Should I (we) be mad at my sis?

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pittpizza

pittpizza

CAGiversary!
Well its sort of a long story but I've got time (obviously) so here I go:

My fiance (Amie) and I are to be married Sept 13 this year. www.amieandheathswedding.com She never really got along that well with my sister b/c she is kind and giving and generous and my sister is snotty and conceited/self centered and mean. Still, my fiance asks my sis to be one of her bridesmaids.

Then my sister goes and gets knocked up, (planned) and her due date is like 2 weeks before our wedding (give or take a month at this point). Not only will this take a massive amount of attention away from Amie (not important really) and I as a couple, but it will also pretty much prevent my sister from doing any bridesmaids stuff. It may even prevent my sister from attending our wedding (depending on how close to the wedding date she delivers).

So we had a discussion with her two days ago sis told us that she can no longer be in the bridal party.

Thats the gist of it. Now I would not expect someone to plan something as important as having a child around a wedding, nor am I implying that she purposefully got pregnant almost exactly 9 mos. before our wedding date, but she obviously didn't care enough to wait another month or two to be sure.

All this wedding crap really sucks for guys. Hopefully you can find a girl who doesnt have this "knight-in-shining-armor" fantasy of what her wedding is going to look like engrained into her brain since she is a little girl.

The whole F***ing thing is a racket, we're dropping like 20-25 grand on ONE FRIGGIN DAY!! ONe day, it could be a huge downpayment on a house or soo much other stuff. WHen I point this out Amie says "yeah but it's the most important day of our lives." Ugh. I'm a frugal kind of guy and think that large traditional weddings are little more than a showcase in extravagance, a status symbol and an exercise in gluttony and waste.

Rant aside, what do you think of my sister's actions? It seems silly to be mad at her b/c it is a blessing, it's just bad (almost perfectly bad) timing.
 
Why the fuck would you be mad at her? You're an asshole, not your sister. I seriously, seriously doubt she planned having a fucking baby (a completely life-changing event) around the time of your wedding just to screw with you.
 
You're a pussy for not strapping up and saying fuck no to spending 30K on a wedding if you're a frugal guy.

Your fiance is a total bitch if she makes a big deal about your sister being pregnant. The world doesn't revolve around her; tell her your sister is family for her too and she needs to play nice or GTFO (one luxury you don't have).

Be nice to your sister but you don't have to give her special privileges. She brogutht his upon herself and deserves NOTHING for it. But you still have to be nice (but not doing things for her kind of nice).

Crackt he whip on the wife now dude or you're balls will be trounced by thousands of circus clowns for years to come.
 
[quote name='UnderwaterMadman']I think it was kind of a dick move kicking her out of the bridal party.[/quote]

Adding to my previous comment. This is 100% true. You're future wifes a bitch.
 
We didn't kick her out of the bridal party, she told us that she wasn't going to be able to do any of the stuff that bridesmaids are supposed to do, so she pretty much quit.

[quote name='Dead of Knight']Why the fuck would you be mad at her? You're an asshole, not your sister. I seriously, seriously doubt she planned having a fucking baby (a completely life-changing event) around the time of your wedding just to screw with you.[/quote]

And of course she didnt plan having a baby, a completely life-changing event, to screw with us. The bit about the (almost perfect timing) implied that but thats not what I'm saying at all. FWIW, my gut reaction when I heard the news was overwhelming pride and joy, followed by "Oh shit, Amie is gonna be upset."

It's not my sister getting pregnant that upsets Amie, it's the fact that our wedding was not important enough for my sister to wait another month or two. This is what I'm gettin at.

I guess the whole point is that you can't plan when you get pregnant, you can only plan when you start to try (by quitting the pill and quitting contraceptives).

Perhaps my writing was convoluted, but the question here is not "Should we be uspet my sis is pregant?"
It is "Should we be uspet that our wedding was not important enough to my sister for her to plan around it, knowing full-well she agreed to the responsibilities of taking part in it and the bridal party?"

Sis told us that she probably isn't going to be able to come to our wedding.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']Why the fuck would you be mad at her? You're an asshole, not your sister. I seriously, seriously doubt she planned having a fucking baby (a completely life-changing event) around the time of your wedding just to screw with you.[/quote]

Well, I had an 18 year old friend that planned to have a kid to trap her boyfriend that she believed was cheating on her...(She's not a very stable person) now that she has the kid the father left (And its not even her boyfriends kid, Irony or stupidity?) she's left basically alone and takes care of her Kids much like Britney Spears does.

Although I very highly doubt that your sister got knocked up to take all the attention away from you....Ego Much?
 
[quote name='ITDEFX']"This won't end well..."[/quote]

Ditto that.

Also OP, you have no reason to be angry at her. That was her descison and it was your descision not to include her. End of Story.
 
[quote name='pittpizza']It's not my sister getting pregnant that upsets Amie, it's the fact that our wedding was not important enough for my sister to wait another month or two. This is what I'm gettin at. [/quote]
If my brother was getting married I would NEVER change anything I wanted to do just to cope with his wedding.

Tell me now; Why should your sister have to base her life around your wedding? Respect is a good reason. But respect means that YOU can respect her decision to have an "accidental" baby. Therefore this argument is negated. Seriously; tell yourself and your future self to quit fucking whining and be happy for her and more importantly happy for YOURSELVES.

You guys better have a prenup because you're destined to fail.

How old are you OP?
 
[quote name='pittpizza']
It's not my sister getting pregnant that upsets Amie, it's the fact that our wedding was not important enough for my sister to wait another month or two. This is what I'm gettin at.
[/QUOTE]

I think having that thought is natural (we've all had our "Why me!!" moments) but most people wouldn't truly expect somebody to hold off trying to get pregnant to time with a wedding. Some people have trouble getting pregnant and have to try for months (or even longer) until it finally happens. Or it could have been unplanned as already mentioned.
 
I repeat, she told us she wasn't going to be able to be in the bridal party, we didnt kick her out.

IF your bro was getting married, and you were planning on and trying having a child, and you got pregnant where your due date was the week of his wedding and you couldn't go, you wouldn't expect him to be upset you couldn't come to your bro's wedding?

This was no accidental baby, she was trying. This is probably a crucial tidbit I left out of the OP. THIS WAS A PLANNED PREGNANCY. I'm not upset she's pregant as many of you seem to be suggesting. I'm thrilled I'm gonna be an uncle. I also recognize the point that nobody predict the timing of conception, many people do try for months, still others can't ever get pregnant.

Am I a little upset my own sister isn't goint to be at my wedding? Yeah, I love her and want her to be there.


Magehart you asked a good question: "Why should your sister have to base her life around your wedding? Respect is a good reason." Amie and I would not expect anybody to "BASE THEIR LIFE" around our wedding, but I guess we don't see the harm in waiting another month or two when you know you've committed to being there for your brother's wedding.

One more time: THIS IS BY FAR A JOYOUS AND HAPPY BLESSING, Amie and I both feel this way. I suppose she (moreso than I) just feels/felt somewhat slighted that we were not importnat enough for sister to plan around us (by only waiting another month or two before she started trying).

Eitherway, mom and dad both pointed out that while they can empathize with the way we feel, theres really nothing that can be done, if she can't come to the wedding she can't come to the wedding.

I've always felt (from when we first heard the news) that a new life is more important than a ceremonial occasion.
 
Wow $30K for a wedding? I think we spent less than $200 on my wedding since it was really just a Justice of the Peace type wedding ceremony. Sure it wasn't the most special of events in the actual event, but the fact is we were able to be married and that's what counted. I also am Frugal and there's no way I could feel right about spending that much money. I realize in your case you don't have much say, but man I feel your pain.

As for your sister, I have to agree with the majority of the posters here...she didn't do anything wrong. If you guys made her a bridesmaid I don't think it's right to kick her out, pregnant or not. If she decides that she can't make it, so be it, but still man that's kind of crummy to do that to your own blood-relative.

Hope your marriage doesn't turn out rocky man. It doesn't seem things are so smooth to start off and that's NEVER a good sign.
 
I'm not gonna bash the OP. But you should be happy for your sister and enjoy the thought of two big events in your family happening around the same time. There are 2 new members joining your family.
 
[quote name='goomba478'] If you guys made her a bridesmaid I don't think it's right to kick her out, pregnant or not. If she decides that she can't make it, so be it, but still man that's kind of crummy to do that to your own blood-relative.
[/quote]

Once again, she told us that she couldn't do it. She bailed on us, we were open to having a plus sized bridesmaid as I think it would have been great. By Sept 13th, (wedding day) she will likely either be VERY VERY pregnant, in labor, or have a week old newborn :) :) :) .

As to the not spending so much on the wedding, it's important to both of us that we have all/as many as we can afford freinds there. Plus I really don't have much of a say. "Happy wife =happy life" so if an expensive wedding is important to her, it's important to me (damn it!).

[quote name='jbuck138']I'm not gonna bash the OP. But you should be happy for your sister and enjoy the thought of two big events in your family happening around the same time. There are 2 new members joining your family.[/quote]

Now THAT, is some good advice!:applause:

Again, it's more just dissappointment that she just didn't care enough/respect enough to hold off trying to get prenant for another month.
 
[quote name='Magehart']You're a pussy for not strapping up and saying fuck no to spending 30K on a wedding if you're a frugal guy.
[/quote] Truth.

Your future wife has nice juggs(well, from the looks of it), heath. Too bad shes a bitch.
 
I don't see anything wrong with what your sister did (did she even do anything?) although there's ZERO reason for her to quit the wedding party (did you try to talk her out of it?). I'm not sure I even understand what vitally important "bridesmaid responsibilities" there are that a pregnant woman can't take part in. Bridesmaids don't have to do anything at all - maybe throw a shower and a bachelorette party but nothing says she has to even attend those events. You should try and get her to participate - she's family and you will remember your wedding day forever. Wouldn't it be nicer if she was involved new baby or not?

Also, for what it's worth, my wife's due date for our second kid was 4 days before her brother's wedding and none of this drama even came up. Both of us were in the wedding and everything went fine.
 
[quote name='javeryh']I don't see anything wrong with what your sister did (did she even do anything?) although there's ZERO reason for her to quit the wedding party (did you try to talk her out of it?). I'm not sure I even understand what vitally important "bridesmaid responsibilities" there are that a pregnant woman can't take part in. Bridesmaids don't have to do anything at all - maybe throw a shower and a bachelorette party but nothing says she has to even attend those events. You should try and get her to participate - she's family and you will remember your wedding day forever. Wouldn't it be nicer if she was involved new baby or not?

Also, for what it's worth, my wife's due date for our second kid was 4 days before her brother's wedding and none of this drama even came up. Both of us were in the wedding and everything went fine.[/quote]

Good points jav, especially about Sis saying that she isn't going to be able to be a bridesmaid. I guess because she says she won't be able to go to the wedding (an important duty for a bridesmaid is to...umm..go to the wedding).

The thing I don't get is how my sis is so sure she won't be able to do stuff/go to the wedding. Really pregnant women/women with newborns can still attend weddings right? It's probably more that she doesn't really want to leave or is worried about the timing, maybe she is feeling overprotective already.
 
First OP, I think you and your wife need to put things in perspective here. It's not that big of a deal, your sister is having a baby = great. You guys are getting married = great. You both need to quit feeling jealous that she'll be getting some of the attention and just enjoy your wedding and her pregnancy. Life's too short for dumb stuff like this. "Couldn't she have waited a month or so more so it wouldn't interfere with the wedding?" That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

Now, as for "Happy wife = happy life," that's fucking retarded. I hope your wife lets you spend 30 grand on an in-house movie theater/pool room/ arcade and justifies it by saying to herself "Happy husband = happy life."

Future fights about money here we come.

Edit: Let me be clear. She might be the love of your life and a great woman, but if you aren't comfortable with spending that much on a wedding, she should consider your feelings and make a few compromises. I hope everything works out and you have a happy marriage, but if she's disregarding your feelings on this issue, maybe that's a warning sign.
 
I honestly hate drama and that's all this thread encompasses. There is no reason to spend 30k on a wedding. Especially if you frequent a site called Cheap Ass Gamers. It's stupidity and all it will lead to is money problems down the line and strains on the relationship which may potentially lead to the collapse of the marriage as well.

And in this day and age, there is no reason for some women to have the knight in shining armor mentality when the divorce rate is as high as it is. Then there's the potential that these women will turn into some kind of bridezillas and it all just leads to drama and headaches for everyone involved.

Anyway. You want to solve this problem? Here's how you do it.

01. Call your sister.
02. Ask if her is she is sure she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.
03. Respect whatever her answer is.

The end.
 
Weddings, funerals , graduations, people miss these things all the time. Shit happens and i've just never been the type of person to get worked up over it. I understand you want your sister there on that oh so special day but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, she will be there for you other times in the future, just enjoy your day and try not to think of how many other things that money could have bought.
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']Anyway. You want to solve this problem? Here's how you do it.

01. Call your sister.
02. Ask if her is she is sure she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.
03. Respect whatever her answer is.

The end.[/quote]
Bingo.

Then everyone needs to drop it and be happy.

you and your fiance seriously sound spoiled..
Click to expand...

Also bingo.
 
1. I fixed the URL for your wedding page : www.heathandamieswedding.com

2. If your sister will be bursting at the seams at the time of your wedding you don't want her doing all that standing and shit when she is in that condition. She is probably doing you a favor by bowing out of the wedding. What if she drops the kid the day before the wedding? You are fucked my friend...that's what.

3. I have 2 kids. First one took 4 years to have. The second one was a complete accident the first month we had unprotected sex after the first kid came (we thought it would take at LEAST a year to get pregnant again). You don't plan pregnancy - it plans you.

4. $30K is better spend on a home...not one day which consists of:
a. Here comes the bride
b. I Do
c. Dancing like a moron
d. Making the rounds and talking to people you don't know/like/give a shit about
e. fucking your new wife which isn't so new because you have been fucking her this whole time
f. The thought floating around in the back of your head while you fuck your wife that everyone in her and your family knows that ya'll are fucking right now.

5. Be a fucking man already

6. Why aren't her parents paying for this shit?
 
I agree with him and the guy he agreed with. Have you thought about this long term? You have to hate the child now too because his birthday is sure going to supersede your anniversary as far as family attention goes.

Additionally, I would never marry a woman that wanted an extravagant wedding, but thats not to say that I'd get married at all. My uncle did it right. They went to the local church, got married in about 20 minutes and then we all walked back to his place and had a potluck with tons of beer. Total cost: a few hundo. Though... she did wear a dress from one of her previous weddings and he wore jeans and cowboy boots and they live in a trailer park... So you may just want to aim up on principle alone.

[quote name='TFN']Truth.

Your future wife has nice juggs(well, from the looks of it), heath. Too bad shes a bitch.[/quote]
 
The asterisk is actually a pretty good idea.

And if any of you (some of you do) know Amie and I, and my sister, you would know how funny this sounds: "you and your fiance seriously sound spoiled." For context, my sister is the type of person who, if she is not having a good time, she will make it her personal mission to make sure everyone else is as miserable as she is. She is definitely the most self-centered person I know. I still love her, and would do anythign for her, it's just the way she is G-d bless her.

In truth, we are very fortunate; we both have great jobs, great families, great health, food on the table and a warm bed to sleep in at night. We're very very fortunate and I thank my lucky stars (and G-d) every day for what we've got.

As to the expensive wedding, dunno where yall got 30, maybe I had a typo, but its actually closer to 20. Guess what the average $ spent on a wedding nowadays is? About 25, so we're actually below the average.

My fiance's fam. can't pay for the wedding, and every time i say "If you want such a pricey wedding have your fam pay for it" I get "thats not the tradition, especially for split families anymore" Both of our parents are divorced. I figure we may get back (in gifts) about what we spend on it. Moreover (not trying to sound conceited) it would be much greater financial burden on her fam to pay than it would be on mine, so we're splitting it 10k from my fam and 10k from hers.

Being a CAG, I'm a cheap ass, I can't help it. I don't like spending inordinate amounts of money on anything, but it should be a pretty fun day.
 
30K? Holy Cow! We spent $6,000 for 125 people in an absolute gorgeous hall during the Christmas season with 7 different choices for a main course and 13 different appetizers. Most importantly, OPEN BAR! This included my wife's dress and my parties tuxedo's.

Hell, $6,000 is even a little much, but $30K?!? That is a huge chunk of cash that can be better suited for paying off debt or a down payment for something more tangable.

But as for the question, no you should not be mad at your sis. Life happens!
 
Additionally, if your girl doesn't like your sister, why does she give a shit? Shouldn't she be happy to not have her in the wedding?
 
Bottom line is 6 months from now or 1 year from now NONE OF YOU WILL REMEMBER OR CARE TO REMEMBER THIS INCIDENT!!! Your sister will be too busy with her baby and you and your wife will be busy with your life and if anything will be expecting your first child to even care what happened before the wedding.
 
First off, I think this thread has stumbled upon a few interesting issues:

1) Sorry pizza, I see your point, but this was a planned pregnancy. I know it might be a bit different, but my wife and I are trying to have a kid now (harder than it looks, it seems). If I could knock her up today, I would, and I wouldn't care what it screwed up 9 months from now. If it effected my bro's wedding, so be it. If we missed a family get together, so be it. Having a baby is a major life event, and it isn't something you do now, or put off, for most things. Weddings are important, I would argue having a baby is a bigger deal (the baby hopefully will outlive everyone typing on here, many weddings end in 10 years, no offense). So, sure, having the thought that it's intentional is one thing, but I think you ought to rethink it, and be fine with it. It sucks for your future wife, especially if she doesn't have the spotlight on her often, but it happens. My wife is in that boat, 4 siblings, and she gets the least attention. But, you can't be mad at a pregnancy.

Too late on the 30k wedding. But, what I found (for others) is that your wedding has nothing to do about you, especially the reception. Sure, your the guest of honor, but everything is really for the guests. You talk to everyone, you go around, you take pictures, you dance. Before you know it, your done. I remember not being able to eat as much as I watned, since I went back for more, but they already took the food. Sorry, I love my family, but my love bought a 4k wedding, not a 30k. Though, my wife was all for it. She made many of the decorations (nothing too fancy either). She seemed to enjoy it. Can't say all the bridesmaids loved helping her, but that's their problem :)

I wish you the best pizza. I just hope this is all the wedding stresses (as you get to 2 weeks away, just sort of mentally tune out, because odds are the fiance will start freaking out over everything). Just keep your cool and enjoy the ride.
 
Itdefx, Oh definitely. THis is very true.

I was just looking for some opinions, most of which seem to mirror my own, though it may not seem so since I've been trying to present Amie's view.

I'm sort of biased and while I understand one could feel slighted, it's MY sister's baby so I'm psyched, I sure hope she can make the wedding though, thats my concern.

At the end of the day though, it really is not as dramatic or as serious as alot of you seem to be taking it, I was just looking for some thoughts on what others think.

Most of you seemed to have expressed that, while you can understand the feeling, it's no BD, and a baby is good news no matter when it pops out, which is pretty much what I figured. I actually can't beleive how busy this thread is.
 
[quote name='pittpizza']Being a CAG, I'm a cheap ass, I can't help it. I don't like spending inordinate amounts of money on anything, but it should be a pretty fun day.[/quote]

[quote name='pittpizza']We spent 30K on our wedding[/quote]


phailed
 
Well, you make a nice looking couple.

The only other thing I can say is it sure seems like a mountain is being made out of a mole hill.
 
Too bad you didn't hit submit. :lol:

[quote name='Malik112099']Am I the only one who signed the guestbook?

[/quote]
 
HA this thread is freakin priceless.

Look, my wife and I delivered our first child the weekend of my cousin's wedding (she's pretty much my little sis).

I was to be in her husband's wedding party. My uncle and aunt gave me a rash of shit (jokingly however) for the timing of it all. I was obviously not going to attend (flying from Portland to LA).

You're barking about your sister not having respect to attempt planning pregnancy around your wedding?

1. You don't plan to get pregnant. "Planned Parenthood" is false advertising.
2. You're the one that needs to respect her. The simple fact that there's a laundry list of CAG'ers who are laughing or scolding you for your expectations should be a definite example of who needs the reality check.

/30k for a wedding? I'm guessing this is your first marriage. And by the time you get to your second, you're gonna wish you had the other 20k for a divorce lawyer and a fat down on your new I'm-single-mobile.

This all being said, it takes a special someone to completely ingrain themselves into the psyche of a total userbase via only one post. You sir have done so.

/salute

//now that I'm looking at the pic, it all makes sense. You have to marry her to have sex. She's been holding onto it hasn't she? Oh my god the fustration for you must be overwhelming. I can see it in your eyes. The madness. HJ's won't suffice. Dryhumping makes you weep. Won't quell the beast within. In your flooded-mind, the anger has caused you to agree to a wedding of financial ruin. Anything to slay that dragon. The dragon that wears pastel blue and a delicate string of pearls. Conservative. It's killing you. Her control.
 
Now now, lets keep the pittpizza bashing on this site please, also we have to approve gustbook signings so you're sort of wasting your time, though I did LMAO Malik.

Thks for the compliments though Guile et. al.

Temporally, we found out about a month ago, and just found out that sis coudn't be a bridesmade a few days so things have cooled down to mole hill size again. I was just curious to see if any CAGs could empathize with the mole hill sized disappointment.

It will suck though if she can't come to the wedding but, as many have pointed out, thats life right?
 
[quote name='Kayden']Too bad you didn't hit submit. :lol:[/quote]

I DID hit submit...their guestbook comments have to be approved before they make it onto the site.
 
[quote name='Kayden']I got home last night to find my tire flat. This was exceptionally awesome as it was only NEGATIVE 5 degrees outside without the windchill. I jacked up the truck, took off my tire and brought it to a Tires Plus. He says theres no way it'd be done that day. Bonus, day off work!

I get a call this morning only to be told that the tire is unfixable and needs to be replaced. The reason, there is a two inch hole on the outside and a pair of needle nose pliers on the inside.

I'm out $80 for a new tire but at least I got the day off.


So what odd impliments have you found to be the source of your injured auto?[/quote]

What in the grand holy fuck are you talking about?
 
I found that Kayden's post had many metaphorical ties to the discussions going on in this thread.

The tire is the wedding, and it going flat represents having to spent 20k on it.

The day off of work is the blessing (like a new nephew) and the windchill represents the hardships of having to fight for your right to party.

Sorry I didn't warn you about how guestbook signings have to be approved Malik, it wasn't a complete waste of time though as I lol'd.

Esp. at 2 girls 1 cup for life. I actually was fortunate enough to find out what that was before I watched it, and have been fighting off the urge to watch it since.
 
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