Girlfriend + Strict Parents = Me going Crazy!

DarkNessBear

DarkNessBear

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Alright, I know asking girlfriend advice on a forum is like asking a football team what Gandalf's sword is called (*cough*[SIZE=-1]Glamdring*cough*)[/SIZE].

But I must vent before I go and slash my gf's friend’s parent’s tires/throats.

Super Long Version:
Alright, I live at home with my dad and my GF lives with her parents. They are both young parents they had her when her mother was only 18. Thus their lives started quicker than usual. They have 3 daughters and I am dating the oldest. We have been going out for about 2-3 years (2 years and 5 months to be exact) and her parents have always been a little strict when it comes to things. The first few months of dating her was brutal, I could rarely see her maybe 4-8 hours A WEEK. And she would have to go home around 10.

As the relationship progressed the parents backed off a little but still where bitches when it came to her hanging out with me. The parents never hated me (excluding the first few months, I was like Sadam and they were like America.) and I must say I am a good kid I don't do anything bad and compared to the other people around my age I am an angel...

More back story (if interested):
Her parents have always called me there "family" and that they love me. But they would have some spurts of crazigasm's where they would not want me around that much. But once her parents divorced (for like 2-3 weeks...) I was finally allowed to hang out with my GF pretty much any time I pleased.

Fast forward to more recent, they moved closer to where I live and everything was going very smoothly me and my GF were living our lives and her parents were living theirs. Until school happened...

Well, my GF recently decided to go back into school full time (she was working 8 hour days at a University and was taking some night courses with me) and I as well decided to go school full time. While she worked full time she was required to pay rent, which is understandable, but now that she is going to go to school full time her parents are allowing her not to pay. Ok, everything is good.

Until....

My GF's friend came to visit from Illinois’ (her hometown) for a week, and when she came I found it odd that I wasn't really being invited over to anything. I was constantly told, "My parents want it to be just a family thing...". I was like, hmm, I thought I was family....

...So then I did the inevitable, I started to blame her or her friend because I don't believe her parents would be like that (but her friend fricken loves me, so I didn't think it was her) well as the week went by they did more and more stuff and I was invited to...nothing...

Ok, now I am a little upset. But, whatever they can all do what they want.

Well it was the day of my GF's friend returning home and me, my GF and her friend were planning on driving to the airport together in the morning (new years day) and then me and my GF were going to finally have some hang out time, but this is when the drama started...

Omg Drama! Laguna Beach?
The night before me, my GF and her friend all stayed up for New Years and they got home around 1am.

Well the next morning, at 8am I was driving to my GF's house in hopes to meeting them there (in order to go to the airport). While driving over to her house I got a call from my GF and she was crying saying that her mom and dad were mad that she stayed up till 1am the following night and that her Mom was going to be driving her and her friend to the Airport. So I replied with, "well, that sucks I guess I’ll just come with" and then was prompted with a, "My parents said you can’t". WELL that made me PISSED because I:

a.) Missed a party (after my GF left) because I didn't want to be tired for the morning
b.) had to wake up damn early.

So I said whatever I am almost there I’ll just talk to the mom as she walks to her car to see what’s up.

I waited for about 20-30 minutes and her mom, sisters and friend all came down, her mom looked like she just came out of the Blair Witch project and was ready to kill someone (eyes red ect.) and she didn't even say "Hi!" to me. So I played stupid and said, "Ok so what’s going on? Am I going with someone?" and her mom looked at my GF angry and said, "THIS IS awkward Hillary. why did you make him come down here!?" (Although my GF told me not to come down there... but I wanted to see WTF is going on.) And then they got in the car and drove off... pissed I went up to their room and wanted to talk to the dad, have a man to man to see what’s up? Right?

Well, I go up there and say, "Hey what’s going on? Whys everyone keep excluding me?" well I was not welcomed with a nice tone he kind of had an aggressive tone and told me to come in and thus began the 20 hour lecture of how I SCREW up her life and that she is a failure (which if you knew me and her is entirely not true.) Then he starts telling me I am screwed up to and that my parents aren't good at parenting (WHICH is also not true my parents are great, and both could be this douches parents, being twice his age...) WHICH got me upset and thus had me saying, "Don't parent me. Just because you had some accidental kids at 18 doesn't give you the right to be my parent..."

Bad idea...?

He then started shaking and stood up with his hands clenched into a fist and his eyes seemed to bulge out of his head (oh BTW he’s not a big dude, he’s like 5'11 160 pounds. I am around 6'2 200 pounds, anyways) and started saying things like, "BAD IDEA!" or something like that, and "YOU LITTLE SHIT!" followed promptly by "GET THE fuck OUT OF MY HOUSE". He then started to traverse into his room prompting me to, "STAY THERE!" it seemed as if he was going to get a weapon because he was afraid I’d whoop him, but then it seemed like he changed his mind halfway down the hallway and he came back to me... he said....

"Get the ShaqFu (not really shaqfu...) out of my house you piece of shit!"

He then grabbed my throat and pushed my across the room where you slammed me against the wall and started shouting (and I don’t know why because I was standing right in front of him looking into his eyes) "STAND UP! FACE ME!" all I said was, "Would you like me to leave? I will leave." I was scared this pos was gonna kill me but I did not want to fight back because that would just cause more problems so I just waited it out (I also had a knife in my pocket which could have easily been used...) he eventually cooled down... like in 10 seconds... psycho...

And sat back down in his chair and I said back down on the couch (and to remind you I was calm the whole time, and after that blow up I just wanted to GTFO of the house alive so I then agreed with everything he said) he then proceeded to talk about LIFE for about an hour... and I just agreed with him the entire time.

When he was finally finished I shook his hand and said, "thank you so much you have brought things up to me that I never understood!" and then left, I then find out later that he told his wife that we had a good chat and the air is cleared. MAYBE for him he fucking choked me...

Well, while is 1 hour Gandhi rant I was notified with the "new rules" that were created....

It was based on his stupid repeated phrase, "Quality vs Quantity" he says that him and his wife do the same thing, ALTHOUGH I know that to be false because when he has to go out of town for work for 1-2 days his wife goes crazy, she cries and is depressed...

They can't handle being without each other for 1-2 days yet they expect me to be away from my Best Friend/Girl Friend for 6-7 days where we can only hang out for 1-5 hours a week? What bullshit is that?!

ALSO, if they knew how to parent they would know that restricting an adult is only going to totally backfire on them. And it already has, she now has to pretend she is going to class and instead come see me. And she has to pretend with her younger sister that they are going out and then come see me...

Idiot parents... this is why you don’t have kids at 18...


Wooo... I had to shout this stupidity out to the world... cant believe you read all that.

Short Version:
Me and my GF live with our parents. We've been together for 2.5 years, we are best friends. Her parents always have loved me. My GF decided to go back to school. All the sudden her parents feel like I am ruining her schooling life. She should be rewarded, but when my gf's friend came from Chicago for a week her parents did a 180 and are now essentially grounding her from seeing me.
His new rules are I can only see my GF 2-6 hours a week and she can only use those hours on weekends....

What the hell is that? How do you deal with strict GF parents? The biggest annoyance of this whole thing is that I feel powerless, there is nothing I can do to make her parents snap out of this ridiculous rule...

Any advice?

Oh and I purposely held out our ages... how old do we both sound in terms of her parents rules? (If you read long version you could probably guess...

12 years old in middle school?
15 in High school?
Answer:
Both twenty in our second year of college.... and I can only see my GF 1-6 hours a week. Uhm, am I in High school again?
 
Her parent's arn't ready to let go of their first kid.
Maybe you can do webcam. I don't know her parents, but they sound like turds :(
Even if they don't like you, for whatever reason, it's not their decision who their daughter likes.


Maybe you can do webcam. I know it's not the same, but atleast your talking
face to face.
 
Her parent's arn't ready to let go of their first kid.
Maybe you can do webcam. I don't know her parents, but they sound like turds :(
Even if they don't like you, for whatever reason, it's not their decision who their daughter likes.


Maybe you can do webcam. I know it's not the same, but atleast your talking
face to face.
Click to expand...

Funny you mentioned that. And thanks for understanding.

Me and my GF both have 360's and she got me a Live Camera for Xmas. So now we can do video chat through that...

...until my 360 Red Ringed. This year is not shaping up to well...

Stick it in her pooper
Click to expand...

I've tried but she seems to always run to her husband when I do it. And my GF doesn't like me doing that to her mom...
 
damn man you got it bad.

what's wrong with her, why dont she stand up for herself?

i say she get herself a job, and you two get your own place together.

her parents are psychopaths. i should know, mine used to be like her parents!

the only thing to do when your parents are overcontrolling is to get away.

she needs to get away pronto!

...and sadly, yes, you are back in high school again my friend.
 
sucks dude...

any girl advice...go to jaykrue. that kid can offer up really good relationship advice.

ive read the whole thing. that sucks man. I really cant offer any good advice because all the relationships ive been in..the parents didnt care how long their daughter hung out with me. hell, i retroed gamed with one of em.

i think until she doesnt need her parents to support her anymore..than as of now...you could be SOL until the parents mature.
 
[quote name='musics_muse']damn man you got it bad.

what's wrong with her, why dont she stand up for herself?
[/quote]

Yea, I always wondered that to. Why the heck doesn't she stand up for herself? Then I tried standing up to them, and they are very unreasonable.

My theory is that since they essentially started their lives right out of highschools they are still/always will be in a High School state of mind, which explains why her dad attacked me and how they both act so immature.

Also, I feel that since their lives started out of high school they feel like she should have as much responsibilites as they did. Even though they just screwed up...

i say she get herself a job, and you two get your own place together.

her parents are psychopaths. i should know, mine used to be like her parents!

the only thing to do when your parents are overcontrolling is to get away.

she needs to get away pronto!

...and sadly, yes, you are back in high school again my friend.
Click to expand...

Yes, it has been a possibility many times. But I do not want to end my life by moving out at the moment. I am in community college and just want to finish it up (while having the benifits of living at home) until I move out and go the the Art school I want to attend and then live on student loans.

If I were to move out with her now, I'd be required to get a full time job, which isn't a problem but that would mean I would not be able to go back to school or would take me 2-3x's longer to finish up my Community college.

SO, I am stuck...

So now I am prompted with a few choices; end it, wait it out (like I always did... but it has never been this bad) or act on it/try to resolve the issue.

I thought ALL parents knew that, RESTRICTING your child/adult is not a good idea and will cause major rebel.

This whole thing has given me a reality check though. It taught me that there are people out there that have no clue, they DON'T know how to parent and noone is trust worthy. And I am considering pressing police charges on her dad for choking me... but I don't know what that would start.
 
OP, you aren't a parent yourself yet, so it's tough to understand the intense protectiveness that a parent feels for their child. Whether or not you are actually screwing anything up, if they feel like you are then they have every right to say so and take any action they see fit. They are, after all, the girl's parents, and as such they are responsible to see that she grows into a fully-realized person and is protected from things in her life that may be harmful to her.

Be respectful of her parents, and honor their wishes. Set a pattern of respect in your own life regarding parental figures, or else you may find your own children following a rebellious path one day.

Bottom line: they're doing what they think is best for her. Whether either of you agree is irrelevant. She lives with them, they have a right to step into her life and try to help her.
 
[quote name='Pootie Thang']Dude you're 20, go find another girl. That shit isn't worth it. They treat her like she's 15 and apparently she's okay with it.[/QUOTE]
I sorta agree with this. 2.5 years is awhile, maybe a quick break up even if its just to put some pressure on her to stand up to her parents. I didn't read the long version though. Best of luck OP.
 
I like the quick break-up idea. If that doesn't turn her around she doesn't give enough of a shit and you should look for somebody else.
 
they are very protective of the first born and since she is making something of herself they look at you a chance for her to possibly ruin it. Also Since you are in Cali they don't see their daughter much, so her coming home and running too hang with you upsets them and they want to spend more time with her

Your GF needs to decide whether its worth standing up to her parents, does she pay her own college if not they will possibly hold that against her.


You could always try hanging out at her house so her parents could feel that she is still close to them. If that doesnt work either suck it up or break up.


Ohh and you are a dork for knowing the sword name.
 
I doubt things will change until she moves out from her parents house.

Some parents are just like that with their kids. I know people who would go to college 1000 miles away from home - so they'd obviously be able to do basically whatever they wanted - then when they were home for summer/winter break their parents would have them back on a curfew, etc.

But I guess you're saying the parents have changed their attitude towards you two hanging out together recently? It could be a lot of things I guess but given her dad's violent reaction to you and both of them seeming to be pissed at you for no reason you are aware of, my best guess would be they recently found out you two are more serious (sexually) than they thought. If that's a possibility I'd ask your gf about it. Or I suppose that reaction could be due to you calling him a loser for having kids at 18. Definitely a bad idea. :lol:
 
I read your entire story, and if you two have been dating that long, and you both believe it's worth fighting for. BOTH of you need to "man up" , sit down with these two and talk things out, asap.

No drama shit, no running away, no ditching the problem and finding another girl. If you want her, you fight for her, in a civil manner (no punching Dad or sticking it in her mom's pooper).

You're right, you guys are both 20, and this is something parents should be doing for a 12 year old. So unless you're both pants on head retarded, you don't need that much supervision, and she doesn't need to bust her ass so damn hard just because their trying their damndest to ensure she has a better life than them (don't use cursewords like I am when you talk with them) :)

She also needs to do a lot of the talking, like how this is just causing her stress, not helping her out, they need to be supportive and not controlling, etc. etc.

You want it, you both work for it, and if things don't work out, then maybe she should consider moving onto campus. Freedom is worth the extra college loan.

~HotShotX
 
You should have called the damn police immediately after he choked you and got his ass thrown in jail.

I'm serious--no girl is worth that crap. If he does that to you that quickly, who says he doesn't do that to his wife and/or daughters? What a scumbag.
 
ummm....yer hold old and you're BOTH allowing this to happen? Can't feel your pain on this one. Shyt or get off the pot on this. Tell her parents flat out that your both legal adults and accept it, or move on. No matter how you feel, never, NEVER suffer because of someone else
 
Lots of good advice, particularly HotShot's. We can say "dude break up," but you've been dating 2.5 years. That's easier said than done at this point.

The parents need to be confronted about their control issues (either they're severe control freaks, getting mad about their 20/21 y/o daughter staying out until 1AM, or you or they are lying about something) and the need to "let go." They won't listen to you, that much is evident from your "talk" with dad (both the degree to which you played your cards then, and also, it appears, from the amount of talking you suggest he did - I bet they're the kinds of knowitall liberal parents who think they have the fuckin' answer to everything, and vastly prefer talking to listening, let alone conceding a point. That's a personality type I'm *intimately* familiar with :lol:).

Their daughter confronting them is necessary, but the two of you together, I fear, won't be enough. They seem too thick-headed and certain of their ways. Limiting the hours you can see each other when you're both drinking age, or approaching it, is a huge issue of control, though.

The only answer I see: your GF needs to move out. Not just that, she needs to be successful at moving out: have a clean apt, keep the bills paid, work hard, and get good grades. Show her parents that she is an independent person (she is, isn't she?). I don't see either of you, frankly, telling them anything. These are the kinds of people you'll have to show. Even then, expect a megaton of resentment, blame, and attribution (after all, he showed no reluctance to blame you for "screwing her up").

If it's worth it, it's worth it. But it's not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination. Think long and hard before you proceed with this kind of thing. 2.5 years is too much to just flippantly give up, but you've got to keep things in perspective.

[CAG-Answer]Get her pregnant.[/CAG-Answer]

[CAG-Answer]Ever think that it's a family of werewolves?[/CAG-Answer]
 
You need to talk to your girl, and find out how she feels about the whole thing. Maybe you both could sit down with her folks and let them know your feelings, and maybe work out a compromise (more time during the week, etc.). It also sounds like there might be some trust issues here, both in terms of the parents not being able to trust you around their daughter, and maybe not completely trusting their own daughter.

You can't be mad at her parents, dude. If you show your frustration, they may just tell their daughter to dump your ass.

How far away do you live from her? You could start spending more time at her house. Her parents wouldn't mind, since you'd both be there under their supervision. I know it sounds annoying to have to always go over there, but you gotta do whatever's necessary in order to spend more time with her (if she means that much to you). Maybe you could take the parents out to dinner and explain your intentions, and ask them for more time one-on-one for dates and such with their daughter.
 
1.) Turn gay, trade 'baseball cards' all the time with your best friend..
2.) Dump her, go bang mad bitches. If she really loves you, she will try to be with you.
3.) She needs to stand up and take control, there is no reason why her parents should be judging you like your a fucking hemped out loser that is banging their daughter.

I dated a girl like that once when I was 20, lasted about 6 dates... 1 makeout session. I broke up with her and started plowing about 2hrs later. Gotta have priorities. 20 is too young to decide if you're gonna be with her the rest of your life. Pace yourself..
 
Myk,

You are most of the way there. I think this is stemming from their parents having a kid at 18 directly. I think they are quite unhappy with their life, so they ar etrying to protect their daughter. Because of that, I'm not sure "talking it out" with them will work here. She's over 18, there are 2 options

1) Deal wtih it
2) Move out.

Their house, their rules. If she doesn't like it, she needs to move out. The thing is, she really doesn't "need' to be successful at moving out. She could bomb out entirely, as long as she doesn't go back. She's an adult. If I stop paying my bills, my parents can't show up and start dictating rules.

But, I can say one thing, don't expect things to get better without moving out. I had rather strict parents on me. They let me (as a guy) go out at 21, but I had to check in. Even now, if I fly out to visit them (they left the state a couple years after I moved) and stay at their place, they still have rules. They are a bit lax, but you still get eyed up if your going out (and I'm married, mind you).

So, parents are parents. You can't change them, because they don't see you as an adult or an equal. So, I think it's worth talking to her, and starting to prep for moving her out into a place.

Though, unsolicited advice, I have a horrible feeling about this relationship. She is very sheltered. So, when she finally does move out, she might relish that freedom a little too much (which is normal). It'll be perfectly healthy for her, but that isn't the best thing for a relationship, where you are suppose to make sacrifices for each other.

So, best of luck to you, but I'll be surprised if you are still with her in 2 years (though, I hope I'm very very wrong).
 
Don't worry DKB, I was only allowed to hang out with the girl I'm seeing now on weekends (either friday or saturday, not both) from 6-11ish for the first three and a half years or so of our relationship. Her parents suck huge dick, end of story.

You either a) have to move out with her or b) move on. Being 21 and dealing with the crap I deal with my girl and her parents is ridiculous, so I feel ya. Its been the topic of our arguments way too many times, but after almost four years, things are a bit different. Not a whole lot has changed, but its still a change.

Just ignore her familys remarks and concentrate on your relationship with her.
 
I assume you both have jobs? If you do I say get an apartment and split the rent. Then you can't be bothered by the parents. Also there is nothing they can do to stop you.

I also would suggest pressing charges against the father, no way in hell anybody is gonna almost strangle me and then get away with it.
 
Just my view on it.

Get your own house, show them that I went to college but if I cant get a job in my field that i'd even work as a garbage man to feed my wife and family. (no offense to garbage men) If even after you have proven yourself that you will take care of there daughter, love and honor her no matter what wether she does her part or not and showing them that you are considering hte future not just the present. Then you would have to consider that much will probably not change in this relationship.



The 4 biggest typical things that people fight about in a marriage are

1 Money

2 in laws

3 children

4 religon


1 if your gonna do the money fine. if you cant or arent responsible enough and she is let her. One person handle the finaces though.

2 with family once your married its you and her against the world. Be polite firendly honorable but its you and her period.

3 if you want 2 kids but she wants ten one of you must change your mind or one of you will be unhappy

4 If you dont have a like faith either one will be quite submissive or at each other all the time about it or how to raise the kids.



remember the vows one would take. in sickness and in health. (not till she get alzhimers and forgets you or her body quits or she cant keep up with you) richer or poorer (not only during the good times) love (always not only when she loves you) till death do you part (self explanitory, not till you find some one better, you get bored, she doesn't clean the house)

of course I realize there are things that happen in a relationship like adultry that hurt more than words can say and in those special cases you have to hold together if at all possible with God and what lies in you.

Do right and if shes not the one then you'll be ready for the right one.

sorry about mispellings son keeps hitting my arm. Good luck.
 
I love this place. I know me and my girlfriend are down the same road. LOL. Girlfriends parents are the same way. Well, i'm in better cause next year I'm going to the college she goes to which is about an hour from home, all sorta solved for me.

I reccomend taking her parents out to dinner. Really clearing the air and stating you didn't appreciate being choked and just be honest with them. Its gonna be akward but could solve a lot of problems.
 
[quote name='HotShotX']I read your entire story, and if you two have been dating that long, and you both believe it's worth fighting for. BOTH of you need to "man up" , sit down with these two and talk things out, asap.

No drama shit, no running away, no ditching the problem and finding another girl. If you want her, you fight for her, in a civil manner (no punching Dad or sticking it in her mom's pooper).

You're right, you guys are both 20, and this is something parents should be doing for a 12 year old. So unless you're both pants on head retarded, you don't need that much supervision, and she doesn't need to bust her ass so damn hard just because their trying their damndest to ensure she has a better life than them (don't use cursewords like I am when you talk with them) :)

She also needs to do a lot of the talking, like how this is just causing her stress, not helping her out, they need to be supportive and not controlling, etc. etc.

You want it, you both work for it, and if things don't work out, then maybe she should consider moving onto campus. Freedom is worth the extra college loan.

~HotShotX[/quote]

Seconded.
 
Too funny, my girlfiend's 20 year old little brother had the EXACT same thing happen to him, and guess what...

she went to college in CHICAGO.

lol.

Let me lay it out for you like I did for him.


When mommy's little girl goes to college, all of her High School friends and boyfriend and now losers. Mommy's girl is going to be what mommy never was, and she doesnt need some video game playing loser to date her darling little girl, because her little girl is pretty and could be with a college football player or high honors college student.

Unless you're going to MIT or Harvard next year, forget it.

Also, if mommy is doing this, more than likely your girlfriend has a really awesome guy who likes her in Chicago, and probably has already dated and maybe more and has told her mom that she doesnt know how to tell you. Mommy says "It'll work out", and now your on ignore.
 
OP, I didn't even read your post, but I'm a bit confused. The title says something about a girlfriend, yet in the "Are You Gay?" thread that I made, you clearly indicated that you were gay.

Explanations are in order.
 
OMG. I missed the whole post about the father assaulting you. This family is seriously screwed up.

You need to dump this girl, and run. Far away. IMMEDIATELY. If this family is treating you both like this now, I can't even imagine what would happen if you decide to marry this girl.

Shit, dude. You should have pressed charges against this asshole. That would have shut them right the fuck up.
 
Your both adults, her parents need to learn to let go. Is she an only child? That might explain their overtly protective behavior.
 
You are only 20 - go find some other chick without all the bullshit. There are plenty of them out there. However, if she's worth putting up with the shit for then it's up to her to man up and tell her parents to back off. She's an adult. There's really nothing for you to do here and I don't think it is your place to say anything.
 
[quote name='MadFlava']Your both adults, her parents need to learn to let go. Is she an only child? That might explain their overtly protective behavior.[/quote]

She's the oldest of 3.

I personally would have been quite insulted at what your lady's dad said about my parents. I couldn't live with a girl whose parents are this messed-up. Do you think your girlfriend would have been upset if you had broken her dad's jaw/nose/orbital bone?
 
First of all, I would talk to the parents about the notion of pressing charges against the father for choking you. Just throw it out there and basically use it as an implied threat to get more time with your girlfriend.

In addition, talk to your girlfriend about not knowing how much longer you can continue to deal with her parent's bullshit and imply that you have feelings about breaking up.

Third. Let your girlfriend know that her father did choke you and you don't know how to contend with that and her family. This will not only work towards the implied idea of breaking up, but also force her to rethink her relationship with her family.

Really you've got to lay down the pressure on both your girlfriend and her parents to do what is the right thing for you and her.
 
Wow.
I'm going to agree with the advice about the 2 of you trying to work it out by getting your own place together. If the overall outcome is "No" then you really should just break it off at THAT point. I know it's hard but how much longer can this go on?!

If she's REALLY relgious & Christian, then she's not going to move out with you.. because APPARENTLY living together unmarried is a sin...:lol: So you'll be the better judge on that since we don't know her or her beliefs.
 
the long version and the short version are drastically different situations
I'd want to say this is a situation that has a solution, maybe once she graduates, maybe if she moves out, maybe if you get married.
But the parents look like huge warning signs, and they could be a problem you are dealing with the rest of your life regardless of what you or she do. Some parents are overprotective, but this relationship sounds beyond that.
This has to be tough for her as well, maybe even tougher than for you because she lives with them and is going to be torn between you and her family.
 
I was in a situation like this in College.

It's terrible and you'll wonder why you wasted your time fighting someone else's parents instead of enjoying your own life. Her parents aren't your problem. I know you might love her and be in this relationship thing, but things change. Spend more time with friends that you don't have to get permission to be around, let her straighten things out with her parents, and maybe it'll get better. Maybe not? Who knows.

Besides, when you're not sneaking around and constantly pushing the parents' buttons, they'll usually let up.

Edit: Think about it this way. If the situation was reversed, and a guy's parents didn't let him spend time with a girl, made scenes, canceled dates, etc. How long do you think a girl would put up with that? There wouldn't be a second time, because she'd be gone, guaranteed.
 
[quote name='DarkNessBear']
Alright, I know asking girlfriend advice on a forum is like asking a football team what Gandalf's sword is called (*cough*[SIZE=-1]Glamdring*cough*)[/SIZE].

But I must vent before I go and slash my gf's friend’s parent’s tires/throats.

Super Long Version:

Alright, I live at home with my dad and my GF lives with her parents. They are both young parents they had her when her mother was only 18. Thus their lives started quicker than usual. They have 3 daughters and I am dating the oldest. We have been going out for about 2-3 years (2 years and 5 months to be exact) and her parents have always been a little strict when it comes to things. The first few months of dating her was brutal, I could rarely see her maybe 4-8 hours A WEEK. And she would have to go home around 10.

As the relationship progressed the parents backed off a little but still where bitches when it came to her hanging out with me. The parents never hated me (excluding the first few months, I was like Sadam and they were like America.) and I must say I am a good kid I don't do anything bad and compared to the other people around my age I am an angel...

More back story (if interested):
Her parents have always called me there "family" and that they love me. But they would have some spurts of crazigasm's where they would not want me around that much. But once her parents divorced (for like 2-3 weeks...) I was finally allowed to hang out with my GF pretty much any time I pleased.

Fast forward to more recent, they moved closer to where I live and everything was going very smoothly me and my GF were living our lives and her parents were living theirs. Until school happened...

Well, my GF recently decided to go back into school full time (she was working 8 hour days at a University and was taking some night courses with me) and I as well decided to go school full time. While she worked full time she was required to pay rent, which is understandable, but now that she is going to go to school full time her parents are allowing her not to pay. Ok, everything is good.

Until....


My GF's friend came to visit from Illinois’ (her hometown) for a week, and when she came I found it odd that I wasn't really being invited over to anything. I was constantly told, "My parents want it to be just a family thing...". I was like, hmm, I thought I was family....

...So then I did the inevitable, I started to blame her or her friend because I don't believe her parents would be like that (but her friend fricken loves me, so I didn't think it was her) well as the week went by they did more and more stuff and I was invited to...nothing...

Ok, now I am a little upset. But, whatever they can all do what they want.

Well it was the day of my GF's friend returning home and me, my GF and her friend were planning on driving to the airport together in the morning (new years day) and then me and my GF were going to finally have some hang out time, but this is when the drama started...

Omg Drama! Laguna Beach?
The night before me, my GF and her friend all stayed up for New Years and they got home around 1am.

Well the next morning, at 8am I was driving to my GF's house in hopes to meeting them there (in order to go to the airport). While driving over to her house I got a call from my GF and she was crying saying that her mom and dad were mad that she stayed up till 1am the following night and that her Mom was going to be driving her and her friend to the Airport. So I replied with, "well, that sucks I guess I’ll just come with" and then was prompted with a, "My parents said you can’t". WELL that made me PISSED because I:

a.) Missed a party (after my GF left) because I didn't want to be tired for the morning
b.) had to wake up damn early.

So I said whatever I am almost there I’ll just talk to the mom as she walks to her car to see what’s up.

I waited for about 20-30 minutes and her mom, sisters and friend all came down, her mom looked like she just came out of the Blair Witch project and was ready to kill someone (eyes red ect.) and she didn't even say "Hi!" to me. So I played stupid and said, "Ok so what’s going on? Am I going with someone?" and her mom looked at my GF angry and said, "THIS IS awkward Hillary. why did you make him come down here!?" (Although my GF told me not to come down there... but I wanted to see WTF is going on.) And then they got in the car and drove off... pissed I went up to their room and wanted to talk to the dad, have a man to man to see what’s up? Right?

Well, I go up there and say, "Hey what’s going on? Whys everyone keep excluding me?" well I was not welcomed with a nice tone he kind of had an aggressive tone and told me to come in and thus began the 20 hour lecture of how I SCREW up her life and that she is a failure (which if you knew me and her is entirely not true.) Then he starts telling me I am screwed up to and that my parents aren't good at parenting (WHICH is also not true my parents are great, and both could be this douches parents, being twice his age...) WHICH got me upset and thus had me saying, "Don't parent me. Just because you had some accidental kids at 18 doesn't give you the right to be my parent..."

Bad idea...?

He then started shaking and stood up with his hands clenched into a fist and his eyes seemed to bulge out of his head (oh BTW he’s not a big dude, he’s like 5'11 160 pounds. I am around 6'2 200 pounds, anyways) and started saying things like, "BAD IDEA!" or something like that, and "YOU LITTLE SHIT!" followed promptly by "GET THE fuck OUT OF MY HOUSE". He then started to traverse into his room prompting me to, "STAY THERE!" it seemed as if he was going to get a weapon because he was afraid I’d whoop him, but then it seemed like he changed his mind halfway down the hallway and he came back to me... he said....

"Get the ShaqFu (not really shaqfu...) out of my house you piece of shit!"

He then grabbed my throat and pushed my across the room where you slammed me against the wall and started shouting (and I don’t know why because I was standing right in front of him looking into his eyes) "STAND UP! FACE ME!" all I said was, "Would you like me to leave? I will leave." I was scared this pos was gonna kill me but I did not want to fight back because that would just cause more problems so I just waited it out (I also had a knife in my pocket which could have easily been used...) he eventually cooled down... like in 10 seconds... psycho...

And sat back down in his chair and I said back down on the couch (and to remind you I was calm the whole time, and after that blow up I just wanted to GTFO of the house alive so I then agreed with everything he said) he then proceeded to talk about LIFE for about an hour... and I just agreed with him the entire time.

When he was finally finished I shook his hand and said, "thank you so much you have brought things up to me that I never understood!" and then left, I then find out later that he told his wife that we had a good chat and the air is cleared. MAYBE for him he fucking choked me...

Well, while is 1 hour Gandhi rant I was notified with the "new rules" that were created....

It was based on his stupid repeated phrase, "Quality vs Quantity" he says that him and his wife do the same thing, ALTHOUGH I know that to be false because when he has to go out of town for work for 1-2 days his wife goes crazy, she cries and is depressed...

They can't handle being without each other for 1-2 days yet they expect me to be away from my Best Friend/Girl Friend for 6-7 days where we can only hang out for 1-5 hours a week? What bullshit is that?!

ALSO, if they knew how to parent they would know that restricting an adult is only going to totally backfire on them. And it already has, she now has to pretend she is going to class and instead come see me. And she has to pretend with her younger sister that they are going out and then come see me...

Idiot parents... this is why you don’t have kids at 18...


Wooo... I had to shout this stupidity out to the world... cant believe you read all that.


Short Version:
Me and my GF live with our parents. We've been together for 2.5 years, we are best friends. Her parents always have loved me. My GF decided to go back to school. All the sudden her parents feel like I am ruining her schooling life. She should be rewarded, but when my gf's friend came from Chicago for a week her parents did a 180 and are now essentially grounding her from seeing me.
His new rules are I can only see my GF 2-6 hours a week and she can only use those hours on weekends....

What the hell is that? How do you deal with strict GF parents? The biggest annoyance of this whole thing is that I feel powerless, there is nothing I can do to make her parents snap out of this ridiculous rule...

Any advice?

Oh and I purposely held out our ages... how old do we both sound in terms of her parents rules? (If you read long version you could probably guess...

12 years old in middle school?
15 in High school?
Answer:
Both twenty in our second year of college.... and I can only see my GF 1-6 hours a week. Uhm, am I in High school again?
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how long did this take to type?
 
First thanks for all the advice it really helps, but reading the comments here is a few things:

-She hates that her parents are doing this about as much as I do, and I feel bad for her because she has to live with it. And she has also approached them many times and tried to talk with them, but mykevermin hit the nail on the head, they are way to thick headed and set in their own "ways" that they really don't compromise.

-Our relationship is not light relationship. We have done it all and her parents know everything and like I said nothing has really changed recently they have known it all along and I know 100% they arent scared because her parents think we are sexually active. They knew in the first 1-2 months of our relationship lol.

-I am not leaving anything out, seriously I haven't done anything wrong. And they have said that to me, they said JUST because I am a boyfriend (not my character) that she is going to fail in life. That she needs to be alone and independant. I understand that, but her parents holding her hand isn't going to give her that and we are in community college, its not like we have to hunker down now...

-And again to the moving out with her idea, I would love to, but it would REALLY fuck us up if we broke up and that would mean I'd feel like I am now locked down with her.

-And me and her discuss EVERYTHING, we really don't hide anything. So she knows what I think and I know what she thinks.

I was in a situation like this in College.

It's terrible and you'll wonder why you wasted your time fighting someone else's parents instead of enjoying your own life. Her parents aren't your problem. I know you might love her and be in this relationship thing, but things change. Spend more time with friends that you don't have to get permission to be around, let her straighten things out with her parents, and maybe it'll get better. Maybe not? Who knows.

Besides, when you're not sneaking around and constantly pushing the parents' buttons, they'll usually let up.

Edit: Think about it this way. If the situation was reversed, and a guy's parents didn't let him spend time with a girl, made scenes, canceled dates, etc. How long do you think a girl would put up with that? There wouldn't be a second time, because she'd be gone, guaranteed.
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You seem to really understand. But I am in Community College and want to have fun with her until I move into my real college, although this is not that much fun...

I've been kind of seeing if her parents will snap out of it. They ussually have these little panic attacks and then get mad at me, but it's never been this bad or this official sounding. So I am sort of just seeing if they eventually forget about it...

If she's REALLY relgious & Christian, then she's not going to move out with you.. because APPARENTLY living together unmarried is a sin...:lol: So you'll be the better judge on that since we don't know her or her beliefs.
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Oh, they aren't a crazy religious family. Me and my GF both have same views on religion. Shes more agnostic and I am more atheist.
 
[quote name='DarkNessBear']First thanks for all the advice it really helps, but reading the comments here is a few things:

-She hates that her parents are doing this about as much as I do, and I feel bad for her because she has to live with it. And she has also approached them many times and tried to talk with them, but mykevermin hit the nail on the head, they are way to thick headed and set in their own "ways" that they really don't compromise.

-Our relationship is not light relationship. We have done it all and her parents know everything and like I said nothing has really changed recently they have known it all along and I know 100% they arent scared because her parents think we are sexually active. They knew in the first 1-2 months of our relationship lol.

-I am not leaving anything out, seriously I haven't done anything wrong. And they have said that to me, they said JUST because I am a boyfriend (not my character) that she is going to fail in life. That she needs to be alone and independant. I understand that, but her parents holding her hand isn't going to give her that and we are in community college, its not like we have to hunker down now...

-And again to the moving out with her idea, I would love to, but it would REALLY fuck us up if we broke up and that would mean I'd feel like I am now locked down with her.[/quote]

Basically it seems what you need to do here is talk to the parents a lot. Get them to like you and show them that you wont fuck things up, thats the only thing I could think of. Also maybe get your parents to talk to them to straighthen some things out.
 
Wait... I didnt really read everything... You both are over 18?... Her parents are telling her she can only see you on weekends and for a certain amount of time? WTF?

It sounds like a case of the crazies.
 
[quote name='Sir_Fragalot']Also maybe get your parents to talk to them to straighthen some things out.[/quote]

Yeah:

"Hey, dad. Guess what my girlfriend's dad said about you and mom? He says you are a couple of losers who raised a worthless son!" J/k.

I don't know about all that, but maybe a dinner with your family and hers would be in order. After all, you've been with this girl for almost 3 years. Have the two families done anything together at all?
 
-And again to the moving out with her idea, I would love to, but it would REALLY fuck us up if we broke up and that would mean I'd feel like I am now locked down with her.
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In that case, she needs to move out and live on her own. You can stay with your parents.

If that just isn't financially possible, and her parents won't back off, then you're just going to have to cope for however long you care for (it sounds like you care a lot).

My advice is just deal with the parents, but don't take shit from them (such as assault). You're there to be with her, not them, so always remember what's REALLY important.

Finish college, get a job, move out. It'll happen eventually, but you just can't cut off all support when you can't replace it with your own, then you WILL end up like them, young and struggling.

Don't worry, you'll eventually get them in the end if they really want to be dickheads. They busted your ass for 5-6 years while you dated their daughter. You both will get them for 15-20 years when they end up in a shitty retirement home, 40-50 when they can't see their grandkids, and eternity when you bury them in a landfill. :)

But hey, that's certainly plenty of time to turn things around, and you seem like a decent enough guy to make it happen. Just remember, you're there for HER, and no one else.

~HotShotX
 
If it was me i'd follow the rules perfectly......hold on.....theres more to it. ^_^
So....you can only see her for 2-6 hours on weekends eh? Well then next weekend go to her house and just fuck her raw and LOUD so her parents hear you and do that every weekend. Should piss em off quite nice, but your staying within' the rules, Aye!

Or just man the fuck up and liberate you girl. What are they gonna do; kick her out? I doubt it. She isn't chained up, you two wanna go out then go out screw the parents. :D
 
[quote name='Chacrana']OP, I didn't even read your post, but I'm a bit confused. The title says something about a girlfriend, yet in the "Are You Gay?" thread that I made, you clearly indicated that you were gay.

Explanations are in order.[/quote]

#-o
 
Fortunately for me, my girl in college lost her goddamn mind when she finally did move out, due to all those years of sheltering. She decided she wanted to be a white trash nothing instead of trying to do something with her life. Whoo! Tattoos! Drugs! Parties! Trashy people love me and never tell me anything is a bad idea! :lol:

Not saying that'll happen to you, I'm just saying, you never know with people.
 
Skimmed most of it and HotShotX & mykevermin's posts would probably be what I would say if you're in it for the long haul (and by that I mean a long term commitment and 2.5 yrs isn't long). If you think this is just another person to date that you may eventually dump or mutually break up w/ in the future, consider getting out now. This is a case of a pyrrhic victory if you're not fully committed. In the grand scheme of things, 2.5 yrs is a drop in the bucket in the life of a 20 yr old so would you rather spend the next 2.5 years fighting for 'turf' (time spent w/ gf) with parents or 2.5 years having fun w/ other 20somethings? Being a 20something is a time to explore the world and see what it has to offer, not be bogged down by a relationship that only has a minimal amount of investment (and yeah, 2.5 yrs is a minimal investment when you contrast it to a truly long lasting relationship).

Also, consider this - even if you do eventually commit to her and get married, are you prepared to wage war all throughout your marriage? Because if you start your marriage off w/ disapproving parents, you can bet they'll take every opportunity to scrutinize every action you did or didn't take. This will cause compounding tension (in addition to what you have now) that will keep building up until it spills out into a physical conflict (and from reading the other posts of your choking, it's already happened and you haven't even gotten married yet).

Personally, I think you should get out since it's still early in the relationship and you don't have any serious commitment to each other (as in marriage or baby). But if you really think it's worth it, really really really really worth it to the point that you couldn't possibly stand the idea of anyone else being 'The One' for you, then you both gotta man up and fight for it. And whenever families are involved in a fight, you know it won't be pretty. Hell, it can be downright ugly. Some actions she might have to take:

- move out
- find your own funding for college and lifestyle
- cut off all communication with the parents until they realize she's a legal adult & can make her own decisions and apologize

The last one is probably the most difficult since she'll be effectively be cut off from the only (emotional/financial) support system she's ever known. But, that's a weapon of last resort w/ stubborn parents. But if she's not prepared to take any of those steps, then she's really not independent regardless of whether or not you're her bf. She'll always be under her parents' figurative thumb unless she takes drastic measures such as above. And truthfully, the play in motion can only come from her, not you.
 
Maybe it's just me, but i pretty much do what i want, i'm in pretty much the situation that you are, minus the GF. If they really want her to succeed in life, i can't see them throwing her out becaue she doesn't obey them. They might her give shit over it, but i'd just do what i wanted.

There is one alternative that i don't think anyone mentioned. You said you both live at home with your respective parents. You could ask your parents if she could move in with you. It's a long shot to be sure, but depending on your parent's attitudes it could work.
 
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