When is it too young to...

SadieDee

SadieDee

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When is it too young to have a baby?

I just found out yesterday that I'm going to be an Aunt. I'm 21.

It's my brother's child and he's 24 and his girlfriend is 18

Personally, I think it's way too young and I just don't agree with it but of course I can't tell my brother that. So far, I've just been giving them the typical "Congrats" lip service. I've just been glad that they told me online and not in person. I'd have probably freaked out (for the worse if you know what I mean). So anyway, I'm frustrated because I don't really want to be an Aunt or have to deal with his mistakes (AGAIN) by babysitting, etc. It comes down to, he is just not responsible enough to care for a child and it's care is going to be put soley on his gf, my parents, or me (heck no)

They are planning a wedding sometime within the next few months. They've only been dating 3.5 months. My boyfriend and I have been dating over 5 years and there's still no children or mention of marriage. It's alittle f*ed up and I'm fairly angry.

I was contemplating what to get my brother and his gf for Christmas. I decided on a $10 gift card for Hollywood video last week. I think my $10 would have been better spent on a box of condoms if you know what I mean.
 
[quote name='SadieDee']I was contemplating what to get my brother and his gf for Christmas. I decided on a $10 gift card for Hollywood video last week. I think my $10 would have been better spent on a box of condoms if you know what I mean.[/QUOTE]

Might want to return it for a box of Pampers or a nice baby outfit.
 
[quote name='camoor']Might want to return it for a box of Pampers or a nice baby outfit.[/QUOTE]

Both of those cost more than $10
 
I know couples who are in their late 30's who should never have had their children. Age isn't necisarily a factor anymore. The questions to be asking are if they are responsible enough (you say no), and if they can afford it.

And the $10 on the condoms is right. Remember guys, "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."
 
It's way way way too young - especially for her. 18? Jesus Christ way to ruin your life. I had a kid at 30 and I wasn't ready for it and I have a very high paying job, a very stable marriage and we had the kid on purpose. Honestly, I don't understand how people can still be getting pregnant by accident in this day and age of birth control.

I don't want to sound mean or anything but I think the relationship has about 0.0001% chance of going the distance. Having a kid is the most stressful thing in the world and if you don't have a rock-solid foundation with your significant other it becomes exponentially harder to make it through. I've never fought more with my wife than I did the first 6 weeks after having the baby - and we rarely argue - it's just so tiring and stressful and you aren't in your right mind... I wish them luck though.
 
I'm a bit concerned about the disparaty of age. By having a child out of wedlock at 18, the woman has essentially cemented her position as homemaker.

Were she the same age as him, she could have at least been able to try higher education, or play the job market.

That being said, if you're really that concerned with your brother, the best course of action would be to actually tell him your concerns, lest they come out later in life in more undesireable ways. It's perfectly reasonable to tell him your concerns.
 
Well, you never said anything about your brother and girl friend aside from the fact that you think they're too young, so this thread just makes you look uncaring and mean spirited ;)
 
Don't feel sad. I hate being the youngest because my oldest sister is 13 years older than me and she had her first child when I was 4 so I have been an uncle since that age and to date have 13 Nieces and Nephews. I only have 3 sisters and oldest has 5 second oldest has 5 and youngest has 3.
 
I'd say 26 for girls & 29-30 for guys. Guys, at this point, will have matured (as well as financially established) enough that they can afford to take care of someone other than themselves. And, stereotypically speaking, girls mature faster than boys (both in mind & body), hence the younger age. Truthfully though, I don't think ppl have any business getting married till they're at least 30.

EDIT: For the last sentence, I meant marriage as a precursor to children but to be more specific, I don't think ppl have any business having children until they're married.
 
Congratulations?

My sister was married and had a child by 21. There is no way I would have done it that young (I was 29 when my wife and I had our first) but to each his own.

I would be more worried about his soon to be wife. 18 is really young and she will change a lot in the next few years, baby or not. Your brother, on the other hand, should be close to maturing into the man he is going to be and the baby should only help finalize that process.

Essentially, if you do not want to be involved in helping don't and don't be made to feel guilty for not doing it. Hopefully they both will be responsible parents and not need more than occasional help.

Although 18 and 24 are a little young, it could be a lot worse.
 
I know many 24-25yr old women who are way more immature than I am at 25 ;) It's a false stereotype.

My parents had me at 22 and I'm a successful college graduate. No harm done.


I'd say congrads to the new parents :)
 
[quote name='daschrier']Well, you never said anything about your brother and girl friend aside from the fact that you think they're too young, so this thread just makes you look uncaring and mean spirited ;)[/QUOTE]

...and to an extent, it's true. ;-)

If you even knew the problems I had to deal with when we were growing up, you'd understand. I won't go into detail because "that is the past" but I think he should have had he royal crap beat out of him way back. I think he has screwed up in everyway imaginable. He once wrecked 3 cars in the course of a month.

Yea, he's not the smartest. Anyway, I do feel bad for his girlfriend because I actually started to like her and my respect has now fallen about 10 points. I found it weird at Thanksgiving because she was doing really good in school and never mentioned any plans to persue higher education. Then afterward, in her e-mails to me she was talking about how she would just like to keep her job and not really concentrate on college, etc. It was very, very odd (to me at least).
 
I think 18 is too young. However, it revolves around the person in question. I'm 24 and feel that I could handle a child. I have 5 nieces and nephews under the age of six.

My sister-in-law had her first when she was 19. She's 23 now, and I think her first son is totally out of control. No male role model, no guidance from his mother.

I just think it's better to wait.
 
Well if being a mother is something she will succeed at and wants to do, then why go to college? True, living on one income is hard, but my parents and grand parents did it just fine.

You don't have to baby sit and all that if you don't want to pay for his mistakes, just make it clear to him....but at the same time don't ignore him in his time of need if possible...like you said yourself, what he did was in the past, why hold a grudge? :)
 
[quote name='daschrier']I know many 24-25yr old women who are way more immature than I am at 25 ;) It's a false stereotype.

My parents had me at 22 and I'm a successful college graduate. No harm done.


I'd say congrads to the new parents :)[/QUOTE]

Well, who says you're the rule? You just might be the exception. ;) I'm a successful 28 yr old but I'm not deluding myself by saying I'm mature enough handle a baby. I'd say I'm at least 7 years more before I consider such an option. And for a guy to get his 18 yr old gf preggers just doesn't seem that mature when you look at it. The girl will definitely have a harder time in this day & age of both parents working. Being a homemaker is only an option if her husband is rich. So the question begs: can the guy financially support both gf/child on his salary?
 
Well, I don't really want a kid right now either, but if I had to raise a child I could. But like someone else said, it could be worse. They could be one of those couples trying to have the kid and throw it in a dumpster...
 
[quote name='daschrier']Well if being a mother is something she will succeed at and wants to do, then why go to college? True, living on one income is hard, but my parents and grand parents did it just fine.

You don't have to baby sit and all that if you don't want to pay for his mistakes, just make it clear to him....but at the same time don't ignore him in his time of need if possible...like you said yourself, what he did was in the past, why hold a grudge? :)[/QUOTE]

I still hold a grudge. I was close to letting go and thought for once, he was actually doing something good with his life, but now I found out, he has screwed up and this time it will follow him for the rest of his life.

It affects me because now I don't really want to go home for Christmas. I have my own problems to worry about and I just don't feel I can keep my mouth shut. In the time I really needed support from my parents emotionally, they aren't going to be there because they now have a larger problem from my brother.
 
[quote name='daschrier']Well, I don't really want a kid right now either, but if I had to raise a child I could. But like someone else said, it could be worse. They could be one of those couples trying to have the kid and throw it in a dumpster...[/QUOTE]

I don't think they'd throw it in the dumpster. I think his gf could move back in with her parents or with mine, but I worry for the scenerio of my brother asking me/my parents to take care of the kid for "a few days" and then he disappears and we are stuck with it.
 
I suppose I can see that, but you can just be the bigger person by not getting affected by it. I know it's hard...

My cousin got married at 19 from a guy she met at a college open house then had a kid because she was taking meds which interfered with her birth control. She's the center of attention at every family event, and everyone talks about the baby non-stop, it gets old, but I can't change it so I just deal :)
 
[quote name='SadieDee']I still hold a grudge. I was close to letting go and thought for once, he was actually doing something good with his life, but now I found out, he has screwed up and this time it will follow him for the rest of his life.

It affects me because now I don't really want to go home for Christmas. I have my own problems to worry about and I just don't feel I can keep my mouth shut. In the time I really needed support from my parents emotionally, they aren't going to be there because they now have a larger problem from my brother.[/QUOTE]


And now it comes out...

You're jealous.
 
Too many factors to ever state a case where one is too young (or too old) to be a parent. From what you write, your brother seems to be clueless in his own life, and yet I have known people who become parents and taking care of another really gets their act together. I also know people who are terribly parents, independent of age, job, income, social status, or education.

I do know that having a negative attitude about the situation does not help at all. And it certainly will not help the child. In 5, 15, 30 years, this kid could grow up to have a wonderful relationship with you. There is no way of knowing how things turn out, so why mire yourself in how bad it will be?
 
[quote name='vherub']Too many factors to ever state a case where one is too young (or too old) to be a parent. From what you write, your brother seems to be clueless in his own life, and yet I have known people who become parents and taking care of another really gets their act together. I also know people who are terribly parents, independent of age, job, income, social status, or education.

I do know that having a negative attitude about the situation does not help at all. And it certainly will not help the child. In 5, 15, 30 years, this kid could grow up to have a wonderful relationship with you. There is no way of knowing how things turn out, so why mire yourself in how bad it will be?[/QUOTE]

I agree. Even if he's still a screw up, he could love and care for that child better than someone else could, I know cases like this....

One guy I know is still a screw up, but his son is always cared for. That can't be any worse than a rich couple sending their kid to bordering school because they don't have time for him/her.
 
As hard as it may be to do, keep your feelings to yourself. This is supposed to be a happy time for your brother and his girlfriend. Also, what's done is done and you really aren't going to change anything by unloading on them.
 
[quote name='vherub']Too many factors to ever state a case where one is too young (or too old) to be a parent. From what you write, your brother seems to be clueless in his own life, and yet I have known people who become parents and taking care of another really gets their act together. I also know people who are terribly parents, independent of age, job, income, social status, or education.

I do know that having a negative attitude about the situation does not help at all. And it certainly will not help the child. In 5, 15, 30 years, this kid could grow up to have a wonderful relationship with you. There is no way of knowing how things turn out, so why mire yourself in how bad it will be?[/QUOTE]

I'm not blaming the child. It's not her/his fault for "being." I blame the parents, mostly my brother because he should have known better.

I guess what it comes down to, is I think it is a hopeless situation. Once he finds out what kind of responsibility a kid takes and once the "honeymoon" period is over, the situation is just going to go to Hell and there's nothing I can do.
 
It's not your job to do it either :)
Just let them be and live your life like normal, you'll only let it bother you as much as you're willing to let it.
 
[quote name='daschrier']It's not your job to do it either :)
Just let them be and live your life like normal, you'll only let it bother you as much as you're willing to let it.[/QUOTE]

Thank you everyone for all of your replies. The situation still bothers me, but I'll try to enjoy the next 8 months of no babies...
 
Age does not matter. It is the maturity of the person who is having the child. If they can handle and I mean truly handle a child then fine. However what i just said will shock most of society. So to make sense I guess 18 is okay. I;m not going to say that they need money. Every single parent I have ever know has had finically difficulties due to their child so in a sense money is not important as long as basic needs are covered. it takes $750,000 to raise a child from birth to college. That stat is from 1999.
 
It can definitely be worse. I know way too many chicks popping out kids at 15. They then live off of the government (or should I say hard working tax payers.) Their kids usually don't have a father and don't get the loving, nurturing environment that they deserve.

I don't know what kind of people these two are, but it is possible that it could work out. If they truely love one another and are willing to put in a lot of hard work, it can be all good. I'd like to see them continue their education, but that would involve jobs to take care of all expenses and childcare. But it can be done if they are determined. The most important thing they need is love. Love for one another and enough love for this baby to keep it going right. If they don't have this, then I truelly feel sorry for this child.

I, myself, had a baby when I was 21. Unfortunately now I am a single father raising a 5-year-old girl. It sure as Hell isn't easy. I'm busting my ass for her and I will never do less.
 
Yeah.....I get pissed sometimes because my other cousin had a chick with her bf at 16 and he was a loser and they broke up. She gets government aid and has a full time job and will be getting a house soon because she's a single mother....stupid aid bullshit. I work hard and won't have a house anytime soon in the future so I do get jealous, but oh well, I can't change the situation :)
 
[quote name='SadieDee']Thank you everyone for all of your replies. The situation still bothers me, but I'll try to enjoy the next 8 months of no babies...[/QUOTE]

I agree with some its not really of a concern to you. However I can understand you worries. but at the same time, were I was raised it's all about survival its all about taking care of your own. So we really don't mind other peoples business. However my sister has two kids she is 22 she had the 1st at 19. Her husband she been married since she was 18. She is married she takes care of the kids during the day and her husband has a nice job a 9-5 thing. I thought I would never care about kids. However kids are the greatest things in life. I don't care about your kids just my niece and nephew. :lol:
 
Why do people between 18-25 get so baby crazy? It's got to be a biological thing. It is an enormous responsibility and trust me, most people at that age can't handle it. Once you have a child you can't give it back if things get tough - and things will get tough. Your early to mid 20s should be about making money and getting as much ass as possible and figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Why screw it up with a kid?
 
[quote name='SadieDee']Thank you everyone for all of your replies. The situation still bothers me, but I'll try to enjoy the next 8 months of no babies...[/QUOTE]


How about thinking of someone other than yourself? I would like to be sympathetic but you are coming off as a spoiled kid. I am confused as to how YOUR BROTHER'S child is going to affect YOUR enjoyment of life after it is born.
 
[quote name='niceguyshawne']How about thinking of someone other than yourself? I would like to be sympathetic but you are coming off as a spoiled kid. I am confused as to how YOUR BROTHER'S child is going to affect YOUR enjoyment of life after it is born.[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure I said this before, but I think he'd dump it on my parents or try to dump it on me like he's done with other things.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Why do people between 18-25 get so baby crazy? It's got to be a biological thing. It is an enormous responsibility and trust me, most people at that age can't handle it. Once you have a child you can't give it back if things get tough - and things will get tough. Your early to mid 20s should be about making money and getting as much ass as possible and figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Why screw it up with a kid?[/QUOTE]

Of course it's biological...there is a need to spread your seed ;)

I'm not getting ass or making any money so I guess I should just have a kid :p
 
[quote name='daschrier']Of course it's biological...there is a need to spread your seed ;)

I'm not getting ass or making any money so I guess I should just have a kid :p[/QUOTE]

Yes! Apparently that's what the government wants you to do ;-)
 
[quote name='SadieDee']I'm pretty sure I said this before, but I think he'd dump it on my parents or try to dump it on me like he's done with other things.[/QUOTE]


But if you don't want to be involved, you can say no. Dumping on your parents is irrelevant to you as that is their decision. I'm sure that you have enough stress of your own to not have to add the weight of your family's problems.
 
[quote name='niceguyshawne']But if you don't want to be involved, you can say no. Dumping on your parents is irrelevant to you as that is their decision. I'm sure that you have enough stress of your own to not have to add the weight of your family's problems.[/QUOTE]

The problem is, I'm somewhat still dependent on my parents and I'll probably be staying at their house 3 days a week next semester because my school is in a different city then where I primarily live and work. So half of the week, I'll have to stay in one place, and then half I'm switching and living in the other. So the nights that I am staying at the one place, I'm afraid I'm going to have baby duty. Not cool and I wanted to save money on gas too.
 
[quote name='daschrier']You need to get ass to have a kid though...what kinda twisted logic puzzle is this!!![/QUOTE]

hmmm... good point. I think the key would be getting ass without having the kid. It's a toughie.
 
[quote name='SadieDee']The problem is, I'm somewhat still dependent on my parents and I'll probably be staying at their house 3 days a week next semester because my school is in a different city then where I primarily live and work. So half of the week, I'll have to stay in one place, and then half I'm switching and living in the other. So the nights that I am staying at the one place, I'm afraid I'm going to have baby duty. Not cool and I wanted to save money on gas too.[/QUOTE]


I wouldn't worry about it. Your brother's girlfriend is going to lean on her parents a lot more than yours. Also, in the event that the child is staying with your parents, I am sure your mother will handle most of the baby duty.

Unfortunately, you will have to get independent of your parents if you want to get rid of this drama.
 
I can definitely understand that you are concerned about your brother and his girlfriend having a child. However, you don't know how he'll act until that baby is born. Even if he acts like an asshole during the pregnancy, when he sees his child, there's a good chance he'll fall in love with him/her, and they will become the most important thing in his life. I've seen this happen before.

Also, you will have a decision to make. Since it isn't your child, you don't have to have anything to do with it. You can either just go about your life... or you can be a loving, caring aunt to that child. If his home life ends up bad, you could be one of the only people to be there for him.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Why do people between 18-25 get so baby crazy? It's got to be a biological thing. ?[/QUOTE]

Umm, yeah IT IS a biological thing. A woman's peak fertile years fall between this period. So all you guys out there dating women who fall into this age group, are screwed if you really don't want to start a family yet. The pressure will be on.

Wait a sec...how did I get through this age group without having kids??? Oh yeah, I realized from watching other people that HAVING KIDS SUCKS, and I'm in no hurry to get into that mess.

Most men seem to be oblivious to the age thing though because well, they don't ever stop producing sperm, unlike a woman who has a limited amount of eggs.
 
The child is the one that is getting screwed. 18 year old mother, irresponsible father, grandparents having to clean up for their children mistakes, what a way to enter this cruel, harsh world. I have seen too many children suffer due to their parent's poor life choices.
 
[quote name='javeryh'] Your early to mid 20s should be about making money and getting as much ass as possible and figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Why screw it up with a kid?[/QUOTE]

I am only 25 and I have a 4 yr old son(and a 2 yr old that I have legal custody of, relatives child), am married since 21. I think having kids did not "screw" it up. They made my life better! I am not going to lie, and say it is not easy(frustrating) , but it is VERY rewarding!

The money and ass comes and goes, but kids are a once and a lifetime experiance! It's neat spending time with them, watching them grow(too fast) showing my son , sega genesis games(he LOVES sonic! We beat streets of rage , together not that long ago)

And to the OP maybe , the child will make your brother change (for the better). Or it might make him be like some guys , get scared and turn their back on the GF and the child.
 
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