What do you do?

sotb_96

sotb_96

CAGiversary!
Well...where do i start? The woman i have loved and cared for the past three years handed me divorce papers at the beginning of this month...the next week..i find out she has been cheating on me....this weekend i find some of their love letters....so here i am....i dont trust easy and dont open up easy..i have never had a friend or even family that didnt try to stick a knife in my back sooner or later...but i opened myself up to this woman heart and soul..trusted her...I took care of her and her two kids who i love very much for THREE years...now im tossed away like i meant nothing for a new model....i feel worthless...un loved...and alone at christmas...so what do i do? whats the point? move on so it can just happen again? anyone give me a reason not to empty my gun into my head? please no assholes ..i dont need a reminder of how bad people suck right now....i am really, really at a breaking point right now
 
I'm sorry about your situation and that it couldn't have come at a worse time.

[quote name='sotb_96']anyone give me a reason not to empty my gun into my head? [/quote]
First of all Nobody is worth killing yourself over and on top of that You have 2 kids that love you and need you. I'm a bit slim on what to do other than that because I'm not married so I'm going by relationship wise although I have a feeling they are pretty similar. Sorry I can't help any more than that but it will get better.
 
Thank you..the kids are not mine though..they were steps but i loved them like my own...so they r gone too..from the looks of the letters i found it looks like they will have a new daddy soon
 
[quote name='Strell']What a coincidental avatar to have in this thread, VipFREAK.[/QUOTE]

Holy shit! :lol:

Anyways, on to the real topic. As has been mentioned, no one is worth killing yourself over. The only real advice I can give you is that just because one person isn't good, doesn't mean another isn't. There are better women out there, and you'll be better off finding one of them than having this one doing things behind your back. As much as it sucks now, you have to realize that a better situation will come of it.
 
maybe a little laugh might help :) have a friend going through a divorce too lucky no kids

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:whistle2: 'You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store .


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited
 
whats the point though? move on so it can happen again? shut out everyone and just be alone? what is the point of all this when there is just more pain to look forward to? What happens when u wake up and realize that everything u love is gone and everything you knew was a lie?
 
[quote name='sotb_96']What happens when u wake up and realize that everything u love is gone and everything you knew was a lie?[/QUOTE]
You start over.
 
that was great lockey..

unfortunatly, that's not the tone right now

here's my advice: from here on out, just take it easy

someone says something about the marriage not lasting- don't take it to heart

eventually you'll be ready to start mingling and dating and whatnot, but I'd say from now on only concentrate on yourself until you're sure you're good and ready
 
[quote name='sotb_96']whats the point though? move on so it can happen again? shut out everyone and just be alone? what is the point of all this when there is just more pain to look forward to? What happens when u wake up and realize that everything u love is gone and everything you knew was a lie?[/QUOTE]

You pick yourself up and start over. No one said life, relationships in particular, was easy. We have to have pain in order to have pleasure. And out of this pain, you will find new pleasure somewhere else, and better than what you have had. Lots of people have had this happen to them, and they've gotten through it. You just have to make it a point to tell yourself you will get through it and you will come out the better for it in the end.
 
[quote name='sotb_96']whats the point though? move on so it can happen again? shut out everyone and just be alone? what is the point of all this when there is just more pain to look forward to? What happens when u wake up and realize that everything u love is gone and everything you knew was a lie?[/quote]

Come on man, that's not true. Not every woman out there is going to screw you over. You're going to have a few bad experiences. There's one out there for you, but no one is worth killing yourself over. No one. It may hurt now, but all things fade with time. Take a few days to yourself, be depressed, mope around, do whatever. Take it slow. No one said this is easy.

Look at it as a blessing. You don't want a woman like that in your life, and she was smart enough to remove herself. You're a better person without her.
 
What is it about women that they love men who treat them like garbage..you love one uncondionally and there for them in every possible way..and here i am...show me an asshole and i will show u a guy beating the chicks off of him
 
[quote name='sotb_96']show me an asshole and i will show u a guy beating the chicks off of him[/quote]

Show me an asshole and I'll say "aww gross" and probably throw up.

But seriously, whatever you do, DONT put any guns in the vicinity of your noggin.
 
[quote name='sotb_96']What is it about women that they love men who treat them like garbage..you love one uncondionally and there for them in every possible way..and here i am...show me an asshole and i will show u a guy beating the chicks off of him[/QUOTE]

It tends to happen with immature women or women who have psychological issues. So there you go.
 
[quote name='Maklershed']Show me an asshole and I'll say "aww gross" and probably throw up.
[/quote]

This thread is alot funnier than one would expect it to be..

hopefully laughter helps ease the pain
not even a little?
 
[quote name='sotb_96']Well...where do i start? The woman i have loved and cared for the past three years handed me divorce papers at the beginning of this month...the next week..i find out she has been cheating on me....this weekend i find some of their love letters....so here i am....i dont trust easy and dont open up easy..i have never had a friend or even family that didnt try to stick a knife in my back sooner or later...but i opened myself up to this woman heart and soul..trusted her...I took care of her and her two kids who i love very much for THREE years...now im tossed away like i meant nothing for a new model....i feel worthless...un loved...and alone at christmas...so what do i do? whats the point? move on so it can just happen again? anyone give me a reason not to empty my gun into my head? please no assholes ..i dont need a reminder of how bad people suck right now....i am really, really at a breaking point right now[/quote]

Get your house in order. This means getting the best lawyer you can afford, building up a paper trail to support your case, figuring out what you're going to do financially, etc. You won't have to pay child support and probably no alimony so worry about the assets you do have.

What's next? Well, your relationship with homegirl is over so it's time to start prepping for the next one. Hit the gym or start working out at home, get on a healtheir diet and bunker down with the things you love. I'm guessing you like video games so that's one, you can put some more focus into your job as well. All of these things will better arm you for when the next girl comes around.
 
i am thankf ull the words of support....everyone keeps telling me it gets better with time..yet everyday seems more painful than the next
 
sorry to hear about your story. don't shoot yourself. what you knew was not a lie, but a reality check, so learn from it. you made a mistake, we all do sometimes.

new rule for next relationship: never inherit another man's kids, period. never start a long term relationship with women carrying any excess luggage.

go out there and be a dick yourself, the women will come. or just go to a couple of nice strip bars.

move on. don't dwell on it.

edit: don't shoot anyone else either. especially me.
 
[quote name='sotb_96']i am thankf ull the words of support....everyone keeps telling me it gets better with time..yet everyday seems more painful than the next[/QUOTE]

It always hurts in the moment, but 5 years from now, 10 years from now, you'll say it's the best thing that could have happened for you. It obviously wasn't a good situation. Take care of your business now, take some time for yourself for a few months, then start getting back out there.
 
[quote name='sotb_96']i am thankf ull the words of support....everyone keeps telling me it gets better with time..yet everyday seems more painful than the next[/quote]

It will take a little time, but things will get better.
 
you have to do the meanest most pettiest hardcore thign you can do. and thats keep on living. i wont bad mouth your ex since i dont know her but the last thign you want to do is give her that kind of power over you. you kill yourself then what ? youre dead any family and friends you have will mourn you and more than likely she will continue on and maybe even brag about how a man killed himself over her.

when it comes to people like that your best weapon is to live life and not look back. itll hurt it always does and who knows how long it will be if or when you move on and if or when you find someone new but in the end you can find alot of things to do with your life that are alot better than taking it wastefully. try to find a reason to live and keep on living.
 
One thing that has helped me with my recent break-up was reading a great deal of break-up books, relationship books, etc.

Even if you aren't a bad guy or consider yourself a good boyfriend, husband, whatever - these books can be a great help.
 
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation OP. All I can say is that I agree with everybody else here. There's noone, and I do mean NOONE, who is worth killing yourself over. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in another person that we forget we have hobbies, jobs, and especially lives independent of these people as well.

I'm young myself (only 21), but I once had a girlfriend who seemed to be the exact type of woman your ex is. She was attention craving, manipulative, and above all, selfish. We dated on and off for almost 4 years, until I finally had the nerve to finally say enough is enough. It still hurt after, for a while, until I found my current gf. Believe me: although it may not seem like it now, you will find a woman who will treat you how you deserve to be treated. Past experiences such as this only make it that much more special.

You seem like a good guy. Just know that you're caring, and that you put other people (in this case, the woman and her children) before yourself. You're the exact opposite of this woman, and you're much better off without her. All people like that will do is drag you down.

If you need anything, feel free to PM me, and good luck!
 
the saddest thing is..i would walk in front of traffic even now if she asked me..and that just maes me feel even more stupid
 
[quote name='sotb_96']the saddest thing is..i would walk in front of traffic even now if she asked me..and that just maes me feel even more stupid[/QUOTE]
Don't be an idiot. :roll:

You asked people for advice; listen to it.
 
So sorry to hear this man. I'll offer what advice I can:

A wise man once told me "Moments of intense emotion are times of reflection, not the time for action". Simple, yet profound. So many people take action when they are angry or upset, and end up making some of the worst decisions of their lives, affecting themselves and others in negative and often irreversible ways. Give yourself a good amount of time to come down from the mountain of pain you're on, and then choose where to go from there. It's okay to just be sad and in mourning for a time.

Consider this: what could you have done differently? It's not always the other party's fault, no matter how much we hate them for what they've done. If you are truly not at fault though, then good for you! At that point, after mourning and honest reflection, then take some action. Your first action? Do your best to suck it up and move on like the man that you are.

Remember the ancient Chinese (Japanese?) maxim: "This too shall pass". It really will, every time. And once you are on the other side, you'll realize that it wasn't as bad as you thought it was, and it didn't last as long as it seemed it was.

Cheers, brother. You'll pull through.
 
[quote name='sotb_96']the saddest thing is..i would walk in front of traffic even now if she asked me..and that just maes me feel even more stupid[/quote]

She cheated on you, served you divorce papers before Christmas, and you would still kill yourself on her command?! Seriously, think about what you just wrote.

You're worth more than that. You have family and friends who still care about you and would miss you if you took your own life. If you don't care about your own life at this point, think about the consequences and the hurt you'll be leaving for your family and friends. There are plenty of happy marriages alongside the bad and you're not alone. It'll take awhile and you'll find another person. Go out, meet with friends, have fun to take your mind off of the situation. Don't sit at home and dwell on your problems during the holidays. After the holidays, I would advise you to make copies of the cheating letters and get a good divorce lawyer. Protect yourself first b/c life is worth it.
 
As everyone else has said, its not worth killing yourself. I'm a cop and i have had to go to 2 or 3 suicides this week and its not the way to go out. Worked a suicide last night were a 23 year old kid took a whole bunch of pills and killed himself. He thought he was doing everyone a favor, but I guarantee he did not help anyone by killing himself.

Get help and talk to someone. There are a whole bunch places and people you can talk to for free that can help you out. Maybe get on an anti depressant if you have to.

Most importantly realize your not the first person that has gone threw this. You are still young and there is still so much left to do in your life. If you want to get back at your ex go on and live a long a productive life.
 
Get revenge. And I don't mean go out and shoot her or some crazy shit like that - you're just going to justify her divorce. When I mean get revenge, go out, live your life to the fullest. The best revenge anyone can do on another person is 2 things: outlive them and live a better life than them. That person has to suffer the realization that you are, in fact, a better person than she is and she'll be kicking herself for the rest of her life letting you go for some random cock, especially 30 yrs down the line when her looks aren't that great and that guy she replaced you with is now looking to replace her in turn w/ some pretty young thing. Trust me, living a better life is the sweetest, most succulent form of revenge.
 
I'll keep it short and simple: keep your chin up, be optimistic, and move forward. Some of these guys are really smart. listen to them
 
Hit the gym relentlessly.. give yourself sometimes.. soon enough.. you'll find new prospect for new relationship.. chic with two kids are NOT the type you want to get yourself into (Lykus 101?) .. good luck!
 
I've been through a bad break-up as well and while at the time it seems difficult to be practical about the situation.. it's the only good way to go about it. Look at it this way

You thought you had a good thing going. That wasn't the case. Isn't it better to get out now rather than later? I mean sure you were married so that's gone.. but at least you didn't have kids with her. A lot of people that get divorced do have kids, so you have one less hurdle to jump. It seems bad now, but all troubles come to pass... you'll be feeling like a million bucks about a year from now. Stay focused on what's important.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']Get revenge. And I don't mean go out and shoot her or some crazy shit like that - you're just going to justify her divorce. When I mean get revenge, go out, live your life to the fullest. The best revenge anyone can do on another person is 2 things: outlive them and live a better life than them. That person has to suffer the realization that you are, in fact, a better person than she is and she'll be kicking herself for the rest of her life letting you go for some random cock, especially 30 yrs down the line when her looks aren't that great and that guy she replaced you with is now looking to replace her in turn w/ some pretty young thing. Trust me, living a better life is the sweetest, most succulent form of revenge.[/QUOTE]

Nice.
 
Oh, the irony.
[quote name='sotb_96']anyone give me a reason not to empty my gun into my head? please no assholes ..i dont need a reminder of how bad people suck right now....[/quote]
 
[quote name='BigSpoonyBard']It always hurts in the moment, but 5 years from now, 10 years from now, you'll say it's the best thing that could have happened for you.[/quote]

Best piece of advice so far.

Seriously, I know at least four people who have gone through this; all of them say the same thing.

Yes, you're going to be miserable for a while, just do whatever you need to do to keep yourself from commiting suicide, and eventually, you will feel better. Just remember that you did not do anything wrong. Whoever this girl is, she obviously has some growing up to do. You can take solace in the fact that years from now, once you've gotten over her, she'll realize that running away from a healthy marriage to be with some asshole wasn't a good idea.
 
Gentlemen...it's Christmas eve and i am still sucking air...so one step at a time..for all you CAGers that took the time to support..youre all angels in disguise..God bless each and every one of you and Merry Christmas
 
[quote name='sotb_96']Gentlemen...it's Christmas eve and i am still sucking air...so one step at a time..for all you CAGers that took the time to support..youre all angels in disguise..God bless each and every one of you and Merry Christmas[/quote]

Merry Christmas to you man!
 
Merry Christmas man.

And if watching old reruns of "Its a wonderful Life" has taught me everything its that Suicide isnt the answer, especially on Christmas, the next thing you know Jimmy stewart is stuttering up to your doorstep screaming "Tha...Tha Think Of tha angels!"
 
[quote name='Liquid 2']You asked people for advice; listen to it.[/QUOTE]

This, and Jaykrue's always sound advice. It's important to take your time to mourn and be unhappy - but also to become a great person ("live life to the fullest" sounds like a fuckin' Hallmark card, IMO). Be happy, be healthy, be financially well. Set goals, work towards them, and look back only when you need a reminder as to why you're moving in the direction you are.

After all, if you sulk, become a fuckup, drunk, junkies, or whathaveyou...then years down the line, she'll say "damn, I made the right move in leaving that dolt." Instead, become a better person, and make sure that inevitable reaction is one that seethes with jealousy and resentment for the actions she took. The last thing you want to do is allow her to feel she made the right decision, so it's your job to prove her wrong. As an added benefit, in the process, you'll find you're doing all the right things for yourself.
 
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