Is this normal?

[quote name='MorPhiend']There are a lot of specific comments I wanted to make as I read your posts. But they really don't matter, instead I will just ramble.

The point is that your parents aren't strict. They have their rules and you have to follow them. All of your comments about "but so and so's parents" are about the worst arguments you could make. First of all, your parents are not "so and so's" parents. And secondly, you yourself stated how messed up some of your friends are who have parents who encourage dumb behavior or just don't care. Doesn't that show you how your parents feel about you? They love you and know a hell of a lot better what is good for you than you do. I know that is the last thing someone like yourself (i.e. your age) wants to hear, but it is true. They just have the experience to know what choices you should be making and they are just trying to give you guidance before you are out on your own.

My parents had many similar rules. But I was always a letter of the law kid. I don't think they worried about me straying or getting in trouble. So I never seemed to have the same rules stated to me that the other kids had drilled into them time and again, although it often seemed they expected more out of me than they did the others. I think they just knew that I would make good choices. I remember being out with my friends (well, at one of their homes with their parents and a bunch of our friends) either my sophomore or junior year. We were hanging out playing mafia and probably watching Disney movies or some other random fun stuff and it got real late. I didn't get a ride home until like 2am. I thought I was dead. But I never heard a word of it. I know my other siblings would have gotten it for doing something like that (they often did). I just wish at moments like that I would have either gotten yelled at or had expressed in words that they knew I was okay because they trusted me. But that is an assumption I have always had to make to help keep me sane. I think my parents have a different level of trust with me, but I have always worried deep down inside that maybe they didn't care about me as much as they did the other kids. You know, one of those thoughts you know isn't true, but it keeps on nagging you. Honestly, if I could ever give any parent advice about raising children, it would be to set rules. Set rules and don't go back on them. Be constant with all of your children. It really does help a child grow up, knowing that they are loved. And rules give that assurance.

Point being: I know it's hard for you to see right now, but be grateful.[/quote]

Yes, you are right, but I have trouble having them to trust me. The situation is stagnant and whenever I try to shake things up it ends with more rules.

[quote name='Sofa King Kool']Just for the record OP, there are people with parents much more controlling than yours. That being said, I present to you the rules I had to obey when I was your age:

- No "M" games. Period.
- I had to ask before I could buy a "T" game.
- No TV or video games during the week. Including Friday afternoon. (Even at a friend's house. My parents would actually call my friend's parents and ask them to enforce the rules).
- A total of three hours per weekend to spend on TV/games/computer. (Even at a friend's. Same bit).
- I had to have a parent in the room to use the internet.
- No "R" movies. Period.
- I had to ask before watching a PG-13 movie.
- No music with curse words. If I wanted a CD, I'd have to buy it, then let my parents listen to it. If the approved, I could keep it. If they didn't they'd take it without paying me back.
- No concerts.
- Nine o'clock bedtime on weekdays, ten o'clock on weekends. (Even if I was spending the night at a friends house).
- No taking naps. (Seriously).
- I wasn't allowed to have a job. They wanted me to focus on school.
- I literally had a printed list of shows I was allowed to watch. All of my friend's parents got a copy of this list.
- If I wanted a book, my parents had to read it first to make sure it was appropriate.
- Church every Sunday. No exceptions.
- No sugary cereal. I was limited to this or oatmeal.
- No junk food. Period.

This one's a doozie. I found out my parents had been doing this in secret for quite some time:

Whenever I had a birthday party my parents would, one by one, take my friends into a different room and interrogate them on what they got me as a gift to make sure it was appropriate for me.

You think you're parents are bad OP? Try living with that for 14 years. I got to the point where where I just stopped listening to them. My parents would take away my Playstation for breaking the rules, and I'd immediately put it back ans start playing it again.

The transition took a week or two, but eventually they learned that I was pretty much done with the rules. From that point on I could do whatever I wanted.[/quote]

I'm so sorry for you man. I know some kids at school that are treated like this. The results are rarely good. They always end up "disconnected" from the world.

[quote name='Rig']I didn't see it mentioned:

You shouldn't even have PayPal and eBay accounts anyway. You aren't old enough.

As for the others, I myself would say they are kinda tight...mainly because my parents never had such rules in place. (I never got into trouble.)

Except for the eating ones. More parents need to implement some sort of dietary rules on their children.[/quote]

I needed Paypal and eBay, I'm saving tons of money with this.

No dietary rules, teach them instead. My mother taught me stuff instead of forbidding everything. I don't take drugs because I know it's bad, not because I'm not allowed.

[quote name='muncle']For 15, seems a little too strict, but nothing out of the ordinary..[/quote]

QFT, that's what I'm thinking.


PS: I moved my laptop upstairs, I was watching a movie (Cicade de Deus, must-see) and they fell asleep. Why not enjoy some more computer time?

PPS: I know, I know, it won't help breaking the rules, but revolution is bred in failed evolution.

PPPS: I'm noting that one down.
 
Of course these aren't normal. Most parents don't give two shits about their kids and let them do whatever they want. Your parents actually caring enough to be authoritarian shows that they honestly are trying to nurture you in a positive way. (Note: In a psychology 101 class years ago, I was told there are generally four types of parenting. There's really only one good one, and it had a specific word attached to it, and I think it was authoritarian.)

I'll be honest and say that these seem a little strict, but it's still a far cry from some kind of fascism or anything negative like that.

I haven't read the other responses in this thread, but I imagine there's a good number saying that it's somewhat strict but pretty normal.

Anyway OP, if you do have issues with it, you should really talk to them. Especially if you are about to be 16 and thus given privilege to drive. They might listen if you prove to them that they can trust you.
 
[quote name='N1c0_ds']This thread is adressed to 14-16 years-old CAGs.


I am 15 years old, I will turn 16 in september. I am not a troublesome kid, I get good grades, mostly over the average and I'm not dependant. I was just wondering if this rules were normal. All of my friends find them ridiculous, so I wanted your opinion too, random internet people.

Do this still makes sense at my age:
-Can't chose when I eat, new house rule wants that I am not allowed to eat after 9:30PM
-Bedtime is 10PM during the week, 11:30PM during the weekend
-I can't do what I want with my money (gotta ask to buy anything over 60$ or on eBay)
-I can't use computers and gaming systems after 9PM
-I can't eat chips except during the weekend
-I can't come back home after 9PM, (9:30 when I'm lucky).

Yet my parents keep telling me I'm lucky to be allowed so much even if I keep telling them everyone consider them obsessively controlling (friends, schoolmates, workmates...).

Are they obsessively controlling me or am I just totally wrong and that's how everyone lives? I'd like to put an end to that and mere discussion always end in a monologue where my opinion is discarded.[/quote]

The fuck, is that parenting I see. I thought it left 10-15 years ago, just like grunge lol. Ok well your parents are a bit strict, and I mean the chip rule the no food after 9:30PM, and the no computer or gaming after 9 PM (on weekdays I could see the gaming rule).

The thing is they mean well, sure you may hate it, but why are they doing it? Not to be dicks but more so they care about you. You should be happy you got two loving people who care enough about you to set up some rules anyway. Hell there are a lot of people who have one parent who doesn't care what the fuck they do and they are on the streets getting in trouble. Your parents want you to be a good kid and in the end, end up in a good place with a good life, and if you can't accept that then maybe you need to get the fuck out.

I had rules just as strict as that when I was your age except for the food and gaming rules. Now if they said no M rated games or R movies then I would see them as a bit overprotective but from what you described thats normal.

Oh and if you want to get them to trust you, shut up about the rules, don't whine to them about it, be a good boy and then maybe they will learn to trust you because you are so loyal.
 
[quote name='Sofa King Kool']Just for the record OP, there are people with parents much more controlling than yours. That being said, I present to you the rules I had to obey when I was your age:

- No "M" games. Period.
- I had to ask before I could buy a "T" game.
- No TV or video games during the week. Including Friday afternoon. (Even at a friend's house. My parents would actually call my friend's parents and ask them to enforce the rules).
- A total of three hours per weekend to spend on TV/games/computer. (Even at a friend's. Same bit).
- I had to have a parent in the room to use the internet.
- No "R" movies. Period.
- I had to ask before watching a PG-13 movie.
- No music with curse words. If I wanted a CD, I'd have to buy it, then let my parents listen to it. If the approved, I could keep it. If they didn't they'd take it without paying me back.
- No concerts.
- Nine o'clock bedtime on weekdays, ten o'clock on weekends. (Even if I was spending the night at a friends house).
- No taking naps. (Seriously).
- I wasn't allowed to have a job. They wanted me to focus on school.
- I literally had a printed list of shows I was allowed to watch. All of my friend's parents got a copy of this list.
- If I wanted a book, my parents had to read it first to make sure it was appropriate.
- Church every Sunday. No exceptions.
- No sugary cereal. I was limited to this or oatmeal.
- No junk food. Period.

This one's a doozie. I found out my parents had been doing this in secret for quite some time:

Whenever I had a birthday party my parents would, one by one, take my friends into a different room and interrogate them on what they got me as a gift to make sure it was appropriate for me.

You think you're parents are bad OP? Try living with that for 14 years. I got to the point where where I just stopped listening to them. My parents would take away my Playstation for breaking the rules, and I'd immediately put it back ans start playing it again.

The transition took a week or two, but eventually they learned that I was pretty much done with the rules. From that point on I could do whatever I wanted.[/quote]

Dude.... fuck THAT SHIT.
 
It may take some balls OP, but bring up a question about the rules to your parents. Find one in particular, say the computer one not matching up with your bed time. Ask them why they think they need to give you that rule. Do it sincerely and do not accept "because I said so" as an answer. Listen to their answer and think about it before you say anything more.

If you think it is unreasonable, calmly explain why. Its key to remain calm the whole time. If they start getting emotional, call them out on it. Ask if thats how a responsible parent should behave.

They may threaten to take away some of your privileges, but really, they can't throw you out. What are they going to do if you don't listen? Like others have suggested, just do some of the stuff they forbid. No food after a certain time? Eat some food after that time. What are they gonna do, ground you? Basically, find out ways to sever ties to things that they provide you and work on becoming more independent.

It may be difficult from your perspective at the moment, but you are a human and they are human. You should be able to have an intelligent conversation, and if worse comes to worse and you feel you're gonna kill yourself or something, maybe you should consider staying with your mother full time.

----------
- No "M" games. Period.
- I had to ask before I could buy a "T" game.
- No video games during the week. Including Friday afternoon. (i was able to get around this @ friend's house)
- A total of 2 hours per weekend to spend on games/computer.
- I had to have a parent in the room to use the internet.
- No "R" movies. Period.
- I had to ask before watching a PG-13 movie.
- No music with curse words.
- Nine o'clock bedtime on weekdays.
- I wasn't allowed to have a job. They wanted me to focus on school.
- Church every Sunday. No exceptions.

That was my parents.

Luckily, my father caught on pretty quickly, and we'd "sneak" stuff around the rules.


Actually, maybe that would work for you OP. Have a Man to Man with your father.
 
[quote name='Maklershed']Those look like pretty solid, reasonable rules.[/QUOTE]

Yep.

...Of course I'd complain too if I had to follow those rules.
 
Sounds similar to my gf's rules and she's 20.

[quote name='Sofa King Kool']Just for the record OP, there are people with parents much more controlling than yours. That being said, I present to you the rules I had to obey when I was your age:

- No "M" games. Period.
- I had to ask before I could buy a "T" game.
- No TV or video games during the week. Including Friday afternoon. (Even at a friend's house. My parents would actually call my friend's parents and ask them to enforce the rules).
- A total of three hours per weekend to spend on TV/games/computer. (Even at a friend's. Same bit).
- I had to have a parent in the room to use the internet.
- No "R" movies. Period.
- I had to ask before watching a PG-13 movie.
- No music with curse words. If I wanted a CD, I'd have to buy it, then let my parents listen to it. If the approved, I could keep it. If they didn't they'd take it without paying me back.
- No concerts.
- Nine o'clock bedtime on weekdays, ten o'clock on weekends. (Even if I was spending the night at a friends house).
- No taking naps. (Seriously).
- I wasn't allowed to have a job. They wanted me to focus on school.
- I literally had a printed list of shows I was allowed to watch. All of my friend's parents got a copy of this list.
- If I wanted a book, my parents had to read it first to make sure it was appropriate.
- Church every Sunday. No exceptions.
- No sugary cereal. I was limited to this or oatmeal.
- No junk food. Period.

This one's a doozie. I found out my parents had been doing this in secret for quite some time:

Whenever I had a birthday party my parents would, one by one, take my friends into a different room and interrogate them on what they got me as a gift to make sure it was appropriate for me.

You think you're parents are bad OP? Try living with that for 14 years. I got to the point where where I just stopped listening to them. My parents would take away my Playstation for breaking the rules, and I'd immediately put it back ans start playing it again.

The transition took a week or two, but eventually they learned that I was pretty much done with the rules. From that point on I could do whatever I wanted.
Click to expand...

Wow... I think you should rebel now and do as much drugs and unprotected sex as possible.
 
-Can't chose when I eat, new house rule wants that I am not allowed to eat after 9:30PM
Are you fat? If not you should be able to eat when you want to eat- puberty is a fickle bitch.

-Bedtime is 10PM during the week, 11:30PM during the weekend
Reasonable, though I had no curfew at 16 but my parents knew the people I hung out with were responsible.

-I can't do what I want with my money (gotta ask to buy anything over 60$ or on eBay)
No, you can do what you want with your money. The $60/ebay thing is Your parents trying to guide you financially.

-I can't use computers and gaming systems after 9PM
At your age, you shouldn't need to.

-I can't eat chips except during the weekend
Sounds weird, but I'll side with your parents on this. They're looking out for your health.

-I can't come back home after 9PM, (9:30 when I'm lucky).
I don't get what this means.
 
For all I know, you're a good, upstanding, hardworking teenager and son. Maybe you don't need rules like these from your parents to keep you in line. Maybe a couple of the rules are actually silly and weird. But should you obey them anyway? Yes. I'm not saying that everything your parents tell you to do is always the best thing to do, certainly not always the most agreeable, but the right thing for you to do is to obey your parents. I know that you were in no way insinuating willful disobedience to these rules, but also don't judge your parents too harshly if you feel marginalized. There are few things as difficult and stressful as parenting a teenager, and it's the rare parent who can handle it with aplomb. I know it's really tough to see this at your age and situation when all you want is a little freedom to do what you'd like once in a while, but it feels like the household rules are specifically designed to ruin your social life and happiness. What I realized as an adult is that even though I may still disagree with some of those rules, I understand now that my parents did everything out of love, not fear or cruelty.
 
[quote name='N1c0_ds']

I needed Paypal and eBay, I'm saving tons of money with this.
[/quote]

You don't need PayPal and eBay. If you really think you need them, then maybe it's a good thing that your parents watch your spending habits.
 
[quote name='camoor']My folks were pretty strict too. Nothing they can do about it when you get to 18. Those last years are a pain.[/QUOTE]

If you are still living under their roof, they are still entitled to give you some rules... though nothing like before... I took a year off after HS and paid rent to live at home. My parents had all sorts of rules for us too and actually cared about us, didnt think it at the time, but after moving away and seeing some of the "parenting" that goes on down here... Im glad they did what they did because I see it getting worse with each generation
 
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