Crowd - REGAL! REGAL!
JBL - I don’t care that you’re in your home country, what I care about is that you are a spineless puppet. Cena and HHH are in MY title match at Backlash - and you just give it to them. They had their chance, now my 1-on-1 title match has become a fatal 4 way.
Regal - Thank goodness it has, because it saved me from having to make the fans to see 2 of the biggest pillicks in WWE history. What do you want?
JBL - What I want is a charter plane - I want to go back to NYC - I am the most valuable commodity, you’d better start taking care of me.
Regal - I’m gonna show some authority - you’re not going home, in fact, for the first time ever tonight, you’re going to be in a match against Triple Haitch!
HBK - You know, the last thing I wanted to do was to come out here and once again address the issue between myself and Batista, but it seems like no matter which country I go to, I have to explain it - so let’s recap - Flair asked me to face him at ‘Mania, I accepted, we had a match for the ages, I beat him, and he thanked me - that is closure, it’s finished. Everyone within the sound of my voice can accept that…except Batista. Dave, I know that it is gonna be hard for you to no longer have your mentor in your life, but on SD, we got to the real issue didn’t we - we got into what’s really bugging you, and it’s me. Image that! You accused me of holding people down and backs tagging people my way to success. Now I’ve got a little news flash for ya - it takes more than that to succeed in this sport. In ‘98, doctors told me that I’d never wrestle again, and in ‘02 I defied them and did it better than anyone expected like I do till this day. Why? Because I’m born to do this - I’m built for this. I’m not proud of some things I’ve done in my past, but I’M SICK AND TIRED OF APOLOGIZING FOR MY PAST! Batista, you say the only reason I retired Flair is to boost my ego and you know that’s not the case. What’s gonna boost it is come Backlash, I kick your teeth down your throat, and then, there’s gonna be absolutely no…(Flair’s theme hits, Jericho comes out, fans boo)
Jericho - I’m sorry that I misled you with that music, but I had to get your point - you can gloss over Flair as much as you want to, but the bottom line is that we’ll never hear that music because of you. I think I’ve figured out the problem Shawn, you’re a phony. At least that’s what Batista thinks. You talk about doing what you love, but what you love most is you, right? I don’t think his problem lies in just you retiring Flair, it’s that deep down inside, you enjoyed retiring him. YOU THRIVED ON RETIRING RIC FALIR! It’s the same way that you say you’re a victim of circumstance, but we all know that you thrived on screwing Bret Hart, the same way you super kicked Marty through a window. Just admit it! If you did, I think he’d respect you, Shawn. Okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything, your eyes say it all. In my opinon, Batista’s being irrational in complaining about Flair being gone, but I don’t think he’s being irrational in not liking you. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you suggested the idea of the retirement stipulation to McMahon in the first place, JUST ADMIT IT! (HBK super kicks him)
HBK - I’ll admit this - that felt pretty darn good!
J.R. - London and Kendrick on a winning streak here on Raw, and elsewhere.
Lawler - Don’t forget, they were tag champs for many months on SmackDown.
(London grabs Santino’s foot)Santino - JOO TINK DAT’S FUNNY, AH!?
Carlito - HOLLY, CODY RHODES!
Santino - HARDCORE HOLLY, SOFTCORE GODY RHODES, YOU SEE, YOU NEED 3 TINGS TO BE WORLD TAG CHAMPIONS - YOU NEED STRENGTH, AGILIGTY, AND YOU NEED TO BE INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTARS, AND THIS YOU’RE NOT! WHEN WE FIGHT FOR THE WORLD TAG CHAMPIONS! WE WILL BE DA REAL WEINERS!
Carltio - Winners?
Santino - WEINERS! WEE-WEE!
Lawler - This new kids magazine is challenging, it’s got puzzles, quizzes… everything!
Grisham - Mickie, how do you feel?
Mackie - I KNEW IT! I KNEW I COULD BEAT HER! WORDS CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW! (she kisses Grisham)
Lawler - She’s done what seemed impossible - kissed Todd Grisham.
Adamle - Mr. Regal, sorry to interrupt your training, but why did you want to face the best in the world, Randy Orton, tonight?
Regal - I decided to take on the very best in the world to prove that I could beat the very best.
Jericho - You made a fatal four way for the WWE, and seem to be in a giving mood, so I want to be in a triple threat with HBK and Batista. Michaels super kicked my teeth down my throat!
Regal - You can be the special guest referee.
Jericho - I want to wrestle.
Regal - You want to wrestle? Tonight, you can wrestle Youmanga.
Jericho - DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID ABOUT MICHAELS SUPERKICKING MY TEETH DOWN MY THROAT!?
Regal - …and you’ll be defending your Intercontinental championship.
Lawler - Mick Foley’s in Anamorphs, it opens this Friday, IT’S REALLY GOOD!
JTG - YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO!
Crowd - YO!
Shad - London, England, what’s really hood!? JTG, tell ‘em what’s hood. Whether’s in pounds or dollars, people like money, money, yeah yeah! Euros, Euros, yeah, yeah!
J.R. - Trevor’s good enough, tan enough, and by golly, he’s nice enough!
Lawler - Cryme Tyme is Wynona Ryder’s favorite tag team.
J.R - I did not know that.
J.R. - JTG with a kick right to the grill!
Orton - At WrestleMania, everyone thinks that I got lucky - you can call me lucky, but I prefer WWE Champion! How’d I become champion? I beat HHH and I took out John Cena, and after Backlash is over, I’ll have beaten HHH, Cena, and JBL ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT! Hell, I’ve beaten everyone there is to beat. But tonight, I get to beat the Raw general manager, in his own country! It doesn’t matter what continent you’re on - we are all living in the age of Orton!
Crowd - REGAL! REGAL!
J.R. - This match is not being contested on a neutral court here tonight.
J.R. Regal with a break that wasn’t spic and span, and for those in this generation, that means it wasn’t a clean break.
J.R. - Regal left home at 15, before he even had a driver’s license, to fight for money on the streets of Blackpool, England.
Lawler - He’s certainly got a wrestling license.
(Orton grabs a chinlock)Crowd - LET’S GO REGAL! LET’S GO REGAL!
J.R. - Bret Hart was King of the Ring, Stone Cold Steve Austin, HHH, WHO WILL BE NEXT!?
J.R. - Jericho is a musician, but he can’t enjoy sweet chin music.
J.R. - Jericho looking for a pin... found a pin, but no cigar.
J.R. - Umaga’s set to go both ways, and Jericho’s hitting and moving!
HHH - At Backlash, four of the greatest superstars in WWE will do battle for the WWE Championship. There will be no flukes, and no luck. JBL, you should’ve kept that cushy announcing job, because tonight, for the first time ever, one-on-one, it’s time to play the game!
Lawler - To quote you, J.R., this match is gonna be a slobber knocker!
JBL - RESPECT ME, YOU GOT THAT PUNK!? RESPECT ME!
J.R. - JBL’s head’s gotta be throbbin’!
He commentates for MMA now, pretending he knows what he's talking about. WHO'S NEXT?!
ers
