So, yeah, my wife and I are splitting...

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[quote name='Ugamer_X']About a year ago I had a brief chat with sp00ge in the CAG chat. In the background I could hear a woman laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny and sp00ge explained that his wife was watching According to Jim.

Clearly, this woman in unfit to care for herself, let alone another human being.[/quote]

[quote name='Poor2More']Nail on the head, have UGamer_X as your witness, and bam Full Custody......According to Jim? get a psych evaluation for her also, it can do nothing but help your case.[/quote]

Aww, come on, be fair. AtJ had a few funny moments, usually during the commercial breaks.

[quote name='shieryda']OP, I still don't understand how/why you're speaking to this dude's spouse. It's like a bad episode of "Wife Swap". No offense.[/quote]

Because she was left in the dark about it. I know I went the unconventional route, but I believe it was the right thing to do. I'm not moving in on her, despite her being pretty cute. I don't even want to think about another relationship at this point.
 
I think I'm clearly too old for this conversation...I'm being directed to evaluate a person based on his or her MySpace page, where they have a person I'd most like to meet being "Boba Fett".
 
I really feel for you, it's a terrible situation.. but it's probably in your best interest to keep distance from her. I think someone may have mentioned it, I don't remember, but part of the reason the sex was so good these last few times is because she's feeling guilty. It's kind of hard to explain to a guy, but you try harder when you know you've done something really wrong, and think sex will fix it. I have seen women use sex to manipulate the men in their lives over and over.

It's totally wrong and going to complicate things if you talk to the other guys wife. You gotta be safe and do what's best for your daughter. Get away from that mess. Get her help and keep your kid safe. ...and if worse comes to worse, it's hard, but you can get custody. She seems unstable enough, it's brutal, but my brother got custody of his two girls, so I know it can happen.
 
i'm not sure if this has been covered but you should obviously be bangin this guys wife. You both got screwed now its time to screw each other. get it done.
 
sucks man. I hope you can get this all straightened out for your daughter's sake. javeryh has the right idea. start compiling a case for what looks like an inevitable custody battle. don't get pulled into the bullshit.
 
I feel for you man, and don't take this the wrong way, but the internet does not ruin marriages. People have choices. The bad choices that people make ruin marriages. Maintaining a marriage is a full-time job in itself. K.I.M. Keep it Moving. You reap what you sow. So, make sure you continue to sow proper seeds, so that your harvest is a good one. Pray for your wife man. Cuz she is really lost and confused and she may probably go through with this guy, what you went through with her. Trust and believe, that spiritual law never fails.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']Damn.

If you honestly care about the daughter ...

1. Realize you can't win full custody unless your wife has serious criminal or mental problems. You have a penis. In family court, that is strike #1.

2. Clean up your act. If you have any failings (drugs, temper, etc.), get over them yesterday. If you can't, enjoy supervised visits once every two weeks until you grow up.

3. Offer joint custody. The more your daughter is in her custody, the greater % of your income goes to your wife. You will be subsidizing your wife's attraction to scum. If she gets full custody, you'll donate 30-40% of your income for the scumbag's well being.

4. Don't have sex with the wife. The last thing either of you need is another kid.

5. Accommodate your wife when it lets you spend more time with your daughter. If you get joint custody, offer to drop off and pick your daughter from daycare. If you only get weekend visits, offer to drop her off at daycare on Monday and pick her up on Friday. If your wife doesn't want to be a mother, allow her every opportunity to pawn the daughter off on you. If your wife wants to go on a vacation without your daughter, offer to buy her tickets.

6. Document, but don't prosecute for years. If your wife doesn't want to be a mother anymore, let your wife leave your daughter with you. Let your wife party for months on end. If you have to, pay child support. Don't take her to court, but document how much time you have your daughter. When you've had your daughter for two full years, get a lawyer and get full custody.

...

If you really don't care about your daughter ...

Pay your 30-40% of your income for the next 15 years and walk away. It is a lot easier.

...

Regardless ...

Don't date for the next 3 years and don't get remarried for the next 10 years. You aren't done being traumatized by the divorce process. You need to establish your own rhythm for living.[/quote]

I agree w/ everything here except the highlighted part. Yes, there should be a period of grieving for the marriage's death but that doesn't mean he needs to be completely lifeless. He still has needs and jerkin' off can only last so long. Plus, dating should be part of the healing process as it is a sign of moving on despite the setback.
 
Arrrgghhh, this situation really iritates me... If I was in your situation I would be so angry and confused and angry. If she really want to move on I say fuck the bitch and your #1 priority is getting full custody of your child. This really shouldn't be too hard since she has betrayed your family and made it out to look like you're the bad guy. Total lack of morals, geez wtf is wrong with people nowadays? Sorry man, good luck to you and your child.
 
[quote name='Ugamer_X']About a year ago I had a brief chat with sp00ge in the CAG chat. In the background I could hear a woman laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny and sp00ge explained that his wife was watching According to Jim.

Clearly, this woman in unfit to care for herself, let alone another human being.[/quote]I and several other CAGs can testify that Sp00ge's wife regularly slapped him with a speckled trout.
 
And now the wife is on the phone with HER, asking what the STD deal is all about. This is one of the most fucked up situations ever, and would be a bit comical if it weren't for real.
 
Looking at this guy's myspace pictures he's a complete slob, douche, loser. Save those pictures, they'll be great evidence for a custody hearing if by some chance your wife ends up moving in with this Rhodes Scholar.

I wouldn't perceive his quote as a threat. He's too lazy to pick dinner plates and cigarette butts up off the floor, I doubt he'll drive out to find you, and from what you've told us he really has no reason to.

I obviously don't know the entire situation, but my take is this guy is just looking for some strange since he has recently split up from his wife. Sorry to hear about this, especially since kids are involved.
 
How old is your daughter?

Whatever you do, don't let her get involved in this at all. That's the one thing I think my mother (father did it too) did wrong in raising me. I didn't need to know about the shit he did to her when I was 7.
 
First, let me say, sorry bud. I hoipe you get through it and keep good relations with your daughter. That needs to be your priority.

[quote name='XxFuRy2Xx']Try and gather up as evidence about your wife's weird behavior. Unfortunately, judges still seem to favor the mother heavily in custody cases.[/quote]

That is good advice. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, and DOCUMENT some more! If it ever gets really bad and goes to court, it will save you. It will help in custody battles too.

There is a guy here at work that approached me on an Excel problem. He wanted to import thousands of phone and text message records and then do a name lookup for each phone #. I whipped him out an Excel sheet and he could instantly see the patterns, names, calls per day/month, etc. His lawyer was amazed at his collection of data and "diary" of daily events / lies. Saved this guy tons of $ that his lawyer would have charged him and gave him the leverage he needed. His situation is almost identicle to yours.

[quote name='shieryda']OP, I still don't understand how/why you're speaking to this dude's spouse. It's like a bad episode of "Wife Swap". No offense.[/quote]

I'd be talking to her too. That's his only advisary to find out what's been going on. If he didn't have her to talk to then he probably wouldn't know 1/2 of what he does. Both of them can work together to get this fixed and resolved much faster.
 
Oh my God, so typical.. that bitch got suckered by the "bad boy" and is leaving the good one for him. Sorry you had to get tied in with one of the gullible ones. Immature/Insecure women will fall for sleazebags like him everytime.
 
[quote name='RamHawk']Is this his house? :puke:
http://www.houston-imports.com/dirty/dirty.html[/quote]

Some of the comments in that thread were hilarious.

Anyways, i'm really sorry this happened to you spooge. It's pretty sad that society has nurtured itself into thinking that a marriage doesn't mean anything anymore. Your wife obviously doesn't value your relationship enough to work it out through rough patches, and there's nothing you can do about it. What I would do is teach your daughter that what her mother is doing is absolutely wrong. We need to stop kidding ourselves and thinking that marriages are nothing but sex and only affect ourselves. This situation is affecting you, your wife, your child, the family of the man your wife is seeing, and even your own family. I ask that you please teach your daughter about the true meaning of commitment and what a relationship really is supposed to be about.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And now the wife is on the phone with HER, asking what the STD deal is all about. This is one of the most fucked up situations ever, and would be a bit comical if it weren't for real.[/QUOTE]

Dude I feel for you, especially with the kid situation but this last piece of info is mind blowing.

How does that conversation go? "Hey, I'm leaving my husband to be with your ex. Can you give me a run down of any STDs that might be a problem? Thanks"

I can't stop shaking my head in disbelief.
 
And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.

It's gonna happen, either way, so I may as well be the mature one about it.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.

It's gonna happen, either way, so I may as well be the mature one about it.[/quote]

get a lawyer now. dont let her know.

i'll repeat one more time.

get a lawyer now.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.

It's gonna happen, either way, so I may as well be the mature one about it.[/QUOTE]

Did you hit your fucking head? Tell her she can go play with a diseased drug addict in his pig pen, but your daughter isn't going along. Play nice to get possesion of your daughter and get as far away from these people as possible.
 
I'm really sorry to hear about this man. It sounds like you're keeping your head on straight and looking at things in a reasonable manner. Best of luck to you and your daughter.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.

It's gonna happen, either way, so I may as well be the mature one about it.[/quote]

I don't get it dude...you talk about it as if you both are going into it like an open marriage?

That's not right dude...either put up a fight or know when to fold your hand. Based on what I'm reading, It's time to fold. You have the ammo you need to have a strong case in court, even if she "tries him out" and decides to come back to you...would you really want that? Living with her knowing that you were her consolation prize all along...I know I can't begin to understand what you're going through but you need to take a step back and view the situation as a third party...nothing that's been going on is right, and its only getting worse. Why the fuck would you want to meet this douche!? Let it go, take care of your daughter and yourself, she wants to ruin her life, fine...just don't let her drag your daughter into it or you any further.

Also, might not be a good idea for you to have this in a public forum...if she knows you visit CAG its not hard for her to find this thread and save the data for future reference.

My best wishes go out to you and your daughter, bro.
 
Man I feel for you. As a Dad myself (of 2 wonderful girls) I can't Imagaine how worried you are about her well being. Not to mention the fact your emotions have been trampled on to the worst degree. It's a sad situation. I have to agree with folks telling you to document, get legal council, and keep you daughter away if you can. All my best dude.
 
Wow. You're actually thinking about staying with this bitch? Only reason I would meet the guy is to kick his fucking head in, but since you have a daughter to worry about, that's not going to happen.

Man up.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.

It's gonna happen, either way, so I may as well be the mature one about it.[/quote]Looking in back in retrospect from things we discussed earlier about this:

1) Contacting the other party's wife going makes you from a casualty to an involved participant and gets you much more involved in this fucked up mess. - Looks like that turned out to be true.
2) The other guy isn't being 100% honest about what's going on. - Not a huge surprise, though to the level you found out about what's really going on, whoa.
3) Keeping your daughter safe by not involving her in the middle of this mess. - Doesn't really seem first on your mind right now, with the recent turn of events. It needs to be, ASAP. From everything you've mentioned, you'd be much better on the the custody situation, though if you let your daughter be involved indirectly with someone who has a criminal record and uses drugs, you're taking a chance that your daughter may end up in someone else's care than your wife's or yours. The state could come in and decide you wife's unfit to be a parent and that you're also in the same boat by allowing this situation to get worse.

Other related issues:
* If you left your wife go through with this meeting with this lovely human being, you may lose her parents as an ally in this mess, as they'd be expecting you to look out for her best interests, as she obviously has her head completely screwed up in this mess.
* Now that you're talked with the other guy's wife, as has your wife, you have no idea what she's going to do to try and deal with this situation. She could be your ally or your enemy, and having that as an unknown is a huge mistake.
* Letting your wife meet this guy will be nothing except disastrous. Regardless of what she's saying, she could be lying or could be 100% truthful. You don't know, and giving into this is going to be a huge mistake, regardless.
* The makup sex and the date are nothing more than her attempt to give you something to make you in a better and more agreeable mood to the meeting. As you've said above that you're thinking about caving, it looks like it worked. She's not thinking of the needs of you or your daughter, she's thinking of her needs only. If she gives you some ass to make you more agreeable, I'm sure it's not beneath her, with all the other lying and duplicity that's been going on.
* Get a lawyer, ASAP. The longer this goes without some type of legal representation backing you up, the worse it'll get.
* Talk with her parents and make sure they know about these recent changes in events with the talking with the other guy's wife and all the lovely things you found out about him and that situation. Your daughter's grandparents have a right to say something about what happens with their granddaughter. I'm sure they won't be pleased about finding out about this latest news.

Letting her meet this guy will end in disaster. No question about it.
 
this must be a very hard time for you, op. i'm concerned how your daughter will react. i hope you and your wife will talk again before she decides to leave you or something.
 
Simple answer here is get your daughter and go somewhere else. Stay with your parents or some other relative. Cut your wife off now. It may be hard, but you and your daughter need to be out the situation with the 'dude'.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore. [/quote]

Yeah, well, so what? His wife knows your wife is sleeping around with her husband. It isn't like you were going to move in with his wife.

[quote name='sp00ge'] I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.[/quote]

You're not caving. She is a grown ass woman. She'll meet whoever she wants whenever she wants. You have no say at this point unless you want to break the law. For her, the marriage is over. You'll wake up to that reality eventually.

But ... let's give you some false hope and then crush it. OK, she meets the douche and decides you are the better man. Then what? She'll keep looking for another man and string you along until she finds someone better. If she wanted to stay, she wouldn't be trying to leave.

As far as the court seeing things your way, talk to a few divorced men before you think the court will side with you. If she feeds your daughter, doesn't hit your daughter enough to leave evidence, doesn't have sex or use illegal drugs in front of your daughter while your daughter is awake, the system will declare your ex a "fit" mother.
 
That sucks. I thought everything was cool with you and her after that radio gig... unless that was some other poster?
 
Getting away with your child is a good idea but you need to be very careful. Do it wrong and it will seem like you are kidnapping instead of protecting.
 
This is literally a complete parallel to what happened to my father.

Take your daughter and leave your wife. Obviously she doesn't want to work it out and if she says she does, she only wants a place to live while she is still running around with that douchebag. Besides, you (and everyone) deserve much better than to be treated as a door mat.
 
Be honest - is your wife seeing cloudff7?

Seriously man that sucks - I truly wish you the best. Noone should have to go through the crazy stuff you've been through - cliche but I bet one day this will all just seem like a bad dream.
 
The worst part is his little quiz on Myspace. Purgatory my ass. I wonder how many times he did that to get there.

Plus, what kind of douchebag wants to meet Boba Fett?
 
Please attempt to get custody of your daughter. Your wife sounds dangerous.

May luck render in your favor, sp00ge.
 
She told you shes interested in the guy? Get a divorce, get custody over your daughter and move on. wtf, why would she want you to meet the guy for? Leave her already.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.[/QUOTE]

......this is like Jerry Springer...I want to ignore it but I just can't keep myself away....its like being in High School all over again!

No offence dude, but are you bullshitting us? Your "wife" of 5 years, so you claim, is asking you to go meet her new potential boyfriend/lover and you're going to go with her??.......are you like Quasimodo ugly or something?? The desperation here is painful to read........

Are you some crazy Emo douche who gets off on this misery stuff?

Being desperately in love with someone who treats you like a doormat is fine, when you are 11....

Assuming you aren't playing us all for suckers, if you go to this "meeting".....what are the outcomes?
1) She likes the other guy more, she divorces you and takes all your income and your daughter. You lose.

2) She likes you more, and tells the otehr guy to get lost. She comes running back to you. You have great make up sex (meh). You Lose.

3) You all get along, you turn into swingers. You Lose.
 
HeadRusch is right! Don't make another episode of Cheaters! Take your little girl and give yourselves some space, and think it through... Good luck.
 
yo man... tell the judge about the drugs etc... get custody of your kid...

what's fucked up about divorces are the kids... everything else is secondary
 
[quote name='DestroVega']yo man... tell the judge about the drugs etc... get custody of your kid...

what's fucked up about divorces are the kids... everything else is secondary[/quote]

It's not that easy. Most judges would rather give the kids to a heroin-user mother then a responsible father esp if the ex-wife gets a good shark (kids got to have her mother...) That's why we keep telling this guy a lawyer before he does something like meet this guy, knock his block off, and fubar his daughter's chances.
 
i agree with most everything said but talk to a few divorce lawyers and they'll give you the professional advise you need. i dont know what that would entail but YOU have to be active- dont let her make all the decisions. She's been sneaking around you, conniving with this other immoral guy. She probably has some scheme right now and is playing you like a fiddle. Dont let this happen. Otherwise she's going to continue to dictate the situation and you'll be left without a daughter. You need to talk to a law firm tomorrow. -It might be painful, but sometimes you have to cut off the foot to save the leg.
 
Don't be some bitch's back up plan. I know she's the mother of your daughter, but she's acting like a real cunt. You're vulnerable right now, but don't go along with her little internet freak show.

While I disagree with some of the violence on women jokes in this thread (whatever, suck it), I have to agree with the general sentiment:

Kick that bitch to the curb. She's been completely insensitive and selfish to the MAX. You deserve better.
 
Spooge, leave the bitch and tear her apart in court. Your daughter is the most important person here. Protect her.
 
Spooge... wow ...just wow.

This feels so similar to what happened between me and my ex-fiancee minus the marriage and children a few months ago. The person who I have been with for a total of about 6 years, the person who said "YES" to my marriage purposal ended up cheating on me with this loser at her new job that her father told her to get. In the end I no longer desired to be with someone with such a dishonest heart and broke off the engagement. Later to find out from her ex-boyfriend that SHE was cheating on me with him during our first 4 year relationship! I am so glad she is out of my life as she has so many problems that would have ended causing me more health problems later on.

The internet is not to blame. Cheating is something that has been happening for decades before the internet. It just made it easier to do but easier to find out about as well. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Always remember that. She has clearly lied to you about wanting to change her ways and fix the marriage. Honestly I think she is stupid to do this because you have a child now. She now has to explain to her daughter when she gets older that mom and dad aren't together anymore because mommy is a fucktard liar.

It's going to be a tough road ahead of you man and your going to need all the support you can from friends and family. Don't look to drugs or the bottle for help on this one. Prepare yourself for a divorce as you may never feel right about trusting her again after what she did to you. That may be the unforunate next step.

Good luck to you man, I hope for the best. Remember keep yourself busy or else this will eat you alive.
 
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