(crowd chants Cena)Barrett - Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, simmer down. I would like to take this time to introduce the most dominant group in WWE history - the Nexus! I’m Wade Barrett. This is David Otunga. Heath Slater. Justin Gabriel. And John Cena. Last night, our actions resulted in the burial of the Undertaker. Ya might be asking yourselves why on Earth would the Nexus help Kane? Well to be frank, it’s none of your business. We have our reasons. Later on that night, I defeated Randy Orton. WHY DON’T YOU EXPLAIN TO EVERYONE WHAT HAPPENED, CENA!
Cena - Is that an order?
Barrett - Yes.
Cena - You were about to get BEAT DOWN by Orton. So I interfered, got him Dqed, and you won. Congratulations.
Barrett - What a peculiar way of looking of things. LEMME TELL YA WHAT HAPPENED. I WAS WELL ON MY WAY TO BECOMING WWE CHAMPION, WHEN YOU INEXPLICABLY DECIDED TO ENTER THE RING AND LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME! And after that, you had the audacity to hand him the WWE Title.
Cena - You said if you didn’t win the match, I’d be fired. YOU WON THE MATCH. Great.
Barrett - So everything’s fine. Orton’s still the WWE Champion. I won the match, and you still haven’t got yourself fired. YET! (email dings)
Cole - CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. I’VE RECEIVED AN E-MAIL. AND I QUOTE - Since Wade technically won, he is entitled to a future rematch, however, this time, to maintain order, there must be a guest referee. The referee will be chosen by tonight’s winner - Randy Orton versus ANY MEMBER OF NEXUS! (crowd chants Cena)
Barrett - I know who’s gonna be fighting Orton tonight - JOHN CENA!
Otunga - Now hold up - there’s some unfinished business here. Last night, we became WWE Tag Team champs. Did you see how we won? HE IGNORED ME AND HIT ME WITH AN AA. You said it yourself - you’re either Nexus or against us, and last night, it was clear that he was against me. Make him pay for it. Cena should be fired NOW!
Barrett - You’re right about one thing - you two cannot co-exist as the champions, so here’s what we’re gonna do - we’re gonna have a title match right now, and it’s gonna be the champions versus the challengers. SEND ME A REFEREE!
King - So it’s like Nexus against Nexus?
King - CENA’S GONNA GET A CHANCE TO BEAT UP SLATER AND GABRIEL. HE’S GONNA LOVE THIS!
Barrett - The Nexus does not fight amongst itself - someone needs to do the RIGHT THING. Somebody has to lie down. And that person is Otunga.
Barrett - LIE DOWN. HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME!
Cole - IT’S ONE OF THE BIGGEST MAIN EVENTS WE’VE EVER HAD ON RAW - CENA VERSUS ORTON!
Vickie - EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!
King - Why is she here?
Cole - Who cares? Look at here.
King - That’s what I’m saying.
Vickie - MY BOYFRIEND WAS CHEATED BY SHODDY OFFICIATING. THERE WAS FAVORITISM FOR RAW BY THE WWE REFEREES! Tonight, Dolph will embarrass Daniel Bryan!
King - How does she notice that one blemish but not all the ones on her face?
King - Here comes a young man loaded with talent - Daniel Bryan!
Cole - A true inspiration of mine - CM Punk. I’ve turned straight edge.
Punk - Awesome.
Cole - Yup - for the last 18 hours.
Cole - What brings you out here?
Punk - I’m here to entertain and scout talent.
Punk - Daniel Bryan is a terrific wrestler, as is Dolph - that’s why they’re both champions.
Punk - King, what’s this called?
King - Surfboard.
Punk - Good King - you’ve been watching your tapes.
Cole - He’s a dweeb.
King - Did you call him a dweeb?
Cole - Yeah. A nerd.
Punk - You always say that he was trained by HBK - why not mention Regal? All HBK did was take $3,000 from him. Regal did the real work.
Cole - PUNK’S HERE FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY!
Cole - Why did you send Evan Bourne to the hospital for four months?
Punk - Make an impression. I told the kid it was nothing personal. I’m here to hold people.
Vickie - FINISH HIM!
Punk - This match is the best thing to happen to Green Bay in I don’t know how long.
Cole - The Packers won last night.
Punk - Who?
King - The only beef Dolph has is that cow, Vickie.
Cole - One of the biggest problems in the world is literacy - this is one of WWE’s pro-social movements!
Santino - O-M-G! TOBY KEITH!
Sheamus - Look at ya - yer dressed like a child in a cowboy outfit. Last night, you embarrassed my team, and tonight, I’m gonna give you a chance to show the WWE Universe that you have a spine. I’m challenging you to a match.
Santino - It’s a showdown.
Sheamus - You better show up…
Santino - You think he was for really?
Toby - I think he was for really. Hang in there, brother.
Cole - NEXT TUESDAY IS ONE OF THE MOST HISTORIC ELECTIONS IN THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY! Public Service Announcement from the WWE.
King - Tomorrow’s the last day to register. Also, DON’T WEAR A WWE SHIRT!
Cole - Listen up - Lombardi’s about to speak.
Miz - I’ve accomplished more in my career than everyone in this arena can dream of achieving in their entire lives! But not matter how superior I am to everyone here or in that locker room, I am not a miracle worker! Last night at BR, I endured adversity. I overcame hardship. I lasted longer than any superstar on Raw and yet we still failed against SD. If the WWE superstars had a fraction of the talent I possess, the trophy would be right here on Raw! But my talent doesn’t just speak volumes. IT SCREAMS AWESOME. That’s why I’m a leader. THAT’S WHY I’M A CAPTAIN. THAT’S WHY TOMORROW, THE POSTER CHILD OF THQ’S 2011 VIDEO GAME IS NONE OTHER THAN ME THE MIZ! EAT YOUR HEART OUT, TETRIS!
King - Well, he’s one of the superstars…
Miz - IF THQ WANTS TO SHATTER RECORDS, THEY SHOULDA MADE IT LIKE THIS. AND THE RAW TEAM SHOULD’VE HAD SEVEN MIZES INSTEAD OF ONE MIZ AND SIX LOSERS! Do you people understand anything? Understand this - I blame my team, SD, Rey Mysterio, and if Rey, you wanna come over here, I’m putting up the challenge - come to Raw next week. THE REASON PEOPLE WATCH MONDAY RIGHT RAW IS ME. I’M THE MIZ AND I’M THE ONLY RAW ROSTER MEMBER WHO CAN HONESTLY SAY I’M AWESOME!
King - Eve, I’m looking at you and I’m loving the view.
Cole - She’s coming out here to say he’s an inspiration.
Miz - You’re here to apologize on behalf of the divas, but you don’t’ have to. What you should apologize for is your horrific taste in men, music, and hair extensions that don’t match. That, sugar dumpling, is THE TRUTH.
Eve - What you need to worry about is that everyone in the locker room, and EVERYONE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE KNOWS YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A 15 MINUTE FLASH IN THE PAN FROG-FACED LOSER!
Miz - Frog-faced loser? REALLY!? REALLY?! REALLY!? WELL THE PACKERS AREN’T GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL. Eve, I find it amusing that the Raw superstars sent a diva to convey the message. If you wanna call me any names, you can…
Eve - YOU ARE THE FURTHEST THING FROM AWESOME THAT THE WWE HAS EVER SEEN! And you’re ugly!
A-Ri - WOULD YOU SHUT THE FRONT DOOR ALREADY?! YOU THINK YOU FANCY HUH!? Look, sweetheart, I don’t speak Gucci, but I’ll give it a shot - the reason the rest of the Raw team isn’t here, they’re all busy tip-toeing their way towards unemployment. The Miz could’ve beaten those slackers all by himself. Go back and see if someone wants a piece of the captain!
Truth - I’d like a piece of Mr. Kermit.
Cole - AND I QUOTE - Ding ding ding.
Cole - COME ON MIZ, DON’T ALLOW TRUTH TO GET ALL CRUNK ON YA!
Cole - TOBY KEITH IS A PROUD MEMBER OF THE WWE UNIVERSE! HE STANDS UP FOR WWE!
Cole - TOBY KEITH HAS CHARTED 40 SINGLES IN HIS CAREER. 19 HAVE GONE TO #1. 19!
Cole - HE HAD THE MOST-PLAYED SONG IN THE 1990S!
Cole - Where’s Santino’s cowboy outfit? He looked like Woody from Toy Story earlier.
Otunga - Wade, can we talk for a moment?
Barrett - Go ahead.
Otunga - Alone. WHY’D YOU DO THAT TO ME!? YOU MADE ME LAY DOWN IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
Barrett - I’m sorry you feel that way, David.
Otunga - You couldn’t get the job done, so you took it out on me. I might get resentful. I might decide to tell the world why we attacked the Undertaker last night.
Barrett - Interesting point. Gentlemen. I’m sure you’re familiar with Harris and McGillicutty - I decided to make them members. David, you’re either Nexus or against us.
Otunga - I’M NEXUS.
Barrett - I’m pleased about that. Keep up the excellent work, David.
Cole - Cena rolls out of the ring.
King - It’s that John Cena Instinct.
Barrett - Well-done Cena, you won the match, which means I get to pick the guest referee for my match with Orton at the Survivor Series. IT’S YOU JOHN CENA! IF I DON’T’ WIN THE WWE TITLE AT SURVIVOR SERIES, I WILL FIRE JOHN CENA ON THE SPOT! And to remove any lingering doubts of his impartiality, WHEN I win the WWE Title, John Cena will be relieved of any and all responsibilities that he has to the Nexus.