Crowd - ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY!
Rock - FINALLY! THE ROCK HAS COME BACK
Crowd - TO MIAMI!
Rock - HOME! Before we get started, I’ve got one thing to say! WE GOT ‘IM! To our men and women, thank you to the proud men and women who continuously fight for our great country every day and every night. My family are proud members of the military - I AM DAMN PROUD OF THEM AND TO BE AN AMERICAN! I wanna lead everyone, Miami, America, join me - I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY IT FEELS GOOD TO BE HOME! IT ALL STARTED HERE FOR THE ROCK - WHEN THE ROCK BURST OUT OF THE WOMB, THEY HELD THE BABY ROCK AND SAID HE’S DAMN WELL NAMED JOHNSON! Rock went to afro, with an afro and a stache - looking like the lead singer of Menudo. YOU LAUGH, BUT THAT FACE DEVOURED MORE PIE THAN KING KONG BUNDY AT A POLISH BAKERY! The Rocky chants ON PIE! Then the Rock on to college. THE ROCK ONTO THE U! NUMBER 94 ON THE FIELD AND NUMBER 1 IN YOUR HEARTS, BROUGHT THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TO THE GREAT CITY OF MIAMI! The Rock electiried the Orange Bowl, then onto the WWE WHERE THE ROCK BECAME THE PIE-EATING, EYEBROW-RAISING, I’M DONE WITH THE TALKING AND READY TO PARTY ALL OVER SOUTH BEACH IF YOU SMELLLL (GM dings)
Cole - CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!
Rock - WOAH WOAH WOAH! Cole, the Rock can’t hear you. HAVE THE NERVE TO INTERRUPT THE ROCK ON HIS BIRTHDAY!? Why don’t you show some class, if you wanna read a message, then come in here and read it to the Rock’s face?
Cole - I decline - I’ll stay right here. AND I QUOTE!
Rock - I see. Cole, if you’re scared of the Rock, then the Rock understands that. But you won at ‘Mania, last night at Extreme Rules, so you must consider yourself some sort of tough guy. Okay. You could be tough, or you can be the voice of WWE and read the message to the Rock’s face. You can be a man, or you can sit in your glass house looking like a drunk hobbit jackbag bitch!
Cole - Ya know what, Rock, I don’t even know what jackbag means! ,MICHAEL COLE ISN’T CARED OF ANYTHING! I’m not the same person you used to know - the guy you used to throw T-shirts on. I’M A MAN. AND I’M A WINNER! AND WHAT I DO IS ASSOCIATE WITH WINNERS. WHAT’S THE MATTER, MIAMI, YA JEALOUS!? Are you jealous because we got more world championships than anyone in history!? AND WE’RE ABOUT TO ADD ONE MORE! So, you want me to come in there and deliver that message? I WILL, DWAYNE! THE RAW GM DEMANDS AN APOLOGY TONIGHT BECAUSE YOU EMBARRASSED THE GM AT ‘MANIA, AND IF YOU DON’T SAY YOU’RE SORRY, HE’LL SHUT DOWN THE BIRTHDAY PARTY BEFORE IT GETS STARTED. And while we’re at it - I want an apology! I want you, DWAYNE, to say you’re sorry for all the humiliation you’ve put me through over the years. JUST SAY YOU’RE SORRY!
Rock - Cole, you’re right. I did disrespect the GM at ‘Mania. And I have disrespected you over the years. So the Rock has one thing to say to you - I’m sorry. Cole, we’re live in Miami. We are live IN FRONT OF THE MILLIONS! OF THE ROCK’S FANS! I’m apologizing to you like a man - you’ll either accept it, or you won’t.
Cole - Thank you, Rock.
Rock - Well Cole, THANK YOU. Cut the Rock’s music - this is the Rock, it’s the Rock’s hometown. It’s the biggest birthday celebration in TV. WELCOME MIAMI’S OWN, PITBULL!
Pitbull - WHAT IT IS WHAT IT AIN’T! Happy birthday, Rock. WE GONNA REPRESENT DADE COUNTY PROUD! 305 TIL I DIE!
LeBron - CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!?
Kimmel - I’m a candy ass- see? My ass is full of candy.
King - Kelly puts the bubbles in my bathtub.
Josh - KELLY IS FROZEN IN THE GAZE OF KHARMA!
Miz - Where have you been?
Riley - IT’S WALL-TO-WALL PEOPLE HERE CUZ OF ROCK’S PARTY.
Miz - THAT’S NO EXCUSE. WHY WEREN’T YOU IN MY CORNER LAST NIGHT!?
Riley - I was drafted to SmackDown.
Miz - YOU ARE SIGNED TO A PERSONAL SERVICES CONTRACT WITH ME. STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND DO WHAT I SAY. After tonight, no one’s gonna talk about the Rock’s birthday - all they’ll talk about is the new WWE Champion!
Walker - Rock, go get some birthday pie.
Rocky - Happy birthday, Mrs. Obama. Sorry I’m so sweaty - I’ve been busy electrifying.
Kozlov - I WROTE MOVIE SCRIPT FOR BIRTHDAY!
Santino - IT MAKES ME FURIOUS WHEN PEOPLE GO TOO FAST!
Khali - YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TOOTH!
Rock - Do you speak? Words? No? Good.
Carell - I am being forced against my will to with Dwayne Johnson a happy birthday.
Josh - JOHN CENA IS A POP ICON!
J.R. - A ONE-FALL MATCH FOR THE WWE TITLE, LIVE FROM MIAMI!
J.R. - The 619 coming to the 305 tonight.
J.R. - Welcome to Raw with…A WELCOME TO RAW TAG TEAM ATTRACTION!
Alberto - THEY TOLD ME I’D BE THE ONLY MEXICAN ON RAW. I don’t want Rey on Raw. I know - he’s a little puppy and he’s following me everywhere!
Alberto - It’s my destiny to be champion - I will be the next WWE Champion.
J.R. - Swagger is one bad sooner!
Dolph - SHE’S OLD!
Rock - You think the Rock isn’t happy seeing Mae on his birthday? Vickie, you can lose all the weight you want, but you’ll never look as good as Mae Young! You think you’ll get one over on the Rock? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! Mae, thank you for coming to my birthday. THE ROCK GETS MORE PIE IN A NIGHT THAN YOU GET IN A LIFETIME!
Cena - I’ve brought a gift - The WWE Championship - and you can only get it at WrestleMania. If you want this, you gotta go through me.
Rock - Just. Bring it.
J.R. - How can you not love George Lopez?
J.R. - Kane sees evil and likes it.
King - Kane is evil and twisted.
J.R. - I thought you were describing one of your exes.
King - Well, um…
King - Ryan’s got muscles in places you don’t even have places.
Josh - That’s not the first time you’ve used that line.
King - It’s a good line.
J.R. - Copyright 1999.
Regis - Dwayne Johnson is 39. 39 - THAT’S THE SIZE OF MY ARMS!
Craig Ferguson - Dwayne Johnson, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday because of all the guests who could kill me, you scare me the most. And you smell nice. Like peaches. The stripper - not the fruit.
Josh - Rock’s movie Fast Five had Universal Studios’s biggest opening weekend EVER!
Rock - Everybody have a good time tonight? Have fun tonight? Well before the big finale, I have to tell you all - each of you, thank you for coming out tonight to support me and making this one of the greatest nights in the history of my life. I wanna thank my beautiful family who is here tonight. I wanna thank the WWE. And just as sure as tonight is gonna be the greatest birthday celebration in the history of TV, and just as sure as a proud Hurricane. AND A SON OF MIAMI, I GIVE YOU MY WORD THAT NEXT YEAR’S WRESTLEMANIA, THE PEOPLE’S WRESTLEMANIA WILL BE THE BIGGEST AND GREATEST WRESTLEMANIA OF ALL-TIME! (Vince comes out)
Vince - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROCK! I’d like to thank you for allowing us to celebrate your birthday in Miami. I’d like to also thank you Rock for that day, that night that you came to me and pulled me aside and said I want you to give me an opportunity. And take the WWE to heights never before seen - I’LL DO THINGS NO WWE SUPERSTAR HAS DONE BEFORE AND BY GOD YOU HAVE. THANK YOU FOR THAT! I’d like to thank you for your respect, your passion. Your humanity, and giving this audience the opportunity to say what.
Fans - What.
Vince - Thank you. And I’d like to thank you FOR BEING THE ROCK! On behalf of the WWE organization, we’ve put together a present for you. Of all the thank yous, a heartfelt thank you for coming home.
Mya - Happy birthday dear the Rock…
Rock - My family, Miami, the WWE Universe, everyone backstage, Team Bring It worldwide - I LOVE YOU. IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!