Entertainment Industry Haiku Contest

I love any excuse to write haiku. I could do this all day.

Mass Effect:
I fucked a blue chick.
Though I didn't see too much;
Still pissed off Fox News.

Left 4 Dead:
Got voted off 'cuz
I stopped to help a teammate;
I hate 12 year olds.

Super Mario Galaxy:
While not a bad game,
I just can't stop noticing:
"U R MR GAY."

Dead Rising:
Forget the zombies!
I'd spend three days staring at
Jesse's giant tits.
 
Street Fighter II
Putting in quarters
Sizing the competition
Hearing "Hadouken!"

Dance Dance Revolution
Crappy J-Pop tunes
Filling the arcade with sound
Begging me to play

Death of the arcade industry
Arcades are empty
New games are rare and crappy
Screw you Nintendo

Online gaming
A flicker of lag
Can destroy a round of play
With a whining child

The PSP
Please stop it Sony
I've purchased one already
Stop making new ones
 
[quote name='Wolfkin']quoted so we can laugh at you later when you realize your mistake.

haha[/quote]

And this is why I want to stab any form of poetry multiple times in the chest with a serrated railroad spike that has been used to castrate lambs.
 
[quote name='Whirly']And this is why I want to stab any form of poetry multiple times in the chest with a serrated railroad spike that has been used to castrate lambs.[/quote]
What? Even Ruba'i? You monster!
 
It may have to do with the fact I have to analyze 18th and 19th century poetry at school

nonetheless, enough hate for every kind
 
StarFox 64
"Do a barrel roll!"
A talking rabbit once said
They called him Peppy

Goldeneye
You're a cheap bastard
Did you have to pick Oddjob?
I hate you so much

Blast Corps
"Show us what you got!"
The man on the TV said
I don't know this man

GTA IV
My friends keep calling
They always want to do things
I don't like my friends

Contra
Two, armed, topless men
Fighting against aliens
Where is the army?

Bejewled 2
Make jewels disappear?
Shouldn't I be keeping them?
Jewels are worth money
 
Team Fortress 2

Doctor, charge me now!
I said charge! Where is uber?
I think there is - GAH!

Team Fortress 2 (2)

Cloak, uncloak, backstab.
Never really on your side.
Gentlemen, en garde!
 
Dead Or Alive Xtreme

Zack you big pervert
I need tix to your island
Big Bouncing Milk Bags

Dead Or Alive

Too Busy Staring
Jiggle, Jiggle, Up and Down
I Just lost the match
 
[quote name='YoatOverNothing']StarFox 64
"Do a barrel roll!"
A talking rabbit once said
They called him Peppy
[/quote]

Slippy asks for help
I can see his pursuer
I hold my fire

StarFox Adventures
Such a pretty piece of shit
I am still bitter

When will Nintendo
Realize that StarFox games
Ought to involve flight?
 
[quote name='Whirly']And this is why I want to stab any form of poetry multiple times in the chest with a serrated railroad spike that has been used to castrate lambs.[/quote]if it makes you feel any better yours isn't the only mistake I've seen I'm just far too lazy to do it more than once. it's all love and games right?

for some reason I'm reminded of the episode of Avatar where Soka made a room full of girls go moist with his mad haiku skills until he ended with six syllables
 
[quote name='Wolfkin']
for some reason I'm reminded of the episode of Avatar where Soka made a room full of girls go moist with his mad haiku skills until he ended with six syllables[/quote]

I love that moment! Well, really I love the entire Avatar series from beginning to end, but... that moment is particularly sweet.

While I'm here, another haiku came to mind:

Bioshock
I am Jack's plasmids.
I bring fire, lightning, and bees
To Little Sisters.
 
Grim Fandango
The Land of the Dead
Where Manny Calavera
rescues cheated souls


Sly Cooper
Jumping on rooftops
The Thievius Raccoonus
will be mine again


Shadow of the Colossus
Ride through empty lands
Giant monsters. I kill them.
Wait, they're not evil?
 
[quote name='randomthinker']I love that moment! Well, really I love the entire Avatar series from beginning to end, but... that moment is particularly sweet.[/quote]it was a good episode no doubt but I really love The Blue Spirit
Sokka: You know what I love about Appa the most? His sense of humor.
Katara: That's nice. I'll tell him.
Appa: *Grunts*
Sokka: Haha! Classic Appa.

MadWorld
A dude named Jack kills
to give an audience thrills
red like you took pills

I hope it captures the psychedelic color scheme they use in the game.
 
A golden, star-shaped cookie for Danimal. See, people? Originality! There exist games besides Left 4 Dead and Fallout 3. In fact...

Fallout 2 (PC)
Black Isle loved hookers,
deathclaws, whores, fists, grave digging,
prostitutes, harlots...
 
Another set of entries:

Hey, my NES!
I wonder if it still works?
blow in the cartridge.

The Virtual Boy
Real 3-D gaming system
Ocular distress
 
Contra
Up, Up, Down and Down,
Left, Right, Left, Right, B and A
I will beat this game

Full Throttle
Ben was falsely framed
Corley Motors must live on
Damn you, Mark Hamill

Resident Evil Survivor
A light gun game, huh?
Oh wait where is the gun at?
Wow this game is bad...

SOCOM Confrontation
I bought this game quick
Servers did not even work
So then I sold it.

XIII
Remember this game?
Shooting game with cell shading?
Yeah, it still was bad...

Quackshot
Donald duck shooting
Plungers keep falling off wall
Fly away in plane

Braid
I spent many points
I beat this game in a day...
Why so many points???

PS3 Home
Guys pose as females...
Crotch thrust people in the face...
Running man lines... why?

Rock Band
Am i addicted
If I play drums and sing
Using a mic stand?

Halo 3
I got this game free
It is not even that good
Honestly it sucks.

COD: World at War
Generic War Game
Saved only by dead nazis
Use the ray gun, quick!

Hover!
Capture the red flags!
Get out of my damn way drones!
I hate you skid pads...
 
Burnout Paradise
Where are the drivers?
How can these cars be moving?
Hold me, I'm frightened.

Mario Kart
Yes, I am winning!
Where is that blue shell going?
Man, I hate this game.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1989 Arcade Game)
I can't wait to play!
I have to be Raphael?
Let's play something else.

Madden Football
Time to buy Madden.
The year is almost over.
Time to buy Madden.

SSX
I want a new game.
Where is the new SSX?
I miss this series.

Shenmue
Can you help me out?
I am looking for sailors.
What...I am not gay.
 
Street Fighter IV

Shun Goku Satsu
Akuma shows no mercy.
With the Dark Hadou.


Fallout 3

They called me a jerk
When I nuked Megaton town.
So I shot them dead.


Marvel vs Capcom 2

Where is the balance?
This game was made so broken.
Cable is too cheap.

Saints Row 2

Revenge is so sweet.
I took over Stillwater
For the second time.

Way of the Samurai 2

I always wonder
Kyojiro Kagenuma
Are you a woman?

Resident Evil 5

Hey Jill Valentine
Purple doesn't suit you much
But you are still hot.
 
Psychonauts
Baggage and cobwebs
Daddy issues confronted
Schafer is my liege

Eternal Darkness
My save file is gone?!
Oh... a sanity effect
Now that was scary

Cheapy D
The King of Finding
Great Deals on All Media
Internet Space Pimp
 
[quote name='The Crotch']Quick, Wolfkin! I need a witty remark![/quote]

I don't know what you're talking about.. oh i see you're Canadian maybe with your accent it doesn't fit but try it with an accent like a 1st grader.

In case it still doesn't fit I've prepared this backup remark
sometimes words escape me.. that's why we have pictures


08fail.jpg
 
I tried.


Army of Two

Pinned Down at the wall
Objectives make us money
"Ladies lift your shirts"

Call of Duty: WaW

Caught in the treeline
Mortar explodes everywhere
Banzai's to the north

Dead Deals (CAG)

I hate shitty deals
That do not come in the mail
F*ck you Verisign
 
Street Fighter IV
Welcome back, fighters
Ev'ryone is on steroids
Seth is full of sh!t

Final Fantasy IV DS
A classic reborn!
From dark knight to paladin
Cecil is a tank

Naruto: Rise of a Ninja X360
An engrossing game
Surprisingly fun to play
Broken D.L.C.

Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles DS
Can't kill NPC's
Repetitious game levels
This game really sucks
 
Contra

press up up down, down
Left Right Left Right B A Start
you can win the game

Mario brothers

brick, brick, brick, brick, brick
brick, coin!, brick, brick, one-up!, brick,
with my head I smash
 
Last edited by a moderator:
[quote name='BlindPete']Mario brothers

brick, brick, brick, brick, brick
brick, coin!, brick, brick, one-up!, brick,
with my head I smash[/quote][quote name='The Crotch']Mega Man 9 (360, Wii, PS3)
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
fuck, fuck, fuckING SPIKES[/quote]

Instant Classics

Super Mario Bros 2
What dream are we in?
Grab enemies don't stomp them?
Magic Carpet Ride?
 
Alright, I love haikus! Let's see if I can make a winner here. :D

Dig-Dug
Force tubes in creatures
Pump them until they explode
Dig-Dug is morbid

E.T.
Crap, I'm in a hole!
No matter, I'll fly back out
By straining my neck

Space Invaders
We will invade earth
Our tactic? We shall descend
Slowly back and forth

Apple
Mac gaming is hard
You guys have hundreds of games
I have iMovie
 
halo online

Time for matchmaking
Leetspeak gamertags galore
Sniped, teabagged. Repeat

Golgo 13

Twelve other Golgo's?
Were the other ones this hard
WTF
 
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