"Mandatory" Spouse Work Dinner - wife can't go. Advice?

[quote name='jaykrue']Sorry, office politics doesn't supercede family. I'm the boss of my own small company but I'd never force my employees to do something so inane as such. On company events, depending on the type of event, the only thing mandatory is clothing type such as tuxedos for formal events or uniforms for sporting events. I encourage employees to bring their spouses and/or families (if it's a family oriented event like a picnic) but I don't make it mandatory. That is completely asinine.[/QUOTE]

I agree, office politics SHOULDN'T supercede family, but in most big companies, especially good 'ol boy law firms and such where you are expected to toe the company line, that's just not how it works.

You can argue about how it SHOULD BE all you want, or say you've got no balls if you cave and go, but I'm just telling you all how it is. Don't shoot the messenger!

[quote name='camoor']It's like you learned everything you know about office work from an old Friends episode.[/QUOTE]

No, from real life. You're the one with no clue if you think otherwise.
 
She's gotta go. Period. If she doesn't go your going to be doing whatever the lawyer equivalent of peeling 50LB bags of onions for 8 hours is.
 
what the fuck? Mandatory Work dinner? I have heard about Mandatory situations like that but nothing happens if you don't go.. I mean what they are going to write you up because you didn't eat with the boss? Is your boss trying to impress other people by telling his employees that they HAVE to come to show how BIG his company is??!?!?!

Don't go...stay with your wife and kid. I doubt they can fire you or write you up for not showing up for dinner.
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']She's gotta go. Period. If she doesn't go your going to be doing whatever the lawyer equivalent of peeling 50LB bags of onions for 8 hours is.[/quote]

Deep down I know this is the right answer, unfortunately. My boss is an unreasonable person who lives in his own fantasy land where everyone likes him and we are all colleagues, etc. Who wouldn't want to spend a night out with him? I just need to suck it up.
 
new jersey is an "employment at will" state right? If it is and you seriously think he will fire you over this, then you need to bring your wife to this dinner.
 
excuses? I was always partial to: "Uh, well, I'd like to honey, but I'm a gay married impotent priest with a terminal illness and occasional herpes and I'm a hologram on the run from the law."

[quote name='jaykrue']Sorry, office politics doesn't supercede family.[/quote]For some people it does. If you go into a line of work or into a firm such as javery has, there will be times like this. This is why people in legal firms (this is not exclusive to law, but they are a great example) typically measure stress : salary. You want six figures, you work for it in more ways than one. It's a choice you make and there are significant sacrifices.


Javery, sounds like even asking your boss for a bye will put a red mark next to your name. You're going to have convince Mrs Javery to join you. She's your wife, she understands the situation. (if she doesn't you both need to have a discussion and come to a clear and decisive agreement as to what y'alls priorities are.) This is your career, and because of the firm you're in and those you work for, her attendance to certain functions is necessary. Not optional.
 
Jev,

These are tough situations. I worked at an accounting firm liked this, but I hated these "extra work" things, so I blew them off. A year later, I was fired, said they had too many people (funny thing, everyone who went to every one of those things, they all kept their jobs. Was it related, maybe).

I think you need to figure out how important this certain job is, and what you're willing to put up with the rest of the time that you're there. You have just about the best excuse possible for the first one here. If you bring her along for this one, you are on the hook for all of these, whether she likes it or not. So, my suggestions

1) Tell the boss ahead of time that you will be there (sounds like you should go), but you have a newborn (I'm sure that he's aware), and after some consideration, it would be best for her to stay home with the baby. Not much he can really say to that (openly, anyway).

2) How gutsy are you? If you're nuts, bring the baby. Just do little things (nothing wrong) to make sure the baby is on the fussy side. Trust me, when you walk in, you are now the center of attention, everyone loves babies at these sort of things. Plus, once the baby starts crying, you make a graceful, quick exit. Either you are the office villian, or you just put your boss in his place, and you have a free pass out of all of these together. My suggestion is this, if you are willing to live with the consequences of it.

3) Get a babysitter. Perferably someone in the family or a very close friend that owes you big. I wouldn't go with a kid at this stage, since he will be fussy and deal with it. It is the safest option. Just wait for about 2 couples to leave, then duck out yourself. Definitely the safest option, but as I said before, if you bend here, you'll be going to all of these. Nothing wrong with that, just know what you're getting. At many jobs, if you intend to move up, this is the only option you really have.
 
I have two friends entering the field of law so I understand how it is, but you need to weigh whether staying with this firm is worth the career advancement. If it was just going to be this one night of suck, I can see coercing your wife to go; but you're going to keep on facing these situations over and over. For how many years are you willing to put up with it?

What you're willing to do for your career is a decision you and your wife need to make together. If she does not agree that your career is worth this inconvenience, and you do, then that is a difference that is difficult to reconcile. Maybe you can "bribe" her in some way-- "suck it up and do this, honey, and our next vacation can be spent with your family."

On the other hand, if she enjoys the lifestyle that your current career path promises, she needs to understand that she has to help work for it to.

Me, I have chosen a path of lower stress and lower salary, and for the health of your marriage it is what I recommend to you. One of my lawyer acquaintances is going the public defender route; the pay is probably shit next to what you've become accustomed to, but the short weeks and lack of "golden handcuffs" is nice.

Good luck.
 
[quote name='javeryh']For some strange reason my firm is having a "spouse night" where they want everyone to bring their spouse out to dinner (yes, it is exactly like The Firm around here). The email I got from my boss said attendence is mandatory - "no excuses". I'm 99% sure my wife isn't going to go. We have a newborn at home who needs to be close to a boob at all times so we just can't go out of the house to stuff like this. The email also said for people with babies and toddlers to line up babysitters - we don't have a babysitter mainly because the baby is too young and I don't trust anyone. Anyway, I know this is going to be a problem when I RSVP and one of my friends here told me she pretty much has to go and I have to make it work somehow. What should I do?[/QUOTE]

Um, yea. Something tells me such mandates are illegal. Regardless, if my boss tried to tell me some shit like that I'd have to put him in check. What goes on in my house is my business, i.e I AM THE BOSS. I wish someone would try some shit like that on me.
 
With situations like this, the truth always works the best. Sure, it will probably be tough around the office and you'll take a lot of heat for it...that is until the next party.

My company has 'Mandatory' holiday patries during work hours, and I'll blow off 3 out of every 4 of them. Why? I always make it a point to submit a vacation request as soon as the invitations are received. Can't make it if I'm out of town.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Deep down I know this is the right answer, unfortunately. My boss is an unreasonable person who lives in his own fantasy land where everyone likes him and we are all colleagues, etc. Who wouldn't want to spend a night out with him? I just need to suck it up.[/quote]

Called it!
 
[quote name='javeryh']Deep down I know this is the right answer, unfortunately. My boss is an unreasonable person who lives in his own fantasy land where everyone likes him and we are all colleagues, etc. Who wouldn't want to spend a night out with him? I just need to suck it up.[/QUOTE]


uh...hello this is like this EVERYWHERE!!!

The only reason I would go, is if the food was really , really good and I didn't have to pay for anything.
 
[quote name='CocheseUGA']If the wife doesn't want to go, don't make her go.

What's more important, the job or your wife's happiness?[/QUOTE]
Maybe keeping the job=wife's happiness.

Tough call, good luck javeryh
 
With all these questions, I have a solution for Javeryh:

Grow a pair

But seriously, tell the boss or whoever that the kid is still fresh out of the womb, and that mom needs to stay home and feed it tit juice.
 
bread's done
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