I'm a freshman in college....and I hate it, need some help

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Quintox

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OK, I just have to tell it like it is right now, I don't care how stupid I sound.

I am a freshman in college, moved in on August 22 (a little over a week ago). It's a tiny college, really close to home (45min drive), and I like the campus.

I've been in classes for one week, I like my roomate and he introduced me to 2 of his friends whom I like as well. There are 2 guys on my hall as well that I like. The people here are nice, and supposedly (sp.) everyone here (who's been here) really loves it.

Now, my story: I hate college. I don't know why, I feel like something is wrong with me. Nobody else seems homesick, others seem to like it, but I am having a horrible time adjusting. I'm extremely homesick, the first 2 days I was here I barely ate and I would randomly cry a bit (not sob).
I went home this weekend (we were playing my brothers college so I went home to watch the game and stayed 2 days since my roomie was going away as well).

I was glad, it was good to be home, etc etc. I didn't feel like I was dreading going back to my dorm until a few hours before I left. I am here now (dorm) and now I am more homesick than I was prior to going home. I figured this would happen and no, I don't plan on going home every weekend.

What the hell is wrong with me? I am very sad and I miss being home soo much. I don't know why. I loved high school and I'm jealous of my friends who are still home/in high school. I call home a lot which makes me feel better. I hate to say this and I haven't told my parents, but I really wish I would have gone to a branch campus for another school so I could commute.

I feel stupid, lonely, and like a total wimp. My parents and other sources tell me it's hard at first and it'll get better, which I suppose it will...but honestly it really, really feels like it won't. My parents know I am having a hard time and they are trying to help. My mom has told me other stories of coworker's kids who are in another school and the daughter called up her mom after a few days crying that she wanted to go home. In one of my classes we had to do an assignment/read it aloud and a girl's story was about being homesick ; she hated college, basically for all reasons I've listed here. (she cried in the middle of reading it). It makes me feel a little better to know that but not fully.

What do I do? Anyone have experience with this? And please keep the jokes minimal, though I know it's hard to.
 
Gotta get used to living on your own eventually.
If you're feeling lonely, just get busy to keep your mind off it. Get involved with clubs, hang out more often, get a job, catch up on some reading, sign up for some more classes, etc.
 
Give it a semester. If it doesn't go away, move back home and go to a junior college and transfer later or a satellite of a college that's close to home. Some people just need more time. Some people are never ready to leave their hometown. Heck, I have friends from high school who live in the same town, or one over, from the one we lived in as kids, never went away to school, have jobs and families now. Freaks me the hell out, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
 
Yeah, that happened to me twice a long time ago when I had to go to some camp and later when I had to go to some boarding school. The crying, the loss of apetite, the calling mom and wanting to go home, etc. Just look on the brite side and find some things to do. Eventually you'll get used to it. Don't miss out on some great oppurtunities just becuase you're too busy thinking about how much you hate the place.

I'm going to have a terrible time with college, as I'll be one friendless guy in a sea of extremely social people. Hopefully I can get an apartment or something becuase I would really hate living in a dorm hall with a roommate.
 
What you are feeling is absolutely normal. I've been an RA for 4 years, and what you're going through is very common. Heck, even I've felt like that. Throughout my freshman year I headed home most weekends (I had a gf at home and such, and only lived about 30 minutes away), and I too dreaded coming back on Sunday nights. It's especially difficult with new roommates and possibly not having any friends.

The best thing you can do, is what Liquid suggested, get involved in SOMETHING. Most schools have student groups, here we even have "Hall Counsel" which are basically a group of kids in the dorms who come up with fun activities to do to keep people occupied. Even if it's not something structured, finding a group of friends to play Guitar Hero with, or some other video-game related activity, while not making you the most popular kid around, will keep your mind off of home. Even if partying isn't your thing (which for a lot of people it isn't), there are similar people there, even if you don't see them right off the bat.

The best advice I can give you is that college is the best time in your life to become outgoing, even if you're not already. I was very shy going into my freshman year, and since have become well-known across campus through my RA job and other student activities.

Finally, the worst part of the year for freshmen is generally the first two weeks and then about 2 months in. That's when the biggest boughts of homesickness hit. If you're comfortable talking to someone, you might want to seek out your RA, they are usually trained in helping out with homesick people, and if you're not comfortable talking to them or you don't have one, feel free to send me a PM and I'd be happy to listen.

The final thing I should say, which is what I usually talk to homesick kids about, is generally, going home isn't going to fix the problem. Many of your friends are probably gone to college, and the "hometown" will never feel the same, even when you're home on breaks and such. You'll find out that going home eventually is more of a chore than something to look forward to, because nothing is really the way it used to be.
 
College isn't for everyone, but I dare say that for those who go it is the best 4 years of their life. This is your time to do what interests you and pursue things without pressure of responsibilities. Take advantage of your time to do what you have always wanted to do. Look forward to going home, but keep that to a minimum. Keep yourself busy with study and play and travel (if you can afford it).
 
I commuted for my first year of college. My school was about 35 minutes away from my hometown but I got sick and tired of commuting, plus there was nothing to do in my hometown. I do have a lot of great friends in my hometown, but they're always too busy during the week anyways so we can hang out on the weekends if needed. I moved out August 19 and have not regretted it once. Great roommates, I'm making a lot more friends than I ever did commuting, and the parties are pretty sweet. fuck yeah college.
 
You better figure out a way to enjoy it cause your college years have the potential to be the best years of your life and you sure as hell don't want to waste them moping around. Hell, I didn't even party or go out a lot but I still had a blast.
 
Thanks for all the replies so far. I know everyone says it's awesome and it gets better, I just will be so glad when (or if) it does. It really sucks right now. I didn't think I'd feel like this prior to moving in.

Like I said, I just got back from home about 2 hours ago and I've been crying on and off. I haven't cried in years and this past week has been the first time in a long time.

I feel like such a wimp but I can't help it.
 
I spent my first year of college (which was about 2 hours away) coming home every weekend, mainly because a grade school buddy of mine needed the ride home. Thankfully, this was in 1997 and gas in Paducah, KY at that time was .90/gallon :)

At the end of the first year, I decided I was getting sick and tired of driving home every weekend, the packing, and then coming home not doing anything. I decided to start staying the weekends at school and only coming home once a month, which became once every two months. That combined with increased responsibility at the student newspaper (became the asst. sports editor my sophomore year) caused me to learn to live away from home, and those years were the best of my life.

I would suggest if you're still having problems to speak with other people about it. The girl you mentioned, have you tried talking to her, maybe go to lunch or something? Anyone else in your dorm having the same issues? Maybe talk to an upperclassman/RA about how they adjusted? If all else fails, every campus no matter the size has counselor's who's job is to help with people's adjustment to a new situation. Seek their advice if you need it.

My first cousin spent his entire college career first at a junior college, then at SIU Carbondale but he just went there for class, didn't live there. Myself, I became one of the most popular people on campus at Murray State, working at the student newspaper for over 4 years, 2 of them as sports editor (I graudated in 5 years.) When my cousin visited me during a troubling time for him, he couldn't believe how everyone knew me. I guess having your picture in the paper every week can help.

What I'm getting at is being in a new environment can teach you a lot of things and make you a stronger person. It does get better for almost everyone. Concentrate on your studies, but try to find 1 or 2 activities (not Greek) to get your mind off of home and into your new life. You'll be better for it.

One last thing, the reason I say non-Greek activites is because I fell if you are going to go Greek, you shouldn't go until no earlier than your sophomore year. I can't tell you how many people I met at school who washed out their first year because the Greek lifestyle combined with the schoolwork was too much for them. This included students on athletic and academic scholarships.
 
You can always try a counselor (if your college as a counseling degree department it is usually free or cheap.) Some might call what you are describing as an Adjustment Disorder. It's a condition we all get at times when big changes in life or circumstance happen. Counseling is a great option for Adjustment Disorders is you don't have a good support system around you yet.

T
 
dude it happens. when i moved to be with my gf i cried alot too which is funny since i hated my town so much but it isnt till you leave home you see how much fo it you love. you will get over it especially once you find things to get involved with ( especially if its a chick) and over time youll adjust. go out, hit up a club or bar go to parties, meet chicks and have fun. home is a place of comfort but it can also be a crutch. if you leave you will regret it you just need to give it time.
 
Like others have suggested, I'd find something to do.

Go join a club, hang out with some people, heck, sit with some different people at the meals.

Being it's a small campus this all could work to your advantage since everyone pretty much knows everyone (at least they did in my college over in NC) and therefore they're much more accepting and it's easy to talk and hang out with others. I guess the small campus adds a bigger sense of a true community. Granted, everyone knows each other's business as well, but if you play your cards right that won't be a problem.

Hell, I commuted my years at school (why pay $10K more a year for board when I'm paying out of my pocket and my drive was about 20 minutes from home) and I had a ton of friends and there was always something to do on nearly every night of the week.

Anytime you go to a new environment without or even with your family there's an adjustment period where you miss what's familiar and "safe." The best advice I can give is just go for it. You're not really giving college a true shot if you spend your time worrying about it.

If you decide that going back home and going to something more local is best for you than that's fine as well. Ultimately you have to do what's in your best interest (emotionally, financially, etc.). I'd make sure I give college a true opportunity to present itself and what it can offer before I'd leave or drop out though.

Good luck with whatever choice you decide to make.
 
i can see how you would feel homesick after being there for 18 years...but i also just went to college August 23 and I think it's a hell of a time at college and a lot more fun that at home...sure I sometimes miss my parents but i can come back once every 2 or 3 weeks and see them and stuff...just hang out with your friends and make more friends at your school...you'll feel more at home there if you do that

good luck
 
I had a similar experience during my first semester of college. But I was 1500 miles from home and 2.5 hours from the nearest airport, so visiting every weekend wasn't an option :D. I hated my roommate, my dorms, the school, the brutal Missouri winters, my lack of friends...

So I transferred to a different university midway through my freshman year thinking this would change things. This time I lived 10 miles from school and rode the bus every day. It sucked. I spent 6 months as a commuter student; I have the rest of my life to look forward to commuting for Christ's sake! :roll:

I eventually came home and enrolled in community college (I changed majors so I needed basic math classes). All of my good friends were gone, the few friends still home were getting ready to leave, and I can't stand living with my family after being on my own for a year. I'm still chugging away at community college, finishing up my math courses.

The hardest part, for me, is knowing that I've "wasted" two years of the oft referred to "best time of my life." And I feel like shit whenever my friends tell me of how much fun they're having at their respective schools. I bounced from place to place, never making many friends, never doing anything all that fun. I was depressed and consumed with self-hatred because I couldn't figure out where to go, how to fit in somewhere.

But I did learn an important lesson, one that might make this whole damn experience worthwhile in the end: don't spend your life standing in the back and don't be unhappy - ever. My heart was in the right place by searching for that Promised Land, but I went about it all wrong. Running from one place to another doesn't solve anything. Individual freedom in and of itself is meaningless; you need to make a connection -- with a group of friends, or just one good companion, and everything else will solve itself.

Next time I'll get it right. Have faith in yourself and don't give up.
 
[quote name='swetooth9']i can see how you would feel homesick after being there for 18 years...but i also just went to college August 23 and I think it's a hell of a time at college and a lot more fun that at home...sure I sometimes miss my parents but i can come back once every 2 or 3 weeks and see them and stuff...just hang out with your friends and make more friends at your school...you'll feel more at home there if you do that

good luck[/QUOTE]

what he said
 
lordwow gave some excellent advice.

I know it feels like you are the only one that feels that way, but you aren't. I guarantee there are others who are homesick. As someone pointed out, those first 2 months are rough. The worst thing you can do is drop out. The people I know who gave up are the ones who never got a degree and are working at K-Mart.

My college situation was similar: 40 mins away, small (~3000 students), and I loved the campus. I was not a very outgoing person when I started. I was pretty shy and probably the type you would expect to go home every weekend. But I stuck it out, and really I think the 1st month was the hardest. Just trying to meet new friends and adjust to college life. But after that, it settled down and I got into the routine. Plus, I improved my social skills tenfold. I'm a lot more outgoing and it has paid off in the working world.

What is your major? Get friendly with people who share your major. I saw the same people in my classes over 4 years, so we all got to be good friends in class. It's a quick and easy way to make more friends. Pick a club and get involved. Go to any floor activities that are held. It sounds like you've already met a few friends in your dorm, so you've already got a leg in. They are your initial supports - use them!

I know it seems hard when you are feeling this way, but try your best to keep busy. Try not to go home too often. I went home once a month to do laundry :). The more you go home, the more it will perpetuate the homesickness. You have to cut that tie, and once you do, things will seem leagues better.

If the homesickness persists beyond the first semester, don't be afraid to utilize your RA or the school counselor. They deal with this stuff all the time, and sometimes people just need a little help in adjusting. There's nothing wrong with that, and you wouldn't be the first.

From the sound of it, I think you will be just fine. :)
 
[quote name='moiety'] I went home once a month to do laundry :).[/QUOTE]
How is it possible for you to only do laundry once a month? I do it like twice a week when I'm at college.
 
[quote name='Quintox']

And please keep the jokes minimal, though I know it's hard to.[/QUOTE]

You're absolutely right, so I'm not going to try and hold back.

Are you a momma's boy? Little girl gets seperated from her mommy for five minutes and cries her eyes out because she might not find her way back home. A week in school and you've already run home. If that's the way you're going to live your life, might as well go home, find your mom and some KY, and crawl back in her vagina where it's warm and safe.

That's what someone is going to say to you eventually if you don't get over yourself.

Have some fucking fun, man. You're your own boss, you can stay out as late as you want, do whatever the fuck you want to do, go wherever the fuck you want to go. You have to ask yourself why you went off to college. Was it to get an education? To find out who you are? To feel the experience of being an adult? All these answers are yes. Sitting in your room sobbing into your pillow isn't going to make the experience any better, it's going to make it worse. Go to the Lounge and shoot some pool. Cruise Main Street for some girls. Go find the best pizza by the slice joint in town and make it your own.

Stop calling home every five minutes, too. You're just dragging out the problem.

You're 18, male, unattached, and on your own for the first time in your life. It's every guy's dream. Go make it your own.
 
Well you are in many ways better off than most people who are homesick. You like where you are, and you like the people you are living with. I never got the homesick feeling, but I hated my living situation my first year.

I would recommend, assuming things don't get better after a semester/year, going back home and doing community college. It actually is a very good transitioning phase. I ended up taking a year off after almost ruining my college career (grades went to hell because I just wasn't happy, and I stayed in a major I hated). After the year I went back to community college, and I'm just about to go back to university after another semester or so.

If you do go home for community/junior college after a semester, try and get an apartment close to home. Having your own place is a fantastic way to ease into things, not to mention a good way to adjust to paying bills and whatnot. Whatever you do, just don't let the problem affect your grades or wellbeing. It's one hell of a hole to climb out of if you do.

Also, do you have a job? I noticed that once I got a job during school it kept my mind off the situation. It also gets you out a bit and lets you get more comfortable in the area.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']I hope moiety means that she did some laundry in the meantime during that month period, but brought a load of laundry home anyway.[/quote]
:lol::oops: I guess that sounded kinda weird. It was probably more like every 2-3 weeks. I had brought pretty much all of my clothes to school, so I had tons of clothes to wear. I wasn't wearing my clothes over and over or anything, if that's what it sounded like.
 
the only choice you have is to become emo. start wearing all black, writing poems and crying more
 
[quote name='CocheseUGA']You're absolutely right, so I'm not going to try and hold back.

Are you a momma's boy? Little girl gets seperated from her mommy for five minutes and cries her eyes out because she might not find her way back home. A week in school and you've already run home. If that's the way you're going to live your life, might as well go home, find your mom and some KY, and crawl back in her vagina where it's warm and safe.

That's what someone is going to say to you eventually if you don't get over yourself.

Have some fucking fun, man. You're your own boss, you can stay out as late as you want, do whatever the fuck you want to do, go wherever the fuck you want to go. You have to ask yourself why you went off to college. Was it to get an education? To find out who you are? To feel the experience of being an adult? All these answers are yes. Sitting in your room sobbing into your pillow isn't going to make the experience any better, it's going to make it worse. Go to the Lounge and shoot some pool. Cruise Main Street for some girls. Go find the best pizza by the slice joint in town and make it your own.

Stop calling home every five minutes, too. You're just dragging out the problem.

You're 18, male, unattached, and on your own for the first time in your life. It's every guy's dream. Go make it your own.[/quote]


Wow what a compleate douche also if collage is the best years of you life then your life sucks plase die. Give a Sysmester if you still feal homesick move back and go to a local school.
 
[quote name='masamun18']Wow what a compleate douche also if collage is the best years of you life then your life sucks plase die. Give a Sysmester if you still feal homesick move back and go to a local school.[/QUOTE]:rofl:

I'm not laughing with you.
 
[quote name='masamun18']Wow what a compleate douche also if collage is the best years of you life then your life sucks plase die. Give a Sysmester if you still feal homesick move back and go to a local school.[/QUOTE]

So is a "Sysmester" a semester?

That was so ridiculously stupid that I can't for the life of me comprehend that assassination of the English language.
 
From my personal experience I go to community college and find it pretty damn boring their ain't nothing to do in a CC. Just get your AA then go off to another state and get your BA that is what I plan on doing. Your situation isn't all that bad it is better then going to a CC 30 minutes away and then going to work after your done. I'd rather be where your at right know its probably better then my boring life.
 
Try to be a little more impulsive....like Fry.

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I"m having a greeeat time at colllege so far, and I haven't even gone to parties yet.
Everything is going awesome, work, social life, etc.
THe only thing i'm fucking up is rationing my money and meal swipes.
 
[quote name='masamun18']Wow what a compleate douche also if collage is the best years of you life then your life sucks plase die. Give a Sysmester if you still feal homesick move back and go to a local school.[/QUOTE]

Stop being a fucktard and re-read the post and understand the context.
 
Stick it out for more than a week. Things will get better as you start to realize that being on your own means having the freedom to do whatever the hell you want.

Also, don't change, just because you think you need to to "fit in". I know a lot of people who were great students, decided they wanted to go to school so they could get wasted and party, and now they have tons of college loan payments and crappy jobs to show for it after dropping out.
 
My advice is not to focus on the ppl who say you should be having the best years of your life. Nostalgia is a powerful mother fucker and unless you get your gf preggers or become totally lame and fat after college, it's likely to be a fun exciting time but no more, no less.

That having been said, snap out of it kiddo. You're sitting on four years of the biggest free ride in history, all around a large diverse group of people your own age. You could have gone to a conservative campus (which is like trying to have fun in a christian church, trust me) or to something really horrendous like war. Instead you have your living quarters and meals provided for, and all you have to do is study every once in a while.
 
[quote name='crazytalkx']I commuted for my first year of college. My school was about 35 minutes away from my hometown but I got sick and tired of commuting, plus there was nothing to do in my hometown. I do have a lot of great friends in my hometown, but they're always too busy during the week anyways so we can hang out on the weekends if needed. I moved out August 19 and have not regretted it once. Great roommates, I'm making a lot more friends than I ever did commuting, and the parties are pretty sweet. fuck yeah college.

Despite going away, my first semester was okay, but nothing special. I didn't know anyone in my major and kind of isolated myself from people. Once classes were done, I ran straight to my dorm room, shut the door, and chatted on AIM with online friends (when I got my homework done). Eventually, I met more people and fit in.
[/QUOTE]Yeah, I use to commute to my first college, which was a similar distance away. I absolutely hated my first college. I hated the people there, I hated being one of the few living off campus, and most all my good friends went away, so I was always bored. I ended transferring colleges and went away. Best decision I ever made. Only thing that sucks is that I never eat well. I'm too cheap to buy good food and I'm known to get too busy on my school work, so I forget about eating.
[quote name='jer7583']drink.[/QUOTE]Drinking = Bad. I have never done it in college and don't think I will. I rather get stressed out doing homework every single day.

My advice would be to play lots of video games. ;) That's what I did and had fun.
 
not to be a dick, but suck it up, at least for half a year and then make a decision to move back home. Until then dont keep yourself closed in. If you constantly think you will have a bad time you will have a bad time. Unless you plan on staying in the same place forever I suggest you try to like new surroundings. You do not know what life can offer you if you become a homebody the rest of your life.


Ohh and maybe try not being a steelers fans, if i were one of those I'd be depressed a lot too
 
Well, while I understand what you are going through somewhat, I went from HS to a Junior College 5 minutes from home. I was'nt a fan of HS, and JC felt exactly the same. When I went away, I felt like me for the first time. Scary, sure, but also I could do what I needed to do without family distractions......I still thought of my family.....but college isn't forever. It's like a short time in your life where you get to explore things intellectually and socially away from the safe perspective you once knew. It will help you grow into a different person than you were.

Also......as I believe I answer in many if not all of these types of posts......beer......girls......etc.

Have fun, and call home, sure. Just don't quit. You will learn (perhaps, as I did) to see college as some of the greatest years of your life.
 
This girl asked me to ballroom dance with her.... should I suck it up and do it?

I posted this here becausei t had college in the title... and I am loving college so far :)
 
45 mins isn't really that bad of a drive. I'd go home more often if I felt like that. I can't really relate on these problems as I had a pretty good time in college. I would recommend burying yourself in the college experience. Drink, take some crazy classes, meet everyone ya can, make it so you don't have time to go home and you'll find that you will want to less.
 
Here are a few things I found that helped make my first semester alot easier"

Try to recreate your dorm room into bedroom as best as possible to your bedroom at home. Sounds retarded, but it works.

Learn to cook! The thing I missed most was the good eats I got from home, so I learned to start cooking some of the stuff I usually ate at home.

Go find you some student group to participate in. They will keep you busy. They have clubs for everything in the world (or atleast my college does).

If those don't work, you can learn from the movies and sit around all day smoking, drinking, and screwing girls. I hear that takes people's minds off their problems.
 
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