When did 'You look tired' become an insult?

rabbitt

rabbitt

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I'm sitting in 1st period, airbrushing, right across from a female friend. She's looking a little... drowsy. I decide to comment on this with "You look tired." My other female friend, sitting on my right, scoffs as if I stepped on her toe. "What?" I respond. She then informs me that saying someone looks tired is extremely rude and implies bags under the eyes as well as a slouching posture. She follows this 'fact' up with a suggestion to apologize to my other friend, which I decline. I haven't talked to her (the one who scoffed at me) since Monday.

So. Are there any other fine details I should know about when talking to the opposite sex? And have any of you had similar experiences?
 
Eh, when you say someone looks "tired," it can be taken to mean that they don't look so hot at the moment. Which, if they're not tired, would not be such a nice thing to hear.

I try to avoid saying it.
 
Do you plan to mate with either of these hu-man females in the future? If no, who cares?
 
[quote name='rabbitt']

So. Are there any other fine details I should know about when talking to the opposite sex?[/QUOTE]

They're crazy. All of them.
 
shit......... i usually have black spots under my eyes and I fucken hate it when people say you look tired... Sometimes I think a lot while waiting for something and some people think I am sad because I am not smiling. Heck I've been accused of preying if I have my hands together near my mouth and in my thinking mood but stupid people think I am preying.......WTF!??!?! LEAVE ME THE fuck ALONE......
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']"You look tired" usually means "Damn bitch, dem titties saggy!"[/QUOTE]Which is retarded. Titties never sleep.
 
[quote name='botticus']Eh, when you say someone looks "tired," it can be taken to mean that they don't look so hot at the moment. Which, if they're not tired, would not be such a nice thing to hear.
[/QUOTE]

Quoted for truth
 
[quote name='x0thedeadzone0x']Quoted for truth[/QUOTE]

But that's bullshit.

Men and women communicate differently. I think this is well known and well documented. There's books and people giving lecture tours around this exact premise.

But it normally boils down to this - women hide a lot in what they say, and men don't. Women interwine lots of details in few words and can connect all sort sof things to everything else. Men just say what is up directly.

So when we say tired, in our man-minds, we are saying you look, as shocklingly simple and stupidly obvious as it sounds, that you look tired, as if maybe you had a long day or didn't get a lot of sleep.

We're not adding in metaphors and whatnot on top of that, claiming that you look old or beat up or maybe you are a slut and you got little sleep because you hooked up with some slob at a bar.

'Cuz guess what. If we thought any of those things, we'll just let you know. "Hey, you look like you were a loose whore last night."

Harsh, understandable, but the point is that these are the breaks, people.

This post is not necessarily meant at anyone in particular. It's just a comment on the scenario that was presented in the OP.

Women, I assure you, you will get along with us better - and, remarkably - yourself, if you take what I say at face value. It's just free advice is all, I assure you. Nothing more or less.
 
[quote name='rabbitt']I'm sitting in 1st period, airbrushing, right across from a female friend. She's looking a little... drowsy. I decide to comment on this with "You look tired." My other female friend, sitting on my right, scoffs as if I stepped on her toe. "What?" I respond. She then informs me that saying someone looks tired is extremely rude and implies bags under the eyes as well as a slouching posture. She follows this 'fact' up with a suggestion to apologize to my other friend, which I decline. I haven't talked to her (the one who scoffed at me) since Monday.

So. Are there any other fine details I should know about when talking to the opposite sex? And have any of you had similar experiences?[/quote]

I've known men in their 80's who still literally have not figured out the opposite sex. Its just something you have to live with.

If you really need help, I guess reading 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' will help. It helped me clear up some things personally.
 
[quote name='Strell']
Men and women communicate differently. I think this is well known and well documented. There's books and people giving lecture tours around this exact premise.

But it normally boils down to this - women hide a lot in what they say, and men don't. Women interwine lots of details in few words and can connect all sort sof things to everything else. Men just say what is up directly.

So when we say tired, in our man-minds, we are saying you look, as shocklingly simple and stupidly obvious as it sounds, that you look tired, as if maybe you had a long day or didn't get a lot of sleep.

We're not adding in metaphors and whatnot on top of that, claiming that you look old or beat up or maybe you are a slut and you got little sleep because you hooked up with some slob at a bar.

'Cuz guess what. If we thought any of those things, we'll just let you know. "Hey, you look like you were a loose whore last night."

Harsh, understandable, but the point is that these are the breaks, people.

This post is not necessarily meant at anyone in particular. It's just a comment on the scenario that was presented in the OP.

Women, I assure you, you will get along with us better - and, remarkably - yourself, if you take what I say at face value. It's just free advice is all, I assure you. Nothing more or less.[/quote]

Well said.

I have had to literally explain this outloud before. I am kind by nature and still have had the simplest of phrases misconstrued.
 
"Oh, you're having a baby? Where are you, third trimester? Congratulations!"

"... I'm not pregnant!"
 
[quote name='Hex']"Oh, you're having a baby? Where are you, third trimester? Congratulations!"

"... I'm not pregnant!"[/QUOTE]


if someone is THAT STUPID not to tell a diffrence between a fat woman and one having a baby, then they deserve to be slapped.
 
[quote name='ITDEFX']if someone is THAT STUPID not to tell a diffrence between a fat woman and one having a baby, then they deserve to be slapped.[/quote]

That's one thing no one should ever do. If someone doesn't know for sure they shoudn't assume. That's omega-level stupidty right there.
 
Who congratulates women on pregnancy anyway? I guess the baby's probably fun after it's out, but the whole incubation process seems unpleasent on almost all fronts.
 
Ok, so I took this thread/discussion to my gf, and after a lengthy talk about it (well, like ten minutes, as we are both English majors so we've taken linguistics and whatnot, and she thinks very differently than me), we boiled it down to this - never make a declaritive sentence, but rather ask a question.

So instead of "You look tired," ask "Are you tired?"

She also points out that (and this is pretty new to me, so it must be understood in the great arcane race of females), that substituting the word "sleepy" does not carry negativity.

So you could say "Are you sleepy?" as this apparently contains even less negativity.

She also said that the OP makes no denotation of tone, and this could change the conversation radically either way. I noted that "well he didn't mention it, therefore it's irrelevant," to which she respond that it is never irrelevant. I countered by asking her to close her eyes and let me talk very monotonely to her, making sure I was doing so, but she said I still had tone in my voice.

This reminds me of when a few teachers told us that, in a professional setting, you should always smile if you have to answer the phone, as this will change your voice/tone in very subtle ways and make the conversation much more pleasant and professional.

So bottomline - ask a question, don't make a statement. It also helps if you try to use words that can be interpretted in fewer ways. "Sleepy" denotes lack of sleep, where as "tired" could be that or depression or whateva.

"For all you know, that person you think looks tired could have been up all night crying about a dead relative."

I guess this is one of those things I'll never understand about women.

So men, take heed - asking questions is the best way to handle these things.
 
[quote name='GuilewasNK']That's one thing no one should ever do. If someone doesn't know for sure they shoudn't assume. That's omega-level stupidty right there.[/QUOTE]


another thing that could be considered stupid is when women start wearing rings.. correct me if I am wrong but left hand, finger to the left of the middle with a ring means shes engaged right? One of my committee members from my hs reunion use to wear what looked like a wedding band on that finger and I knew she wasn't engaged, married or seeing anyone at the time. I think she wore it because she got hit on a lot by guys, but to be honest, I've worked with that girl for 13 months on that project, and she doesn't look hot or attractive at all. bleh.

One girl at work who I've been meaning to get to know better, well the other day I noticed an engagement ring on her finger and out of the blue I said "congraduations, when is the big day?" and she said "thanks..its next july"........fuck!! ok that's it, work sucks, all the hot ones are taken.
 
[quote name='jmcc']Who congratulates women on pregnancy anyway? I guess the baby's probably fun after it's out, but the whole incubation process seems unpleasent on almost all fronts.[/quote]

Are you kidding?

You certainly wouldn't say, "I'm so sorry for your condition."
 
[quote name='GuilewasNK']Are you kidding?

You certainly wouldn't say, "I'm so sorry for your condition."[/QUOTE]


yea I would say "Bet your feeling chipper right now!" if I wanted a punch in the face right?
 
[quote name='Strell']Ok, so I took this thread/discussion to my gf, and after a lengthy talk about it (well, like ten minutes, as we are both English majors so we've taken linguistics and whatnot, and she thinks very differently than me), we boiled it down to this - never make a declaritive sentence, but rather ask a question.

So instead of "You look tired," ask "Are you tired?"

She also points out that (and this is pretty new to me, so it must be understood in the great arcane race of females), that substituting the word "sleepy" does not carry negativity.

So you could say "Are you sleepy?" as this apparently contains even less negativity.

She also said that the OP makes no denotation of tone, and this could change the conversation radically either way. I noted that "well he didn't mention it, therefore it's irrelevant," to which she respond that it is never irrelevant. I countered by asking her to close her eyes and let me talk very monotonely to her, making sure I was doing so, but she said I still had tone in my voice.

This reminds me of when a few teachers told us that, in a professional setting, you should always smile if you have to answer the phone, as this will change your voice/tone in very subtle ways and make the conversation much more pleasant and professional.

So bottomline - ask a question, don't make a statement. It also helps if you try to use words that can be interpretted in fewer ways. "Sleepy" denotes lack of sleep, where as "tired" could be that or depression or whateva.

"For all you know, that person you think looks tired could have been up all night crying about a dead relative."

I guess this is one of those things I'll never understand about women.

So men, take heed - asking questions is the best way to handle these things.[/QUOTE]See, that was my first thought, too, but it's just a "why the do you say that?" away from the same point OP started from.
 
[quote name='GuilewasNK']Are you kidding?

You certainly wouldn't say, "I'm so sorry for your condition."[/QUOTE]No, no. You just think that and say nothing about the fatness, whatever it may be.
 
What's sad is that saying this type of stuff is one of the seven deadly sins, to girls... but if you border-line verbally sexually harass them, they get wet.
 
[quote name='Strell']But that's bullshit.

Men and women communicate differently. I think this is well known and well documented. There's books and people giving lecture tours around this exact premise.

But it normally boils down to this - women hide a lot in what they say, and men don't. Women interwine lots of details in few words and can connect all sort sof things to everything else. Men just say what is up directly.

So when we say tired, in our man-minds, we are saying you look, as shocklingly simple and stupidly obvious as it sounds, that you look tired, as if maybe you had a long day or didn't get a lot of sleep.

We're not adding in metaphors and whatnot on top of that, claiming that you look old or beat up or maybe you are a slut and you got little sleep because you hooked up with some slob at a bar.

'Cuz guess what. If we thought any of those things, we'll just let you know. "Hey, you look like you were a loose whore last night."

Harsh, understandable, but the point is that these are the breaks, people.

This post is not necessarily meant at anyone in particular. It's just a comment on the scenario that was presented in the OP.

Women, I assure you, you will get along with us better - and, remarkably - yourself, if you take what I say at face value. It's just free advice is all, I assure you. Nothing more or less.[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying she didn't overreact, but depending on how the person says it to you, "You look tired" can be taken as an insult, which might even translate in her mind as "You look ugly, because you didn't get enough sleep.". It is bullshit, but it's just how it is. Women are touchy.

Just like you can't understand how she thinks, women don't exactly have mind-reading skills about guys, either, and it's not true that guys don't EVER hint at anything else when saying something. So when they say something that has a decidedly negative tone in their mind to the girl, she will interpret that as an insult if she wants to.
 
It's funny. Even when you compliment a girl, she thinks you're up to something or you want to take her out back and bang her on the hood of your car. If you say something neutral, it's a cold blooded diss that might ruin any chance you ever had. If you out and out dog her, she'll come back for more. Like brak said, borderline sexual harassment is the way to go with the ladies these days.
 
[quote name='Brak']What's sad is that saying this type of stuff is one of the seven deadly sins, to girls... but if you border-line verbally sexually harass them, they get wet.[/QUOTE]


wanna hear something?

yesterday one of the 5th grade girls said in class to the teacher "Are you a D??" and me being kinda sick and drugged up on meds to prevent me from staying home, chuckled and the teacher was extremly pissed at the student... I didn't get it til the teacher talked to me again and then I put two and two together and thought ohhhhh the kid was talking about her bra size :p That teacher like owes so there are a lot of stuffed owes around her room... in my mind today I thought about what that student said and almost, almost said Nice Hooters :p out loud. Oh shit if I had said that, damn I would have been fired because its like 95% female staff and all female administration :whistle2:(
 
Hahahaha, crazy bitches. Ignore 'em man, you go down that road and eventually you'll too be listening to whatever the newest pop-culture based law of the week is.
 
[quote name='Brak']What's sad is that saying this type of stuff is one of the seven deadly sins, to girls... but if you border-line verbally sexually harass them, they get wet.[/QUOTE] You know Brak, not all women are crazy uptight whores. :lol:
 
[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']You know Brak, not all women are crazy uptight whores. :lol:[/quote]

No, but all the hot ones are.
 
[quote name='Strell']Ok, so I took this thread/discussion to my gf, and after a lengthy talk about it (well, like ten minutes, as we are both English majors so we've taken linguistics and whatnot, and she thinks very differently than me), we boiled it down to this - never make a declaritive sentence, but rather ask a question.

So instead of "You look tired," ask "Are you tired?"

She also points out that (and this is pretty new to me, so it must be understood in the great arcane race of females), that substituting the word "sleepy" does not carry negativity.

So you could say "Are you sleepy?" as this apparently contains even less negativity.

She also said that the OP makes no denotation of tone, and this could change the conversation radically either way. I noted that "well he didn't mention it, therefore it's irrelevant," to which she respond that it is never irrelevant. I countered by asking her to close her eyes and let me talk very monotonely to her, making sure I was doing so, but she said I still had tone in my voice.

This reminds me of when a few teachers told us that, in a professional setting, you should always smile if you have to answer the phone, as this will change your voice/tone in very subtle ways and make the conversation much more pleasant and professional.

So bottomline - ask a question, don't make a statement. It also helps if you try to use words that can be interpretted in fewer ways. "Sleepy" denotes lack of sleep, where as "tired" could be that or depression or whateva.

"For all you know, that person you think looks tired could have been up all night crying about a dead relative."

I guess this is one of those things I'll never understand about women.

So men, take heed - asking questions is the best way to handle these things.[/quote]

English and linguistics aside...

Unless the person has a history of making insulting statements there is no reason for "You look tired", to be taken as an insult by anyone who is a native speaker of the language. It's completely illogical to assume a friend would come up with an insult in the first place. Even if the friends are having issues, "you look tired" is the most weak ass insult I have ever heard.

And for all we know, the person that looks tired could have been up all night palying Halo 2, not crying. Assuming the worst is even worse than making any kind of assumption in the first place.
 
Sir guile, I believe this is a man vs woman thing, and in this case, knowing that I can't get them to think like us, I'll just keep it in the realm agreed upon earlier.

But I do believe "You look tired" is in no way insulting, and that's adding a layer to something that should be completely one-dimensional.
 
[quote name='x0thedeadzone0x']Just like you can't understand how she thinks, women don't exactly have mind-reading skills about guys, either, and it's not true that guys don't EVER hint at anything else when saying something. So when they say something that has a decidedly negative tone in their mind to the girl, she will interpret that as an insult if she wants to.[/QUOTE]

I have an answer for this. Beware: man logic ahead.

As I said, when we say something, we mean it. You don't mean x + y. We mean x.

HOWEVER.

If we mean y as well, we will do something almost 99% of the time to let you know we think y, and that think is the dreaded "mumble under the breath."

Go watch Futurama. Bender does this at least 4 times per episode. And it happens in every sitcom and comedy ever made. Some man is getting bitched at by someone, and he'll mutter under his breath "Yea whatever you fat bitch" or "fuck you asshole."

The most interesting thing about this is that we will make just enough effort - in terms of volume - to make damn sure you heard us say our derogatory thing, but not so loud that you'll catch all the words.

Example:
Strell> So are you going to help me cook dinner, or do I have to do it myself?
Other person> You do it.
Strell> Ok you fucking assbitch.
Other person> What did you say?
Strell> Oh, nothin'.

See? We'll still tell you point blank.

ANd now you know that if some dude ever says something to himself just loud enough that you know he did it BUT he didn't tell you what he said, you can be sure he's saying whatever thing you thought he did.
 
[quote name='Strell']Sir guile, I believe this is a man vs woman thing, and in this case, knowing that I can't get them to think like us, I'll just keep it in the realm agreed upon earlier.

But I do believe "You look tired" is in no way insulting, and that's adding a layer to something that should be completely one-dimensional.[/quote]

I hear you, but I feel logic will prevail and I never let anyone (man or woman) put words in my mouth or derive "hidden meanings". I had a "dicussion" with my sister the other day in which she tried to do that and I stopped that cold with iron-clad logic. I'll cave for other things at times, but not this. Often I make mental notes of similar things they have done and turn them right back around on them. It's amazing how fast someone will backpedal when you can recall similar statements that they themselves made.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']I wouldn't take it as an insult. The person is just trying to be friendly. And I'm a female. OMGWTFBBQ[/quote]

BBQ? :lol:
 
I asked my gf, via AIM, her thoughts on the subject:

99% of the time when someone says I look tired, I really am fucking tired and I don't care who sees it
and actually, 99% of the time, I don't give a fuck about how people think I look anyway.
well, i mean...i don't care enough to let what they "might think of me" affect what I wear or do to myself or whatever
but anyway, back to the other girls
i understand where they're coming from, and i've known girls who were/are like that
I think it's just a matter of trust with other people: are they just telling me I look tired as a way to say I look like shit?
I totally understand that though. haha
Click to expand...
 
[quote name='GuilewasNK']BBQ? :lol:[/QUOTE]


i never could get that, WTFBBQ? thingy...first saw it at the Star Wars Galaxies forums.... damn internet leet talk.
 
[quote name='ITDEFX']i never could get that, WTFBBQ? thingy...first saw it at the Star Wars Galaxies forums.... damn internet leet talk.[/quote]

All I know is that I want some barbecue chips now.
 
I have a natural "tired" look. I get it all the time and I never know if I should take it as an insult or if they are just trying to make conversation.

I honestly get that so much that I make up stories sometimes, rather than just saying it's my look. My eyes are just naturally drowsy looking.
 
[quote name='mr ryles']I have a natural "tired" look. I get it all the time and I never know if I should take it as an insult or if they are just trying to make conversation.

I honestly get that so much that I make up stories sometimes, rather than just saying it's my look. My eyes are just naturally drowsy looking.[/QUOTE] High all the time?
 
Well, this is one of those things I really wouldent have cared about so much to the point that I would create a topic on it, but socializing is basically a learning process like this where if someone doesent like something you say you usually just dont say it again. I never take it as an insult, but I guess someone can take it that way, but then again there are people that can basically stretch anything to make it seem like an insult even if it wasent meant that way.
 
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