... her best friend or sister witchever hurts her the most.
 
I'll tell you one thing, this is depressing me more, the more I look at personals and myspace and crap. These chick are fucking boring. And I'd rather not catch "the HIVvy" from these chicks throwing pussy out.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I'll tell you one thing, this is depressing me more, the more I look at personals and myspace and crap. These chick are fucking boring. And I'd rather not catch "the HIVvy" from these chicks throwing pussy out.[/QUOTE]

Don't start looking for new women yet. Play the field and hang out at the bars until your ready for a relationship.
 
[quote name='Mr. Anderson']Don't start looking for new women yet. Play the field and hang out at the bars until your ready for a relationship.[/QUOTE]

lol, a highschooler telling you to play the field and hang out at the bars... how classic.
 
[quote name='BasketCase1080']lol, a highschooler telling you to play the field and hang out at the bars... how classic.[/QUOTE]

But I'm right.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I'll tell you one thing, this is depressing me more, the more I look at personals and myspace and crap. These chick are fucking boring. And I'd rather not catch "the HIVvy" from these chicks throwing pussy out.[/QUOTE]


avoid any type of relationship besides asking her for her name in the morning
 
[quote name='BodyShot213']I dont want to sound like Dr. Phil but i think you guys have a trust issue if you are hacking thru her emails..

Trust is a very important thing. Its everything.[/QUOTE]

Didn't you see what he found in her email!?
 
[quote name='Maynard']...the next day she could barely walk and called me the biggest asshole ever...[/quote]
Wait, didn't you fuck her in the ass? Hence she would have the biggest asshole ever :cool:
 
[quote name='BasketCase1080']have you ever been to a bar?[/QUOTE]

You never know, it's possible. I was a bouncer for a bar 2 weekends in a row my Soph year in HS.

Ironically, while I was checking for fake IDs I had access to any drink I wanted. I stuck with water though :)
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I'll tell you one thing, this is depressing me more, the more I look at personals and myspace and crap. These chick are fucking boring. And I'd rather not catch "the HIVvy" from these chicks throwing pussy out.[/quote]


I know what you mean. The hot ones have the personality of a toaster and just want to be adored digitally. The interesting ones have a face for radio and an ass for sumo. And you really don't want to fuck anyone you met on the net because the bitch'll fuck anyone she meets over the net!

Its best to just laugh at the man blob with his fist in a mustard jar than it is to actually solicit the people you find therein.
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']no i'm not drunk, i've come to the sad, sorry pathetic realization, that human life, must end, and that I and I alone must end it, and that anyone that stands in my way must be silenced, and I am the destroyer, and everyone else, friends, girlfriends, etc is just in my way of our goal... join me my brothers, cry no more, suffer no more, and find your true meaning[/quote]

can i have your things then?:bouncy:
 
[quote name='CappyCobra']Wait, didn't you fuck her in the ass? Hence she would have the biggest asshole ever :cool:[/QUOTE]

HA god dammit i wish i would have thought of that.... Ah well you always think of things you should have said afterwards...
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']no i'm not drunk, i've come to the sad, sorry pathetic realization, that human life, must end, and that I and I alone must end it, and that anyone that stands in my way must be silenced, and I am the destroyer, and everyone else, friends, girlfriends, etc is just in my way of our goal... join me my brothers, cry no more, suffer no more, and find your true meaning[/QUOTE]

SO I CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EEEEYYYYYEESSSSSSSS #-o

CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYES!!!!

SO I CAN FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT, AND DIE!

BECAUSE YOU KILL ME!


I've never seen this guy here, but you the official EMOcag, change your description NOW!
 
[quote name='Maynard']SO I CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EEEEYYYYYEESSSSSSSS #-o

CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYES!!!!

SO I CAN FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT, AND DIE!

BECAUSE YOU KILL ME!


I've never seen this guy here, but you the official EMOcag, change your description NOW![/QUOTE]That is anything but emo ... he's talking about taking action, not crying in the corner and writing a shitty poem/song about it. :lol:
 
[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']That is anything but emo ... he's talking about taking action, not crying in the corner and writing a shitty poem/song about it. :lol:[/quote]

O_O... but his posts... like... remind me of... like... the entrophy... of like... the... dead like... bird... and how... like... its... like... ....


Jesus... it hurts to even pretend to be that stupid.
 
I think I'm gonna take Mr. Anderson's advice...

Funny thing is, she thinks we're still ment to be together... she said in 6 months. I was like "After you fuck that guy?" - ummmm, no.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I think I'm gonna take Mr. Anderson's advice...

Funny thing is, she thinks we're still ment to be together... she said in 6 months. I was like "After you fuck that guy?" - ummmm, no.[/QUOTE]

Send her a copy of this song...

[quote name='You fucked up by Ween']

You fucked up, you bitch - you really fucked up
You fucked up - you fuckin' nazi whore
Well, you dicked me over but now you'll pay
You fucked up ... Aaaahhh!!
You fucked up, you bitch - you really fucked up
You fucked up - you sloppy little shit -- bitch -- aaaahhhh
Well, you dicked me over but now you'll pay
You fucked up ... Aaaahhh!!
Well, you dicked me over but now you'll pay
You fucked up ... Aaaahhh!! [/quote]
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I think I'm gonna take Mr. Anderson's advice...

Funny thing is, she thinks we're still ment to be together... she said in 6 months. I was like "After you fuck that guy?" - ummmm, no.[/QUOTE]

Damn, man; you're doin' great. :)

When this happened to me (and it happened in a stranger fashion), it left me fucked for weeks still into the relationship, and months thereafter.

Funny thing is, I was, at one time, the guy she was seeing on the side, near the beginning of our relationship. Granted, I was an ass, as was she (mmm-mmm), but so was her boyfriend. Turns out he was cheating on her, too (and sniffing some suburban cocaine, to boot).
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']Funny thing is, she thinks we're still ment to be together... she said in 6 months. I was like "After you fuck that guy?" - ummmm, no.[/quote] Typical. She wants to burn the candle at both ends. I've been down that road.
 
[quote name='Brak']Damn, man; you're doin' great. :)[/quote]

I cant say I'm doing all that great, just hiding it well... if she was like "Lets just go to a hotel and work things out" I would of taken her back no problem...

I know she's still very much in love with me, and she's heartbroken as much as I am.. but she's still trying to get with this dude. I told her that my parting gift to her, was that I wouldnt call him, (Like I originally planned) - because she has the patient of a saint to put up with my bullshit all this time.

She moves out in a couple days, we're talking again... but I'm talking about moving to New York... she's dying inside, because she doesnt want me to go.. and I probably wont, but I wont let her think that this is all going to blow over.

I think theres a 10% chance we would ever get back together, but I really dont think I wanna be around for that 10%.
 
Well, yeah... I know, inside, feelings-wise, you might not be doing so good, but the progression to "doing so good" seems very much on track.

There's other fish in the sea... just try to forget that saying when you're married, though, ok? ;)
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I cant say I'm doing all that great, just hiding it well... if she was like "Lets just go to a hotel and work things out" I would of taken her back no problem...

I know she's still very much in love with me, and she's heartbroken as much as I am.. but she's still trying to get with this dude. I told her that my parting gift to her, was that I wouldnt call him, (Like I originally planned) - because she has the patient of a saint to put up with my bullshit all this time.

She moves out in a couple days, we're talking again... but I'm talking about moving to New York... she's dying inside, because she doesnt want me to go.. and I probably wont, but I wont let her think that this is all going to blow over.

I think theres a 10% chance we would ever get back together, but I really dont think I wanna be around for that 10%.[/quote]

Definitely move to NYC. There are sooooooo many hot chicks in the city it's crazy. The summer is almost here so the tank tops and miniskirts will be out in full force. You can't walk a block in the summer here without seeing some chick you'd bang.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I think I'm gonna take Mr. Anderson's advice...

Funny thing is, she thinks we're still ment to be together... she said in 6 months. I was like "After you fuck that guy?" - ummmm, no.[/QUOTE]

:rofl: What a dumbass bitch! Nice reply!
 
In all honesty, i haven't offered any real advice, but i went through a similiar situation. It sucks so god damn hard and I know EXACTLY the pain your going through. The nausea, the burning in your chest when you think about it, the hatred and wanting to fucking slit the guys throat. I know exactly how I felt afterwards. My only advice and it's the HARDEST thing to do is kill her with kindness and support. If you did truly love her, be happy for her that she found someone else. Sound sincere and tell her

"you know what i'm happy that you find someone you like so much, I wish it could have been us together but everything happens for a reason. So i wish the best of luck to the two of you."

I know this sounds crazy and you might be thinking (fuck that i'm not happy for them or this bitch). Even if you dont think this tell it to her sincerely. Let her go, thats what I had to do and long story short she was calling me 3 months later when he fuckED some other chick and she was on her ass. I let her feel that way for about 3 weeks than i talked to her finally. Anger only fuels the situation to get worse. Kindness makes you seem humble and like theres no big deal. The way you have to think of it is this way mooky. There are 3 woman for every 1 man in the U.S. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea (i know you won't think this yet cause you want your fish, but hindsight is 20/20) and there are women out there who dont cheat. I ended up finding one and I plan on asking her to marry me soon.

Also as far as patching things up with her. Dont. Plain and simple. It might seem great for a while cause you overcame this big hurdle, but usually once a cheater, always a cheater. Plus you'll be happy at first and thinking (ya ya yay!) than about 3 months down the line you'll start questioning EVERYTHING she does. Where does she go to eat. When she goes out with the ladies, is it really the ladies? The way i looked at it is, why am i trying to patch things up with a girl who cheated on me and trying to make things work? Why dont i go find a girl who didn't betray my trust and not have to worry about what she is doing? When there are so many single woman out there, why would you want a girl who you will end up worrying about and not being able to trust? Dont hang out at bars either, thats just silly. Thats stupid advice and it doesn't matter if Mr. anderson is in high school or not, but at 16 your mindset is alot different than 24. Bars=pathetic men. Go hang out with your guy friends and try your hardest NOT to let this bother you. Again hindsight is always 20/20, i'm just telling you what i SHOULD have done when it happened to me, but now i have the chance to persuade you and hopefully help you overcome this quicker.

My final advice is to let her go.


Plus i can't believe shes moving in with this guy (is that why shes moving out)?

This has disaster written all over it man, she will fall flat on her face. I promise you she will. God has a funny way of making things come full circle.

oh and NEVER date a chick who is cheating on her BF to talk to you. That immdediately = slut. I'm suprised you lasted as long as you did. Usually those girls get bored of the guy they're with and fuck around behind the back to try something new. AND DONT LET HER KEEP YOU HANGING ON A ROPE BY TELLING YOU SHE WANTS YOU BUT CAN'T BE WITH YOU. I fell for that at first, she'll keep you hanging on JUST IN CASE this new guy doesn't work out that way she has her pillow to land on when she falls on her ass. TAKE THAT PILLOW away man, dont let her keep you dangling. GO out talk to girls, avoid nasty bars, and get crunk.

PS after you tell her how happy you are for her, wait like a week or 2 weeks and say you met someone, OMG it is the BEST feeling ever because shes not upset cause she's thinking your hanging on, until you meet someone to help you forget. Also take advantage of the rebound relationship if you can find one. Those help a ton too!
 
[quote name='Brak']Funny thing is, I was, at one time, the guy she was seeing on the side, near the beginning of our relationship.[/QUOTE]
Hmm... I hope you weren't shocked that it happened to you later on. It's never a good sign when she cheats on her boyfriend to start dating you.
 
[quote name='botticus']Hmm... I hope you weren't shocked that it happened to you later on. It's never a good sign when she cheats on her boyfriend to start dating you.[/QUOTE]

Oh, no. I wasn't shocked at all. In fact, I knew about it for a little while, but was in denial that it was happening to me.
 
[quote name='Brak']Oh, no. I wasn't shocked at all. In fact, I knew about it for a little while, but was in denial that it was happening to me.[/QUOTE]
Fair enough.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I cant say I'm doing all that great, just hiding it well... if she was like "Lets just go to a hotel and work things out" I would of taken her back no problem...

I know she's still very much in love with me, and she's heartbroken as much as I am.. but she's still trying to get with this dude. I told her that my parting gift to her, was that I wouldnt call him, (Like I originally planned) - because she has the patient of a saint to put up with my bullshit all this time.

She moves out in a couple days, we're talking again... but I'm talking about moving to New York... she's dying inside, because she doesnt want me to go.. and I probably wont, but I wont let her think that this is all going to blow over.

I think theres a 10% chance we would ever get back together, but I really dont think I wanna be around for that 10%.[/quote]

Dude reality check she does not love you, in fact she is only using you. You are that back up guy you know. You are the guy she relies on. If she was in love with you she would have never kiss that guy, she would have not go around your back and lie about the whole thing. If you plan to move to NY because of her then you're a coward, but if you move for other reasons then more power to you. I know its hard to hear it but i think just about any guy has gone through something like that. You might feel like the time invested has some value. As soon as she kiss that guy it all went down the drain. Its okay to feel like crap because it does hurt when someone who had 4 years of your life screwed you. I think you are just trying to look for a reason to get back with her but if you do you will always be thinking is this bitch cheating on me again. Also for future reference when chicks go to girls night out its only looking to cheat or possible the chance to do it. I think its brave of you to admit that you feel like shit over this but grow some balls and get over it ( this is what my best friend told me about 7 years ago when i went through that, the funny thing is my best friend is a girl)
 
[quote name='Maynard']The nausea, the burning in your chest when you think about it, the hatred and wanting to fucking slit the guys throat. [/quote]

He's a guitar teacher, I was thinking of breaking all his knuckles with a ball-pin hammer.

[quote name='Maynard']"you know what i'm happy that you find someone you like so much, I wish it could have been us together but everything happens for a reason. So i wish the best of luck to the two of you."[/quote]

I pretty much said that, and she started crying telling me not to say that, then I was like, "Oya, the reason he didnt ask if you had a boyfriend, was because he knew you had one, oldest guy trick in the book, hope HIS girlfriend doesnt mind"

[quote name='Mayard']Also as far as patching things up with her. Dont. Plain and simple. It might seem great for a while cause you overcame this big hurdle, but usually once a cheater, always a cheater. Plus you'll be happy at first and thinking (ya ya yay!) than about 3 months down the line you'll start questioning EVERYTHING she does. Where does she go to eat. When she goes out with the ladies, is it really the ladies? The way i looked at it is, why am i trying to patch things up with a girl who cheated on me and trying to make things work? Why dont i go find a girl who didn't betray my trust and not have to worry about what she is doing? When there are so many single woman out there, why would you want a girl who you will end up worrying about and not being able to trust? Dont hang out at bars either, thats just silly. Thats stupid advice and it doesn't matter if Mr. anderson is in high school or not, but at 16 your mindset is alot different than 24. Bars=pathetic men. Go hang out with your guy friends and try your hardest NOT to let this bother you. Again hindsight is always 20/20, i'm just telling you what i SHOULD have done when it happened to me, but now i have the chance to persuade you and hopefully help you overcome this quicker.[/quote]

Yeah, she's had her chance, if she wasnt trying to make it work with him, maybe... but luckly she is, and I'm done forever.

[quote name='Mayard']Plus i can't believe shes moving in with this guy (is that why shes moving out)?[/quote]

She's just moving into the house we were going to probably buy from her family at one point.

Good advice man, well said. I'm not going to turn this into Malice, I thought we had a good run, and thats what we had. It sucks I'll never get to see my dog again though.
 
Fool you once, shame on her.
Fool you twice, shame on you.

Trying to be sympathetic...like Mayard said once a cheat, always a cheat. It's why people who get married, get divorced 2,3,4 times. Dosen't matter if it's you, her, anyone posting on CAG. It's all the same, the prederliction is there to do it again once it was done before.
 
Dont wanna be a dick about it, but if you were going through personal ads, you cant fully blame her(if this wasnt going on before she found out about them).

It doesnt give her the right, but just as you have lost your faith in her, she probably did with you. Best thing for both of you is to just move on with your lives, dont worry you'll pull through.
 
This is the ultimate divorce letter, Just thought it fit the mood of this thread -

Dear Sheila

I know the counselor said we shouldn’t contact each other during our “cooling off” period, but I couldn’t wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I’d never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you. I don’t care about looking bad anymore. I don’t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it’s time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: “There’s no one like you, Sheila.” I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they’re not you. They’re not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don’t say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn’t believe and an ass that just wouldn’t quit. Every man’s dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we’ve made important in our lives. It’s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I’m getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Sheila? I doubt it. And I’d never really thought of that before.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just growing up a little. Later, after I’d tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, “Why do I feel so drained and empty?” It wasn’t just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete?
And then it hit me. It didn’t feel the same because you weren’t there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Sheila, I’m just going crazy with out you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn’t eating right without a woman around. I didn’t know what she meant till later, but that’s not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we’re bonking away in our old bedroom. And this tart’s a total monster in the sack. She’s giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she’s not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother’s old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, so we can watch ourselves. And it’s totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can’t help thinking, “Why didn’t Sheila ever put the mirror on the floor? We’ve had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy.”

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky’s just a kid and all, but she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she’s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She’s given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She’s pulling for us to get back together, Sheila, she really is. So we’re doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here’s this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky’s really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I’m thrusting inside your baby sister’s cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It’s true Sheila. In your heart you must know it. Don’t you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you please let me know where the freeking remote is.
 
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