Please Tell Me This Is A Nightmare - Advice

SerenityKry

SerenityKry

CAGiversary!
My fiance and I have been together for well over 3 years, we've had our ups and our downs. But every mountain we've come across has been climbed successfully if I do say so myself.

I love him to death and I'll be the first one to admit it, I spoil him, I trust him, far too much for my own safety. Gah this is going to be so long...

I got home this evening from work, I worked a pretty late day, things always get kind of hectic around month end. He hasn't been working more then 2 days a week lately, he's a roofer and unfortunately, no roofs are being built right now.

I got home and he was out in the back garage, didn't even know I had gotten home. I walked inside, got comfy and saw his phone on the bed, he is never far without it. I investigate because lately he has proven to be very sneaky and a bit shady. There was a text msg from a girl named Mellisa, I don't know any Mellisas. It said, "Hey Black Baby, whatcha doing?"
I was stunned, some girl was calling my fiance baby, I pry even more. I txt back, "Nothin what are u doin?" She reply's, "Buying my Dubb tickets and Sparxxx. When will you be back from Glamis?" (Glamis is in Cali, he isn't there though, he's here in Arizona at home.) I respond, "Not sure, why?" And before I knew it he came in the house and my investigation was cut into.

Now for some background... His really good friend that he has known since he was a kid has told me so many times that I should just leave him. He's hit on other girls when they go out like he wants to take them home. He's even a charasmatic flirt in front of my face at times. His friend has told me that he still is the same person he was and will always be and that he jsut doesn't feel I deserve that. His own friend!

I do in fact spoil him considerably. I pay all of our bills and only hold him accountable for paying his own truck payment. He claims he will pay his truck insurance but hasn't yet and th next payment is fast approaching. I pay for his phone, for all of his extras, his bills and mine. I've ben told time and time again not to but he's so damn lazy sometimes I just don't want himto mess things up for himself.

I have a feeling I have been cheaeted on multiple times in the past, I have a feeling girls come and go behind my back. The past two months we have had some seriously huge arguements... When trying to pull away from him and leave he claims he cares the world for me and doesn't want me to leave. I don't understand, if he wants other girls then why is he holding on to me??

I'm at my wits end, I'm tired of not having any money and getting no help with the bills, I'm tired of all the lies and him vanishing with claims of errands he has to run. I'm just tired and I know I can be treated better, I know I can find better.

But at the same time, I'm so flippin scared to leave, I really do love and care for him, he can be the sweetest thing a lot of the time. I guess I'm still stuck in the blind stage. My biggest fear is losing him.

I just don't know how to realize and wake up to the fact that I need to leave, I know if I found some down right hard evidence I'd be up and out in a second flat flipping the bird as I drove off. Also, I just don't know how to tear myself away from him without him suckering me back in.

Maybe I'm being insanely paranoid! Maybe I'm reading too far into things. I really don't know, I really wish this wasn't all happening.
 
[quote name='SerenityKry']My fiance and I have been together for well over 3 years, we've had our ups and our downs. But every mountain we've come across has been climbed successfully if I do say so myself.

I love him to death and I'll be the first one to admit it, I spoil him, I trust him, far too much for my own safety. Gah this is going to be so long...

I got home this evening from work, I worked a pretty late day, things always get kind of hectic around month end. He hasn't been working more then 2 days a week lately, he's a roofer and unfortunately, no roofs are being built right now.

I got home and he was out in the back garage, didn't even know I had gotten home. I walked inside, got comfy and saw his phone on the bed, he is never far without it. I investigate because lately he has proven to be very sneaky and a bit shady. There was a text msg from a girl named Mellisa, I don't know any Mellisas. It said, "Hey Black Baby, whatcha doing?"
I was stunned, some girl was calling my fiance baby, I pry even more. I txt back, "Nothin what are u doin?" She reply's, "Buying my Dubb tickets and Sparxxx. When will you be back from Glamis?" (Glamis is in Cali, he isn't there though, he's here in Arizona at home.) I respond, "Not sure, why?" And before I knew it he came in the house and my investigation was cut into.

Now for some background... His really good friend that he has known since he was a kid has told me so many times that I should just leave him. He's hit on other girls when they go out like he wants to take them home. He's even a charasmatic flirt in front of my face at times. His friend has told me that he still is the same person he was and will always be and that he jsut doesn't feel I deserve that. His own friend!

I do in fact spoil him considerably. I pay all of our bills and only hold him accountable for paying his own truck payment. He claims he will pay his truck insurance but hasn't yet and th next payment is fast approaching. I pay for his phone, for all of his extras, his bills and mine. I've ben told time and time again not to but he's so damn lazy sometimes I jsut don't want himto mess things up for himself.

I have a feeling I have been cheaeted on, multiple times in the past, I have a feeling girls come and go behind my back. The past two months we have had some seriously huge arguements... When trying to pull away from him and leave he claims he cares the world for me and doesn't want me to leave. I don't understand, if he wants other girls then why is he holding on to me??

I'm at my wits end, I'm tired of not having any money and getting no help with the bills, I'm tired of all the lies and him vanishing with claims of errands he has to run. I'm jsut tired and I know I can be treated better, I know I can find better.

But at the same time, I'm so flippin scared to leave, I really to love and care for him, he can be the sweetest thing a lot of the time. I guess I'm still stuck in the blind stage. My biggest fear is losing him.

I jsut don't know how to realize and wake up to that fact that I need to leave, I know if I found some down right hard evidence I'd be up and out in a second flat flipping the bird as I drove off. Also, I just don't know how to tear myself away from him without him suckering me back in.

Maybe I'm jsut being insanely paranoid! Maybe I'm reading too far into things. I jsut don't know, I really wish this wasn't all happening.[/QUOTE]
"This is all going to end badly..."
 
It is easy for us to say end it because from our perspective it looks only like a lose-lose situation for you. But in all honesty you'll have to find how you truly feel about him when you consider how much he's actually hurting you; is it worth it?
 
Dump him, I've been looking for a sugar mama for quite some time now. And I'll even pay for my own phone bill and my car insurance. :cool:
 
[quote name='Moxio']It is easy for us to say end it because from our perspective it looks only like a lose-lose situation for you. But in all honesty you'll have to find how you truly feel about him when you consider how much he's actually hurting you; is it worth it?[/quote]
Well at the moment he's entirely sneaky, he's constantly texting on his phone and deleting everything, making sure I can't see the screen if I am near.
He is constantly trying to bring up arguements or turn something around to be my fault even though it wasn't.
He hasn't been wroking and tells me he is going over here or over there, running errands for so n so, dropping off or picking up something for someone else.

It hurts, but not enough I guess for me to leave, I love him far too much for my own good.

I've thought about leaving him so much lately I'm surprised I haven't done so yet.

Dump him, I've been looking for a sugar mama for quite some time now. And I'll even pay for my own phone bill and my car insurance. :cool:
Click to expand...
...You know I don't ask for anything more then to faithfully love and care for me...
Just kidding.

I know I need to dump but I fel like for some reaosn I need to hardcore evidence for me to get that slap in the face from reality screaming at me, "Pack your shit and RUN!"

So no, it's not worth it but I'm so confused I haven't come to a stable realization yet that it is indeed not worth thee worry and hurt.
 
[quote name='SerenityKry']

I don't understand, if he wants other girls then why is he holding on to me??
[/QUOTE]

[quote name='SerenityKry']
I do in fact spoil him considerably. I pay all of our bills and only hold him accountable for paying his own truck payment. He claims he will pay his truck insurance but hasn't yet and th next payment is fast approaching. I pay for his phone, for all of his extras, his bills and mine. I've ben told time and time again not to but he's so damn lazy sometimes I just don't want himto mess things up for himself.
[/QUOTE]

:shock:

Are you serious? Do you not realize you've answered your own question??
Why would he leave you when you do EVERYTHING for him and put up with all of his bullshit no matter what he does??

Unbelievable.

:shock:
 
Is that show Cheaters still on? If it is, look them up, they'll get the proof for you. Sounds just like one of their episodes (lazy stay at home fiancee, shadiness and a dude who's spending your money on other women).
 
[quote name='Gameboy415']:shock:

Are you serious? Do you not realize you've answered your own question??
Why would he leave you when you do EVERYTHING for him and put up with all of his bullshit no matter what he does??

Unbelievable.

:shock:[/quote]

Yes I do realize that he is more then likely keeping me around for that reason I just don't like to see it for some insanely stupid reason, obviously this isn't something you have dealt with before I'm assuming?
 
He wants you to stay for the same reason some people never leave their parent's home, you're paying for everything.
 
Are you really asking our collective opinion or just need a place to vent? From your explanation, it sounds like you're looking for an excuse to the answer your heart already knows. Look at the parts in bold:

[quote name='SerenityKry']Now for some background... His really good friend that he has known since he was a kid has told me so many times that I should just leave him. He's hit on other girls when they go out like he wants to take them home. He's even a charasmatic flirt in front of my face at times. His friend has told me that he still is the same person he was and will always be and that he jsut doesn't feel I deserve that. His own friend!

I do in fact spoil him considerably. I pay all of our bills and only hold him accountable for paying his own truck payment. He claims he will pay his truck insurance but hasn't yet and th next payment is fast approaching. I pay for his phone, for all of his extras, his bills and mine. I've ben told time and time again not to but he's so damn lazy sometimes I just don't want himto mess things up for himself.

I have a feeling I have been cheaeted on multiple times in the past, I have a feeling girls come and go behind my back. The past two months we have had some seriously huge arguements... When trying to pull away from him and leave he claims he cares the world for me and doesn't want me to leave. I don't understand, if he wants other girls then why is he holding on to me??

I'm at my wits end, I'm tired of not having any money and getting no help with the bills, I'm tired of all the lies and him vanishing with claims of errands he has to run. I'm just tired and I know I can be treated better, I know I can find better.

But at the same time, I'm so flippin scared to leave, I really do love and care for him, he can be the sweetest thing a lot of the time. I guess I'm still stuck in the blind stage. My biggest fear is losing him.

I just don't know how to realize and wake up to the fact that I need to leave, I know if I found some down right hard evidence I'd be up and out in a second flat flipping the bird as I drove off. Also, I just don't know how to tear myself away from him without him suckering me back in.

Maybe I'm being insanely paranoid! Maybe I'm reading too far into things. I really don't know, I really wish this wasn't all happening.[/quote]

It looks to me like you've already made your decision but just need someone else to justify it for you. But you've really got to decide this on your own. Pragmatically speaking, you're just too comfortable after 3 yrs into the relationship to dip into the single life again and it's got you scared. Don't take this the wrong way but what you've got to realize is that there is nothing inherently special about this guy or any guy you've met, have met or will meet in the future. There's a lot of guys that can be quite compatible w/ you but you've got to actually go out to be noticed. The longer you stay in this relationship (if you don't feel it's right for you), the more painful it will be when you break up. Treat it like a bandaid and cut your losses off quick.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']Are you really asking our collective opinion or just need a place to vent? From your explanation, it sounds like you're looking for an excuse to the answer your heart already knows. Look at the parts in bold:



It looks to me like you've already made your decision but just need someone else to justify it for you. But you've really got to decide this on your own. Pragmatically speaking, you're just too comfortable after 3 yrs into the relationship to dip into the single life again and it's got you scared. Don't take this the wrong way but what you've got to realize is that there is nothing inherently special about this guy or any guy you've met, have met or will meet in the future. There's a lot of guys that can be quite compatible w/ you but you've got to actually go out to be noticed. The longer you stay in this relationship (if you don't feel it's right for you), the more painful it will be when you break up. Treat it like a bandaid and cut your losses off quick.[/quote]
I'm beginning to think it was more for venting and some crazed hope someone would go, "Oh! Here I have a video of him with another girl!" Impossible, I know. I know all of this and you have many good points but for some reason I'm terrified.
 
[quote name='SerenityKry']I'm beginning to think it was more for venting and some crazed hope someone would go, "Oh! Here I have a video of him with another girl!" Impossible, I know. I know all of this and you have many good points but for some reason I'm terrified.[/quote]

Well, nothing else to say other than man up... or in your case, woman up. As I already mentioned you yourself know what you need to do already; you've just got to step up and do it. The terror you're experiencing is just the fear of being alone. It happens to everyone, especially if you've been dating long-term. But, I still say treat it like a bandaid. Rip it off quick and it only hurts for a moment and you can move on w/ your life. Do it slowly and you risk prolonging the pain.
 
If those texts weren't enough proof for you, snag his phone one afternoon and check his in/outbox. But if you don't think what you read was already solid evidence then you're just kidding yourself.
 
[quote name='rabbitt']If those texts weren't enough proof for you, snag his phone one afternoon and check his in/outbox. But if you don't think what you read was already solid evidence then you're just kidding yourself.[/QUOTE]

I don't think you need to go on a paranoid trip looking for evidence.
 
[quote name='mr ryles']I don't think you need to go on a paranoid trip looking for evidence.[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying I recommend it, but if she wants irrefutable evidence then I suppose that's one way to go about it.

You could always confront him. Flat-out ask him, in person, if he has ever cheated on you.
 
[quote name='mr ryles']I don't think you need to go on a paranoid trip looking for evidence.[/quote]
Very true, not to mention he deletes everything imeadiatly and has it glued to the inside of his pocket. I was insanely fortunate to have found it on the bed when I got home, if he knew I was heading home he wouldn't have left it there.

But of course he didn't care that I was working anothr late night and didn't even notice when I got home. When he walked inside to gt a drink he was surprised and asked me how long I had been home.

It really seems like he is avoiding me though, he's been out in the garage for the better part of the evening and when I walked out there he was quiet. I did notice however that he sold the amp I bought to one of his buddies... *sighs*
 
[quote name='rabbitt']I'm not saying I recommend it, but if she wants irrefutable evidence then I suppose that's one way to go about it.

You could always confront him. Flat-out ask him, in person, if he has ever cheated on you.[/quote]
I have! A couple of times, I won't even go as far as to explain one of the instances...

He's a bit of a pathological lier at times. He'll lie about anything, mostly small things, he always has and I figured he always will. Come on, what guy who is getting takn care of is going to come out right with it, "Yea, I've been with other girls. Sorry."

I'm just so furious at this point.
 
Do you really want to be stuck with a guy who's going to cheat on you and who also essentially lives off of your paycheck for the rest of your life?

Your fiance needs a swift kick in the nuts and then he needs tossed to the curb where the rest of the trash belongs. You know this.

Right now your head is fighting your heart. You know it's the right call for the long term to get rid of him. The thing that sucks about breaking off any relationship is the heart takes the majority of the beating and hurts for quite a while even though you know you did the right thing.

I don't know you or your fiance, but from the sounds of it he's using you in a horrible manner. He's taking your money, giving his affection to other women behind your back, and turning away from your love (but not your checkbook).

Ditch this asshole.
 
Off what you've told us, ya the guy is a bum. And after looking at your profile you're only 22 years old. The world is ahead of you, plenty of people out there and there is nothing wrong with being single either. Splitting up with this guy soon would be the best thing you've done in your life. It'll equal more opportunities for you, more money, more freedom, and really an overall weight off your chest. I know you like the guy but honestly sounds like he is just weighing you down.
 
Given what you have said, I would get out now. I say this with experience: the longer you stay in that relationship the more you'll wound yourself. Take a step forward and find someone better.
 
If you, God forbid, got hit by a bus tomorrow and couldn't pay the bills, do you think he'd stick around, support you, both financially and emotionally? Or would he bail? If you truly, really need a watershed kind of moment, despite all other evidence, test him. Come home right before you've got a couple days off and tell him you lost your job. Act all unhappy, say you don't know what you'll do, etc. Then see what unfolds. That should tell you the kind of person he is.
 
[quote name='SerenityKry']I have! A couple of times, I won't even go as far as to explain one of the instances...

He's a bit of a pathological lier at times. He'll lie about anything, mostly small things, he always has and I figured he always will. Come on, what guy who is getting takn care of is going to come out right with it, "Yea, I've been with other girls. Sorry."

I'm just so furious at this point.[/quote]

OP,

You're clearly not blind to the realties of the situation.. however, ignoring the facts makes you look insane.

By being willing to be responsible for his finances and not holding him accountable for cheating/suspicious behavior, you're cheapening yourself.

You know, it is better to be alone than with the wrong person.. and if you can't stand being alone, you're not in an emotional place where you can experience a good, healthy relationship. You may want to step back and think about WHY you're still with him really.
 
[quote name='browneyedgal68']If you, God forbid, got hit by a bus tomorrow and couldn't pay the bills, do you think he'd stick around, support you, both financially and emotionally? Or would he bail? If you truly, really need a watershed kind of moment, despite all other evidence, test him. Come home right before you've got a couple days off and tell him you lost your job. Act all unhappy, say you don't know what you'll do, etc. Then see what unfolds. That should tell you the kind of person he is.[/quote]
If you feel the need to play these kinds of mind-games, then you definitely need to GTFO.
Before you go to work in the morning, tell him to have his shit out by the time you get home. Sure, he'll take yours, too, but then you can get new furniture and a nice new TV--just consider it severance pay, and think of all the cash you'll save when he's gone and you get a real roommate.
 
[quote name='SerenityKry']...You know I don't ask for anything more then to faithfully love and care for me...
Just kidding.

I know I need to dump but I fel like for some reaosn I need to hardcore evidence for me to get that slap in the face from reality screaming at me, "Pack your shit and RUN!"

So no, it's not worth it but I'm so confused I haven't come to a stable realization yet that it is indeed not worth thee worry and hurt.[/quote]

First off you sound pretty cool - you can joke on it and you have a sense of humor.

If you ask me, you haven't left him because you kind of like the drama. He's not discreetly tomcatting - he's begging to be caught by leaving his cell phone out in the open, flirting in front of you, etc - and being a simple guy he's wondering why you won't take the bait and dump his ass.

Given what little I know of you, I see this ending one of two ways:
1) You save yourself some pain and money - and dump him now.
2) You wait until he escalates this twisted game and does something unbelievably humiliating and/or financially devastating and leave him later.
 
I don't know why I'm bothering, because everyone else has covered all the good points.

This is a total waste of your time and money. It sounds like a one-way street; what are you gaining from him? You do all the giving, he does all the taking.....isn't it obvious what you should do?

Look, you're just engaged now. If you were to go through with the marriage, you'd quickly learn (and you probably already know this now) that a relationship and the person you share it with has to offer more than just love and sweetness to be successful. It does matter if he carries his half of the financial weight. This man is supposed to be your leader through life, but he won't pay his own truck insurance. Marrying this loser could be the worst decision you ever make. Don't make it.
 
[quote name='defiance_17']If you feel the need to play these kinds of mind-games, then you definitely need to GTFO.
Before you go to work in the morning, tell him to have his shit out by the time you get home. Sure, he'll take yours, too, but then you can get new furniture and a nice new TV--just consider it severance pay, and think of all the cash you'll save when he's gone and you get a real roommate.[/quote]

No offense, but this is awful, awful advice.

OP you should move your valuables to a safe place (like your parent's or a storage facility) - then give the order to get the heck out (and get the key or change the locks!)

Please do the fair thing and give him his stuff back though. Don't be that bitter chick that saws everything in half - noone likes that girl.
 
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: @ "Hey black baby"

But seriously. He sounds like a stank ass. Dump him.
I make my BF pay for everything but I'm good to him ^_^

It's OK if you like to spoil someone you love.. just make sure they appreciate/respect you in return.
If not, find someone who WILL.
 
Next time he is gone have your friends help you put his stuff outside and have someone change the locks.

Have you talked to your friends about this? What do they say?

Give his stuff back but here's a little story:
I just picked up a game from someone off of Craigslist in Chandler. When I called the girl said she was selling her ex-boyfriends games. Thought that was funny but sucks for him. She was selling them cheap too.
 
I think everyone else has pretty much hit all the points I planned on talking about, so I'll just toss in something poetic:

It IS a nightmare, but you seem to be too afraid of waking up in a cold sweat so you choose not to wake up at all.

Odds are, that if you're spending the prelude to the "happiest moment of your life" in a state of constant suspicion, doubt, and concern, you need to take a step back, reevaluate the entire situation, and pull the plug if necessary.

Maybe the guy is worth staying with, I don't know either of you so I can't tell. But here's my take on it: If the only time you ever really see his "loving and endearing" side is when you're upset or threatening to leave, there's an issue.

Also, a relationship is a 50/50 thing, you both should be contributing equal amounts and growing and thriving off of one another together. If you aren't, then you should consider getting out and moving on.

Ask yourself this, even if he's not seeing any other girls, is he even then still worth being with? If he is, then why can't you confront him with your concerns and talk the whole thing out rather than hoping for a piece of evidence that will make you feel satisfied to skip the whole confrontation and "flip him the bird as you drive off"?

If you really care for both him and yourself, you'll suck it up and confront him about this. It's certainly a good idea to have someone on standby in case things get heated (it is a domestic dispute, after all), but stop trying to place all the blame and decision making on him and start taking responsibility and face the issue head on. You owe it to yourself.

~HotShotX
 
I had to dump all my friends because all they did was ask me for money and rides in my car, if they want nothing but my money (which I don't even HAVE a lot of, perhaps they were just a bit jealous because I don't have debt and I don't carry a balance) then they are not worthy to have as friends. I am not going to shuttle people around to work, school etc in my car for free and give them money for the rest of my life. They would only call or contact me when they needed 1 of the 2 things listed above too.

Problems just get worse as time goes on. I don't know the guy so I can't really say anything about him however if you go into a marriage with problems those problems will not go away, they will only get worse. Its much easier to cut it off while you are just engaged. I had to cut it off with my friends and get rid of them before they really started to take advantage of me.

If it was me I would dump him so fast but thats me because I am quick to dump people and my trust is very very hard to earn because I am just a very untrusting person. Its a fault though as I end up with no friends or boyfriend but its better than being taken advantage of by someone and having a burden that causes me added stress and anxiety. I am a very high strung and full of anxiety person and so far I just feel that friends and boyfriends cause me a lot of stress that I could easily avoid.
 
It sounds like everyone is pretty much telling to dump the douche, but I've had friends who held on to bad relationships worse than yours, so I can kinda understand why you're so terrified of leaving him.

The real problem isn't him, it's you. The only reason people stay in a relationship that costs them dearly (emotionally, mentally, financially, and sometimes physically) is that they don't feel capable of leaving. You have to empower yourself before things will get better. Even if you don't leave him, he will NEVER respect you if you experience all these doubts and DO NOTHING. Accusing him to his face only works if he's honest, and you said yourself that he's a pathological liar. There are obvious reasons not to marry a pathological liar (unless you have some way of telling when he's lying), but I won't get into that.

The bottom line is, you MUST do SOMETHING. Cheating isn't the only reason to dump this guy. Just tell him that you need some time apart, you need to see that he is capable of supporting himself (he's hopefully a big boy by now, not some 2 year old still wearing diapers) and that he should move out. YOU don't drive away, HE does (unless it's his house, of course).

Whether or not you decide to accept that he's cheating on you and using you for your money, you must accept the consequences of your actions and his. If you marry the bastard because you "love" him so much (btw, being terrified of leaving is the first sign that this is NOT love but an unhealthy psychological dependence no doubt brought about by his pathological lying and manipulative behavior), you will most likely end up in an abusive relationship where he has lost all respect for you.

Even if he isn't cheating and he's just really weird about his texting privacy, you need to realize that it's ok to be suspicious of his suspicious behavior. It's ok to be a little paranoid sometimes, but it should always lead to evidence that you're overreacting a little bit and have a little comic relief involved, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Hopefully my venting has helped some. :) Btw, HotShotX is my boyfriend (2 years+), and I can't even imagine leaving him, but I'm not paying for any of his stuff, he's supporting himself, he's not avoiding me (we cuddle every day, it's really great :D) or behaving suspiciously, and he's upfront with me about everything. We established honesty as the basis of our relationship, and we've held each other accountable along the way.

There are others out there like him, so here's hoping you find one.
 
Wait, the OP is 22? In a 3 year relationship, that means you got together when you were around 19. When you're 19, you're young, stupid, and naive. Back then, you were willing to buy his bullshit, but now that you're old enough to know better, you're just too afraid of being alone. You said it yourself: you know you can do better, so fucking do it. Mooches don't stop mooching. They take what they can until they get booted out, then find someone else to mooch off of. Take the advice of the CAG Collective: drop this useless prick.
 
I've been in the same spot as you. Almost exact (considering the text messages and such). Well... with the exception of the "black baby" comment.

In my unfortunate case, it was someone we both knew really well. So... you might want to look around at some of the girls he associates himself with. My ex-gf was a total slut-bag though.

Get out while you can... there will be someone better waiting for you down the road. I'm now engaged to a smoking hot lebanese girl... who's also absolutely brilliant.

Oh... and besides... he's a roofer!!!

Run.
 
[quote name='SerenityKry']My fiance and I have been together for well over 3 years, we've had our ups and our downs. But every mountain we've come across has been climbed successfully if I do say so myself.

I love him to death and I'll be the first one to admit it, I spoil him, I trust him, far too much for my own safety. Gah this is going to be so long...

I got home this evening from work, I worked a pretty late day, things always get kind of hectic around month end. He hasn't been working more then 2 days a week lately, he's a roofer and unfortunately, no roofs are being built right now.

I got home and he was out in the back garage, didn't even know I had gotten home. I walked inside, got comfy and saw his phone on the bed, he is never far without it. I investigate because lately he has proven to be very sneaky and a bit shady. There was a text msg from a girl named Mellisa, I don't know any Mellisas. It said, "Hey Black Baby, whatcha doing?"
I was stunned, some girl was calling my fiance baby, I pry even more. I txt back, "Nothin what are u doin?" She reply's, "Buying my Dubb tickets and Sparxxx. When will you be back from Glamis?" (Glamis is in Cali, he isn't there though, he's here in Arizona at home.) I respond, "Not sure, why?" And before I knew it he came in the house and my investigation was cut into.

Now for some background... His really good friend that he has known since he was a kid has told me so many times that I should just leave him. He's hit on other girls when they go out like he wants to take them home. He's even a charasmatic flirt in front of my face at times. His friend has told me that he still is the same person he was and will always be and that he jsut doesn't feel I deserve that. His own friend!

I do in fact spoil him considerably. I pay all of our bills and only hold him accountable for paying his own truck payment. He claims he will pay his truck insurance but hasn't yet and th next payment is fast approaching. I pay for his phone, for all of his extras, his bills and mine. I've ben told time and time again not to but he's so damn lazy sometimes I just don't want himto mess things up for himself.

I have a feeling I have been cheaeted on multiple times in the past, I have a feeling girls come and go behind my back. The past two months we have had some seriously huge arguements... When trying to pull away from him and leave he claims he cares the world for me and doesn't want me to leave. I don't understand, if he wants other girls then why is he holding on to me??

I'm at my wits end, I'm tired of not having any money and getting no help with the bills, I'm tired of all the lies and him vanishing with claims of errands he has to run. I'm just tired and I know I can be treated better, I know I can find better.

But at the same time, I'm so flippin scared to leave, I really do love and care for him, he can be the sweetest thing a lot of the time. I guess I'm still stuck in the blind stage. My biggest fear is losing him.

I just don't know how to realize and wake up to the fact that I need to leave, I know if I found some down right hard evidence I'd be up and out in a second flat flipping the bird as I drove off. Also, I just don't know how to tear myself away from him without him suckering me back in.

Maybe I'm being insanely paranoid! Maybe I'm reading too far into things. I really don't know, I really wish this wasn't all happening.[/QUOTE]
Is this my wife?
 
Hmmm, this is interesting.

First off, he's a flirt. Some guys are like that. I use to work with a guy that flirted with every woman in the place (I mean every single one), took them out to lunches, etc. Yet, he's been married for 20 years, and my strong hunch is that he never cheats on his wife. The thing is, at meetings with family there, he would do the same thing, and she was fine with it (she was a bit of a flirt herself). So, if he's willing to flirt in front of you, many of them could be harmless.

Secondly, being a guy, I know lots of guys. Some cheat some don't. But, there is a guy code, if your friends with the guy first, you keep your mouth shut. You don't know anything (if I like someone's girlfriend as a friend, I'll go so far as to tell them not to tell me any other activiities, so I don't have to lie). But, guys don't talk about other guys. So, that makes me question his friends motives. My hunch is, he wants you for himself. So, he might be telling the truth, might not be, but I'd just set whatever he says aside. Same with any of his friends, if they are telling you something, they probably have an ulterier motive.

That being said, if he's sneaking around, getting texts from girls, and he's not willing to tell you, there are issues there, whether he's cheating or not (and he probably is).

Now, you ask him why, if he wants to be with other girls, he keeps you around, the answer is simple, money. You give him money. Why the hell does he want that walking out the door.

Really, you are a girl and you have money, you could be 500 pounds with A cup boobs and likely still get some dates, so you can do better than this guy.
 
No offense Op, but this is the kind of weakness I hate to see in people.

You'll get treated in life however you let people treat you. You're paying all the bills, he may well have cheated and still be cheating on you, yet the thing you're most worried about is losing him.

Either do something about it, or accept the fact that you're going to be treated like a doormat for the rest of your life, simple choice.
 
[quote name='lordxixor101']you could be 500 pounds with A cup boobs[/quote]

Sweet Jesus tell me such a creature does not exist!
 
[quote name='javeryh']Sweet Jesus tell me such a creature does not exist![/quote]

Amen to that, there is nothing worse in the world than a fat bird with small tits.
 
[quote name='SerenityKry']My fiance and I have been together for well over 3 years, we've had our ups and our downs. But every mountain we've come across has been climbed successfully if I do say so myself.

I love him to death and I'll be the first one to admit it, I spoil him, I trust him, far too much for my own safety. Gah this is going to be so long...

I got home this evening from work, I worked a pretty late day, things always get kind of hectic around month end. He hasn't been working more then 2 days a week lately, he's a roofer and unfortunately, no roofs are being built right now.

I got home and he was out in the back garage, didn't even know I had gotten home. I walked inside, got comfy and saw his phone on the bed, he is never far without it. I investigate because lately he has proven to be very sneaky and a bit shady. There was a text msg from a girl named Mellisa, I don't know any Mellisas. It said, "Hey Black Baby, whatcha doing?"
I was stunned, some girl was calling my fiance baby, I pry even more. I txt back, "Nothin what are u doin?" She reply's, "Buying my Dubb tickets and Sparxxx. When will you be back from Glamis?" (Glamis is in Cali, he isn't there though, he's here in Arizona at home.) I respond, "Not sure, why?" And before I knew it he came in the house and my investigation was cut into.

Now for some background... His really good friend that he has known since he was a kid has told me so many times that I should just leave him. He's hit on other girls when they go out like he wants to take them home. He's even a charasmatic flirt in front of my face at times. His friend has told me that he still is the same person he was and will always be and that he jsut doesn't feel I deserve that. His own friend!

I do in fact spoil him considerably. I pay all of our bills and only hold him accountable for paying his own truck payment. He claims he will pay his truck insurance but hasn't yet and th next payment is fast approaching. I pay for his phone, for all of his extras, his bills and mine. I've ben told time and time again not to but he's so damn lazy sometimes I just don't want himto mess things up for himself.

I have a feeling I have been cheaeted on multiple times in the past, I have a feeling girls come and go behind my back. The past two months we have had some seriously huge arguements... When trying to pull away from him and leave he claims he cares the world for me and doesn't want me to leave. I don't understand, if he wants other girls then why is he holding on to me??

I'm at my wits end, I'm tired of not having any money and getting no help with the bills, I'm tired of all the lies and him vanishing with claims of errands he has to run. I'm just tired and I know I can be treated better, I know I can find better.

But at the same time, I'm so flippin scared to leave, I really do love and care for him, he can be the sweetest thing a lot of the time. I guess I'm still stuck in the blind stage. My biggest fear is losing him.

I just don't know how to realize and wake up to the fact that I need to leave, I know if I found some down right hard evidence I'd be up and out in a second flat flipping the bird as I drove off. Also, I just don't know how to tear myself away from him without him suckering me back in.

Maybe I'm being insanely paranoid! Maybe I'm reading too far into things. I really don't know, I really wish this wasn't all happening.[/quote]

His friend that tells you to leave him, is this friend a guy? If it is, don't trust him. He's doing what probably 90% of all guys that know "that" type of guy do, and that's be exactly like their friend is. If his friend was the one with the fiance, I'd imagine your fiance would be telling you the same thing. "You should leave him... And come to a guy that appreciates you... Like me...". He's trying to get laid. Sorry.

Your husband is cheating on you. I won't go into any further details than that. I'll just keep it simple. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can deal with it.

Don't be stupid and try to convince yourself he might not be cheating or he isn't or that he can change. That's what a lot of women do that date cheaters.

Here's the thing you have to understand about men. Scientifically, we want to plant seeds. That's just our genetic nature. Any guy that tries to deny it, is a straight up liar and he doesn't have the respect of being called an honest man to me.

The difference is between a guy that goes out and TRIES to plant seeds, or a guy that doesn't and is just willing to when the opportunity arrives. It's all about will power. I don't cheat, but I'm an honest man and I'll admit, even when I had the most gorgeous girlfriend ever that gave me the sex I wanted, if an attractive girl came around, I would check her out.

The difference between me and other guys that don't cheat, with your fiance, is that we don't actually DO it. We just think about it, think about how nice it would be, masturbate to the thought of it later, but always have ourselves in a position where it will NOT happen.

If you want to know why your husband in particular is cheating, there's a lot of reasons, but they don't matter because:
A) He's lazy and isn't holding his weight to take care of expenses the way you are.
B) He's already done/tried to do it, and you shouldn't forgive him for it.
C) You're a damn woman that games, you could have any guy on this forum and be appreciated and most of us have jobs and because we're on CAG, you KNOW we know how to manage our money.

So stop wasting your time with "Black Baby" and dump his ass. And take the damn truck while you're at it.
 
[quote name='Renzokuken']You should have dumped the douche when you realized you pay for everything.[/QUOTE]

This. He sounds like a real loser.

Any other normal person would have found a different job by now, but with you paying for everything he can just kick back.
 
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