Deep-voiced ad guy - Has Christian’s Coalition reached ITS TURNING POINT!?
(J.B. interrupts Christian)Cage - You wanna know what I was talking to Bobby Roode about?
Roode - …it’s Robert Roode…
Cage - That’s what I said.
Roode - Why am I listening to you again?
Cage - Because I know what I’m talking about, that’s why!
(on TNA’s main event scene)Roode - It’s like a revolving door of has-beens! First it was Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, and now… Booker T?! Tonight, he’s going to find out that it PAYS TO BE ROODE!
Cage - That’s what I’m talking about - GO GET ‘IM BOBBY!
(to crowd)Booker - What’s up, y’all?!
Crowd - Booker T, Booker T, Booker T!
Booker - For the last month, my website - bookertonline.com! has been BLOWING UP because everybody wants to know why I left the WWE!
Crowd - THEY SUCK! THEY SUCK! THEY SUCK!
Booker - Wait a minute… I left for many, many reasons. I know everybody wants to know, so when the Booker comes out, I’m gonna tell the whole damn world why I left, but tonight, I came to talk about why I’m here in TNA. I’m here because it’s the hottest thing going, I’m here to test my wits and my skills against the best young competitors today. I’m here to take TNA to the higher level. I’m here to make TNA the best damn wrestling organization in the world!
Crowd - Booker T, Booker T!
Booker - I’m here to finish what I started 18 years ago, and go out the same way I came in - shocking and amazing the crowd, and do it better than anyone has before me! TNA World title? I want it around my 32 inch waistline! And I’m gonna do it like it’s supposed to be done, make them want to play my son and say DADDY, I DON’T WANT NONE, I’VE HAD ENOUGH! Like I always say, get some, want some, yo ass betta be big enough to take some, now it’s on like neck bone!
DW - Now Mike Tenay, that’s what WE WERE EXPECTING!
Tenay - WAIT A MINUTE, THAT’S ROBERT ROODE!
Roode - I’m here to tell you why you aren’t welcome here in TNA!
Tenay - CHRISTIAN CAGE HAS CONVINCED THEM THAT BOOKER T IS HERE TO TAKE THEIR SPOTS!
Roode - My name is Robert Roode, and I am the future of this company!
Booker - Who?
Roode - I’ve been busting my butt for four years to climb the ladder, and every time one of you washed up has-beens from the other side of the tracks comes here, I get pushed right back down!
DW - Washed-up has-beens!?
Tenay - IS HE KIDDING!?
Roode - Why don’t you prove that you’re the superstar you think you are?
DW - IS HE CHALLENGING HIM TO A MATCH!? OH I’D LOVE TO SEE THAT!
Roode - How about this - I leave my skank in the back, you leave your skank in the back…
Booker - Woah, woah, woah, woah - wait a minute man, you can say what you want to say about that skeezer, but this is my wife, so watch what you say before you get your ass whooped!
Roode - My ass? Why don’t you try it, punk!?
(Sharmell tries to hold Booker back)Roode - Oh, I see - your tramp won’t let you fight! (Booker gets enraged)
Tenay - OH THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE ONE THAT SET OFF BOOKER T! He’s gonna meet Robert Roode face-to-face!
Roode - You and me, right here tonight!
DW - OH YEAH!
Ad - TNAWrestling.com - it’s TNA Wrestling 24/7!
Tenay - FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS, CHRISTY HEMME HAS BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING BRUTALLY ATTACKED BY LAX! FOR THE LATEST ON THAT, WE GO TO THE BACK WITH CRYSTAL!
Hemme - I was attacked by a member of the Latino nation, and apparently, Jim Cornette is going to do nothing about it! A man hitting a woman isn’t allowed here!
Tenay - Christy Hemme was outraged by the man-on-woman violence, which ISN’T ALLOWED HERE ON SPIKE TV!
DW - Well, that’s true, but you can’t help but notice THE BODY LANGUAGE going on in the Rock ‘n Rave Infection - when you see Hoyt and Hemme lip locking, you can see that look of disgust on Jimmy Rave’s face!
Tenay - I have to agree! Those three are united in their complaints about LAX, but other than that, they don’t seem to be on the same page at all! You can get the latest breaking news about Turning Point on TNA Mobile!
Storm - Eric, I got something to say to you! I’m here for the second annual world drinking championship!
Tenay - I DIDN’T GET THIS MEMO! SECOND ANNUAL!?
Storm - I want my strap back, guys, get the tables in here, it’s gonna be a speed drinking contest!
Tenay - You can see them setting up the tables, when we come back on Impact, Storm and Young - speed drinking!
Tenay - Last week it was the Turkey Bowl, this week, it’s SPEED DRINKING with James Storm and Eric Young!
Tenay - I think Eric’s showing that he can hold his booze!
DW - First, I wanna say DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME… unless you are 21, and second, a HIGHLY-TRAINED PROFESSIONAL!
Tenay - I know some people that are over 21 THAT SHOULDN’T TRY THIS AT HOME!
Tenay - This is the best officiating I’ve ever seen from Rudy Charles, as he lets us know that it’s 4-4 as we approach 20 seconds!
DW - Eric Young’s done it 6 to 5!
(Storms bashes EY with a beer bottle)Tenay - MY GOD!
DW - OH MY GOD, HE BROKE IT RIGHT ON HIS FACE!
Tenay - LOOK AT THE BLOOD COME OUT OF ERIC YOUNG LIKE A FAUCET!
Storm - I AM THE WORLD DRINKING CHAMPION! SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK, ERIC YOUNG!
Tenay - The fun and games turned serious for Eric Young, NOW LET’S GO TO JEREMY BORASH, WITH AJ STYLES AND TOMKO!
Styles - I just want to let everyone know that AJ Styles, Tomko, Kurt Angle, and Christian Cage will be running like a well-oiled machine - on all four cylinders! We’re like a family… like the Waltons!
Tomko - Guess what, John-boy, Kurt and Christian HATE each other.
Styles - Who told you that, come on! Look at it like this, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie - back together. David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen - back together, it’s not a big deal, we just need to sit down and talk about it.
Tomko - Too much TMZ, too much TMZ… Let’s go see if we can get them together, because we’ve got a match!
Styles - I know…
Tomko - Well then let’s go…
Deep-voiced ad guy - Later tonight, Rhino takes on Rellik, but up next, it’s the “Big Boy street fight” as the Guru Sonjay Dutt and “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal battle Team 3D!
Tenay - TNA returns to Pay-Per-View this Sunday! Get ready to see FEAST OR FIRED! 15 competitors vying for 4 cases hanging in 4 corners of the ring. In 3 of the cases, shots at the TNA world’s heavyweight title, the X division championship, and the TNA World tag team titles, but in that fourth case, a certificate that says YOU ARE FIRED (VKM shows up on-screen)
Penzer - The next contest is an anything goes, “Big Boys Street Fight!” match, scheduled for one fall.
DW - The Guru’s gonna have to give up his “love everybody” attitude, because tonight, he’s in a street fight!
Tenay - This is what happened during the commercial break!
DW - Well, you can see Jay Lethal taking that ding dong out of the wrapper and just JAMS IT in Brother Devon’s mouth! Then garbage can shots one after another, and then they put the wrapper right into his (Ray’s) mouth, too!
AJ - Kurt, PLEASE TALK TO CHRISTIAN!
Kurt - AJ, no, we’ll talk when we get out there. Why are you worried, YOU’RE WITH THE ANGLE ALLIANCE NOW!
AJ - I’m on both teams, Karen said so!
Kurt - Karen, did you tell AJ he could be on both teams?
Karen - I did when I had to do to take care of business. Yes, I said it.
AJ - See?
Kurt - Well then, I know who’s going to talk to Christian, you are (points to Karen)
Karen - I AM NOT TALKING TO HIM!
Kurt - YES YOU ARE!
AJ (to Tomko) - See, told you everything would be okay!
Tomko - Yeah… everything’s great…
AJ - It’s working…
Tenay - At Turning Point, violence will be guaranteed as it’s the MATCH OF 10,000 TACKS (video then shows “10,000 tacks!” over and over again)
Penzer - Introducing first, FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL, RELLIK!
Tenay - Very few answers to our questions about Rellik have been answered. What we DO know is that he came out of Black Reign’s black box earlier this month at Genesis to assist Dustin Rhodes’ alter ego in what turned out to be a brutal beat down of Abyss!
Tenay - Tonight’s main event with Kurt Angle, Christian, Tomko, AJ Styles, and Scott Steiner not only has STAR POWER, but INTRIGUE!
Tenay - We invite you to watch the Road to Turning Point this Saturday night, where we’ll not only have all the late-breaking news about Turning Point, but also show you the SHOP OF HORROS BOUT between Black Reign and the Monster Abyss - that’ll get you in the mindset for the match of 10,000 tacks!
Tenay - Rellik, WHICH IS KILLER SPELLED BACKWARDS, arrived at Genesis as we showed you. This is an individual we don’t know much about!
DW - You’re so right, Mike, there are a lot of questions about the past of Rellik!
Tomko (to AJ) - You nervous?
AJ - Nervous!? I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen, and I’ve gotta pee!
J.B. - I know you’ve gotta pee, but hold it, all right? Listen, now that we’re all family here, you know, you guys… me and the Angles, you’ve gotta listen to me - Karen Angle taught me something about TCB, that’s taking care of business. The four Cs - casually, cool, calm, and collected. You gotta be relaxed when you go in and talk to him, you gotta breathe in, you gotta breathe deep. Ready? (AJ and J.B. breathe, Tomko smirks, then J.B. looks at Tomko to breathe…)
Tomko - …no…(J.B. finishes breathing with AJ)
J.B. - See, don’t you feel better already!?
AJ - …a little bit, but I’d feel better if Tomko went in first.
J.B. - Right, he’s gotta go in first.
(they go in)AJ - He’s on the phone, he’s on the phone…
Cage - Goodbye…
AJ - Christian, HEY MAN, HEY BUDDY! (Cage chokes him and shoves him into a wall)
Cage - GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! YOU TWO MAKE ME SICK! THE BOTH OF YOU! IT TAKES YOU THREE WEEKS TO GET THE GUTS TO COME AND FACE ME!? You had your chance last week in the triple threat match, AJ, but you ran away from me! Not only that, you stole the win from me, and then ran away again!
AJ - No I didn’t…
Cage - YES YOU DID!
AJ - Yes, but I didn’t mean to…it backfired…
Cage - It doesn’t matter now, it doesn’t matter!
(to Tomko)Cage - I wanna know WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, HUH?!
Tomko - You told me not to think.
Cage - Is that right? Now we’re just gonna point fingers, is that gonna solve this problem?!
Cage (to AJ) - You know what, I made you captain, I put you in charge, AND YOU SCREWED IT UP!
AJ - I didn’t mean to…
Cage - Well, you did, and I’m glad I haven’t spoken to either one of you, because it COULD HAVE GOTTEN really ugly! And it was going to, but you know what? I realized something - I had a moment of clarity, and I realized this - I don’t need the two of you, the two of you need me! YOU NEED THE CHAMP! So guess what guys? I hope you’re happy with your decision. I hope you’re happy, AJ, because as of now, as of this day, the Christian Coalition is no more! WE ARE FINISHED!
AJ - No, no no no, wait a minute! Come on now, boss.
Cage - I’m not your boss anymore.
AJ - Yes you are!
Cage - No I’m not, hit the bricks. GET OUT of here. Go put some lip gloss on and go kiss Kurt’s ass.
AJ - No, it’s not like that! Both of you guys are my boss. Back in the day, I worked at my Aunt Bea’s Biscuit Barn, she was my boss, and my dad across the street had a hardware store, he was my boss, and they were cool with it!
Cage - AJ, I’m not your dad.
AJ - I look at you kind of like a father figure though.
Cage - Oh, is that right?
AJ - Yeah.
Cage - Okay, let me ask you this - Would you embarrass your father the way that you embarrassed me?
AJ - I didn’t mean to…
Cage - AJ, we’re done!
AJ - Nooo! Christian, please! Come on, man. WE’LL SWITCH SOME PICTURES IN YOUR OFFICE! Man, I’ll do anything! I’m so… I DIDN’T MEAN TO! I’m sorry. Tomko knows! (Tomko shakes head from side to side)
Cage - GET A GRIP all right, you’re embarrassing yourself!
AJ - I’ll do anything!
Cage - Okay, you wanna do something?
AJ - Yeah.
Cage - Okay, now that I think about it , you can do this. I actually wouldn’t mind talking to Kurt Angle, so why don’t you go find your “other boss” , bring him here, and tell him he’s got two minutes to explain to me what’s going on!
AJ - Okay… right now?
Cage - RIGHT NOW! GO!
AJ - Hey.. Okay, I’ll get Karen! I’ll get Karen!
Cage - …did he just say he’s gonna get Karen?
Tomko - …yeah, Kurt said he’s not gonna meet with you.
Cage - Son of a bitch! (show goes to commercial)
(show comes back)Tenay - THROUGHOUT THE EVENING, AJ STYLES HAS BEEN TRYING TO ORGANIZE A MEETING BETWEEN THE ALLIANCE AND THE COALITION, NOW LET’S CHECK OUT THE SUMMIT!
(AJ, Tomko, Karen, Christian, and J.B. are in a board room)AJ - HERE YE, HERE YE, I now call to order the Christian Coalition, the Angle Alliance. All present, please say “I”.
J.B. - I!
AJ - Thank you, Jeremy.
Cage - I…
AJ - Thanks buddy!
Tomko - I.
Karen - I.
AJ - GREAT! Now, we are all gathered here tonight in agreement to work as a team. For the betterment of not only the people in this room, but for TNA, and mankind as a whole! So, with that being said, Karen, Christian, please shake hands. (Karen and Christian smirk)
AJ - Karen, you said I could be on both teams, come on. Christian, at one point in time, you said that I was like a son to you… I’m just sayin… Please guys? Karen… (Karen walks up to Christian, extends hand, Christian shakes it, AJ looks up to the heavens with joy)
AJ - NOW WITH THE POWER VESTED IN ME, I NOW PRESENT TO YOU THE COALITION, THE ALLIANCE - A TEAM! WOOOOO! (AJ dives on table, belts, paperwork, a mic, and has a joyous spasm) I TOLD YOU IT WOULD WORK! YEAH! (to Tomko, Karen then pity claps) Group hug, how about it? Come on, Tomko, come on, big guy. YEAH! IT WORKS! Let’s go get ready for our match.
Cage - You guys go ahead, I want to talk to Karen about business here for a minute.
AJ - Okay, share the love, baby! Come on, Tomko!
Cage (who violently grabs Karen) - Listen to me, let’s get one thing straight. Tonight, I’m going out there for one reason, and one reason only - that’s to win! That’s what I always do - I’m a winner! You got that!? Business is business, right? Isn’t that what you always say? Get one thing else straight - if you and Kurt try to screw me in any way, it’s gonna be the worst thing that either one of you can ever do! NOBODY PLAYS THE CHAMP, you understand me? Nobody.
Karen - I understand.
Cage - Good.
Karen - Now get your hands off me!
DW - You can see Ms. Brooks look into the stands for that crazed superfan of Robert Roode, we remember what happened between the two of them on Impact! (no clip of this is shown)
Tenay - Booker T has come to TNA to add to his legacy and win the TNA World title. He’ll be facing new talent, and tonight, it’s the first one-on-one meeting between he and Robert Roode!
(crazed superfan stares a hole through Brooks)DW - That just gives me flashbacks to Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction” right there! That’s a wicked look on her face right there!
(Christian and Kaz come out after the Roode-Booker match)Tenay - Boy, I’d love to see them mix it up at Turning Point. Make it happen!
Tenay - Let’s go back to Crystal with Scott Steiner, one of the men competing in Feast or Fired at Turning Point!
Crystal - Scott, tonight you’re in a big 8-man tag…
Scott Steiner - Since you know so much about the match, WHY AM I IN AN 8-MAN TAG, see, I don’t got no friends, I don’t want no friends, I don’t like my opponents, I don’t like my partners… Why don’t you explain to me why I’m in an 8-man tag since you know everything about my match, and tell me another thing, Carmen, tell me why Jim Cornette hasn’t given me a world title shot.
Crystal - Okay, first of all, it’s Crystal. Second of all, you’re gonna get your chance for a title shot, all you have to do is grab the case with the free pass for the world heavyweight championship.
Scott Steiner - Okay, Caroline, explain to me this, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Crystal - Okay… at Turning Point, there’s gonna be a match that you’re gonna be in called “Feast or Fired” . There’s gonna be 12 guys, 4 cases, in 4 corners of the ring. One’s got a free pass for the world heavyweight title shot, one for the X division title shot, and one for the tag team title shot.
Scott Steiner - So all I gotta do is grab a little box and I get the world title shot?
Crystal - Well… you see, there’s a liiitttlllee twist, the fourth box has a “you’re fired” certificate in it , and if you get that one, you’re gone from TNA.
Scott Steiner - Someone’s gonna fire me? Who’s got the Spaldings to fire me?! Jim Cornette? I tell you what, since you’re so impressed with me right now, watch Turning Point, where I’ll impress you with how I get a world title shot.
Tenay - I think Scott Steiner intimidated Crystal to the point that there are 15 MEN competing in “Feast or Fired”!
(AJ comes out)DW - He’s bouncing again - he’s happy he can be on both sides, and feels great with the job he’s done as the captain!
Tenay - The UPWARD MOVEMENT of Kaz in TNA has been the headline story for the past few weeks. First, he wins the ladder match against Christian, then he comes THIS CLOSE to winning the TNA World title from Kurt Angle, and now he once again finds himself in the main event here on Impact!
Tenay - At Turning Point, Scott Steiner will compete against 14 other men in the first-ever Feast or Fired match - IT’S THE ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF RISK AND REWARD! Four cases will be hanging in the ring, three contain title shots - THAT’S THE REWARD ASPECT! The risk aspect is that the fourth case has a message that says “YOU’RE FIRED!”. Scott Steiner says I have no opponents, I have no friends, I have no partners.
DW - At Turning Point, Abyss will team up with Rhino against the violent, CREEPY pairing of Black Reign and of course, the new monster, Rellik.
Tenay - Kurt Angle may call them the over-the-hillers, but Hall and Nash went NEW SCHOOL when they picked Samoa Joe as their partner at Turning Point!
Tenay - Welcome back to Impact everybody, this is the opening bell for our Impact main event, and the LATE BREAKING NEWS about our Turning Point Pay-Per-View is available on TNA Mobile!