Married/Engaged CAGs, Looking For Some Advice

[quote name='javeryh']I really hope dh doesn't stand for dead husband. um, yeah... it's Friday and I'm tired.[/quote]

DH = Dear Hubby

Apparently women have this whole subset of shorthand to which we men are not privvy. When my wife showed me a post on one of the message boards she frequents, it was filled with DH's. I asked what it means and she looked at me like I asked her to spell "the".
 
[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']1. I would like it to be really a surprise. Since we've been together for so long and don't discuss marriage on a regular basis, she will be shocked at the proposal itself. How can you pick out something she likes? Just guess, ask her mom? I don't want to get a 'placeholder' and I don't want her to come shopping with me. I've never looked at rings before myself so maybe one will jump out at me since I know her style.

2. Once you have the ring and are ready to propose, how do you hide the fact that you have a two in bulge in your pants (from the ring box) when you are on the way to the event?[/quote]

1) Asking her mom or a friend could be a good idea, or it could backfire. I know my mother-in-law thinks she knows my wife's taste, but most of her gifts end up in a box in the basement.

2) Who says it has to be in a box? Get creative. Tie a string to her finger and say "This is so you never forget that I love you." Then subtly slide the ring down the string onto her finger. I'm sure you can come up with something.

That or wear baggy pants.
 
Do get a ring, the engagement ring is better as a surprise. The "wedding" ring can be selected together, since she will be wearing it til life or divorce do you part.
Do get a wedding ring as well. She will likely be disappointed and hold it against you if she doesnt get one.
Do have a wedding with at least your closest friends and family and do not spend a fortune doing it. You will regret not having a proper wedding, but will also regret blowing a zillion dollars on pagentry too.
Make sure the wedding is going to actually happen before spending too much on it and set a date reasonable after the engagement. Not like, two years in the future or some B/S and start planning right away. My cousin did this, and six months before the wedding was to happen his fiancee decided she was a vampire and left the state after she partied all night and came home threatening to kill him. HE (she did not work) dumped something like $25,000 into the wedding at that point and could not get much of that back. Yes that is a true story.
Do something romantic for the proposal. You will both remember it forever. But it doesnt have to be extravagant either.
Go somewhere nice and memorable for your honeymoon, get away from everyone and make a great little vacation out of it.

They are cliched things but you will regret it (and so will your partner) if you dont do atleast some of the ceremonial portion of the whole marriage thing.
 
[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']

1. I would like it to be really a surprise. Since we've been together for so long and don't discuss marriage on a regular basis, she will be shocked at the proposal itself. How can you pick out something she likes? Just guess, ask her mom? I don't want to get a 'placeholder' and I don't want her to come shopping with me. I've never looked at rings before myself so maybe one will jump out at me since I know her style. [/quote]

Trust your instincts. Hopefully, she'll give you extra points for picking it out yourself. Asking her mother could cause her to tip off your blushing bride to be. Worst case scenario, she'll just have to fake like it till you get your wedding bands.

[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']
2. Once you have the ring and are ready to propose, how do you hide the fact that you have a two in bulge in your pants (from the ring box) when you are on the way to the event?[/QUOTE]

My wife's suggestion: "Wear a jacket and keep the box in the jacket pocket."
 
[quote name='pacifickarma']Do what I did with my wife... Wait for her to propose to you![/QUOTE]

Yeah, not so much an option for me. She's made it quite clear that she expects me to do the asking. Not that I mind, certainly.
 
[quote name='pacifickarma']Do what I did with my wife... Wait for her to propose to you![/QUOTE]
I wouldn't do that. Though I would tip him off that I want to fucking get married.
 
[quote name='Tybee']DH = Dear Hubby

Apparently women have this whole subset of shorthand to which we men are not privvy. When my wife showed me a post on one of the message boards she frequents, it was filled with DH's. I asked what it means and she looked at me like I asked her to spell "the".[/QUOTE]

Yeah, sorry, forgot which board I was on. If I whip out the SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), BOB (Baby on the Brain), or bfing (breastfeeding), you guys are now in the know.

I'll try to stay away from the really gross ones that represent bodily functions when trying to conceive.
 
[quote name='browneyedgal68']Yeah, sorry, forgot which board I was on. If I whip out the SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), BOB (Baby on the Brain), or bfing (breastfeeding), you guys are now in the know.

I'll try to stay away from the really gross ones that represent bodily functions when trying to conceive.[/quote]
I would say that the, 'bfing," one would definately be one to stay away from on this board.


And back to the topic, I know a lot of girls whom if the power were in their hands to ask, they would have asked long before the man did. So if any guy decides to tell their girlfriend that she has to ask, be prepared for her to ask right then and there. (Of course, ymmv)
 
I would only ask the father or "father-figure" if you're both on good terms with him. Forget all of the people here saying it's out of date. It's just the polite thing to do.

Just a side story this thread reminded me of. In college, my old "brother" at the BSU used to buy his girlfriend a ring out of the quarter machines whenever she'd start talking about getting married. This went on for months. One day while leaving the local chinese buffet, he palmed a real ring in a saved plastic bubble and switched the bubbles after cranking one out. I thought is was brilliant. I wouldn't use that though. If you mean it, and want it to be clever, come up with one of your own!
 
[quote name='strummerbs']I've been thinking about the whole process of getting the ring and actually going through with the proposal, and I thought I might ask for advice from those CAGs who have gone through the process before. Should I ask her father first? Should I pick out a ring, or should I ask and then have her pick one out? Any ideas on good proposal locations/methods? Any stories of especially noteworthy proposals, either good or bad?[/quote]

A lot of these questions are really going to be things specific to you and your relationship. As for me, here is how I did things (I just got married in September of last year):

I did not ask my wifes father first but at the time we did not have a very good relationship so I didn't feel it was a good idea. If I had to do it all over again I WOULD ask this time just to be polite, even if I still would have proposed without his permission :p

I did bring my wife to help pick out her own ring. We picked out the molding and diamond separately and had the ring constructed for us. Then I took the ring and told her that I would give to her when I felt like it and she would not know it was coming :)

As far as proposals, try and come up with some activities/places that have some relevancy to your relationship. Personally, I took my wife to a nice early dinner in the city, then to a hockey game (we used to have Flyers season tickets and she loves hockey) and then I lied on the way home and said we were taking a detour to get ice cream. Instead of ice cream, I pulled into the mall parking lot of the mall where we had our first date and into a spot very close to where we parked that first night and proposed right there. People make fun of me when I tell them I proposed in a parking lot but she was so happy and it was such a memorable spot that she was in tears.
 
[quote name='Tybee']Actually, I think it's much more common these days for people to pay for their own weddings, which is how they rack up that $20k+ in debt. That must be lovely to come home to after the honeymoon. :roll:

In our case, we paid for the wedding, her dad (her parents are divorced) paid for the rehearsal dinner, and my folks paid for the honeymoon, which served as our gift from them.[/quote]

I paid for my own wedding as well. When we were planning the wedding, me and my wifes father were not getting along very well (he was very traditional and didn't want his daugther marrying someone out of the faith) so we wound up paying for it ourselves. It's amazing how much more effort and research you'll put into things when you are paying for it yourself :) I think we barely spent over 10 grand but the wedding was fantastic (and we had nearly 100 people). If you really put effort into it you can find nice places to have a reception for half the price of some generic hotel (ie: we went to a really nice independant restaurant for $65 a person when the Hilton down the street was $100 a head). I can't imagine spending 25-30 grand but I know that is somewhat common.
 
[quote name='kittycatgirl2k']Go somewhere nice and memorable for your honeymoon, get away from everyone and make a great little vacation out of it.[/quote]

This is going to sound funny, but if you are looking for a honeymoon that won't cost an arm and a leg (for poor people like me at the time I got married), take a look at Disney World. I was really skeptical when my wife decided thats where she wanted to go but we were able to get a full week down there for about $1000 with FOOD INCLUDED (and I mean more food than we could possibly eat from virtually any restaurant in any park/hotel). They give you pins when you go for your honeymoon so they know that you are newly married and everyone must be instructed to treat you like royalty because every restaurant gave us some sort of special treatment and half the time we would get sent straight to the front of the line for rides in parks. I was pretty surprised and impressed at how much better it was than I thought it was going to be.

P.S. Ok Sorry for posting 3 straight responses... I just read through the whole thread and it reminded me of so many things I went through last year :p
 
[quote name='SpecTrE3353']I paid for my own wedding as well. When we were planning the wedding, me and my wifes father were not getting along very well (he was very traditional and didn't want his daugther marrying someone out of the faith) so we wound up paying for it ourselves. It's amazing how much more effort and research you'll put into things when you are paying for it yourself :) I think we barely spent over 10 grand but the wedding was fantastic (and we had nearly 100 people). If you really put effort into it you can find nice places to have a reception for half the price of some generic hotel (ie: we went to a really nice independant restaurant for $65 a person when the Hilton down the street was $100 a head). I can't imagine spending 25-30 grand but I know that is somewhat common.[/QUOTE]

We've actually discussed what we are doing for the wedding. Not entirely sure about the ceremony proper, because we are of two different faiths (not an issue in the relationship, but might be for this purpose). However, our reception will be at a really nice Russian restaurant, with excellent food served in plentiful quantities. I think we're both more concerned with having a great reception than an extravagant ceremony.

I want to avoid my experience at the last wedding I went to, where the meals were so small and so poorly cooked that my group of friends ended up ducking out to hit up an IHOP across the street later in the evening.
 
[quote name='strummerbs']We've actually discussed what we are doing for the wedding. Not entirely sure about the ceremony proper, because we are of two different faiths (not an issue in the relationship, but might be for this purpose). However, our reception will be at a really nice Russian restaurant, with excellent food served in plentiful quantities. I think we're both more concerned with having a great reception than an extravagant ceremony.

I want to avoid my experience at the last wedding I went to, where the meals were so small and so poorly cooked that my group of friends ended up ducking out to hit up an IHOP across the street later in the evening.[/quote]
At one of my favorite receptions the food was just hamburgers and hotdogs, as well as a few other choices. It was awesome.

We also hit up IHOP after the reception, but that was more because it was late and we were smashed.
 
[quote name='browneyedgal68']Yeah, sorry, forgot which board I was on. If I whip out the SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), BOB (Baby on the Brain), or bfing (breastfeeding), you guys are now in the know.

I'll try to stay away from the really gross ones that represent bodily functions when trying to conceive.[/quote]

Wow...You and my wife would hit it off. She's progressed through several forums over the years. Started with The Knot as we were planning our wedding and for a while after (our nuptials were featured in their magazine). But apparently it went to hell a couple years back. Then she moved on to Makeup Alley (still a favorite) and lately she's been spending most of her time on Diaper Pin (aka The Pin) exhaustively researching the finer points of cloth diapers and holistic parenting....So I guess you could say she has a serious case of BOB.

Incidentally, you'd be hard pressed to come up with a female bodily function that I have not discussed with my wife at length. I'm probably one of 6 men on the planet that is intimately acquainted with the purpose and usage details of the Moon Cup/Diva Cup. Yes, I walk on the wild side. :roll:
 
[quote name='SpecTrE3353']This is going to sound funny, but if you are looking for a honeymoon that won't cost an arm and a leg (for poor people like me at the time I got married), take a look at Disney World. I was really skeptical when my wife decided thats where she wanted to go but we were able to get a full week down there for about $1000 with FOOD INCLUDED (and I mean more food than we could possibly eat from virtually any restaurant in any park/hotel). They give you pins when you go for your honeymoon so they know that you are newly married and everyone must be instructed to treat you like royalty because every restaurant gave us some sort of special treatment and half the time we would get sent straight to the front of the line for rides in parks. I was pretty surprised and impressed at how much better it was than I thought it was going to be.[/quote]

Yeah, we're big Disney World fans (even though our honeymoon was in Ireland). I've been there (and Disneyland) many times. We went to WDW together several years ago, and are planning a trip there next year for our 5th wedding anniversary (and to officially start trying for our first child). Disney crusises are great as well.

Someday I'd like to take Jr. on Pirates of the Caribbean and say, "You know, right here is where you were conceived."
 
[quote name='SpecTrE3353']This is going to sound funny, but if you are looking for a honeymoon that won't cost an arm and a leg (for poor people like me at the time I got married), take a look at Disney World. I was really skeptical when my wife decided thats where she wanted to go but we were able to get a full week down there for about $1000 with FOOD INCLUDED (and I mean more food than we could possibly eat from virtually any restaurant in any park/hotel). They give you pins when you go for your honeymoon so they know that you are newly married and everyone must be instructed to treat you like royalty because every restaurant gave us some sort of special treatment and half the time we would get sent straight to the front of the line for rides in parks. I was pretty surprised and impressed at how much better it was than I thought it was going to be.

P.S. Ok Sorry for posting 3 straight responses... I just read through the whole thread and it reminded me of so many things I went through last year :p[/quote]We actually just got back from our Disney World honeymoon a few weeks ago. While it sure as hell wasn't $1000 (could have been, but we went with the Boardwalk, so closer to $4000, dining plan, 5-day parkhopper)... yeah, you won't ever find yourself thinking about finding some munchies. You pretty much stuff yourself constantly.
 
[quote name='Tybee']Someday I'd like to take Jr. on Pirates of the Caribbean and say, "You know, right here is where you were conceived."[/QUOTE]

:lol:
 
[quote name='botticus']We actually just got back from our Disney World honeymoon a few weeks ago. While it sure as hell wasn't $1000 (could have been, but we went with the Boardwalk, so closer to $4000, dining plan, 5-day parkhopper)... yeah, you won't ever find yourself thinking about finding some munchies. You pretty much stuff yourself constantly.[/quote]

I was just reading about the details of Disney's new dining plan a couple days ago. Sounds nice. My mom, who's a travel agent, won a free trip there back when I graduated from college and took me instead of my dad (at the time he swore he would never set foot in the place, but he accompanied us a few years later and had a great time, even getting into pin trading). We got the old dining plan as part of it and you're right, it's often hard to find ways to use it up. But man is it fun trying. ;)
They have some fabulous restaurants on property (especially in Epcot and the hotels), and I think staying on-property is a crucial part of the experience if you can afford it.
 
[quote name='botticus']We actually just got back from our Disney World honeymoon a few weeks ago. While it sure as hell wasn't $1000 (could have been, but we went with the Boardwalk, so closer to $4000, dining plan, 5-day parkhopper)... yeah, you won't ever find yourself thinking about finding some munchies. You pretty much stuff yourself constantly.[/QUOTE]

Nice to hear Botticus. Disney is definitely an option for us since it's possible I'll be going to grad school in Florida. I want to go to Hawaii, but it looks like it'll cost more than the wedding.
 
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