[quote name='shrike4242']Been a while since that happened, though it went something like this:
Me: Excuse me, is this your lunch? (*pointing down at the box in the trashcan*)
Moron: (*looks down*) Yes it was. Why are you asking?
Me: (*picks up box from trash and flips it over, pointing at my name, written in black Sharpie*) Is that your name written on the underside of the box?
Moron: (*blank stare at me, then the box, and then me*) No, that's not my name.
Me: (*pointed stare at moron*)
It's my name. And therefore, my lunch.
Moron: (*eyes wide*) Oh. (*looks down at box*)
Me: (*narrowed gaze*) Care to explain why you've eaten my lunch, and most likely twice before this week? (*moves closer into cube*)
Moron: (*backs into the corner of their cube*) Uh...... I thought it was mine?
Me: (*rolls eyes*) Shall we go look to see which one is yours, since if you ate my lunch, yours should still be there,
right?
Moron: (*shifts nervously in chair*) Sure.....
(*walks over to fridge, then opens it up*)
Me: (*points randomly at items in freezer*) So, point it out to me.
Moron: (*looks at the two items in the freezer that look like they've been there for a while*) Uh..... (*fidgets*) That one. (*points to one item*)
Me: (*rolls eyes*) I think that's been there a while. (*narrows gaze*) Shall we dispense with the BS and speak the truth?
Moron: (*eyes go wide*) Well..... (*fidgets*) Your lunch was better than mine, and I didn't think you'd miss it? (*looks down at floor*)
Me:
You dumbass moronic
er! Did you really think that I might not miss my lunch? And that maybe doing it a couple times in one week might draw some attention to it?
Moron: (*jumps back*) Uh......
Me:
Let's go find your boss. I'm sure that if you like my lunch better, I'll just tell him to give you a raise so you can buy a better lunch. How about we do that?
Moron: (*jaw hits the floor*) No, really, we don't have to do that. It's OK.
Me:
If you like my lunch better, and you're obviously STEALING my lunch, you don't have enough money for my lunch. Which means you need a raise, right?
Moron: Uh..... no, really,
REALLY, that's OK. I just won't do it again.
Me:
And what happens if you do it again, since I'm going to write my name on my lunch from this point forward, and see it at your desk?
Moron: You can kick my ass?
Me:
A fine idea. And I'm sure you wouldn't want that, would you?
Moron: (*backs away quickly and runs to his desk*) Of course not!
From that point forward, the guy pretty much ran the other direction from me whenever I saw him in the building. Which was short-lived, since he was let go a couple of months later in a restructuring.
I think that's how it went down.[/QUOTE]
that just made my day a little better!
