Tenay - Last week, RIC FLAIR AND AJ STYLES DELIVERED A BLOOD-FILLED MESSAGE TO HULK HOGAN!
Flair - I’m overwhelmed by all this talent. AJ, you really are the man. The reason we called this group together is because we’ve had a week to think about what happened with Hogan last week, and Hulk, I know you’re in the building. I need you to come out here because AJ and I want to apologize for our conduct and attitude - we wanna give you a present, we wanna give back to the Hulkster and TNA!
Tenay - SINCE WHEN IS FLAIR KNOWN FOR HIS PHILANTRHAEC ATTITUDE!?
Flair - Woah woah woah - before I say another word, can I assume that this will be a very peaceful conversation!? I don’t want ya beating me up! Can I walk over and talk to you or not? As a result of our bad judgment, I’m gonna set you up tonight brother! I’m gonna have you put your jet pack on - you can pour it full of rocket fuel, and have one of them or all of them. You, moron, GET NOTHING! No? Okay - I’m sorry.
Hogan - I’M NOT HERE TO BUM A CIG, BUY ME A DRINK, OR LEND ME A VIAGRA, BROTHER! WHAT I’M HERE TO TALK ABOUT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME - I PROMISED DIXIE AND MY FAMILY, AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, I MADE AN OATH TO THE BOYS THAT I WOULDN’T LACE MY BOOTS UP! I PROMISED THAT I’D HELP THE COMPANY GROW TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP, BUT AFTER WHAT YOU AND THAT WANNABE-FLAIR DID TO ME LAST WEEK, EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED, FLAIR, AND IN FOUR DAYS, BOYS, ON MARCH 8TH, MONDAY NIGHT, HULK HOGAN AND ABYSS ARE GONNA TAKE YOU AND AJ STYLES TO SCHOOL, MAN! Hold on, so I guess there’s only one question left to ask you jabronis - WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO…
Abyss - WHEN HULK HOGAN AND ABYSS-A-MANIA RUN WILD ON YOUUUUUU!
Flair - You don’t know what I’m talking about - 2 years I retired, and just like you, it meant the world to me to leave on the highest note possible. BUT IF YOU’RE TALKING TO ME AND REALLY WANT ME HERE IN FOUR DAYS, I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT MORE THAN ANYTHING I’VE DONE IN MY LIFE - THE ONE THING I’VE NEVER DONE IS BEAT YOU ON NATIONAL TV, AND THEN I’LL HAVE IT! AND YOU’LL GET HURT IN THE PROCESS!
AJ - Hogan, let’s bump the brakes for a sec - after everything you’ve done for this business, when you wrestled, you were king. When YOU wrestled - times have changed. Now I’m king! I HOLD THE TITLE! I’M THE CHAMP! I’m just trying to get you to save face cuz you’re gonna do this on a LIVE MONDAY NIGHT IMPACT, YOU’RE GONNA SACRIFICE THE PRESTIGIOUS NAME OF HOGAN AGAINST AJ STYLES!
Flair - TELL ‘EM AJ! YOU TELL ‘EM! HAHA!
AJ - All I’m saying is bump the brakes! Love the crosses, don’t they look great? I’ll tell ya what - why don’t we do this. Let’s get outta here Slick Ric…
Flair - FOUR DAYS, WE’RE GONNA DO IT NATURE BOY LIKE. UP ON DAY, OUT ALL NIGHT!
Bischoff - Not so fast - I hate to break up your plans, but AJ’s got some plans tonight. AJ’s gonna be defending his title in a 4 corners match against Abyss, Pope, and Desmond Wolfe!
Flair - HE’S GOT A BIG MATCH MONDAY NIGHT!
Bischoff - AND HE’S GOT A BIG ONE TONIGHT! LIVE WITH IT!
Wolfe - If someone closes a door in my face, I KICK IT DOWN AND TELL A BIRD TO GO UP AND CLOSE THE WINDOW BECAUSE IT’S A LITTLE BREEZY! AJ, much like Ed Lewis and Thesz, is a model champion. Flair, you say to be the man, you need to beat the man, but tonight, I don’t need to beat the man to become champion. I can beat the window-licker Abyss, or the poop Dinero to become champion!
Bischoff - You wanna start a football league that’s gonna compete with the NFL? YOU’VE GOTTA BE AN IDIOT! (Jeff Jarrett comes by)HEY, THE CHEF’S HERE!
Jarrett - Hey, the best burgers in TNA history were served last week!
Bischoff - Jeff, this week, I was walking through the offices and I went into the men’s room and your name just flashed into my head like a thousand neon lights. Tonight Jeff, you’re gonna be the TNA JANITOR IN CHARGE!
Jarrett - You’re looking at the best TNA janitor ever! BRING IT ON, BISCHOFF!
Tenay - I THINK ERIC BISCHOFF WANTS TO BREAK JEFF JARRETT!
Taz - Hernandez is treating him like a Smith machine! You know what that is, right?
Tenay - WHAT!?
Taz - Go to a gym.
Angle - Since you came in on January 4th, no one has done more for it than YOU!
Hogan - Hey, you guys laid the ground work. You guys built this company.
Angle - THAT DOESN’T MATTER!
Ms. Fowler - Please help me remove my coat.
Foley - Wow, I’ve never had a woman ask me to remove her clothes.
Ms. Fowler - I’ve been hired to make sure that you don’t…scare…people you don’t want to scare.
Ms. Fowler - The sleeves are a little long.
Foley - Okay, I’ll roll them up like Don Johnson did in the ‘80s.
Pope - You know how it goes Christy, when we’re together, you might be on top for a while, but Pope always ends up on top in the end. Dick Flair and Arthur “I have no class” Styles tried to take Pope out, but tonight, Pope has arrived. They can’t be happy about that, but Pope’s doctor can’t be too happy either. Pope’s really digging this Hulk Hogan, brother, why wait for tomorrow when we can do it today!? Pope has big plans for Lockdown, but tonight, Pope’s gonna leave the Impact Zone as the new world champion. If that banana-nosed Ric Flair tries to get involved, Pope’s gonna reach back into the ‘80s and give him a pimp slap! Pope has spoken!
Bischoff - Hey Jeff, you said you wanted a match…
Jarrett - I WANTED A MATCH, BUT NOT IN…THE BATHROOM!
Bischoff - Boy, you’re picky! Fine, you want a match in the ring? I’ll give you one, but I hope you’re a fast healer, because it’s tonight.
Jarrett - Prick.
Ms. Fowler - I want you to help me with my chair.
Foley - Well, then that means you’ll have to help me get up again.
Anderson - I AM THE GREATEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD TODAY. IT’S REAL, IT’S DAMN REAL! WITH THAT BEING SAID, MOST OF YOU KNOW THAT I’M ALSO THE MOST INJURY-PRONE WRESTLER IN THE WORLD TODAY! OWIE OWIE OWIE! I think I just broke my neck for the 17th time again. One time, I broke it while I was tying my shoe, another time when I was walking dog, one time I was taking a dump and pushed too hard and not only got hemmies but BROKE MY FREAKIN NECK, and then one time, when I was drinking a Yoohoo, and then one time in band camp…Enough of that, we got some serious stuff to talk about. Mr. Anderson, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU CARVED UP MY FOREHEAD WITH THIS PIECE OF CRAP AROUND MY NECK, WHICH BY THE WAY FOLKS, I KNOW YOU DON’T KNOW THIS - I don’t give a damn about the troops, I don't know what words mean about the soldiers in Iraq - it’s just a ploy to get your sympathy. And for me to make you guys think that I’m a real swell guy! OH IT’S REAL, IT’S DAMN REAL!
Abyss - THIS RING ENCOMPASSES ALL THE HULKAMANIACS ALL OVER THE WORLD! LET ME TAKE ON FLAIR AND AJ - I IMPLORE YOU!
Hogan - WHEN AJ’S DESTROYING MY LEGS THAT I CAN BARELY STAND ON, YOU’RE GONNA PROTECT ME! I LOVE YOU MY BROTHER!
Abyss - I LOVE YOU TOO, HULK!
Lacey - I THINK THAT’S ENOUGH!
Velvet - I’LL TELL YOU WHEN IT’S ENOUGH! (delivers one more shot with a whip) Okay, NOW it’s enough.
Taz - Angelina’s hot. And mad too.
Tenay - THAT BELT HAS METAL SPIKES ON IT!
Taz - Or loops.
Taz - This isn’t a match - it’s a fight.
Tenay - LACEY HITS HER WITH THE UGLY STICK!
Taz - THAT’S THE STICK IN HER HAND!
Bubba - PEOPLE WON’T TELL YOU WHAT THEY NEED TO HEAR! YOU CAN’T EVEN GET OUT OF YOUR CHAIR! I’VE SEEN YOU GET NEW KNEES PUT IN YOU. I’VE BEEN IN THE WAITING ROOMS FOR YOU. YOU’RE THE BEST MAN AT MY WEDDING AND THE GODFATHER OF MY SON! DON’T BE A MARK FOR YOURSELF, TERRY, YOU DON’T NEED TO WRESTLE! YOU LIED TO THEM - YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T WORK AGAIN! DON’T BE A CRIPPLE!
Taz - TOMKO IS CALCULATING AND COLD ATTACKING THE ARM OF JARRETT!
Bischoff - Hulk, the Hulk Hogan brand is what’s making this all work. Without that…I don’t think anything can help it.
Hogan - Eric, when we came into this together, we said we’d either go up together, or go down together. And you’ve always been right behind me.
Taz - WELL, HERE COMES THA POPE!
Tenay - THIS IS WHY THE POPE VISITED THE DOCTOR!
Pope - I’M NOT GONNA GIVE UP!
Pope - BRING YOUR TWO DOLLAR BUTTS TO THE RING SO WE CAN GET SOME CHANGE!