Justme8800
CAGiversary!
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Dear CAG, I have a story to tell.
It is not often that I think of karma. I try to follow my own little golden rule to the best of my abilities, and do to others what I would have them do for me. When Kotaku was nice enough to tip me off to a playtesting opportunity offered by Capcom USA, I applied and subsequently got in. Upon receiving a veritable awesomeload of goodies, I gleefully showed Kotaku again, thanking them for getting me on the trail in the first place.
Kotaku then plastered my story front and center on their site. Now that the entirety of the gaming community knew about my good fortune (and many were begging for bits and pieces of my booty), I thought it would be best to help some of this stuff find a home where it would given even more appreciation than I had. After a short thread for people to give input on how I should split prizes, I got in touch with Shipwreck to organize a nice little contest. I really like the CAG Foreplay podcast, and they could use the extra boost, so I thought it was fitting.
After two weeks of fine-tuning rules and waiting for Ship to climb out of his deathbed, the contest went live. We had a great turnout, with about a hundred and fifty entrants for five different prize packs. Wednesday, Ship announced the winners, who were to PM their addresses so I could mail the prizes. Two of them, Zero-Wing and CAG1000, were quick to respond, and their stuff is just short of ready to go. Another winner, Gillespee, had won the Xbox 1600 point card, so the idea was that I would simply send him the code over the internet, and be done with it. Here's where the karma kicks in.
The offending card:
I pick up the plastic package containing the shiny point card. I try tearing the plastic to get inside. No such luck. I gnaw at the edge, hoping maybe such a caveman technique will save me from digging out a knife. I only succeed in making a small cast of my canine in the thing, but slight deformations are not my goal here. I look around, and see a hard drive screwdriver in arms reach; I pick it up, and impale the case in the heart, wriggling the tool around to try and get a hole wide enough to get a hold in. Yeah right. The card looks up mockingly at me through the transparent covering. I notice the dotted line at the top, indicating that I'm supposed to use scissors to cut it open. Fine, I dig out a swiss army knife, and ruthlessly cut into the formerly impervious shell. Success! I triumphantly extract the card, and look for any directions on it. It says "scratch off." OK, I find an edge on one of the tools in the knife with about the same bluntness as a coin, and proceed to gingerly scratch away.
As I'm looking for the code I'm supposed to be revealing, I realize that the only thing being uncovered is the white card beneath. I cease the scratching, and finish off with my fingernail. As I uncover the ironic words "SUBSCRIPTION CODE:" and a few stray letters, my brain starts composing hymns that would embarrass Eric Cartman. After confirming that there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to recover the code, I calmly head to my computer to look up Microsoft support. Surely they'll be able to figure this out, especially seeing as how there was some kind of serial code also on the card. I pick up my phone, and punch in the number. Here follows the paraphrased and abridged conversation.
"Hi, I--"
"Hi! My name is Max! I can help you with all your XBOX Needs! Please tell me what you're calling about! What system do you have!?"
"I uh, don't, er..."
"XBOX 360! Great! If you're having problems with your IP address catalytic converter, say 'IP address cata--"
"Customer service! Help!"
To my surprise, it obliged. "Transferring to an agent, blah blah blah Xbox online info blah blah blah" *ring* "Hi, what is your phone number?"
"Hi, I--My phone? It's ###-###-####."
"Name?"
"It's *-*-*-* *-*-*-*," I spelled it out.
"And your Gamertag?"
"I don't actually have an Xbox yet, myself. I've got this Live point card, and I wanted to give the code to a... friend over the internet...."
I explained my predicament, and she promptly put me on hold. I sat there listening to Halo music laced with static, and after a while she returned, just to see if I was still there. Upon hearing I was, she went back on hold to "look at resources." After another couple minutes, she came back and told me she wanted me to go return the card to the store where I bought it, with its original receipt. The store could exchange it, then pass it on to Microsoft. Again, I explained my predicament.
"Can't I just get a new code? It's not like this one is ever going to be used, I promise you that."
"No sir, I do not have any."
"Pardon? Can you transfer me to someone who does?"
"We do not have any codes to give out."
"I must have heard you wrong..."
"Nobody at Microsoft has any codes."
"...Can I talk to your supervisor?"
The boss didn't really have anything to add. At least I could somewhat understand him, and he explained that the serial number I had was simply a "store tracking code." He kept saying that he understood where I was coming from, and that there was nothing he could do. After it became quite clear that I was not going to get any further down this route, I threw down a token class-action threat and hung up, pissed as all get-out.
They had said to try asking the person who gave it to me where it had been bought. Alright, I decided to give Capcom a try. I called their HQ in San Mateo, only to find that none of the contacts I knew there had their own extensions. I thought about emailing, but they hadn't returned the follow-up email I sent them last month, and even if I did find out where it had been bought, it was doubtful they still had a receipt or anything.
I am a CAG. 19 years old, I am not a particularly loaded person. I am an unemployed community college student in a very large family, eking my tuition by through financial aid. I have a little bit of savings, a couple hundred dollars, and I've budgeted it for the holidays. Presents for my family and for shipping CAG prizes/gifts, I thought I had my priorities set. The last thing I needed was an extra twenty bucks less in my bank account, but breaking a promise I had made to the CAG community would be even worse.
As such, my primary mode of transportation is a bicycle, with public transport where applicable. I thought I might try out Microsoft's suggestions, and hit up some of the local electronics stores for some extra customer goodwill. I headed to the local Target, as I had just done some christmas shopping there earlier in the day, and maybe that money would count for something. The warpath before me made the bike ride much quicker than normal, though I cooled off by the time I arrived and locked up my bike.
I walked into the store and made my way to the customer service line, composing myself as I waited. The store was pretty busy, even for a friday evening, so my story would have to be short and sweet if I were to have any chance of getting an exchange through. When my turn came up, I walked to the counter and plopped down the card in its mangled case. I launched into my melodramatic story, pleading for help while being sure to mention the fact that I had spent close to a hundred bucks there earlier that day. The hapless lady behind the counter seemed like she wanted to help, but she didn't really know how. So she called over a higher-up to help.
I told the story again, and this guy at least looked like he sort of knew what an Xbox was. He sympathized with me, and explained that they could do something called a "no history exchange" without a receipt, and directed me to go fetch another card from the electronics department. I happily obliged, winding my way through the throngs of christmas shoppers, thinking how lucky I was to be getting this break. I arrived at the Xbox section, and the elves in my head stopped singing when they found no such cards on the shelf. Well, that's just great.
I asked the attendant, and he directed me to some alternative "halo" branded 1600 point cards. These were the kind with no package, that say "no value until beeped at register." Close enough, I guess. I take one and head back to customer service. The lady scrutinizes them both, shrugs, and starts beeping.
"Umm, this is twenty dollars" she points to the clear price on the Halo card. I agree, and begin to point out the price on the card I brought in, and find that nowhere on the thing does it have a price. I point out that they're both 1600 points, and should be the same. She explains that the card I brought in rung up for five dollars. She even double-checked. I guess Capcom must get them at a discount.
She called in the higher-up guy again to make sure. He checked numbers, and found that Target didn't actually carry this model of card, and so they wouldn't take it. He even called the Target in the next town over, making sure they didn't have any either. I stood there, just short of heartbroken, listening to him talking about Wii stocks with the other store. After he hung up, he apologized and confirmed there was nothing more he could do. I sighed and walked through the exit. Somewhere along the lines, they had activated the RFID tag inside the old mangled package I was holding, and the sirens and lights did little to improve my mood.
I decided to give the Gamestop next door a shot, though I doubted I would get any farther. I was right. The Gamestop manager nearly kicked me out of the door as soon as it became clear that I had no receipt, even though I had barely started my story. Wonder if they get this a lot.
I still didn't give up hope. I visited the local Toys'R'Us, sirens wailing as I walked in the door. I approached the customer service desk and told my story, explaining how Microsoft had said that retailers could send it back in for credit. The customer service rep listened with a concerned face, and then went back and talked with the supervisor, who steadfastly refused to help. The rep apologized profusely, and I moped back out the wailing door once again.
It was getting dark, and I had one last chance with Circuit City. I recomposed myself before walking though the doors, accompanied by another fanfare of loud beeps. I was getting desperate at this point, and I told my story again, with all the emotion I didn't have to fake. This guy seemed like the most competent rep yet, and stopped just short of issuing me an exchange upon realizing he didn't have the authority to do it without a receipt. He called his manager over, who wasted no time crushing any insignificant hopes I had under her grinding heel, apologizing the whole time. Before I left, defeated, I announced to the area that the security gate was going to go off again. Naturally, it remained quite silent as I left. I guess the tag had gotten switched back while the guy had it.
Dusk had fallen, and I sat outside on the sidewalk next to my bike, in front of the store. The melancholy of an unjust twenty dollars in the fists of a maniacally laughing Bill Gates overcame me like Lassie at a supermarket. I decided to pull out my cell phone and try Microsoft one last time before I gave up. I left all the confusing parts about Capcom and emailing out of the story this time, condensing it to a simple "when I scratched off my card, the code came off with it." Though this rep was a little more polite, that could have been just because there was so much static on the line that even a familiar accent would have been hard to grasp. Not any more luck than the last time, as the flowchart just went to the same unhelpful places.
I had been toting around Zero-Wing and CAG1000's prizes this whole time, hoping to stop at the post office on the way back and get them out. It was too late at that point, so I didn't have anything to do but return home, with nothing to show for my adventure but a depressing story with an unsatisfying ending.
I rode back home in the dark, slowly this time. I was trying to be optimistic about this, the least I could do is write a decent story. I started wondering if this is really what karma is, a sarcastic joke played by the powers that be. I hope I've paid whatever I owed to the universe. I'm almost glad I've put off donating to Child's Play, as something as noble as that would have probably gotten me run over by this karma metric. Maybe I deserved this. Sigh, I fail at optimism.
I guess I hope to accomplish something by sharing this. For starters, it kinda helps me to keep a level head by pouring my heart into text. Organizing thoughts helps. Second, maybe some people will read this and say, "hey, my day wasn't so bad after all." Third, I need a really good excuse to Gillespee for why it's taking me so long to send him a stupid code. (Gillespee, PM me your email so I can paypal you the twenty bucks. You won it fair and square, and I really need to get that monkey off my back. Though, it would be comforting if you found something better to spend it on than Microsoft points.)
Everyone else, if you liked this, please share it. Digg it, blog it, send it to friends, whatever, any lost point sales I can influence for Microsoft, I feel they deserve. If not for using dry-erase ink they use for the codes, and not mentioning that the film should only be scraped off using a fresh lotus petal, then for having the audacity to walk off with money they know does not belong to them. Capcom is out a card they gave to me, I'm out a card I couldn't give to Gillespee, and the twenty bucks it takes to make up for it. Microsoft should not be able to get away with treating their customers like cheating weasels. If people still want to buy point cards, at least this will serve as a warning to only use the softest cotton-based edges on that delicate silver coating.
Thanks for reading, and Happy Holidays,
~Justme8800
(PS, melon collie, get it? Oh, never mind.)
EDIT: Added part about calling Capcom, I had left that out before.
UPDATE: All's well that ends well, see update posts below.
It is not often that I think of karma. I try to follow my own little golden rule to the best of my abilities, and do to others what I would have them do for me. When Kotaku was nice enough to tip me off to a playtesting opportunity offered by Capcom USA, I applied and subsequently got in. Upon receiving a veritable awesomeload of goodies, I gleefully showed Kotaku again, thanking them for getting me on the trail in the first place.
Kotaku then plastered my story front and center on their site. Now that the entirety of the gaming community knew about my good fortune (and many were begging for bits and pieces of my booty), I thought it would be best to help some of this stuff find a home where it would given even more appreciation than I had. After a short thread for people to give input on how I should split prizes, I got in touch with Shipwreck to organize a nice little contest. I really like the CAG Foreplay podcast, and they could use the extra boost, so I thought it was fitting.
After two weeks of fine-tuning rules and waiting for Ship to climb out of his deathbed, the contest went live. We had a great turnout, with about a hundred and fifty entrants for five different prize packs. Wednesday, Ship announced the winners, who were to PM their addresses so I could mail the prizes. Two of them, Zero-Wing and CAG1000, were quick to respond, and their stuff is just short of ready to go. Another winner, Gillespee, had won the Xbox 1600 point card, so the idea was that I would simply send him the code over the internet, and be done with it. Here's where the karma kicks in.
The offending card:
I pick up the plastic package containing the shiny point card. I try tearing the plastic to get inside. No such luck. I gnaw at the edge, hoping maybe such a caveman technique will save me from digging out a knife. I only succeed in making a small cast of my canine in the thing, but slight deformations are not my goal here. I look around, and see a hard drive screwdriver in arms reach; I pick it up, and impale the case in the heart, wriggling the tool around to try and get a hole wide enough to get a hold in. Yeah right. The card looks up mockingly at me through the transparent covering. I notice the dotted line at the top, indicating that I'm supposed to use scissors to cut it open. Fine, I dig out a swiss army knife, and ruthlessly cut into the formerly impervious shell. Success! I triumphantly extract the card, and look for any directions on it. It says "scratch off." OK, I find an edge on one of the tools in the knife with about the same bluntness as a coin, and proceed to gingerly scratch away.
As I'm looking for the code I'm supposed to be revealing, I realize that the only thing being uncovered is the white card beneath. I cease the scratching, and finish off with my fingernail. As I uncover the ironic words "SUBSCRIPTION CODE:" and a few stray letters, my brain starts composing hymns that would embarrass Eric Cartman. After confirming that there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to recover the code, I calmly head to my computer to look up Microsoft support. Surely they'll be able to figure this out, especially seeing as how there was some kind of serial code also on the card. I pick up my phone, and punch in the number. Here follows the paraphrased and abridged conversation.
"Hi, I--"
"Hi! My name is Max! I can help you with all your XBOX Needs! Please tell me what you're calling about! What system do you have!?"
"I uh, don't, er..."
"XBOX 360! Great! If you're having problems with your IP address catalytic converter, say 'IP address cata--"
"Customer service! Help!"
To my surprise, it obliged. "Transferring to an agent, blah blah blah Xbox online info blah blah blah" *ring* "Hi, what is your phone number?"
"Hi, I--My phone? It's ###-###-####."
"Name?"
"It's *-*-*-* *-*-*-*," I spelled it out.
"And your Gamertag?"
"I don't actually have an Xbox yet, myself. I've got this Live point card, and I wanted to give the code to a... friend over the internet...."
I explained my predicament, and she promptly put me on hold. I sat there listening to Halo music laced with static, and after a while she returned, just to see if I was still there. Upon hearing I was, she went back on hold to "look at resources." After another couple minutes, she came back and told me she wanted me to go return the card to the store where I bought it, with its original receipt. The store could exchange it, then pass it on to Microsoft. Again, I explained my predicament.
"Can't I just get a new code? It's not like this one is ever going to be used, I promise you that."
"No sir, I do not have any."
"Pardon? Can you transfer me to someone who does?"
"We do not have any codes to give out."
"I must have heard you wrong..."
"Nobody at Microsoft has any codes."
"...Can I talk to your supervisor?"
The boss didn't really have anything to add. At least I could somewhat understand him, and he explained that the serial number I had was simply a "store tracking code." He kept saying that he understood where I was coming from, and that there was nothing he could do. After it became quite clear that I was not going to get any further down this route, I threw down a token class-action threat and hung up, pissed as all get-out.
They had said to try asking the person who gave it to me where it had been bought. Alright, I decided to give Capcom a try. I called their HQ in San Mateo, only to find that none of the contacts I knew there had their own extensions. I thought about emailing, but they hadn't returned the follow-up email I sent them last month, and even if I did find out where it had been bought, it was doubtful they still had a receipt or anything.
I am a CAG. 19 years old, I am not a particularly loaded person. I am an unemployed community college student in a very large family, eking my tuition by through financial aid. I have a little bit of savings, a couple hundred dollars, and I've budgeted it for the holidays. Presents for my family and for shipping CAG prizes/gifts, I thought I had my priorities set. The last thing I needed was an extra twenty bucks less in my bank account, but breaking a promise I had made to the CAG community would be even worse.
As such, my primary mode of transportation is a bicycle, with public transport where applicable. I thought I might try out Microsoft's suggestions, and hit up some of the local electronics stores for some extra customer goodwill. I headed to the local Target, as I had just done some christmas shopping there earlier in the day, and maybe that money would count for something. The warpath before me made the bike ride much quicker than normal, though I cooled off by the time I arrived and locked up my bike.
I walked into the store and made my way to the customer service line, composing myself as I waited. The store was pretty busy, even for a friday evening, so my story would have to be short and sweet if I were to have any chance of getting an exchange through. When my turn came up, I walked to the counter and plopped down the card in its mangled case. I launched into my melodramatic story, pleading for help while being sure to mention the fact that I had spent close to a hundred bucks there earlier that day. The hapless lady behind the counter seemed like she wanted to help, but she didn't really know how. So she called over a higher-up to help.
I told the story again, and this guy at least looked like he sort of knew what an Xbox was. He sympathized with me, and explained that they could do something called a "no history exchange" without a receipt, and directed me to go fetch another card from the electronics department. I happily obliged, winding my way through the throngs of christmas shoppers, thinking how lucky I was to be getting this break. I arrived at the Xbox section, and the elves in my head stopped singing when they found no such cards on the shelf. Well, that's just great.
I asked the attendant, and he directed me to some alternative "halo" branded 1600 point cards. These were the kind with no package, that say "no value until beeped at register." Close enough, I guess. I take one and head back to customer service. The lady scrutinizes them both, shrugs, and starts beeping.
"Umm, this is twenty dollars" she points to the clear price on the Halo card. I agree, and begin to point out the price on the card I brought in, and find that nowhere on the thing does it have a price. I point out that they're both 1600 points, and should be the same. She explains that the card I brought in rung up for five dollars. She even double-checked. I guess Capcom must get them at a discount.
She called in the higher-up guy again to make sure. He checked numbers, and found that Target didn't actually carry this model of card, and so they wouldn't take it. He even called the Target in the next town over, making sure they didn't have any either. I stood there, just short of heartbroken, listening to him talking about Wii stocks with the other store. After he hung up, he apologized and confirmed there was nothing more he could do. I sighed and walked through the exit. Somewhere along the lines, they had activated the RFID tag inside the old mangled package I was holding, and the sirens and lights did little to improve my mood.
I decided to give the Gamestop next door a shot, though I doubted I would get any farther. I was right. The Gamestop manager nearly kicked me out of the door as soon as it became clear that I had no receipt, even though I had barely started my story. Wonder if they get this a lot.
I still didn't give up hope. I visited the local Toys'R'Us, sirens wailing as I walked in the door. I approached the customer service desk and told my story, explaining how Microsoft had said that retailers could send it back in for credit. The customer service rep listened with a concerned face, and then went back and talked with the supervisor, who steadfastly refused to help. The rep apologized profusely, and I moped back out the wailing door once again.
It was getting dark, and I had one last chance with Circuit City. I recomposed myself before walking though the doors, accompanied by another fanfare of loud beeps. I was getting desperate at this point, and I told my story again, with all the emotion I didn't have to fake. This guy seemed like the most competent rep yet, and stopped just short of issuing me an exchange upon realizing he didn't have the authority to do it without a receipt. He called his manager over, who wasted no time crushing any insignificant hopes I had under her grinding heel, apologizing the whole time. Before I left, defeated, I announced to the area that the security gate was going to go off again. Naturally, it remained quite silent as I left. I guess the tag had gotten switched back while the guy had it.
Dusk had fallen, and I sat outside on the sidewalk next to my bike, in front of the store. The melancholy of an unjust twenty dollars in the fists of a maniacally laughing Bill Gates overcame me like Lassie at a supermarket. I decided to pull out my cell phone and try Microsoft one last time before I gave up. I left all the confusing parts about Capcom and emailing out of the story this time, condensing it to a simple "when I scratched off my card, the code came off with it." Though this rep was a little more polite, that could have been just because there was so much static on the line that even a familiar accent would have been hard to grasp. Not any more luck than the last time, as the flowchart just went to the same unhelpful places.
I had been toting around Zero-Wing and CAG1000's prizes this whole time, hoping to stop at the post office on the way back and get them out. It was too late at that point, so I didn't have anything to do but return home, with nothing to show for my adventure but a depressing story with an unsatisfying ending.
I rode back home in the dark, slowly this time. I was trying to be optimistic about this, the least I could do is write a decent story. I started wondering if this is really what karma is, a sarcastic joke played by the powers that be. I hope I've paid whatever I owed to the universe. I'm almost glad I've put off donating to Child's Play, as something as noble as that would have probably gotten me run over by this karma metric. Maybe I deserved this. Sigh, I fail at optimism.
I guess I hope to accomplish something by sharing this. For starters, it kinda helps me to keep a level head by pouring my heart into text. Organizing thoughts helps. Second, maybe some people will read this and say, "hey, my day wasn't so bad after all." Third, I need a really good excuse to Gillespee for why it's taking me so long to send him a stupid code. (Gillespee, PM me your email so I can paypal you the twenty bucks. You won it fair and square, and I really need to get that monkey off my back. Though, it would be comforting if you found something better to spend it on than Microsoft points.)
Everyone else, if you liked this, please share it. Digg it, blog it, send it to friends, whatever, any lost point sales I can influence for Microsoft, I feel they deserve. If not for using dry-erase ink they use for the codes, and not mentioning that the film should only be scraped off using a fresh lotus petal, then for having the audacity to walk off with money they know does not belong to them. Capcom is out a card they gave to me, I'm out a card I couldn't give to Gillespee, and the twenty bucks it takes to make up for it. Microsoft should not be able to get away with treating their customers like cheating weasels. If people still want to buy point cards, at least this will serve as a warning to only use the softest cotton-based edges on that delicate silver coating.
Thanks for reading, and Happy Holidays,
~Justme8800
(PS, melon collie, get it? Oh, never mind.)
EDIT: Added part about calling Capcom, I had left that out before.
UPDATE: All's well that ends well, see update posts below.
ed up. Then again, if it were me, I'd probably be like 'wheres the thing I won?'. I guess I'm just greedy like that.
though it is lame how the issue is being handled by microsoft. I would personally call up and say "Hey, I got this point card for my birthday 2 months ago and decided to use it. When I went to scratch it off there was nothing underneath". See what approach you get then. It's hard to say bring it to the store to return it and get a new one after that.