The Bolsheviks' Wrestling Thread

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JJSP

JJSP

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Welcome to the latest entry into CAG's dedicated wrestling thread, this one belonging to those dastardly ethnic stereotypes The Bolsheviks.

The Bolsheviks were comprised of Nikolai Volkoff & Boris Zukhov and competed together from late 1987 until early 1990. The team was primarily used as low-card jobbers, being eliminated in back to back Survivor Series matches in 1987 and 1988.

They spent much of 1989 on the low end of the card, feuding with The Bushwackers and despite being on the active roster the entire year they never made to a PPV card, missing out on events like the Royal Rumble, WrestleMania V and SummerSlam '89, Survivor Series '89 and Royal Rumble '90.

The duo never held any titles together, and made their last notable PPV appearance as a team at WrestleMania VI, where they were defeated in 19 seconds by The Hart Foundation.

After disbanding in 1990, Volkoff became a flag-waving American alongside Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Zukhov remained a horrible Russian jobber until the Soviet Union disbanded in 1991.

Fun Facts: Volkoff was actually Croatian and previously was a Tag Team Champion along with The Iron Sheik until their friendship reportedly ended over a dispute when Volkoff refused to give a handicapped man $2. Zukhov was actually Jim Barrell, an American from Roanoke, VA who unfortunately had to job to everyone repeatedly because God hated him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kN-xBBMrEA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOjI9v2swdI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccjGQGeMApU
 
New MITB participants and thoughts:

Money in the Bank
Christian vs. Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jack Swagger vs. MVP vs. Matt Hardy vs. 1 Other


If the last spot doesn't go to Kofi Kingston.... I will be shocked.
 
It always makes me happy to see topics about wrestlers from my favorite era of wrestling. I don't think I'll ever love wrestling more than when I was 7 to 10 years old.
 
yeah im with Pitfall..i dont think ill appreciate wrestling like when I was a kid.

STeiner vs English language
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqT0quOMMBU[/media]

Steiner Huh Music Video
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZGOobvWjEA[/media]
 
You're in my head, JJSP. I just watched a documentary about the Bolshevik Revolution on Sunday and thought about Volkoff and Zhukov.
 
Good choice. Zhukov was one of the most useless wrestlers of the era, and Volkoff's singing voice was heavenly.

I hate finding out stuff like Zhukov's name was actually "Jim" and he was from Virginia.
 
Hopefully not the same Jim in Virginia who comes onto Observer Live and does nothing but talk about the WWE/TNA womens matches and obsess over every detail of their careers on the air.

NXT thoughts -

Gabriel's samurai spaceman outfit was easily the worst one on the show, and that's with his partner Matt wearing blue and orange pants with purple and silver boots. However, Gabriel's outfit was at least hilariously bad - Matt's just looked like he dressed in the dark. Skip Sheffield/Regal is only going to get better, and AmDrag/Barrett was a great way to make Barrett look like a monster. The pre-match video packages are doing wonders at making me care about guys because they make an awesome first impression with the quick cuts of back-to-back awesome moves. The biggest drawback to them so far, and it's more of a flaw with the concept of the show as a whole, is that most of the guys they've done them for haven't really been able to live up to the build-up in them.

Matt Striker as WWE TV Shill is far more annoying than Cena - he just went overboard trumpeting how goddamn revolutionary this show was not just for wrestling, but for ALL OF TELEVISION. This is, according to Striker, one of the most amazing things in TV HISTORY. I also didn't like how they kinda changed the Josh/Cole dynamic to make them both seem like douchebags depending on who was wrestling, as opposed to last week's clear face/heel dynamic between them that actually worked. WWE putting the Rookies's Twitter links in their entrance graphics was a nice touch - it made WWE seem somewhat with the times to do that on the show with the youngest roster.

Screens -




Quotes -
Striker - WELCOME TO THIS REVOLUTIONARY CONCEPT IN TELEVISION HISTORY! THESE 8 NXT ROOKIES SEEK THE APPROVAL OF NOT ONLY THE WWE UNIVERSE, BUT ALSO THE 8 NXT PROS, WHO WILL CAST A VOTE - BUT HERE’S THE CATCH - THEY CAN’T VOTE FOR OR AGAINST THEIR ROOKIE!
Mathews - THIS IS THE ULTIMATE REALITY SHOW!
Cole - Last week, Otunga got texts from USHER AND CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER congratulating him on his victory.
Mathews - Punk doesn’t seem to be impressed with anything Young does.
Cole - There’s negative and positive motivation - you’re used to the negative!
Cole - Darren Young likes to call himself a stallionaire!
Cole - OTUNGA IS SHOVING HIS PRO, R-TRUTH!
Bryan - They’re calling us NXT rookies - but I’ve been wrestling for 10 years. I’ve won titles all over the world. I was trained by Shawn Michaels.
Cole - Josh, unlike what you and your Twitter geeks have to say, I still think that Daniel Bryan has to impress people on the WWE level!
Miz - Daniel Bryan, congrats on your debut last week. You learned a valuable lesson, which is that you are NOTHING IN WWE AND YOU WILL RESPECT ME AS YOUR MENTOR. Your next lesson is that even when you have a boo boo, you still have to compete. You have to face Jericho’s rookie Wade Barrett - and that match is next! (slaps him in injured ribs)
(as refs restrain him)Otunga - HEY, THESE ARE VERSACE TRUNKS!
Jericho - It’s time for all of you failures to meet the newest success story in WWE - MY PROTÉGÉ, WADE BARRETT!
Jericho - Bryan has wowed and amazed crowds all over the world - but he hasn’t done it in WWE!
Mathews - We don’t know the extent of the injured ribs of Daniel Bryan.
Jericho - YES WE DO, YOU IDIOT, HE JUST LOST THE MATCH DUE TO IT!
Cole - Barrett, his rookie, is ENJORING THIS!
Slater - MY WWE UNIVERSE ACCOUNT IS BLOWING UP!
Christian - COME ON HEATH, PULL! HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT!?
Cole - Matt said that Gabriel reminds him of a young Matt Hardy.
Mathews - Did he dress like an astronaut when he was a kid?
Cole - Oh look, Josh is mocking a rookie. Is Josh a WWE Pro? HECK NO! What, I’m just quoting Skip Sheffield.
Mathews - He’s muscle with hustle!
Cole - Regal said that Sheffield’s workrate isn’t impressive and that he has the personality of an open grave.
(after a Poetry in Motion stinger splash)Cole - SHADES OF THE OLD HARDY BOYS!
(after a Nature Boy strut/splash combo)Mathews - VINTAGE SKIP SHEFFIELD!
Heath - YOU GONNA WALK AWAY FROM “THAT’S COOL!?”
Striker - THAT’S NXT!
 
Hopefully nobody dies while this thread is running. I'd hate to have to change it like we did with Fuji-san's thread. : (

Which reminds me, is Fuji in the HOF yet?
 
Upon further inspection, Fuji went into the HOF in 2007. He's now being very devious and throwing salt in the eyes of obnoxious teenagers at a Regal Cinemas in Knoxville, TN.

No joke, I would love to meet Mr. Fuji.
 
[quote name='KaneRobot']I hate finding out stuff like Zhukov's name was actually "Jim" and he was from Virginia.[/QUOTE]

I had no idea. fuck, that just ruins it.
 
[quote name='Ultimate Matt X']Just read WWE's Steamboat DVD is coming out in June and is going to be 3 disc, which is awesome news.[/QUOTE]

:applause:

That will be a day one purchase for me.
 
[quote name='Ultimate Matt X']Just read WWE's Steamboat DVD is coming out in June and is going to be 3 disc, which is awesome news.[/QUOTE]

:drool:

Also, the reports from Umaga's toxicology tests are back:

The results are in for the toxicology study of World Wrestling Entertainment performer Eddie “Umaga” Fatu, who died at age 36 of a heart attack in Houston on December 4, 2009.

Dan Morgan, supervisory forensic investigator for Harris County, told me in an email, “The cause of death is acute toxicity due to combined effects of hydrocodone, carisoprodol, and diazepam.”

Hydrocone is a painkiller. Carisoprodol, commonly called soma, is a muscle relaxer. Diazepam, commonly called Valium, is an anti-anxiety medication.
Click to expand...

Looks like an accidental overdose.
 
This thread also reminds me of one of my favorite Quantum Leap episodes where Sam jumps in to a Russian wrestler in the 50s. Good episode. And hell Terry Funk is in it.
 
This just in: the NWA's dastardly Soviet team of Ivan & Nikita Koloff weren't Russian either. Ivan was Canadian and Nikita was born in Minneapolis.
 
[quote name='JJSP']This just in: the NWA's dastardly Soviet team of Ivan & Nikita Koloff weren't Russian either. Ivan was Canadian and Nikita was born in Minneapolis.[/QUOTE]

Stop it, stop it, stop it!!!
 
Man, Niklai Volkov's "Become an American citizen" story and subsequent career was fucking terrible.

Much like what they're trying to do with Kozlov. Are wrestling fans that dumb that they can't cheer a Russian? We know WWE's dumb enough to slap a hammer and sickle on his gi like the USSR still existed, so I guess anything's on the table.

Speaking of which, I hear they're going to repackage Heath Slater as a Confederate - and they're rehired Paul Birchall to play the role of a Revolutionary-era Red Coat sympathizer.
 
[quote name='JJSP']This just in: the NWA's dastardly Soviet team of Ivan & Nikita Koloff weren't Russian either. Ivan was Canadian and Nikita was born in Minneapolis.[/QUOTE]

next you will hear that the Iron Sheik is Norwegian
 
[quote name='integralsmatic']next you will hear that the Iron Sheik is Norwegian[/QUOTE]

or that Yokozuna wasn't really Japanese
 
3/8/10 Observer notes -
Hogan has some affiliation with a group called Micro Championship Wrestling, which is a touring midget wrestling troupe. This wouldn’t be the same group that Spike has ordered a few TV shows from, as that group was Puppet and Teo, who were used in the Nashville days of TNA. This group’s big star is Meatball, who was the 300 pound obese midget who TNA used once. They are taping a pilot on 3/4 in Nashville at the Impact Zone and Bischoff and Jason Hervey are looking at shopping the pilot around. But Hogan is cutting promos for the group.
Click to expand...

In a trivia note, when Ric Flair was a teenager, he had a job at one time as a paper boy and he used to deliver to Mad Dog’s home when Mad Dog was living in Minneapolis.
Click to expand...

Because of how much trouble they’ve had regarding the Hall of Fame this year, they are already working on next year. Because they are going to be in Atlanta, they are talking about Sting, if he’s not with TNA, Lex Luger (which is funny for a number of reasons), Ron Simmons, the Road Warriors and the Steiner Brothers.

Tarver was one of the members of Floyd Mayweather’s entourage when they were doing the angle with Show in 2008. He was already with WWE developmental at the time. A couple of wrestlers were planted in his entourage along with real members, so they could take bumps.
Click to expand...

WWE's Steamboat set had damn well better be one of the best ones they've ever put out since they own pretty much every major match he's had except for his Japanese work. I'd love to see them use the three discs for Savage-Steamboat and Flair-Steamboat matches that HAVEN'T been released on DVD yet, and while there might not be many of the latter, there are certainly plenty of the former as they feuded for a long time in the WWF, and only their WM III match is on DVD so far.
 
WWE confirmed that Pete Rose is gonna be the guest host for the March 22nd Raw, which is the last Raw before Wrestlemania.

I actually have tickets for that show and cant wait to see if Kane shows up and confronts him again.
 
[quote name='JJSP']Upon further inspection, Fuji went into the HOF in 2007. He's now being very devious and throwing salt in the eyes of obnoxious teenagers at a Regal Cinemas in Knoxville, TN.

No joke, I would love to meet Mr. Fuji.[/QUOTE]

Lol, wonder if that's the flagship theater (I know the home office is located somewhere in Knoxville).

If I ever go down to Knoxville (for company reasons), I'll be sure to try and find Mr. Fuji.
 
Triple H is expected to take time off following Wrestlemania, as he's working now with an injured quadriceps. That explains why his match with Sheamus is being booked as a mid level feud so he won't have to perform a main event quality match.
 
[quote name='JJSP'] perform a main event quality match.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I really don't think there was going to be much danger of that to begin with, given the two people involved. ;)
 
[quote name='HydroX']or that Yokozuna wasn't really Japanese[/QUOTE]

Well, he wasn't Japanese. He actually was Somoan and he was the cousin of the Rock & Umaga.
 
Help me understand this Spoony dude. He strikes me as a more dedicated rambling internerd.

But I'm sometimes not in the know in how the world works. It took a number of people telling me that Harry Knowles/Ain't It Cool News has a ton of clout in the Hollywood press - and I get the same vibe from this guy (I don't take him that seriously, but perhaps he has a far larger following than I give him credit for).

Just started it; not sure I'm going to last 90 minutes, as this guy makes *me* look concise.
 
Well Spoony's modus operandi reviewing shitty FMV video games MST3k style. He'll occasionally make a vlog where he reviews a recently reviewed movie, and he recently came out as a wrestling fan, and he's done several vlogs on the matter. In cases like this, he just turns on his camera and lets loose.

I like his style since, like what a lot of us do 'round these parts, is deconstruct the the absurdities that go on the business. For example, when DX got themselves DQed before the start of the tag title match with Jerishow awhile back, he pointed out why doesn't EVERYONE just do that to retain their titles if they don't feel like defending them.

Also, Spoony has a pretty big following, especially since he joined up with thatguywiththeglasses.com. I'm a member on his forums, and there's a subforum for wrestling that I pop into, though I greatly prefer it here since the guys there tend to be way too cynical (they shit all over NXT and Danielson's match with Jericho).
 
His problem is that he's too easy to disregard - at some point he's no longer criticizing the product in good faith as a fan, but as someone with a 'consumer base' to satisfy with his own cultural product.

He's also unwilling to use his suspension of disbelief at all, which will make for a perpetually unhappy wrestling fan. You gotta give some.

If I worked for TNA, I'd view this blog and think there's no way to satisfy this person, no matter the quality of the product. Anybody willing to deconstruct a program that deeply has an alternate m.o.

I generally agree with some of the things he mentioned that I hadn't considered, such as the absurdity of a post-impact talk show to talk more about all the talking on Impact, how ridiculous the Mick Foley stuff is, how boring Bischoff is, and how even the wrestling matches (Daffney/ODB) were overshadowed by talking (though he strangely doesn't mention that about the 1-move Kennedy/Terry match).

TNA is deeply invested in its own groupthink just like WWE is. They view all naysayers like they do this Spoony guy. It's a shame because they've assembled a roster largely like the WCW roster that failed (only older and fatter), they produce a show that brings nothing new to the table, and they don't offer up very much that differentiates the product from WWE. Spoon was on point when he said that fans who flip to TNA on Monday from WWE to find the Nasty Boyz will never become long-term fans.

I hate to phrase it this way, but there's a certain amount of babying these wrestling folks require when it comes to criticizing their product. You can't rant about it for an hour and a half (!) and expect them to take it reasonably well. You gotta put sugar on that medicine, baby.
 
Negotiations between TNA and Rob Van Dam have heated up over the last couple weeks. It is believed that the company would like to feature him as a surprise on next Monday's live edition of TNA Impact.
Click to expand...
.
 
Just fastforward to about 1:50 or so. Hogan says TNA's signed a few people that Jimmy doesn't even know about yet, and says "it's going to be crazy" while doing RVD's thumb taunt.

TNA has released Traci Brooks, and the Raw guest hosts for the night after Wrestlemania are the cast of Hot Tub Time Machine. Ugh.
 
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