True, hilarious, pitiful story

Survivor Charlie

Survivor Charlie

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I've come to the conclusion that evolution cannot possibly exist. If it did, people like the following dude would have died out via natural selection years ago.

Scraggly looking dude comes up to me in Toys R Us while I look at cheap PS3 games.

Dude: "Do you have a PS3?"

Me: "Yes"

Dude: I can't pay $400 for one.

Me: Yeah, they're expensive.

Dude: Can I hook up three of the old ones together to make the new one?

Me: ... you mean... like Voltron?

Dude: No, I mean if this is just three playstations powerful...

Me: um... it's not, it more then three I guess. It's just the name of the machine, doesn't reflect how many PS1s there are in it.

Dude: how many are there?

Me: ... um... zero.

Dude: Zero?

Me: Zero, it's a new machine.

Dude: Yes, but how many old PS parts does it have in it.

Me: ... um... zero

Dude: Then why is it called "playstation 3?"

Me: Um... because it's the third machine they've made.

Dude: Oh okay.

*at this point, I couldn't help myself*

Me: Excuse me, sir... I'm just curious about something. Have you seen... I don't know... Rocky 3?

Dude: Is that the one with Mr. T?

Me: Yes.

Dude: Yep I've seen it.

Me: OK, because that's called Rocky 3, do you assume that it just the movie Rocky three times?

Dude: ... um... no... its... the... third... one...

Me: RIGHT... now... do you get why it's called a playstation 3?

Dude: I know now, jeeze, I'm not an idiot. I can get stuff.

Me: Sorry, just had to understand your train of thought.

Dude: So I guess I should put these things back. (guy shows off several sets of AV cords in his cart). I was going to use these to hook the machines up.

Me: Wow... sir I think you might be legally retarded.

Dude shoots a big dumb yellow toothed smile.

I swear to god, the above conversation actually happened. I even watch him leave the place half expecting the whole thing to be a gag or something.
 
[quote name='crushtopher']You actually got away with "sir...I think you might be legally retarded" ? Impressive[/QUOTE]

Well, I said it with a great deal of charm.
 
God damnit, I hope this was in Eastern WA, like in Spokane. They tend to have folks who came from the shallow end of the gene pool.
 
[quote name='carpwrist']God damnit, I hope this was in Eastern WA, like in Spokane. They tend to have folks who came from the shallow end of the gene pool.[/QUOTE]

Nope, Kennewick. Hop, skip, and three hour jump away.
 
[quote name='Survivor Charlie']
Dude: Yes, but how many old PS parts does it have in it.
[/QUOTE]

Does it have any PS1 stuff like how the 20GB and 60GB have the Emotion Engine for PS2 games in it or is it all done with emulation?
 
he had to be joking or at the very least higher than the moon. had he said that wii was just 2 gamecubes hooked together id have agreed with him.
 
[quote name='Paco']I call shenanigans. That story cunt be real.[/QUOTE]

Try working retail sometime. You'll get a lot worse.

I worked at Gamestop a long time ago, you wouldn't believe the type of questions you get.

"I put the machine on my TV but nothing happened."

"Did you... plug the machine in to the TV?"

"How do you do that?"

"Wow..."
Click to expand...

Something similar to that at least once a month.

Multiple phonecalls from people asking how to get past levels in the games they just bought.

Once a call from a person who couldn't figure out how to get past the 'press start' screen.

A person who wanted to know why their TV Remote Control didn't work with the Wii. Because, you see, they look kind of similar.
 
I get the "how do I beat this level?" call a lot.. if I've actually played the game, I'll waste my time and help. I've had to help sync up a lot of 360 controllers to systems and Wii remotes to systems. I really can't think of the dumbest question i've had. I would think it's the whole "can I play 360 games on XBox/PS3 on PS2/etc", but it's become too common for me to consider stupid..
 
[quote name='Scorch']I get the "how do I beat this level?" call a lot.. if I've actually played the game, I'll waste my time and help. I've had to help sync up a lot of 360 controllers to systems and Wii remotes to systems. I really can't think of the dumbest question i've had. I would think it's the whole "can I play 360 games on XBox/PS3 on PS2/etc", but it's become too common for me to consider stupid..[/QUOTE]

When i worked if we got the 'how do I beat this level' call and we weren't busy, we just made shit up.

"Yes, first you have to find the diamond... kangaroo... and take it up to the... penguin king located on... glowly star hill and trade it for the... emerald brass knuckles and then you can rescue the princess."

Try it sometime. It's fun.
 
I totally believe this story. While the PS3 was still in early development, I had a woman in walmart ask me (when I was working there) where the PS3 games were. Supposedly her brother had a PS3, and we were to the point of arguing about it. Her brother lived in California, which is why he had one, and the systems just hadn't made it to NC yet. She got pissed and left when I told her, someone sold her bro a PS2 with a "3" sticker on it, lol.
 
I call shenanigans on the retard line (I mean really) but the stupidity of people never ceases to amaze.

My wife was at TRU on Saturday and some woman asked her if it was buy one get one today because there were so many people in the store (my wife said she was in awe of the # of ppl). My wife explained it probably was because people needed to get some last minute shopping done and woman was again in awe. My wife then called her a retard and the woman walked away happily.

As long as they don't procreate I'm ok with comedy relief.
 
I did not make it up... I was trying to be nice to the guy and inform him of his status as a retard so he could... I dunno... collect benefits or something from it.

In all seriousness, I'm usually a pretty mellow person. But there's something about having a guy think he can somehow make a PS3 by linking three PS1s with audio-visual cords that makes me very angry. This guy was like in his 30s... someone that stupid at that age should have been eliminated by natural selection long ago. Stuck his tongue in an outlet or drank antifreeze or something.

I half expected this guy to say "M-O-O-N, that spells Playstation 3"
 
:whistle2:s:whistle2:#:lol::dunce:

That ^ is all I have to say about said idiot at TRU. Though, for the record, getting away with the R word and not getting beat to shit out in the parking lot was a miracle.
 
[quote name='Yanksfan']Ever consider he got his jollies by going in and trying to make some elitist salesperson groan with ridiculous questions?[/QUOTE]

Ever consider that the OP wasn't working there? There goes your "elitist sales person" theory.
 
I had a friend in high school who would start acting like a retard when we were in a store if he was bored. People would give us the strangest looks. He would start messing with stuff and I would have to take it away from him and tell him to leave things alone. Once he fell on the floor and "had a seizure". I think I just walked away...
 
I knew a guy in college that bought two broken PS2's on ebay and tried to solder them together to make a super PS2....needless to say it didnt work.
 
[quote name='MorPhiend']I had a friend in high school who would start acting like a retard when we were in a store if he was bored. People would give us the strangest looks. He would start messing with stuff and I would have to take it away from him and tell him to leave things alone. Once he fell on the floor and "had a seizure". I think I just walked away...[/quote]

That sounds like the drunk people who used to come into Wally World at 3 am during the summer months when I was doing night stock there. They would mess with everything and everyone.

It was a pain in the ass sometimes, but most of them were nice.
 
[quote name='Yanksfan']Ever consider he got his jollies by going in and trying to make some elitist salesperson groan with ridiculous questions?[/QUOTE]

I had considered it enough to sort of watch him exit the store and wait at the bus stop.

If this was performance art, the guy was really talented. For there's no way.
 
Awesome story but...
[quote name='Survivor Charlie']

I half expected this guy to say "M-O-O-N, that spells Playstation 3"[/QUOTE]

The Stand reference wins the thread. :)
 
You know, we could make a thread of 'stupid costumers' from all those poor souls out there that have had to work retail.

I worked at Best Buy once. Dude comes in looking for a DVD player.

Dude: Yes, I want a DVD player that only plays DVDs.

Me: What do you mean?

Dude: I don't want one that plays CDs or MP3 or whatever, just DVDs.

Me: All DVD Players also play CDs and MP3s.

Dude: Well I ain't paying for that shit. I only want a DVD player.

Me: It doesn't make the DVD player more expensive.

Dude: I said I ain't paying for no fucking CD player. I want to special order one.

Me: Sir, first off we don't do special orders. Second, if we did it would cost more then to buy our cheapest DVD player which is $40.

Dude: I ain't paying extra for no fucking CD or MP3 player.

Long story short, the manager had to come in, he got cussed out as well and asked the guy to go on a journey to find this mythical only-a-dvd player somewhere else, and to never ever step foot in Best Buy again.

I wish I could say stuff like that was a one-time only thing, but something similar would happen almost daily.
 
[quote name='Survivor Charlie']You know, we could make a thread of 'stupid costumers' from all those poor souls out there that have had to work retail.[/quote]

One Halloween, I dressed up like Paul Stanley from KISS
 
[quote name='Survivor Charlie']Dude: Yes, I want a DVD player that only plays DVDs.
[/QUOTE]That sounds like all the people who wanted a Blu-ray player but refused to buy a PS3 because it also played games.
 
LOL " you mean like Voltron?"

new_rofl.gif
 
[quote name='IAmTheBiggestInuyashaFan']Ever consider that the OP wasn't working there? There goes your "elitist sales person" theory.[/quote]

I wasn't trying to infer that the OP was an elitist sales person. But there are people that go into stores to try to fuck with sales staff and I wondered if this guy was doing something similar.
 
[quote name='Survivor Charlie']...
Dude: Can I hook up three of the old ones together to make the new one?

Me: ... you mean... like Voltron?...[/quote]
Greatest. fucking. Response. Ever.

I laughed so hard.
 
I thank you. I swear in my head I had pictured three flying Playstations and orders being barked out to activate interlocks, connect the dynotherms, etc etc.
 
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