Relationship Thread

Ag_SurfR

Ag_SurfR

CAGiversary!
Wasn't able to find one after sifting through the first couple of pages, so I thought I'd try my hand.

I know we're gamers, but I'm sure most of us have been in relationships (some of us are probably in them right now). Anyhoo, I just got burned recently and was wondering what some of you guys have done who've shared a similar experience (i.e. having your significant other leave you by surprise).
 
Regardless of what you do, the pain won't go away easily. It's part of the mourning phase so to speak. You experience it, cry if you have to, keep busy, do whatever to get through it. One day before you know it, you start to wonder why you were sad in the first place, and you move on.
 
I have been single for about almost 6 years, I honestly think I am not financially, and kinda mentally dating material (also not having a license and car in this city means no woman will talk to you). I am enjoying the single life though and appreciate all of the benefits of being single! My last gf was in high school and she was a mental case kinda had a rough break up but got over it and realize to enjoy myself, family and friends!
 
When a woman left me for no reason I stayed friends with her and deviously worked my way to try hooking up with her again to have that blew up in my face with terrible timing. Don't do that with any relationship. That's years wasted.
 
Best thing to keep in mind is DO NOT try and resolve the problem with her, if she would leave you once she could/will leave you again.

MOVE ON !

I had a terrible ending to my relationship in Dec of 2012. It has only been 3 months since then and I still get the occassional hiccup and sadness but in the end it is for the best.

No matter what do not dwell on the sadness, life can suck, life can be complicated, but it will eventually pass.

Try and spend more time with friends, and this might sound like a terrible idea, but honestly do NOT get in any real relationships anytime soon. First thing I did was about a month after the end of the relationship and I just hooked up with an old roomate, I told her straight up that there are NO strings attached and it was just me getting frustration out (lol). She actuially understood and was down. I am still only friends with this person and thats how it needs to be.

I am still single, dont even know if I am looking at this moment....my checking account looks so fantastic now hahaha.

I am telling you, just keep your head up, go workout at the local gyms, chill with friends...and beer, and go bar hopping with others.
 
Good idea for a thread OP. I was going to create one but just got lazy.

Anyway I got a relationship question would you guys sign a prenub? Why? Why not?
 
Yeah moving on is difficult but often the right move. Just gotta be determined to do it, you'll feel better once you have.
 
You didn't buy her the car did you iKilledChewbacca? I can't believe you were actually considering that, glad things are better for you. It sucks when your attached to somebody but if your young, you shouldn't be in a hurry to get tied down.
 
[quote name='Fallen_Shadow94']Good idea for a thread OP. I was going to create one but just got lazy.

Anyway I got a relationship question would you guys sign a prenub? Why? Why not?[/QUOTE]

Are you a millionaire?

Do you anticipate getting a divorce?
 
Yeah a prenup is really only needed if one or both people have a lot of money or assets. And particularly if only one party has money. I don't think getting one in such a case means one is anticipating a divorce, just a way to cover all bases since over half of marriages end in divorce.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Yeah a prenup is really only needed if one or both people have a lot of money or assets. And particularly if only one party has money. I don't think getting one in such a case means one is anticipating a divorce, just a way to cover all bases since over half of marriages end in divorce.[/QUOTE]

Can't pre-nups cover things like alimony though? Also, chances are that any guy has at least some money somewhere. I mean, even your retirement account is money that you have. You don't want to end up giving half of it away. That's rightfully yours.

Also, I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago, but I'm just now hearing about some of the crap she pulled. She didn't cheat or anything, but she constantly lied and manipulated me to try to make me like her more. (For instance, she made up a story about her getting mugged.) It does piss me off quite a bit, but I'm just glad it's over. It'll be a LONG time before I have another relationship.
 
It's simple.

If you are not a millionaire and think you need a prenup then don't get married to that person.

Edit: basically what I am saying is of you go into your marriage thinking you need a prenup because it might not last then it won't and I would suggest moving on. It will be better for both in the long run.
 
[quote name='WV Matsui']It's simple.

If you are not a millionaire and think you need a prenup then don't get married to that person.

Edit: basically what I am saying is of you go into your marriage thinking you need a prenup because it might not last then it won't and I would suggest moving on. It will be better for both in the long run.[/QUOTE]

That's honestly a very stupid way to look at things. Last I remember, you're not the only one who can file for divorce, your spouse can too. And let me let you in on a little secret: people change. The person you marry today isn't necessarily going to be the person you're married to in 10 years. If your spouse finds a new group of friends or starts using drugs or something, they can become a totally different person.

I personally know of at least 3 marriages that ended this way:

-One guy had his wife meet a new group of friends and decide that he wasn't cool enough for her or her friends now.
-Another guy had his wife move from casual marijuana use to a full-on Vicodin addiction.
-Most recently, a friend of mine's wife "found God" and now thinks he's a worthless piece of shit that's going to hell because she was able to quit drinking and he wasn't.

With over half of marriages ending in divorce, you're be a moron to think that yours is going to last forever just because you're really thought about it.

EDIT: I suggest to everybody to get a prenup. You've literally got nothing to lose. And if your spouse won't marry you because of that, you probably shouldn't marry them anyway.
 
That's a great response :roll:

You totally didn't get my point. What I said is that if you already feel the need to get a prenup then there is already doubt in the relationship so don't get married.

The reason the divorce rate is because dipshits like you think that after sleeping with a girl for six months that they are in love and its going to last forever and ever.

I have been married for over 10 years. My wife and I dated for 5 years before we got married. I knew she was the one. Did we have trouble at first? Hell yeah! Every married couple does and if they say they didn't they're lying. But we stuck through and are an amazing family because of it.

What happens in today's society is the scenario I mentioned above happens then months later the girl is pregnant one of them "can't handle" it and it ends in divorce.

So really the k about it before popping the question. If you think you need a prenup and you aren't rich then you should look deeper and really ask yourself if you really want to be with this person forever.

Edit: Your three examples along with your edit solidifies my point that you just don't get it and have probably never been in that situation and all of your "friends" fall in the above bucket of not really being ready to get married yet.
 
I'm still revolted when someone brings up the half of marriages end in divorce thing. Very scary. I mean if you really want to talk about someone ruining the sanctity of marriage, it's not the gays. Straight people are doing it all by themselves so fuck it.
 
[quote name='Access_Denied']
EDIT: I suggest to everybody to get a prenup. You've literally got nothing to lose. And if your spouse won't marry you because of that, you probably shouldn't marry them anyway.[/QUOTE]


Prenups are not entirely the same across the nation, you know. Some states are "community property" while most are "equitable distribution" states so divorce laws and unwaivable rights will differ. You really need to read more about this before handing out prenup advice.


One thing that is often overlooked is that a prenup is not completely for the benefit or protection of the wealthier partner. A prenup can also be used by the less wealthy partner to ensure that he/she is financially taken care of should it end in divorce. You both hire separate lawyers so that it will be a win-win (or close to it) situation for the both of you, not just the wealthier party.
 
[quote name='WV Matsui']
You totally didn't get my point. What I said is that if you already feel the need to get a prenup then there is already doubt in the relationship so don't get married.

The reason the divorce rate is because dipshits like you think that after sleeping with a girl for six months that they are in love and its going to last forever and ever.
[/QUOTE]

I think that's overly optimistic/naive as well though. I know people who dated for 5+ years, and still ended up getting divorced after another 3-5 years (and 10+ in one case).

One can never have total confidence in a relationship as people do change--even people who are waiting to late 20s or early 30s before getting married and dating long-term first.

You just have to find someone you truly love, are compatible with and communicate well and are both willing to talk and work through things. That gives you the highest probability of success.

I have that with my current girlfriend, and I think there's a good chance we'll get married and that it will work. But at the same time, people do change and even with always being open and talking about everything a possible outcome is still realizing that neither person is happy and it's time to move on. Especially for people like me and her who never want kids (I just got a vasectomy) as you don't have to think of staying together out of any reason but love and happiness. If that's gone, it's time to move on, married or not, unless you can find a way to fix it.

That said, I don't care about a pre-nup. We're on the same page about keeping finances separate other than one joint account we put money in to pay mutual bills and we're both career driven in our own rights so there's not really much income/power imbalance to worry about.


[quote name='parKer']
One thing that is often overlooked is that a prenup is not completely for the benefit or protection of the wealthier partner. A prenup can also be used by the less wealthy partner to ensure that he/she is financially taken care of should it end in divorce. You both hire separate lawyers so that it will be a win-win (or close to it) situation for the both of you, not just the wealthier party.[/QUOTE]

Absolutely true. A lot of women end up giving up promising careers to be a wife and take care of the kids etc. They need protected if their husband divorces them as they're income potential has been damaged by years out of the labor market etc. based on the husband wanting to support her while she raised the family etc.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
[quote name='dmaul1114'] (I just got a vasectomy)[/QUOTE]
HOLY SHIT TMI, DUDE!:lol:

Hopefully the Frozen Pea vacation wasn't too painful.

But yeah, people change and it's not something you can predict even with the best intentions. Sometimes people just grow apart.
 
[quote name='dohdough']HOLY SHIT TMI, DUDE!:lol:

Hopefully the Frozen Pea vacation wasn't too painful.
[/QUOTE]

Not bad at all. Unless one has abnormal complications it's just a little aching the first couple days (need the weekend to stay off your feet and rest up) then a bit of soreness the next week or so.
 
Mid-thirties and can honestly say that I'm glad I never let relationship fallout devour my soul. Might sound odd, but I always felt relieved when a relationship ended. I'm married, and have a daughter now... so my priorities are way different than they were before. However, prior to marriage, kid and what-not, I would find it amusing how quickly one's stock goes up when a significant other takes a hike. Today, I'm convinced that I was one of those people who were better off never being married, and never subscribing to a serious relationship. Too late for such changes now... besides, my kid is super-cute.
 
[quote name='WV Matsui']That's a great response :roll:

You totally didn't get my point. What I said is that if you already feel the need to get a prenup then there is already doubt in the relationship so don't get married. [/QUOTE]

I got your point, it's just that your point is bullshit. Getting a prenup doesn't mean you're having doubts. It just means you understand that life happens. There's no way to predict the future, so you might as well at least try to plan for it.

Backwards thinking like this is why people refuse to get prenups. People think that just wanting one means you're having doubts. All it means is that you don't want to get boned if your spouse ever starts having doubts. (And let's not even get into the whole "doubts" discussion. More than half of marriages end in divorce. Everybody should be having doubts.)
 
[quote name='Access_Denied']I got your point, it's just that your point is bullshit. Getting a prenup doesn't mean you're having doubts. It just means you understand that life happens. There's no way to predict the future, so you might as well at least try to plan for it.

Backwards thinking like this is why people refuse to get prenups. People think that just wanting one means you're having doubts. All it means is that you don't want to get boned if your spouse ever starts having doubts. (And let's not even get into the whole "doubts" discussion. More than half of marriages end in divorce. Everybody should be having doubts.)[/QUOTE]

If your point had any merit then millions of people would have prenups....
 
[quote name='WV Matsui']If your point had any merit then millions of people would have prenups....[/QUOTE]

No, because they all think like you. "If I ask for a prenup, my spouse will think I don't love her/him. I'll just get married and show my level of commitment."

EDIT: Also, the people of this thread seem to disagree with you. Even those in committed relationships...
 
[quote name='Access_Denied']No, because they all think like you. "If I ask for a prenup, my spouse will think I don't love her/him. I'll just get married and show my level of commitment."

EDIT: Also, the people of this thread seem to disagree with you. Even those in committed relationships...[/QUOTE]

I have been married for over 10 years, have a wonderful family and am extremely happy... Sorry dude I'm winning.

No one I know has a prenup and I know some very wealthy folks. I don't know how you can speak from any experience on this when your friends got divorced for childish reasons as you noted above and you have never been in this situation. I guarantee that if you ever get married you will not have a prenup. Unless she is as db as you then well you still don't need one because you are perfect for each other!
 
[quote name='WV Matsui']I have been married for over 10 years, have a wonderful family and am extremely happy... Sorry dude I'm winning.

No one I know has a prenup and I know some very wealthy folks. I don't know how you can speak from any experience on this when your friends got divorced for childish reasons as you noted above and you have never been in this situation. I guarantee that if you ever get married you will not have a prenup. Unless she is as db as you then well you still don't need one because you are perfect for each other![/QUOTE]"Sorry dude I'm winning."? How exactly is this a contest?

What works for you won't necessarily work for someone else. Also, just because a prenup wasn't something that was an issue for you, it may be for other people in their specific situation.
 
So anyways...

I remember this one break up I had and it was BAD. I was pretty much kept myself alive by drinking gatorade for maybe 3 weeks because I couldn't eat and I supplemented that with lots of cigarettes and lots alcohol...I almost drank my house dry. Although, I would binge eat once a week after a long night of drinking with some buddies at a club and smoked some weed afterwards which helped me keep some food down. Rough times...

I ended up getting back together with the girl only to break up again, which made it easier the second time cause at least I was able to eat without getting high.:rofl:

Hanging out with friends that are there for you through your funk and working out A LOT really helped me. Be strong OP, you'll make it.
 
[quote name='shrike4242']"Sorry dude I'm winning."? How exactly is this a contest?

What works for you won't necessarily work for someone else. Also, just because a prenup wasn't something that was an issue for you, it may be for other people in their specific situation.[/QUOTE]

So I got a little a snippy. I didn't say it can't work for anyone what I was saying is that his belief that most should have one due to the divorce rate was ridiculous. If that were the case they would be extremely common and they definitely are not.

All I was saying is that marriage should be entered into when both have the intention of being together for the rest of their lives. If one party cited the divorce rate as a reason to get a prenup then my belief is they are setting the relationship up for failure because they are inserting doubt into the equation. If you have every intention of until death do us part then no prenup is needed in my book and I'm allowed to feel that way.
 
Maybe we shouldn't argue the merit of a prenup, altogether I think the way settlements are handled are a little one sided, especially when kids are involved. There are always 3 major factors for marriages/relationships ending, money, trust, and sex. If you don't have any of that in a relationship you definitely should skip the prenup and not get married period.
 
I agree with WV Matsui's view on prenups. Marriage is a serious vow between people to stay together forever. If you truly intend to be with that person there shouldn't be a prenup...
 
Intention and REALITY are different beasts.

While people (hopefully) intend to spend the rest of their lives together when they get married (or make a similar commitment), the reality is that people often grow apart, and not necessarily for childish reasons, either. Despite years of attempts to reconcile together, with therapy or without, the relationship can still devolve into a hardship for both parties, and staying together can actually be more harmful than ending it.

The road to hell, they say, is filled with good intentions. And, in the end, intentions don't mean squat when it comes to the actual work required to have a successful (that is, happy and fulfilling) relationship. Good and pure lifelong intentions help, surely, but they hardly define the future.
 
Wow I didnt expect a question I got off of Seinfeld to be such a hot topic.

Im not leaning one way or the other but you probably have more to lose if you dont get one...but a relationship isnt about win or lose so who knows.
 
[quote name='WV Matsui']So I got a little a snippy. I didn't say it can't work for anyone what I was saying is that his belief that most should have one due to the divorce rate was ridiculous. If that were the case they would be extremely common and they definitely are not.

All I was saying is that marriage should be entered into when both have the intention of being together for the rest of their lives. If one party cited the divorce rate as a reason to get a prenup then my belief is they are setting the relationship up for failure because they are inserting doubt into the equation. If you have every intention of until death do us part then no prenup is needed in my book and I'm allowed to feel that way.[/QUOTE]

You're of course allowed to feel that way. But that doesn't make it right to imply that people just get divorced for childish reasons, or tout that bible thumping nonsense that marriage has to be till death do we part etc.

Plenty of people ge married the right way for the right reasons and just grow apart as their interests and personality change over the years. And plenty of people don't care about until death do we part and theother moralistic parts of marriage and just do it for the legal benefits etc.

I'm a hardcore atheist and so is my gf. Neither of us really give a shit about any of the moral or symbolic backings of marriage. It's something we'd do for the legal benefits etc. We communicate well so I'm confident we'll keep growing together and make it work. But if not we won't stay together just due to marriage vows. I've had an 8 year and 6 year relationship I had few qualms ending when we grew apart, and she's divorced from a ten year relationship. Life is too short to stay with someone out of obligation. Especially when there are no kids in the picture.
 
[quote name='dohdough']So anyways...

I remember this one break up I had and it was BAD. I was pretty much kept myself alive by drinking gatorade for maybe 3 weeks because I couldn't eat and I supplemented that with lots of cigarettes and lots alcohol...I almost drank my house dry. Although, I would binge eat once a week after a long night of drinking with some buddies at a club and smoked some weed afterwards which helped me keep some food down. Rough times...

I ended up getting back together with the girl only to break up again, which made it easier the second time cause at least I was able to eat without getting high.:rofl:

Hanging out with friends that are there for you through your funk and working out A LOT really helped me. Be strong OP, you'll make it.[/QUOTE]

after my relationship ended (late december) i ended up losing over twenty pounds, and i was already skinny to begin with. i went from about 155 to 135.
 
[quote name='WV Matsui']I have been married for over 10 years, have a wonderful family and am extremely happy... Sorry dude I'm winning.

No one I know has a prenup and I know some very wealthy folks. I don't know how you can speak from any experience on this when your friends got divorced for childish reasons as you noted above and you have never been in this situation. I guarantee that if you ever get married you will not have a prenup. Unless she is as db as you then well you still don't need one because you are perfect for each other![/QUOTE]

Congratulations, 10 whole years. :roll: I've known couples married for 40 that have gotten divorced.

You're not understanding what I'm saying. Let's say two people get married today. Should they be 100% sure that they're right for each other? Absolutely. But can they ever be 100% sure that they'll still be right for each other in the years to come? No. Period. People change. And if somebody goes through a life-changing experience, as far as I'm concerned, they're no longer the same person. (Read up a bit on Locke's theory of personal identity.) Hell, I haven't gone through any life changing experiences and I'm a completely different person than I was just 5 years ago. Who the hell knows what I'll be like in 50 years.

By saying that prenups are BS, you're saying one of two things:

1. People are perpetually unchanging.
2. People change, but you should stay with them anyway.

If you're saying the first, you're an idiot. If you're saying the second, you're probably one of those people that still thinks marriage is sacred or something. For the second case, refer to dmauls post. You and the church may think marriage is sacred, but I surely don't. As far as I'm concerned, marriage is nothing but a tax break. And I have no problem marrying a girlfriend and divorcing her 6 months later (as long as I get a prenup that protects my stuff). And it surely wouldn't bother me to be married several times. If I truly love somebody, I don't need the recognition of the government, the church or anybody else to show that.

And as for me getting a prenup, you're dead wrong. If I was to get married, I'd definitely have one. I dated my last girlfriend for less than a year, and about 6 months into the relationship (when the future just started coming up), I told her I wouldn't get married without a prenup. And that's when I had nothing to my name. I can't imagine becoming less serious about prenups as they begin to have a larger affect on my life. That would just be stupid.

I'm going to turn your logic back at you: if somebody is unwilling to enter into a prenup with you, it just means that they want your money.

EDIT: I'm going to drop this conversion. Matsui, let's agree to disagree and not derail the thread any further.

As for me, I've never been broken up with. I'm always the heart breaker in my relationships. If you're never had to be on that side, let me tell you that it sucks. I don't know if it's as bad or worse than being broken up with, but I can tell you that having to break up with a girl that really likes you sucks balls. Especially when they continue to bug you afterwards. :/
 
speaking on marriage, something funny i've heard:

"boy, i love this girl so much, i just have to get the government involved."

:lol:
 
this is sad to admit, but i have no friends, and my family all live far away. i rarely get to talk to them, so there's little advice or help they could even probably offer me. that's probably what makes it all so difficult.
 
[quote name='Ag_SurfR']this is sad to admit, but i have no friends, and my family all live far away. i rarely get to talk to them, so there's little advice or help they could even probably offer me. that's probably what makes it all so difficult.[/QUOTE]

That's rough dude. I know it's hard, but try to keep your head up and don't bottle up your emotions cause that'll just turn you into a powder keg, but release them in an appropriate space.

You really just gotta start small and build yourself back up. Do little things that improve your mood, go burn some energy with a physical activity, watch some comedies, and honestly, don't be ashamed to cry and sulk a little. I'm sure there's an online adult social club in your area that has activities on a regular basis, so you might want look into that too.
 
Also a good idea to change your habits, ever so slightly.

If you tend towards being a recluse, force yourself out for a little bit when your instinct to 'stay in' kicks into high gear. Start small - coffee, movies, theater...gives you an opportunity to interact instead of hibernating, which just makes things worse.

Opposite end, if you're one to always go out and not deal with your issues, time to stay in a little more often and examine them.

It's good to break bad habits and start replacing them with positive action, even if it's just a gradual adjustment. Over time...well, who knows? That's the big issue - with a typical habit, we know the outcome, to it's 'safe'. I say break that safety, work outside your comfort zone little by little and expand your life and opportunities.
 
[quote name='dohdough']That's rough dude. I know it's hard, but try to keep your head up and don't bottle up your emotions cause that'll just turn you into a powder keg, but release them in an appropriate space.

You really just gotta start small and build yourself back up. Do little things that improve your mood, go burn some energy with a physical activity, watch some comedies, and honestly, don't be ashamed to cry and sulk a little. I'm sure there's an online adult social club in your area that has activities on a regular basis, so you might want look into that too.[/QUOTE]

i've been thinking about talking to a counselor at my university. they charge us for it anyhow, may was well use it. maybe it'll feel better letting out what i'm feeling, i.e. like a failure, lack of energy, the thought that i'll never be able to pick up the pieces of my life, not being able to find anyone as good or better, always wanting to be back with her.

[quote name='Kylearan']Also a good idea to change your habits, ever so slightly.

If you tend towards being a recluse, force yourself out for a little bit when your instinct to 'stay in' kicks into high gear. Start small - coffee, movies, theater...gives you an opportunity to interact instead of hibernating, which just makes things worse.

Opposite end, if you're one to always go out and not deal with your issues, time to stay in a little more often and examine them.

It's good to break bad habits and start replacing them with positive action, even if it's just a gradual adjustment. Over time...well, who knows? That's the big issue - with a typical habit, we know the outcome, to it's 'safe'. I say break that safety, work outside your comfort zone little by little and expand your life and opportunities.[/QUOTE]

i did start taking some brazilian jiu jutsu classes about a month after it was over, and it has helped me but unfortunately it's only a couple of hours a week. another one of my problems is that i'm in school right now, which means many hours spent reading, looking over my notes, and doing homework, and that leaves me with a ton of time alone with my thoughts, which usually isn't good since i'm always thinking about her.
 
You're in school? Take advantage of those "free" counseling services then. Should get involved in a couple student clubs that pique your interests too.

I feel you though, it's tough to feel completely broken. I've been there a couple times and it ain't fun.
 
[quote name='dohdough']You're in school? Take advantage of those "free" counseling services then. Should get involved in a couple student clubs that pique your interests too.

I feel you though, it's tough to feel completely broken. I've been there a couple times and it ain't fun.[/QUOTE]

damn. that's a good point. last semester i wasn't able to make it to the french club because it was during one of my classes. this semester my schedule is a little different, so i should go. i haven't spoken much french since highschool and don't have many people i can talk to.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
bread's done
Back
Top