King - I think Truth pulled a plug - that’s why we had those technical difficulties.
Truth - THERE IT IS AGAIN! A JOHN CENA T-SHIRT! DON’T BOO ME - YOU GOTTA JOHN CENA T-SHIRT! Who you come here with?
Kid - My dad!
Truth - WHERE’S YA DADDY AT!? HEY DAD! You got a handsome son. What’s his name? ITTLE JIMMY!? Oh, I didn’t see that - my eyes have deceived me! Just like little Jimmy, BIG JIMMY GOT ON A JOHN CENA T-SHIRT TOO! You think you better than me, don’t ya!? CAT GOT YO TONGUE!? SAY SOMETHIN!
Guy - What’s up!?
Truth - Naw, it ain’t about that no more - nah, uh uh. It ain’t about what’s up OR NONE OF YOU PEOPLE, NEITHER! DON’T BOO ME - YA SHOULD BE BOOIN’ YASELVES! I figured this thing out! All of y’all been against me! All da daddies, the Little Jimmies, the grandmammas. I CAN’T STAND THE LITTLE JIMMIES!
Cena - We git it - you’re mad - you think “the man” is keeping you down and it’s a big conspiracy where everyone hates R-Truth and everyone is named Jimmy. THAT’S A FANTASY WORLD - IN REALITY, YOU’RE OFF THE DEEP END!? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?
Truth - IT’S ME!? IT’S ALWAYS ME! YA KNOW WHO IT IS!? IT’S ALL THESE PEOPLE! IT’S THEM! YA KNOW WHO ELSE IT IS!? IT’S YOU! TEHSE PEOPLE, YOU, AND LITTLE JIMMY HAVE BEEN CONSPIRING TO KEEP ME DOWN. EVER SINCE I STOPPED RAPPIN AND DANCIN DON’T NOBODY LIKE ME NO MO!
Fans - CENA!
Truth - SHUT UP, WE TALKIN!
Cena - Listen…
Crowd - CENA CENA CENA!
Cena - These people are not Jimmies - THEY ARE THE GREATEST FANS IN THE WORLD! These people agree with me and think yo should be in a freakin straightjacket! AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU DO, BUT IF IT’S ME, AND YOU WANT A MATCH - I GOT NO PROBLEM KNOCKING SOME SENSE BACK INTO YOU!
Truth - THAT’S WHAT I WANT, AND NOW ALL THE LITTLE JIMMIES ALL OVER THE WORLD GET TO WATCH ME BEAT YOU DOWN! (GM dings)
Cole - AND I QUOTE! Let’s make this official - tonight’s main event will see Truth compete against John Cena! And I quote - however, no little Jimmies will be allowed at ringside.
Truth - SO IT’S A JOKE!? YOU GONNA GET GOT!
Cole - WHAT A START!
King - I hope we got our technical difficulties fi….
Cole - Thank you again for accepting my apology.
Cole - Kofi and Dolph had an incredible rivalry on SD last year for the IC title but NOW it’s for the U.S. Title.
Cole - Ziggler was a political science major and also studied pre-law before coming to WWE.
Cole - Dolph was the winningest wrestler in Penn State wrestling history.
King - Ricardo doesn’t have a license - I’m not sure he even has a green card.
Alberto - MY NAME IS ALBERTO DEL RIO! BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. You also know what happened last week with the Big Show. HEY, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. Ricardo, tell them what happened.
Ricardo - Stuff in Spanish.
Alberto - It’s okay , a lot of people make mistakes. Big Show YOU BROUGHT THIS TO YOURSELF AND BIG SHOW, BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO BAD PEOPLE! Hey, people - I’M A NICE GUY! BUT BUSINESS IS BUSINESS!YOUR KNEE DAMAGED MY CAR, AND THIS GUY IS GONNA SEND YOU THE BILL! Oh wait, Big Show…one more thing - GET WELL SOON!
Cole - Did you see the damage to the car? The Brisco Brothers are gonna have to put 3-4 days of work into it.
King - Kelly Kelly said making the Maxim top 100 was a dream and she wants to thank the WWE Universe for making it happen.
King - Don’t get bored…
Cole - THIS IS A HIGHLIGHT OF THE SHOW FOR ME!
King - I bet you can tell the Bellas apart.
Cole - You can - up close and personal.
Cole - COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!? Last week, the most must-see WWE Champion in history JUSTIFIABLY FIRED Alex Riley. What I don’t understand, is over the past few days, the GM has re-signed Alex Riley. I don’t understand it given that his actions were akin to JUDAS! Let’s take a look.
NEVER BEFORE IN WWE HISTORY HAS THERE BEEN AN ACT OF SUCH TREACHERY! Alex Riley, how could you!? THE MIZ WAS LIKE A FATHER TO YOU! THE MIZ, HE PROTECTED YOU! THE MIX NURTURED YOU! HE HELPED YOU GROW, TOOK YOU UNDER HIS WING, AND EVENTUALLY, HE WOULD LET YOU FLY. AND HOW DO YOU REPAY HIM!? BY UNMERCIFULLY ATTACKING YOUR MENTOR! We have impressionable young men and women not only here, but watch all over the world - how do you think they were emotionally affected by what you did to the Miz? HOW DO YOU THINK THAT THE MIZ WAS EMOTIONALLY AFFECTED!? I’LL TELL YOU - BECAUSE THE MIZ IS A FRIEND OF MINE! The Miz was hurt by this. HE WAS EMOTIONALLY SCARRED. Alex, I don’t know if you realize this, but Miz thought of you as a brother. He thought of you as a confidant. ALEX RILEY, YOU WERE THE MIZ’S GO-TO GUY. YOU WERE HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN! SO I HAVE ONE QUESTION FOR YOU TONIGHT. THE QUESTION IS HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS OF LAST WEEK!?
Riley - I’ve never felt better in my life.
Cole - IF I WERE YOU, THIS IS WHAT I’D DO! I’D GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG THE MIZ FOR FORGIVENESS! I WOULD BEG HIM BECAUSE YOU, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE MIZ IS CAPABLE OF! YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TYPE OF PAIN, HUMILIATION, AND PUNISHMENT HE CAN INFLICT ON YOU!
Riley - SHUT UP, COLE. YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH, JUST LIKE THE MIZ. You’re arrogant, just like the Miz. AND YOU’RE GETTING ANNOYING - JUST LIKE THE MIZ!
Cole - I’ll tell you something - I’m none of those things, and neither is the Miz, but I’ll tell you what you are…YOU ARE…. YOU’RE A BASTARD!
Riley - I WAS CARRYING HIS BAGS!@ THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID!
Cole - Both men former world champions - Rey, two times, Punk, three times.
Cole - Punk’s leadership is paying off - McGillicutty and Otunga are already tag champs.
King - Who did Wayne Newton double cross?
Cole - Clark Griswold - Vegas Vacation.
Kharma - You know, ever since I was a kid, I had two dreams. The first was to become a WWE superstar! Everyone said that me standing here in front of you was impossible. I even went out for season 2 of Tough Enough and Jim Ross told me that I was too…FAT! To ever be a WWE diva. I took his words, I packed them up and took them to Japan. Where I scrubbed the floors of wrestling dojos in exchange for training to become a wrestling master! I then moved onto every wrestling promotion in every dank, stank, corner of the world from here to Denver. Until finally, my dream came true. This year, WWE made me welcome. My other dream, a little more personal - I like many other girls and women, have always wanted to be a mother. And I will because I’m currently with child. Unfortunately for me, this is a high-risk pregnancy, and I cannot compete and risk losing my child. But I will be back and I wanted to thank all of you for letting me share my dream. I’ll be back… (Bellas come out)
Bellas - You’re pregnant!?
Bella - I just thought you were really fat.
Bella - YOU’RE NOT DIVA MATERIAL!
Bella - But hey, congrats on finding a guy to hook up with that.
Bella - THAT GUY MUST’VE BEEN HOOKED WITH A SEATBELT!
Bella - Does it bug you that you can’t beat us up?
Bella - How for along are you? DOES THE BABY HAVE EARS YET!? YOUR MAMA’S SO FAT THAT…
Kharma - I really hope that in one year, when I come back, you two will still be here! CUZ NOW, I’VE GOT A NEW DREAM!
Cole - Swagger used the gut wrench…well…suplex to win.
King - Remember when you said how anyone could remember Swagger’s run as world champion?
Cole - That’s not what I meant.
Fan - WOOO WOO WOOO! YOU AIN’T GOTTA T-SHIRT! ZACK RYDER’S GOT A T-SHIRT!