What should I do?

Jkmetal

Jkmetal

Banned
Go ahead, call me anything that you like after your done reading this, its your right, but please read this.

Ok, so I am a 19 year old sophomore in college. Just this last weekend, I realised something, I feel like that up to this point in life that if things go the way they have been going since highschool I really don't see my life being one that will really worth anything. I was thinking about my new living arrangements in school, classes and my social life. I realizeded that at this point I havet made only one friend by myself alone (me and my twin brother always had mutal friends, those 2 (sad I know only two friends from highschool) whom I still have. However, I know that without my brother I would not have been friends with even them) my entire freshmen year and even the last 5 years of my life. At this point, I don't even know how to make friends or how to keep them. I find it impossible to make any meaningful conversation with strangers, I avoid most types of socal situations and whenever I am taken to a party I usually find some way to escape a few minutes later to just sit on the couch. I am usually in constant fear of other people, of saying the wrong thing, of coming off as werid or unusual. Around everybody but my two friends and family. Even then. Futher more, I've never had a girlfriend or done anything beyond professional and some social gatherings with a girl. Anything. Its not that I don't want to, I can't. Its impossible, I don't even know how to begin.

Even moving beyond the social aspect of my life even though I have some motivation in school (I stay above water, usually), I really have no goals in life, at all, and I really mean this, beyond just staying above water. I don't ever think about a career, a future, a job or anything like that. For me its like only this moment in time is what I can think about. I never really plan, I just slide along. Even when I was involved in the martial arts, I didn't have any real abiltiy to progress in rank after the first year and a half, even though I enjoyed being a part of it.

Anyway, bottom line that I am one fucked up person. And at this point, I really, really, dislike myself. Maybe even hate myself. I know I should seek help and I am going to. I was just wondering though, is it better? When you actually have a life? Has anyone here ever been through something like this before? How did you snap out of it?

Anyway, thats it. Feel free to flame me as usual, I mean i get it all the time in real life, so why not here?
 
Go see a doctor. It sounds like you have an anxiety disorder, like I do. I went through a really, really depressed phase where I had no friends, and went to a psychiatrist and got on Zoloft, which I've since learned to phase out. I took it in variable dosages for 5 years until I learned how to modify my outlook. It was a gateway to being happier, and I'm fine now.

As a companion, it may also be useful to go see a therapist and talk out your problems. It seems kinda sketch at first to talk to a stranger about your problems, but it really will make you feel better to talk to someone who has an objective viewpoint, and knows a lot about emotional modes and the such.
 
[quote name='SilverPaw750']Go see a doctor. It sounds like you have social anxiety. I went through a really, really depressed phase where I had no friends, and went to a psychiatrist and got on Zoloft, which I've since learned to phase out. I took it in variable dosages for 5 years until I learned how to modify my outlook. It was a gateway to being happier.

As a companion, it may also be useful to go see a therapist and talk out your problems.[/quote]

probably. at least my college has consoling services and everything. I just hope
that I can get the courage up just to go.
 
[quote name='camoor']Yeah go see a psychologist.

You seem like you're wound too tight.

Oh, and don't join a cult.[/quote]
Don't worry, I still have my independence of thought. As much as anyone else I guess. Although right now I can see how religious people can be happier as a whole.

Around family and two, maybe three friends I have I can be relaxed.
 
I used to feel that way all the time and then i made some friends that i have kept through highschool. I just graduated and dont see any of them anymore. It seems like everyone in my college is a dickhead. I have CAG and the OTT which keeps me company, and the occassional girl keeps me sane.

Its alright dude it does get better, parties and stuff arent all they are cracked up to be.
 
Wow, after reading that I feel I'm looking at something I just posted myself. Seriously, you sound exactly like me.

I don't really have anything useful to add except I'm still going through the same kind of shit. No real goals or aspirations, nobody knows me and I don't know much of anyone, have a few friends I've known forever but that's it. I always choke on my words when attempting to carry a conversation, so I tend not to bother.

It's not an enjoyable way to live and it can be rather embarrassing. Personally, I think you should see someone about it, cause social anxiety can bring you down a lot. The stuff I was given for it didn't really help at all, but I think it varies from person to person.. might as well try.
 
talk to a therapist, u might need some sort of medication

also, this is like the 5th person, what up with college kids now a days.
 
[quote name='Cracka']you need to get laid.[/quote]

yeah, but thats probably a little while off in my current state.
 
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']talk to a therapist, u might need some sort of medication

also, this is like the 5th person, what up with college kids now a days.[/quote]

Yeah seriously every other day a different college kid has a post like this. Just a thought, but it might be worth a few of you with similiar threads exchanging information and talk things out.

Take advantage of the services offered through the college. Talking it out may help.
 
[quote name='kjauburn']Yeah seriously every other day a different college kid has a post like this. Just a thought, but it might be worth a few of you with similiar threads exchanging information and talk things out.

Take advantage of the services offered through the college. Talking it out may help.[/quote]

My thread is nothing like the other guys. He was homesick, my college is my home and I want to say here. Big difference.
 
I just believe life sucks, people are only out for their own skins, don't trust anyone, and you just have to suffer through the course of your life. However, I'm not depressed. Just incredibly cynical.

This is not a sarcastic post either.

[quote name='Jkmetal']at this point, no. eventually, maybe.[/quote]

Be careful. Someone at CAG will call the authorities and the next thing you know the cops will be at your door and you will be placed under parental supervision or something close to it. And everyone in college will know what happened.

Either way, stop being such an attention whore. It all starts from with-in. What do you want to do and what do you want to excel at? It's not a matter of you don't know. You are who you choose to be. Choose who you want to be, accept yourself for it, and do the best you can do at what you want to do.

Where in Essex County are you?
 
ok, everone realax, I am not going to hurt myself, what I meant by hurting myself was that eventually I am going to be hurt by shutting myself in more and more. not physically.
 
Yup, sounds like social anxiety disorder. Go see a thrapist, I'm serious. And go into it with as little preconception as possible.

Couldn't hurt.
 
I was relaxed. I'm just giving you some insight into how some other people make take it.

You never said where in Essex you are? I'm not going to call the cops or anything. I'm just curious since I live in Jersey.
 
Hang in there dude, and seek out some help. I posted my story on here a few times, and don't feel like doing it again, but things will start looking up for you eventually. Keep on keepin' on!
 
near the city.

i know i come off as an attention whore, but i feel really alone here and I just wanted to see if anyone else had gotten through something like this.
 
I have social anxiety disorder too. It tortured me throughout my childhood and up to now. I'm gradually learning to be more social towards people.
 
[quote name='Jkmetal']i know i come off as an attention whore, but i feel really alone here and I just wanted to see if anyone else had gotten through something like this.[/quote]
I was a hermit for about 2 months during the winter of 2000. Hah.
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']I was a hermit for about 2 months during the winter of 2000. Hah.[/quote]

Wow. That must have sucked.

Anyway, I have work tomorrow and i need some sleep.
 
Well, I walked to the pyscological consoling services on campus, but decided to call them rather than make a face to face apointment. Kinda a wimp out, but atleast I walked there.
 
Man, you sound exactly like me. When you talk to a stranger (or he/she talks to you) do you get super nervous and your heart starts pumping hard? I need to figure out a way to stop that. I didnt have that in college but since I've been out its been getting worse and worse. I've lost pretty much all my college friends cause I get nervous talking to them anymore (so I avoid them) and its damn near impossible to make new friends. Also, I'm finding nothing makes me happy anymore. I do the stuff I used to do .. like golf, play guitar, play videogames, but its just like I'm going through the motions.
 
Just relax and go with the "flow." Saying and doing the wrong things are part of life and you learn from them.

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[quote name='Ikohn4ever']talk to a therapist, u might need some sort of medication

also, this is like the 5th person, what up with college kids now a days.[/quote]

Yeah this is exaclty like the kid who cant get adjusted to college.

I was gonna flame the hell out of you OP but I after reading your post I couldnt bring myself to do it. I feel for you man.

I would read alot of the stuff from that homesick thread because those tips will not only help one get adjusted to being away from home, but they will help you not suck at life too.

Get professional help though, sounds like you (and most of america) need it.
 
The first thing i would suggest doing is making a thread in a videogame discussion board.





edit OK that is pretty fucked up. dont just see a phycologist, see a phychiatrist(the doctor that will prescribe you medicine). you may want both. I went through a rough patch in college, I even dropped out for a couple of years to get my mindset together.

I am not saying you should drop out and get your head together, it took a while for the shrinks to find some combination of medicine that actually worked.

My initial reaction to taking the medicine to look at all the side effects(throwing up, not sleeping etc) was better wanting to die all the time.

all i can tell you is that a LOT of people are on phichiatcric medication. Prozac used to be the most prescribed drug in the usa, now it is #2(viagra is now the drug most frequently prescribed).
 
There's a "dive in" approach that I used that worked pretty well. I'm nowhere near the social-freedom level I'd like to be (but part of that is my own choosing) but I'm considerable different from what I was like.

Go and get a job that puts you interacting with lots and lots of people, and requires you to actually interact with them (not just ring shit up.) I for instance, being the introvert I was, applied for a position that had me interacting with ~1500 people on hour, but your area will obviously help or hurt this idea. Make sure it's someplace with friendly people, and most of the time they will go out of their way to make you comfortable.

It's helpful to find a place that, even if it's a big company, has relatively small teams so you can bond with people that way. Sure you will only make work friends at first, but it gets you comfortable with talking to people without even thinking about it. Even if the job sucks, it's a good learning tool if you can stick it out for 6 months or so.
 
I'm being 100% serious with this, so no one flame nor OP get offended.

Are you absolutetly positive in your sexuality? I've always had a feeling I'd wind up gay (lmao) and..well, clearly I did. But those closeted years were BRUTAL. I felt the same way. I was a really mean, depressed person who just didn't like doing much. After I came out and was TRULY comfortable with myself.. well, life isn't all that bad. It still sucks and life will always suck, but it's not as bad as I had made it seem.

Now I'm not calling you out on that..but I also felt the same in almost everyway. If your not, (and I mean REALLY not) then that's fine too ya know lol But I'm just getting a little more personal here since again, that sounded just like me a few years back.
 
I am about 95% sure that I am not gay. Guy's just don't do it for me. I've never seen a guy in real life that I thought was "hot" or whatever. I have never been attracted to a guy before.
 
I actually used to feel like that a lot. Then one day, while thinking about my current state, I realized I wasn't the one with the problem, it was everyone else. I don't suggest doing this, but from that moment onward I accepted the mentality that everybody else just sucks.

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, acting like a huge asshole got positive responses out of everyone.
 
I feel for you JK my philosophy is stick to yourself and go to work because I couldn't do it without working because If I didn't work I'd get bored like shit and resort to depression. I'd rather work and gain friendships then go to class and sit on my ass for the rest of the day with only playing video games and doing HW. After a while it becomes repetetive but it works for me. I also have dont have many friends from highschool not one and I have had only 2 friends my whole life since elementary but I still got some good friends at work which does it for me. I'm not saying to resort to working because some jobs are shitty and I have seen that but go out and make friends I know it sounds easier said then done but it works. I've learned to be kind to people and you will recieve respect except from those who have a cold personality.
 
[quote name='Sofa King Kool']I actually used to feel like that a lot. Then one day, while thinking about my current state, I realized I wasn't the one with the problem, it was everyone else. I don't suggest doing this, but from that moment onward I accepted the mentality that everybody else just sucks.

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, acting like a huge asshole got positive responses out of everyone.[/quote]

But I actually like people for the most part. I used to think it was everyone elses problem, then I meet some people who were nice and who I could get along with sometime (don't see any of them anymore).

I need to get involved with a new group. I used to do martial arts in town and actually went to a concert with a Guy and His friend (guy was from karate) in the city at the end of the year. Then my left ear went bad (loud noise/sound will cause my pain/annoyance/discomfort/ringing) and it got too loud. But while I was doing karate, I was doing a little better than I am doing now. I was getting better (this was last year), but now its turning back into highschool, only I don't have my brother to help back me up.
 
[quote name='Jkmetal']snip[/quote]
I've been there and still relapse man. I can sit here and spew all kinds of bullshit but I'll just spit what worked for me:

1. Exercise. Bolded for truth. You don't have to go crazy with this, but at least get a basic fitness routine going. You can do this for free or real real cheap as long as you got money for some decent sneakers.

2. Diet. Stay away from too much fat, fried shit, smokes and alcohol in excess. I know it sounds lame to give up vices for a while but you will feel better especially if you are a smoker and drop that shit.

3. Do what you enjoy. Got a passion? Pursue it for its own sake. fuck that do what you love for a living bullshit and do what it takes so that you can pursue your passion in your own time.

4. Get a support net. You obviously don't have a lot of places to turn since you came here asking for advice but you're going to need a set of mature ears to spit to. You're not going to get that on an internet board. For me, it's my bartender, but since you're not old enough then go to a trusted adult.

Good luck; I hope this helps. Don't be afraid to ask us if you need more help or more specific advice and just ignore the assholes posting troll bullshit in this thread.
 
Wow, yeah, quite the lurker here, but this thread really touched me.. you are not alone, man, at least take consolation in that. I'm a junior at college in NY (from NJ, though), and I feel the same most of the time. I just have sort of concluded that maybe large scale human interaction and high ambitions aren't in the cards (just in the..vicarious ones: the books and movies and games and "sensuous daydreams"), though I never used to be that way when I was younger; maybe I can only keep up rapport with a few people. I am extremely cynical, though I try not to be outwardly 24/7...it really is sad when one over-analyzes a quick "hello, how are you?" and ends up coming off like a cold bitch, sigh. And, hey, OP, at least you have a job! D:
 
Thankfully, I usually ride my bike everywhere. Up hill,down hill, everywhere around campus.

I used to eat better, but lately I have been really letting that slide,

However, I am in farily good shape.

What do I enjoy? Wow, riding my bike um, I used to like drawing but I really suck. Other than that, video games. I used to be able to listen to music more but my ear gets pissed off if I listen to too much now.

I did call my one friend here to see if he wanted to hang out and he said he would give me a call back. I would talk to my folks but..... I'm getting a little old to rely on them.
 
[quote name='Jkmetal']What do I enjoy? Wow, riding my bike um, I used to like drawing but I really suck. Other than that, video games. I used to be able to listen to music more but my ear gets pissed off if I listen to too much now.[/quote]

fuck that noise. I suck at drawing too but I draw every day. Draw, bitch. Draw for yourself and not because I'm whining at you. Go for bike rides and draw what you see because the snow is coming soon and you won't be able to any more. Shit, you'll probably find some cool shit while you're out there and just want to do it more!

Also, don't feel any shame about cultivating a good relationship with your parents. I haven't spoken to my parents in 6 years and I really regret that shit. You're getting to be about that age where you'll be able to stop thinking of them as 'your parents' and appreciate them as people. I'm not gonna push this one too hard but I'm just saying there's nothing wrong with it.

It sounds to me like you're just a natural introvert. Take a gander at this and see if it sounds at all familiar. If you're an introvert by nature then you're just going to have to deal with the fact that the world is dominated by extroverts and learn to deal with them. Obnoxious, I know, but that's just the way it is.
 
I walked with my friend for awhile, and he's a little lonely too (although not as bad as me) and it makes me feel a little better. Atleast now I fell a little less alone. I will vist campus services tomorrow, hopefully I can start toward changing myself and helping me with my social aniexty.
 
First, join a club. Any club. If you like MMA, try taking a muay thai class. Or a college debate team, interning for the school paper, or the young republicans (wait, don't go that crazy). The point is to immerse yourself in a social activity which you might potentially have an interest in. Be earnest about your social ineptitude and in learning how to get out of your shell. Once you find an activity, actively participate in any events they have, especially if it's a social event such as a BBQ or a potluck dinner. This forces you into social situations. Yeah you could escape but you've gotta go in w/ a 'sink or swim' attitude w/ emphasis on 'swim'. No matter how much self-pity you have, a bit of confidence goes a long way towards shifting that attitude.

Write down the things you'd like to change in your life in list form. Write the steps you need to change those things. Take each step a day a time. No need to overwhelm yourself. Little self-changes will add up eventually. It's cumulative. After 3 months, look over that list again and see what you've accomplished, check off the things you've done and continue marching on. You'll start to feel good at setting your own personal goals and achieving them. This becomes a positive reinforcement on your good behavior and encourages more good behavior. Eventually, you get a natural high from achieving and accomplishing great things. This drives you to succeed even more. And so on and so forth.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']First, join a club. Any club. If you like MMA, try taking a muay thai class. Or a college debate team, interning for the school paper, or the young republicans (wait, don't go that crazy). The point is to immerse yourself in a social activity which you might potentially have an interest in. Be earnest about your social ineptitude and in learning how to get out of your shell. Once you find an activity, actively participate in any events they have, especially if it's a social event such as a BBQ or a potluck dinner. This forces you into social situations. Yeah you could escape but you've gotta go in w/ a 'sink or swim' attitude w/ emphasis on 'swim'. No matter how much self-pity you have, a bit of confidence goes a long way towards shifting that attitude.

Write down the things you'd like to change in your life in list form. Write the steps you need to change those things. Take each step a day a time. No need to overwhelm yourself. Little self-changes will add up eventually. It's cumulative. After 3 months, look over that list again and see what you've accomplished, check off the things you've done and continue marching on. You'll start to feel good at setting your own personal goals and achieving them. This becomes a positive reinforcement on your good behavior and encourages more good behavior. Eventually, you get a natural high from achieving and accomplishing great things. This drives you to succeed even more. And so on and so forth.[/QUOTE]

^^^
Great ideas.

I used to be the same, maybe not QUITE as bad, but similar. You need to go outside your comfort zone. Without doing this, you will NEVER make friends. Not worthwhile ones anyways.

If you're afraid to talk to people start small. Go buy something from a store you rarely go to. The people won't be going anywhere and they've seen everything. You have nothing to lose. It's hard, I know. Just ask about common things.. the weather, sports, interests, ANYTHING is better then nothing.

Try to find someone who has lots of friends and gatherings. Usually knowing cool people can lead to meeting other cool people.. thats how I met almost everyone I know.

Seems people here think you may need more then words, but who knows. Personally, I don't think you need a doctor or anything. Just the will to change.
 
OP, don't have any worries. I went through this last year around January or so. I made a couple of posts here too... wonder if I could still look 'em up? What really helped me out is that I had one friend, my only friend, who cared enough for me that he took me out to meet new people. I just got used to having people around me, and got immersed within people. And I agree, you ought to go see a professional. Someone posted in my thread something like this: 'When you're feeling physically ill, what do you do? You go see a doctor. When you pull a muscle, you go see a physical therapist. There's no shame in seeing a psychiatrist,' or something along those lines. Which is absolutely true.

Don't worry about it. Just think of the future, and what you can do about it. Stop thinking about the past and what you want to change, because it's not going to happen. The change occurs in the future.


EDIT: I agree with cocheesecocheese. (Heh, I like riding bikes, music, drawing, and games too... seems we have some things in common.) I draw every day, for a couple of hours, while listening to music, at night before bed. I don't know why I do it, either. I just do, and it makes me feel good.
 
I can also sympathize with ya bro. I'm hittin' 24 next month and basically live in my parents basement. I have a low paying, crappy dead end job in which I use most of my check to either buy stuff like video games/dvds for myself. I have a crappy car and no ambition to make anything better. I keep very few close friends and basically come home from work and live on the internet and play my games and watch tv all night. If you work retail, you'll really realize how much you don't like people. Things will eventually get better in time for all of us...but yea, it looks like we all have some of this crap in common eh? lol
 
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