Potential relationship help, please :o

I say you do as they do in the movies... Come up with some kind of event that leads to intimate interaction. Maybe not as cheesy as ordering one plate of spaghetti and sucking on the same noodle, or not as korny as having a physical fight/tumble which spontaneously turns into making out/sex... lemme get my jergens...

I'm not quite sure whether or not this guy is gay. I would say go for a kiss, and see what happens. Then just go from there.

Maybe this guy is like Densha Otoko and is asking another forum for advice since he's so extremely shy.

Don't be afraid to push the envelope. As someone said in this thread, women and men are pretty much equal in this day and age. Besides, I would find an outgoing personality pretty hot in a woman.

And I dunno about the manly-man remark. Trying to prove one's manliness to other men may be homosexual at times.

If you like him that much, go for it. If it doesn't work out, be friends. Sometimes you gotta be spontaneous. All that extra drama fluff could be detriment to both of your guys' health.

edit: Try leaning against him, or something. Or kiss him on the cheek goodbye. I'm sure something will come up by instinct. Maybe even a boner. Again, just be spontaneous and as cheesy as this sounds, do exactly what your heart and mind tell you.
 
I've only read the OP with update, but I sorta get the gist of things.

It strikes me that this might not be something where you'd want to say "let's do the relationship thing NOW". Try a few REAL dates and see how it goes. From what you've said, it seem as though you guys have a great relationship as friends and it might be awkward trying to make it into anything else, especially if he hasn't really shown that kind of interest before. That's why it should be done slowly. If a semi-romantic trip to the beach and/or a night out go very smoothly, press onward. It may never be awkward, in which case you might have found a great match for yourself. If it does get weird, slow down or back off. I'm sure you'll know what to do when the time comes.
 
A fucking bulimic guy that doesn't want people to see him eat and doesn't know how to take care of a woman...
I wouldn't necessarily call him gay, I'd just call him useless...
As much as I hate the robust racism portrayed by Archie Bunker, his theme song makes a good point...
"Girls were girls, and men were men"
Why's everyone so fucked in the head these days??
-Goatman
 
[quote name='goatindaruffness']
Why's everyone so fucked in the head these days??
[/QUOTE]

Bozo the Clown is a good starting point for most I'd say.
 
[quote name='sailorchrono']I want to go for it, tomorrow. Besides going for his hand, what else should I do to let him know?[/QUOTE]

You should test his blood. Instead of human blood, I bet you get a deadly corrosive acid. That's right, toots: you've got a gay.

Seriously though, I didn't think chicks put this much effort into getting guys. It is the whole 'wanting what you can't have' BS, isn't it? From where I sit, it sounds like the guy's got issues he needs to work out on his own before he can accept a relationship.
 
[quote name='RAMSTORIA']ok, so my friend really liked this girl. and it was obvious this girl liked him. but they would go and just hang out. and he would come back and tell us about how they hung out... but nothing happened. so we told him to get drunk. not in a date rape kind of way, but its a lot easier for people to hook up after a drink or two. he didnt like the idea and thought it was stupid. a week or so later, they totally hooked up, and guess what, they went out to a bar before and had a few drinks. now theyre totally together and thats that. so, thats my advise, get a few drinks in him (and you). now i dont condone underage drinking, so youll have to go to mexico. but thats the key, beer.[/QUOTE]

Quoted for truth
 
I know I'm probably notorious for using my own experiences in posts by now but what the hell... lol My husband is the same way when it comes to being shy. A looooooooooong time ago I joined a message board he was on and I was dating arsehole number one, the guy that ended up sleeping with my best friend. Before all that happened he treated me pretty badly and I voiced it on the boards a lot and asked for advice and even gave my opinion of what love should be. Something I said got to him and he began to get a crush on me. And when he found out I was dumped a while ago by this guy(though he didn't know I was dating arsehole number two) he sent me this really romantic email pouring his heart out.

Unfortunately it never got to me because I had to change my email address due to the fact that I was being stalked by ex number one and the people that hated him who were all like "I told you so!" When he didn't get a reply back he didn't bring it up to me and he festered with those feelings for TWO WHOLE YEARS. I ended up getting pregnant during that time and getting abused by the boyfriend I was with, and by that time he found out I was with someone but he thought I got back together with the first guy. But finally he spoke up and brought up the email when this guy, who constantly dumped me just to sleep with someone on the side then come crawling back, had dumped me again. Now here's another similiarity between you and I. I felt like I could NEVER get over my ex. True that the wounds were much fresher and that I was pregnant with his child, but I was hooked and not willing to let go. My husband (for lack of better words) walked away like a wounded animal, defeated because he got up the courage to say something and got nothing from it.

Fast forward nine months, my son is six months old and my ex who had crawled back abandoned us yet again and didn't come back this time. By this time I finally realized how stupid I was because during it all my husband was the one guy who I could talk to, who understood, who sat back and listened during it all. Plus he literally saved my life after my ex left. I hit a really low point because my ex threatened to take my son and he'd already taken everything I'd owned and I felt like I was better off dead so I tried to take my life while I was on the computer talking to some friends. My husband was the only one to figure it out somehow and he tried to stop me or tried to figure out where I was. When he failed, he made me promise that if I woke up the next morning that I would give life a second chance. That promise is what keeps me going and that promise is what brought me to him. It took me a little while to realize it of course, and by that time my mom got rid of the computer and I had to walk two miles in the snow to the library to contact him by email. The rest is history. :)

I guess what I am trying to say is go for it! There are a lot of similarities between my story and yours, though the roles are different in some of the cases and some of the choices and actions are different. He's been through rough times like me but perhaps he might realize he does need to give it a shot if you just open the door for him and invite the idea. It took me a long time to step through the door, but maybe he might walk right through once invited. Good luck.
 
[quote name='goatindaruffness']A fucking bulimic guy that doesn't want people to see him eat and doesn't know how to take care of a woman...
I wouldn't necessarily call him gay, I'd just call him useless...
As much as I hate the robust racism portrayed by Archie Bunker, his theme song makes a good point...
"Girls were girls, and men were men"
Why's everyone so fucked in the head these days??
-Goatman[/quote]Because every little personality quark has a name and treatment now. Even something as simple as shyness has people on pills or therapy.
 
[quote name='BluesCluesMama']Giant Wall O'Text.[/quote]

Not trying to be a jerk or anything but...GIANT WALL OF TEXT! Ya mind spacing it up a bit? add a couple breaks in between maybe?

EDIT: Thank ya kindly.
 
I don't know whether or not I'm attracted to him because he makes himself unavailable. I do worry that in the future, he may be emotionally withdrawn since it seems indeed that I am doing all of the work of getting us together (if it so happens). Ah well, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

And as for Johnnypark.. do you have AIM or MSN or something? I'd love to talk to you and get more insight =)

Thank you for the encouragement and advice everyone, I'll of course update what happens :D
 
[quote name='sailorchrono']So I guess my question now is this:

I want to go for it, tomorrow. Besides going for his hand, what else should I do to let him know?[/quote]

Like I said, go for the big attack. Obviously, he's Mr. Clueless after all the little hints you've given him. Be blunt and tell him you like him & would really like to be in a relationship w/ him. If he says no, let him hover in the friend zone and move on. Keep him as a friend if you like if you're feeling a touch guilty (but you shouldn't since it would be his loss. He'll eventually realize this & kick his own ass for letting such a great opportunity pass him by). I don't doubt there's a lot of guys who would feel privileged to be in your company and would express as such.

But whatever you do, once you've gone down a particular path, stick to it & don't have any regrets. If you move on, stay moved on. Don't wonder 'what ifs'. They only serve to demoralize you in a downward spiral of self-loathing. Rather, always look forward. Should he turn you down, move on and get revenge. How? By living a better life. As I've mentioned in some other similar thread, the best revenge you can do to anyone is by living a better life than them. Give him a lifetime of regrets for not pursuing you when he had the chance.
 
[quote name='sailorchrono']Ah, I'm sorry I glossed over your post, Ramstoria :p I don't drink and I don't want him to drink either
 
[quote name='lordwow']Snarky Comment.[/quote]

Reported

[quote name='sailorchrono']Ah, I'm sorry I glossed over your post, Ramstoria :p I don't drink and I don't want him to drink either
 
Come on, while I understand "you make me feel" and "I want to hold you in my arms" may sound corny or childish did anyone expect much more? Was he all the sudden going to go from shy (maybe meek) to expressing his desire to ravage her? Of course not. I think it's at least progress and if it's something sailorchrono wants to put up with then more power to her. That's the key though, it's going to be something she's going to have to put up with and see if he grows. I can't imagine getting immediate gratification out of the situation but maybe with enough time he can mature into someone worth having a relationship with.
 
Yep... he sounds exactly like my husband. Like MP77 said, the shy types aren't going be all like "OMFG I WANNA RAEP JOO CUZ I LIKE YOU!" .... Okay maybe I went overboard with that. But thats because I'm biased. I like the shy type. I think it's sweet. What he's saying IS extremely difficult for him and it's quite romantic to me. :)
 
[quote name='joe2187']Man's Man?....

I Give you ....Carrot Top
carrottop.jpg
[/QUOTE]

Hey Liquid 2, thanks for reporting this post. I got a good laugh out of it.
 
Just because he has an eating disorder doesn't mean he's gay.
Just because he's being weird and doesn't make moves.. or seems uninterested in you, doesn't mean he's gay.

Maybe he likes the security of having a girlfriend because of his low self esteem and what not..but maybe he just doesn't like you. No offense, seriously.
 
If it helps any, I was a confused and video game obsessed young man of 18 at one point. So, maybe he is just a tad confused too?

Here's how confused I was(I'll try to keep this brief):

I went out for the night with my buddy and his gf and his gf's sister. I never once looked at it as a double date or anything of that sort. So, after a movie, we went to a local place called Top Dog to play some video games. So, I'm playing Mortal Kombat(yes, the original) and my buddy comes over bugging the shit out of me, asking me something.

To me, he sounded like the teacher from the Charlie Brown special(wah waah waah wahhh wahh), since I was VERY involved in not getting my ass handed to me by Kano or whoever I was fighting. However, after I just mumbled something to him to get him outta my face and get back to the game, I realized about 30 seconds later that he had asked me if I liked his gf's sister.

Everything went into slow mo mode after that. I stopped playing the game and ran to where he was, only to see him talking to his gf's sister and her smiling.

And THAT my fellow CAG's is the sexily romantic way I ended up dating my first gf I ever had on and off unsuccessfully for 5 years. I tried to give into the notion(which I think is bs, btw) that 'everybody needs someone', but it didn't work then, hasn't worked since and I've given up on even trying and gone back to just hanging with my friends and that's about it.

So now, I'm just a video game obsessed man of 33.
 
AWWWW ...---> The Chat.
That picture of Carrot Top is Nast :/

I don't know any guy who share's his feelings without forcing it out of him...much less one that says "feel" out loud :/

BTW, anyone can get an eating disorder...that doesn't define a person sexually or in any aspect.
 
OP, i would go for it and see how it plays out, as long as you're not overly emotional and would be hurt by the experience. it'd probably do wonders for the guy's self-esteem too and make him more of a functional person too (cause from your description, he seems like somewhat of a social n00b - don't take this the wrong way though)
 
[quote name='SteveMcQ']Like a natural woman?

So what did we miss in that 8 minute span there (***)? Did he just leave you hanging for that long? Or are we missing some important part of the conversation?[/QUOTE]

he had a feeling then took a 8 minute break from the convo. skeet skeet? yes.
 
Eek. Red flags all over the place. Run, run now before you get truly emotionally invested. Nobody ever needs that kind of drama. I know the chase is fun, but you deserve someone who knows they want to be with you.
 
Well I think he wants to be with me.. I mean.. that conversation, while brief did indicate to me that he's slowly coming out of his shell :x

Oh and that 8 minutes was just about other things. Then I remembered he told me I made him feel, so I squeezed out of him what exactly he meant ;)

What was up with that snarky comment thing? >.> *confused*
 
I'm going to save you the trouble now, OP. This guy isn't worth half the effort you've already put in, and he's not going to be worth any further effort.

Sorry, but that chat was pure nonsense. Either he's putting on a great show and is - in reality - a superhero-by-night-aspiring-but-crappy-actor-by-day, or he's severely living within a world he's created himself and is entirely comfortable in.

I make snap judgments based on very little, sure. You can hold that against me in this case. But criminy.

You'll get tired of trying to break him out of that world, I guarantee it. You think you aren't going to get tired of it, but you will. I'm not damning your abilities/social...um...sociality, I'm just saying people have limits. I can commend your patience and perseverance now, but this crap he's pulling - as if he's feeling emotions never felt by humans before, and that he was incapable of feeling them in the past - is just silly, and screams of internal immaturity.
 
HE IS NOT STRAIGHT.

I had a friend come out to me and he said that "he was confused". The only confused guys are gay guys, everyone else would have fucked you already.

Plus there is so much DRAMA! What the fuck is up with that? Yet another sign he's not straight (not that there is anything wrong with that).

Plus even if he's "bi", because once again he's not straight, all he will do is fuck you up more than you already are. Run away quickly and never look back.
 
[quote name='RAMSTORIA']ok, so my friend really liked this girl. and it was obvious this girl liked him. but they would go and just hang out. and he would come back and tell us about how they hung out... but nothing happened. so we told him to get drunk. not in a date rape kind of way, but its a lot easier for people to hook up after a drink or two. he didnt like the idea and thought it was stupid. a week or so later, they totally hooked up, and guess what, they went out to a bar before and had a few drinks. now theyre totally together and thats that. so, thats my advise, get a few drinks in him (and you). now i dont condone underage drinking, so youll have to go to mexico. but thats the key, beer.[/quote]


Your attempt at humor fails completely.
 
I'm going to agree with the rest... sorta.

This guy sounds a lot like me two years. I was an emotional train wreck during that time, and when it came to women I even got more confused (not gay confused, mind you).

Something like your story sort of happened to me before, with me being in this guy's shoes. But I never pursued it past talking about my true feelings (or this "feel" stuff this guy is spewing). Why? Because even I knew starting up a relationship would have ended up a disaster with the sorry-state I was in at the time.

A few friendly dates wouldn't hurt, and would probably help his self-esteem and get rid of these women jitters he's having. But an actual relationship? Save your energy for someone else, or until this guy loosens up a bit.
 
[quote name='Strell']I'm going to save you the trouble now, OP. This guy isn't worth half the effort you've already put in, and he's not going to be worth any further effort.

Sorry, but that chat was pure nonsense. Either he's putting on a great show and is - in reality - a superhero-by-night-aspiring-but-crappy-actor-by-day, or he's severely living within a world he's created himself and is entirely comfortable in.

I make snap judgments based on very little, sure. You can hold that against me in this case. But criminy.

You'll get tired of trying to break him out of that world, I guarantee it. You think you aren't going to get tired of it, but you will. I'm not damning your abilities/social...um...sociality, I'm just saying people have limits. I can commend your patience and perseverance now, but this crap he's pulling - as if he's feeling emotions never felt by humans before, and that he was incapable of feeling them in the past - is just silly, and screams of internal immaturity.[/QUOTE]

/Thread.

Strell wins the thread. This is EXACTLY what I wanted to say, but couldn't find the words as well as he does.
 
Nobody can find words as well as Strell does. I assumed it was common knowledge.

I'm amazed at your patience/perseverance thus far, OP. I really am. If you haven't dropped him like a sack of potatoes yet, you probably should now. I mean, I consider myself to be shy at times too, but holy hell...even I know when to get together with a female who shows interest in me.
 
He seems he has more baggage than he's worth.
Too fragile...give him some time and just back off.

If you even have a slight feeling that he is uncomfortable, just stop with that.
Better to let the guy have some space than scaring him away.

Good luck to you.
 
Well I didn't want to have any regrets, so today while we were at the beach, I just went for his hand and he didn't pull away. I was pretty surprised! So then.. a bit later on, I just went for "it" and told him how I felt and that I really wanted to start something... and... to my surprise, he was pretty happy with it.

When we parted tonight, he was sorry he was so shy and he's going to try to overcome and I guess we'll just see what happens from there. We're pretty much "together" now though. I'm so happy :D
 
happy endings are cool. Just dont damage him when you decide to dump him later on :p Although I hope it works out and you guys live happily ever after.
 
congrats!

however, i will warn you that things may get rough later. you two seem like you are needy for someone's love. this is a good/bad thing. if it goes bad, this need will turn into a obession. however, dont let him blow off his friends everytime and dont let he wanting to be constantly around you 24/7.. **ding dong** obession! im not saying that with will happen but im just warning you. you are the strong one in this relationship, whip him into shape. im talking from experience (yea i was the obessed one =/), this relationship can be a rocky road or a fun loving experience that you will never want to end. i am fortunate to still be with my friend gf (2 years bitches!!!!). i wish you guys the best of luck! fill feel to ask me any questions in the future. =]
 
Actually, to be honest, now that you mention it.. I'm kinda worried about that ;;..we're together a lot. I don't know much about his friends, but we saw them for a bit tonight. I don't think he blows off his friends for me, but I don't really have any friends of my own that live close to me, so that's why he's with me so much. It is spring break right now, so I suppose I'll try to lighten it up when school starts again.
 
[quote name='sailorchrono']Actually, to be honest, now that you mention it.. I'm kinda worried about that ;;..we're together a lot. I don't know much about his friends, but we saw them for a bit tonight. I don't think he blows off his friends for me, but I don't really have any friends of my own that live close to me, so that's why he's with me so much. It is spring break right now, so I suppose I'll try to lighten it up when school starts again.[/QUOTE]

naw dont worry about it right now, just keep it in the back of you head.
 
[quote name='sailorchrono']Well I didn't want to have any regrets, so today while we were at the beach, I just went for his hand and he didn't pull away. I was pretty surprised! So then.. a bit later on, I just went for "it" and told him how I felt and that I really wanted to start something... and... to my surprise, he was pretty happy with it.

When we parted tonight, he was sorry he was so shy and he's going to try to overcome and I guess we'll just see what happens from there. We're pretty much "together" now though. I'm so happy :D[/quote]

:applause: Congrats. Hope your relationship has some longevity and, from what you've told us, I expect every second of it will be trying times.
 
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