Crowd - CM PUNK! CM PUNK!
Punk - I’m gonna miss this. I have my doubts that when I arrive in Atlanta that the people there won’t receive me as well as MY PEOPLE in Chicago. And you are all MY PEOPLE! Just like the members of the New Nexus were my people and I witness RANDALL KEITH ORTON take them out one by one. Here’s the ONE glaring difference between Randall and myself - he lives in a fantasy world and I fancy myself a realist. The truth boiled down to its essence is this - whether you’re in the New Nexus, or you happen to live in the town I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN, I DON’T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU! You got punted in the head? It’s not my problem! My problem is Randall Keith Orton! If I want someone to fetch me a coffee or watch my back, I CAN GET A MINDLESS SHEEP TO DO WHATEVER IT IS I WANT! So now for weeks this monument us psychological advantage the Viper has built up has been NOTHING BUT A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY. Last week, Randall slipped up - he told the world…THE WWE UNIVERSE that he likes to travel in his big bus. Let’s take you back to that glorious parking lot! Let’s share this Hallmark moment. I know Randall Keith Orton cares about his wife and I take tremendous satisfaction in knowing that when she closes her eyes at night, she sees him as weak on the ground. Orton NEVER SHOULD HAVE PUNTED ME TWO YEARS AGO AND NOW I’VE COST HIM THE RESPECT OF HIS FAMILY. All the hatred has been keeping me warm, and Randy’s family will never look at him the same way again AND I’M JUST GETTING STARTED! I close this sick and twisted chapter at WM. (Orton comes out)
Crowd - CM PUNK! CM PUNK! CM PUNK!
Edge - SD GM Teddy Long says that I can’t lay my hands on Alberto on SD, but on Raw, I can?
Christian - Yeah.
Edge - Aside from the stupid sound effect, I always liked that guy.
Cole - Edge and Christian - ONE OF THE GREATEST TAG TEAMS IN ENTERTAINMENT HISTORY!
Ricardo - AAAAALLLLLLLLLBEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOO Del Rio!
Cole - I bet you wish you had a silk scarf - it’s way more “in” than a crown.
Cole - Hey King, DON’T BOTHER - I GOT THIS! CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!? I HAVE RECEIVED AN E-MAIL…ON MY IPAD! AND I QUOTE - After last week’s beat down at the hands of Michael Cole, I need to know if Lawler is ready for WM, therefore tonight, he will go one-on-one with the All-American American, JACK SWAGGER. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, LAWLER!?
King - It’ll be a good opportunity to get some payback for everything Swagger’s done.
Josh - Tonight, it’s the FINAL FACE-TO-FACE BETWEEN HHH AND THE UNDERTAKER!
Roberts - PLEASE WELCOME KANE AND THE BIG SHOW!
Cole - Gabriel is really coming into his own here on Friday Night Smackdown.
HBK - I’m really sorry about interrupting, but there was no way I was gonna miss this! This Sunday, WM 27. The BIGGEST MATCH OF YOUR CAREERS! On one side, you’ve got the Undertaker. The Phenom, the dead man, and the last outlaw, and the greatest streak of all-time. On the other side, you’ve got the Game HHH! The Cerebral Assassin, the King of the Kings, the 13 time world champ, and my best friend. After this Sunday, I guarantee you neither of you will ever be the same again. WM 27 NO HOLDS BARRED AND WITH THAT, I’ve just got one question. What in the world makes you think that you can do what I couldn’t!?
Crowd - HBK! HBK! HBK!
HHH - YOU GOT SOFT! The truth is, somewhere along the way, you decided it was more important to be Mr. WrestleMania, and you realized that you don’t have to win every night to be those things. I’m not Shawn Michaels - not even close. I HAVE TO WIN! AND I WILL WIN! 16 YEARS AGO, I WALKED INTO THAT LOCKER ROOM AND IT WAS FILLED WITH FUTURE ICONS AND I SAW ONE GUY WHO WAS THE GLUE WHO HELD IT ALL TOGETHER. I SAW HIM DO THINGS NO HUMAN SHOULD DO - TAKE A FLAK JACKET TO HIMSELF BECAUSE HE BROKE HIS RIBS. I WATCHED HIM CRUSH ONE ENTIRE SIDE OF HIS FACE AND WRESTLE THE NEXT NIGHT! I learned real quick that it’s what this business is about - he did it not because he had to, because that’s who it was. I learned I should pattern myself after that guy - he represented everything THE WWE WAS AND SHOULD BE - THAT GUY WAS YOU, DEAD MAN! I learned to respect you more and more every single day. There’s only one guy I respect more…as much as you, and that’s him. Six years ago, we were driving down the road where if one of us got to the point where we couldn’t perform, the other would tell him it’s time, and if the guy couldn’t accept it - we’d end it for him. I CAME BACK AFTER A YEAR OFF FOR ONE THING! I CAME BACK AND STOOD IN THIS RING FOR ONE REASON ONLY. AND THAT IS TO STAND HERE, OUT OF RESPECT, TO LOOK YOU DEAD IN YOUR EYES, AND TELL YOU IT’S TIME. That might not be a popular decision - you probably can’t see that, but I can see that. Here’s the thing - you will always be a legend. You will always be an icon, the phenom, and the dead man. AND I WILL ALWAYS RESPECT YOU MORE THAN ANY OTHER. But in six days, you will no longer be undefeated at WM. I AM THE ONE! AS IN 18 AND ONE! AT WRESTLEMANIA 27, DEAD MAN, YOU AND YOUR STREAK, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, AND WELL-DESERVEDLY - WILL REST IN PEACE!
Taker - If I ever got to the time where I felt someone should put me down, I’d want that person to be you. That’s the respect that I have for you. BUT IT AIN’T THAT TIME! And I know that you’re gonna kill yourself trying, but in the end, the streak will be alive and so will I! And if you don’t wanna take my word for it - ask him. Shawn walks around every day of his life as the man who gave me the two greatest WM matches of my career. And he came THAT close. Yet he still didn’t get it done! And now when I look in his eyes, I don’t see the same confidence. I don’t see the same arrogance. What I see is a man that I humbled. What I see is a man who will soon go into the HoF full of regrets! What I see is a man whose career I ended!
HHH - SHAWN! Tell him why I’m gonna beat him at WM! SHAWN!
Crowd - ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH!
HHH - SHAWN, LOOK AT ME!
Vickie - EXCUSE ME! SNOOKI, I HOPE YOU’RE WATCHING, BECAUSE WHAT I DID TO MORRISON IS WHAT LAYCOOL IS GONNA DO TO YOU. AND AFTER OUR MATCH, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF IN A VERY FAMILIAR PLACE - PASSED OUT AND UNCONSIOUS!
Cole - Mixed tag rules - divas versus divas and superstars versus superstars.
Scott - Randy will you make it to WM?
Orton - I have serious anger management issues. I’ve ruined the careers of men who I barely knew. Simply because I could. Keep that in mind when I tell you that I’ve never EVER despised a human being more than CM Punk. The question shouldn’t be if I’ll make it to ’Mania, it should be will CM Punk make it out?
Danny E - IT’S DANNY E!
Trish - Great, could you just go over there and be Danny E? Thanks.
Snooki - I have sick moves and I’m ready. BRING IT ON, BITCHES!
Trish - MANIA, BITCHES!
Cole - MONDAY NIGHT IS THE RETURN OF WWE TOUGH ENOUGH - THE ORIGINAL REALITY SERIES!
Crowd - ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
Rock - FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO CHICAGO! Back to the city where it all started for the Rock. Chicago is a very special place to the Rock. The Rock competed in his very first WM right here in this building! The Rock, he never admitted this, but that night, the Rock was nervous. The Rock was nervous, but he did something that defined the rest of his life - first WM, the Rock DECIDED TO BRING IT! On that night, was the unofficial birth of TEAM BRING IT. THE ROCK BRINGS IT, THE ROCK’S FANS BRING IT, WE’RE ALL ON TEAM BRING IT. IT ISN’T JUST A SLOGAN, IT’S A WAY OF LIFE. YA KNOCK DOWN DOORS, KICK DOWN WALLS AND ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN’T, YOU ROLL THEIR INSECURITIES INTO A BALL, TURN THE SUMBITCHES SIDEWAYS AND STICK ‘EM STRAIGHT UP THEIR CANDY ASS! When you’re on Team Bring It, you go after your dreams, and recently, the Rock has had a dream of his own. That dream was that he came down here, and called out JOHN CENA! THE ROCK CALLS OUT JOHN CENA, HIS WANNABE RAP HITS, AND HE COMES OUT HERE LOOKING LIKE A HOMELESS POWER RANGER! JOHN CENA GETS IN THE RING AND SAYS YOU CAN’T SEE ME, AND THE ROCK SAYS THIS - HOW ABOUT I BRING THIS BOOT TO THE ASS, BUT THEN THE ROCK WOKE UP. This is reality. The reality is this - THE ROCK IS HERE. The Great One is HERE! AND THE ROCK AIN’T ALONE, THE ROCK IS NEVER ALONE, AND THE ROCK MEANS NEVER ALONE. THE ROCK IS WITH THE MILLIONS OF THE ROCK’S FANS. AND TO PUT IT IN WORDS YOU CAN UNDERSTAND, THE PEOPLE’S CHAMP IS HERE! (Cena comes out)
Cena - This is what I wanted. Rock, this is what I wanted. THE ROCK IS FINALLY BACK IN A WWE RING! And not just back - THE ROCK IS COOKING LIKE HE NEVER MISSED A STEP. ROCK, THIS IS WHERE YOU BELONG! DO YOU HEAR THE MILLIONS CHANTING YOUR NAME? Rock, years ago, when I opened my mouth about you, I was one of the millions. I didn’t know why ya left. And I wanted you back for moments LIKE THIS! Moments where there’s not an empty seat in the house cuz the power you have over people is undeniable. If you don’t believe me, look! IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, LISTEN! If you don’t believe me, feel the electricity that can be brought BY ONLY ONE MAN - YOU! I’m glad you came back, and man, you were smoking. YOU EVEN MENTIONED MY NAME. It was like an honor - like when the Rock makes fun of you, you’re in. But I wanted to listen to what you had to say, and in the weeks following your presentations via satellite, because everything I said had both meaning and merit, but I wanted to know… (Cena sucks chant breaks out) I’ll get to that in a second, but I wanted to know what problem the Rock had with me. So I cut through the catchphrases and find out what problem the Rock had with me - there were lots of them. MY COLOR WAS WRONG! You were offended by the way that I talked, because I wasn’t raised in a certain place, the kind of music I listen to offended you. Hustle, Loyalty, Respect - garbage? The Rock has a problem with my moral code? My audience is kids? It is, Rock, AND I’M DAMN PROUD OF IT AND WHAT I’VE BECOME! IF YOU GOT A LEGIT GRIPE ABOUT ME NOT FURTHERING THIS BUSINESS, THEN WE GOT SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT, AND IF NOT, THEN WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU!? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME!? WHO ARE YOU TO SAY I SHOULDN’T WEAR A CERTAIN COLOR OR GOD FORBID THE AGE O THE PEOPLE THAT WATCH stuffing instead of potatoes I LOVE! If that’s what it takes to be on Team Bring It, hold your application. I AM ME EVERY WEEK, AND SOME LIKE IT, AND SOME DON’T. I DON’T TRY AND CHANGE THEIR MINDS CUZ I AIN’T GONNA JUDGE. ONE DAY I WILL BE JUDGED, BUT IT WON’T BE BY YOU, GREAT ONE!
Rock - Oh yeah, Cena, you’re right - Rock ain’t gonna judge you. Only one man gonna judge you, and it’s the same one that judges the Rock - the good lord himself. BUT THE GOOD LORD CAN’T SAVE YOU FROM THE ROCK WHOOPING YOUR MONKEY ASS ALL OVER CHICAGO!
Cena - YOU WANTED ME TO ADDRESS YOU LIKE A MAN - I HAVE SAID EVERYTHING I HAVE NEEDED TO SAY TO YOUR FACE, LIKE A MAN. YOU WANT A FIGHT?
Miz - REALLY?! This is how it’s gonna be? Being upstaged by the O brothers - overhyped and overrated! Cena, in case you forgot, this past month, I’VE OWNED YOU! CENA IS GOING TO LOSE AT WM! But at least he’ll go down swinging. HE’LL GO THROUGH A FIGHT. Unlike you, Great One. See Rocky, Rocky…I know something that no one else knows. I know a secret. You are not going to do a thing tonight. NOTHING. I’ve done my research - your movies have grossed over 1.2 BILLION dollars. One of the biggest movie stars in the world won’t risk getting beaten up and embarrassed by me. AHEM, because it’s not a risk. IT’S A GUARAN-DAMN-TEE that if you even look at me funny, I will beat you so bad that you will not even be able to go into Hollywood. I AM THE WWE CHAMPION! AND I WILL STILL BE CHAMPION AFTER WM! SO GO AHEAD, ROCK, RUN YOUR MOUTH ALL YOU WANT, RUN IT LIKE ONLY THE ROCK CAN, BECAUSE IN THE END, YOU WON’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING. AND YOU KNOW WHY!? BECAUSE I’M THE MIZ! AND I’M AWESOME!
Rock - Miz, you should know by now that it doesn’t matter what you think!