The Official Futurama Quotes thread

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Apossum

Guest
In the spirit of the Simpsons quote thread, here's a place for quotes from the 2nd most quotable show on TV.


*the professor hands Fry a huge pill, about the size of his fist*

Fry: Are you crazy? I cant swallow that.

Professor: Well, then good news! It's a suppository.
 
Hermes: "He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules Combined!"

Dr. Zoidberg: "You mean Gumbercules? i love that guy!"
 
Is no cheating on? Well, I cheated.

Fry: Can you translate it?

Farnsworth: Of course. But only into Beta Crypt 3, a language so complex there's even less chance of understanding it.

Fry: I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy.

Farnsworth: Very well.

[He presses a button and the machine that makes glow-in-the-dark noses comes out of the wall. Farnsworth feeds the paper in.]

Fry: Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?

Farnsworth: It can do other things. Why shouldn't it? [He throws the switch.] Of course, even if it is possible to analyse the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour or it could take a hundred million years.

[The machines dings.]

Fry: Is it done?

Farnsworth: Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. [Two dings.] But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

[Two slightly more rapid dings. Fry gasps. Farnsworth shakes his head.]
 
My favorite Futurama quote

Nixon Head: Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but your average voter is still as drunk and stupid as ever. The only thing that's changed is me. I've become bitter and, lets face it, crazy over the years, and once I'm swept into office I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat, and I'll break into people's houses at night and wreck up the place! Mwahahahahahaha!!



Runners Up:

Professor: Well, I am in my pajamas.

Nixon Head: Good evening, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs and pay attention, as I sign a historic peace accord with ambassador Kong of planet Nintendo 64.

Farnsworth: This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill.
Fry: I can't swallow that!
Farnsworth: Well then, good news! It's a suppository.
 
Kif: The Holoshed's on the fritz again! The characters turned real!

Zapp Brannigan: Damn! The last time that happened I got slapped with 3 paternity suits
 
Leela: Someone should teach you a lesson!
Zapp Brannigan: Well, if it's a lesson in love, watch out! I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kif?
Kif: *sigh*...sexlexia.
 
This one will be easy for me, as my friend has a Futurama quote i see in his aim profile.


Fry-"People said I was dumb, but I proved them."
 
Zap Brannigan> I AM THE MAN WITH NO NAME. ... ZAP BRANNIGAN.

Zap> Have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
Kif> The boy, sir?
Zap> You. You lay out my formal shorts.

Zap> Ahhh. She's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro!

Professor> Oh, if anybody needs me I'll be in the angry dome!

Professor> With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Bender> Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it!

Bender> I'm not giving my name out to a machine.

Fry> Amy, you know how at first you like chocolate, but then you get tired of it because it always wants to hang out with you?
Amy> You don't like chocolate?
Fry> Look, could chocolate just be quiet for a second?

Robot Devil> Bender! What a surprise! FOR YOU, finding me in the refrigerator!

(Zoidberg?)> And Fry, you've got that brain thingy.
Fry> I ALREADY DID!

Beck> That song doesn't normally last three hours, but we got into a serious thang there. ... And then I forgot how it ended.

Bender> Hey look! It's the scared guy again. And he brought nerds!
 
Bender: Ah, computer dating. Its like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head"

Fry: Why am I all sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Fry: Its just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar.

(had to look that last one up)
 
Fry - "Leela cried as Fry lay crushed under the book case. The giant brain laughed 'Ha ha ha!' Then, for no reason, he left Earth, never to return. The end." There. Now he's trapped in a book I wrote. A crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Giant Brain - The big brain am winning! I am the greetest! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! I must now leave Earth for no raisin!
---------------------------------------------------
Fry - Man. I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.
 
Bender - "I'm bender baby, please insert liquor!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Morgan Proctor on inspecting fry's locker

Morgan - "Mr Fry, why is that cap filled with yogurt?"
Fry - "Well, it was filled with milk...and time makes fools of us all."
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Nibblonian Leader - "Let the feast of 1000 beasts begin!"

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Professor - "I've been as dumb as Fry"
Fry - "Am Not"
 
zapp: If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards...Checkmate

Bender: "What should we point it at first?"
Fry: "I dunno. Try it on me!" *zap* "Ow! My sperm!"
Bender: "Wow! Neat! Mind if I try that again?" *zap*
Fry: "Hu, didn't hurt that time."

Amy: You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there, you could drop me off on the way!
Professor: We could but we won't. It's a spaceship damn it! Not a prom limousine!
[angry rant]
Professor: If anyone needs me I'll be in the Angry Dome.
 
While traversing Fry's innards in "Parasites Lost"....

Professor: We have to find somewhere he won't stick his finger.
Bender: It's hopeless! Abandon Ship!
 
I feel I like I went 10 rounds with Thor...

Bender: So, what's the word?
Hermes: We think it's better if you don't know.
Bender: Oh, come on. I'm not gonna say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"?
Fry: No.
Bender: Hm, words I never say. Oh, I know! "Thanks"!
Leela: Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.
Bender: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Fun-derful"? Uh, "non-alcoholic"?
Amy: Quit it!
Fry: Bender!
Hermes: Stop it, mon!
Zoidberg: Enough already!
Bender: "Compassion"? "Shrimptoast"? "Antiquing"?

Fry: It smells blue in here...

Bah... quote threads are for hookers and fat people.
 
Zoidberg: "Now open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, nononono, not that mouth."
Fry: "I only have one."
Zoidberg: "Really?"
Fry: "Uh...is there a human doctor around?"
Zoidberg: "Young lady! I'm an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it, and say" (warbling noise)
Fry: "Uh.." (clears throat and does his best imitation)
Zoidberg: "What! My mother was a saint!!! Get out!"
_________________________________________________________

President Truman: "Now what's your mission? Are you planning on making some sort of alien-human hybrid?"
Zoidberg: "Are you coming onto me?"
President Truman: "Hot crackers!! I take exception to that!"
Zoidberg: "I'm not hearing a no."
_________________________________________________________

Judge Whitey: "The charge is bank robbery. My caddie chauffeur informs me that a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes, theft of money."
 
Linda: “Yankee’s fifths Blernsmen William Woo is out with an injured knee.”
Morbo: “So… Humans have easily injured knees… My race will find this information very useful indeed! Muhuhahahaha!
 
Male Nibblonian: Does he not know?
Nibbler: He does not know.
Female Nibblonian: He knows not?
Nibbler: Knows not does he.
Nibblonian: Not he knows?
Male Nibblonian: Enough! Fry, it is my duty to inform you that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and all that will exist rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe.
Fry: Oh snap!
 
"All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched T.V. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also, he got a racecar."
 
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
*************************************************
Bender: So, what's the word?
Hermes: We think it's better if you don't know.
Bender: Oh, come on. I'm not gonna say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"?
Fry: No.
Bender: Hm, words I never say. Oh, I know! "Thanks"!
Leela: Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.
Bender: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Fun-derful"? Uh, "non-alcoholic"?
Amy: Quit it!
Fry: Bender!
Hermes: Stop it, mon!
Zoidberg: Enough already!
Bender: "Compassion"? "Shrimptoast"? "Antiquing"? *BOOM!*
*************************************************
Femputer: Femputer sentences them... to death!
All: *Gasp!*
Femputer: ... by snu snu!
Zapp and Fry: Yeah! Woo Hoo!
Kif: *Whimpers*
Zapp: What are you, gay?
 
I cheated on this one, not from memory, but I loved this one.

Lrrr: People of Earth, I am Lrrr of the planet Nintendu 64. Tremble in fear at our three different kinds of ships.
 
Hubert: (Using a voice changer to sound like the professor) Good news, everyone! I'm a horse's butt.
Professor: I am?! That's not good news at all!

------------------------------

Bender: And now, a man who needs no introduction. ::Walks away::

-------------------------------

Professor: A thousand robot lives are about to be snuffed out. Oh, the Jedi are going to feel this one...
 
Zoidberg: "In my experience boxes are usually empty; maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! *squeals*
GIVE ME THE BOX!!"

Bender: "All you organisms are the same, shooting DNA at each other. I find it offensive!"

Bender 1: "Bite my glorious golden ass!"

National Ray-gun Association rep: "I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax. For duck huntin'."
 
Lrrr: These candies are chalky and unpleasant!
Nd-Nd: And what is this emotion you humans call 'wuv'?
Lrrr: Surely it says 'love'?
Nd-Nd: No, 'wuv', with an Earth 'W'. Behold!
Lrrr: This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!!
 
Worm: Fine, we'll leave. But someday you'll be eating a fast-food burger and bam! You'll be crawling with us again. Ever wonder what makes special sauce so special? Yo.
 
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