T-Lo - Tonight here on SD, the WWE Tag team championships will be defended! Tonight, here on SD, the WWE United States championship will be defended! And tonight, on SD, the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP WILL BE DEFENDED!
Cole - Mick, welcome to championship Friday!
Mick - It’s an exciting day - I’M NOT THE COACH!
Cole - For the first time in nearly 3 years, the tag team championships, the United States title, and World Heavyweight titles will be defended in one night.
Cole - Morrison calls himself the shaman of sexy.
Mick - I think he took that from me.
Mick - I didn’t think that two guys who were so in love with themselves could gel as a team, but I was proven wrong. I think the key to these guys is that they literally love to hold the gold in their hands.
Mick - I’ve been lucky enough to hold the tag titles with men like Kane and Stone Cold - we’ll see if we have new champions tonight.
Mick - What a transformation the Miz has gone on - I remember when he was the most hated and disrespected wrestler in the locker room - now he’s just the most hated.
Mick - I’ve heard that the Miz is a chick magnet at the clubs. I don’t go to those places, or anywhere aside from my local library to be quite honest. To the ladies, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?
Mick - Before, Morrison had a lot of moves that looked good but didn’t really inflict a lot of pain. Now, he’s improved so much that it’s almost like watching a completely different man.
Mick - I like Yang - we have a particular fondness for an ‘80s personality I can’t really talk about on a family show. DO IT FOR CHRISTY, MAN!
(on Morrison’s neck breaker)Mick - That’s what he likes to call the moonlight drive.
Cole - Shannon Moore is certainly seeing stars after the moonlight drive!
Mick - Did Estrada say that say Colin is 107 pounds? I think I need to get Estradas’s scale so I can slim down instantaneously.
Fans - USA! USA!
Mick - The fans can chant USA all they want - I don’t know how much difference it’s gonna make here.
Mick - What Kozlov lacks of flashy music and ring attire, he makes up for in skill and ferocity.
Mark Henry - We’ve got a match tonight, and just a reminder (he pats Nunzio on the shoulder)- I’m Mark Henry - world’s strongest man. Good luck out there.
(on McCool)Victoria - Look who it is - it’s Yahoo’s most searched person!
Cole - What Victoria’s referring to is that over the past weekend, Michelle McCool was the most searched person on Yahoo.
Cole - Natalya, the daughter of Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart, the granddaughter of Stu Hart.
Mick - You’re talking about a woman whose father showed up for PTA meetings without a shirt.
Cole - WHAT!?
Mick - According to Natalya, who I’ve known for years, her father would show up to them shirtless.
Mick - Her uncle’s Bret, who knew wrestling as well as anyone else. She was also around Stu, who loved to just torture people. She’s picked up a bit of that as well.
Cole - Natalya had a look on her face like she wanted to slap me across the face.
Mick - I’ve seen many people give you that look, Michael.
Ref - GET THIS JACKET OUTTA HERE!
Cole -Many articles have been written about the world’s strongest man - including, most recently, one in the 25th anniversary of Flex Magazine.
Mick - I’ve never been big on Flex, or any magazine that showcases the physique.
Cole - No kiddin’.
Cole - MVP was the longest-reigning U.S. champion in history until Sunday - held it for nearly a year.
Cole - Matt Hardy was overcome with emotion when he won the biggest singles titles of his career.
Cole - That United States title has been held by some of the greatest in history. Names like Ric Flair, Harley Race, and Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Mick - MVP was actually keeping a running count of the men whose reigns he was outlasting.
Cole - Sixth-longest reign in history!
Mick - Is Matt better than MVP, or was he just better on that night? I know a certain wrestler who won a prestigious title for just one day…
Mick - MVP did whatever he could to avoid losing the title - that’s different than doing anything he could to keep it, and I think we’ll be seeing a different style from MVP tonight.
Mick - When flesh meets fist, flesh loses…and yes, I know MVP’s chest is covered. At least I’m not the Coach. I’m clicking my heels underneath the table saying “at least I’m not Coach”, “at least I’m not Coach!”
(during a straightjacket choke)Cole - What’s MVP trying to do here?
Mick - It looks like he’s trying to choke Matt out with his own arms.
Mick - Batista, your match with Shawn began as a result of a difference of opinion between the two of you as to the retirement of your good friend, the Nature Boy Ric Flair, but it turned into something much more. Your feelings, Dave, regarding Backlash. (clip airs of HBK’s “injury” at Backlash)
Batista - I respect Shawn, but I don’t like the way he got to the top. I let my guard down on Sunday, I make no excuses.
Mick - According to Chris Jericho, this match is even more clouded by controversy. (HBK limping at Raw clip airs) So Batista, do you believe that Shawn was feigning a knee injury in order to gain an advantage that led to his victory?
Batista - It would make me sick to my stomach to even think that he’d fake an injury. Shawn, for your sake, I hope you are actually hurt, because if you’re not, when I see you, you will be!
Mick - The more I see the result of that choke, the more I think the damage is more psychological than physical.
Mick - I’d just like to point out that not all Long Islanders are like Hawkins and Ryder.
Mick - I think Festus learned that move from Snoop Dogg - they’re usually seen sitting, talking about women and various cultural issues.
Mick - I like the song Biscuit and Gravy, but what exactly does it mean? Which is biscuits and which is gravy, and are either biscuits and gravy all that intimidating?
Mick - Wow, Lou Thesz Press - last seen in WWE by Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Cole - Can you check out Festus on the apron?
Mick - …yes, I can…
Cole - Festus has the face of a man who wants in this match.
Mick - And the face only a mother could love. How can I be considered the ugliest man in sports entertainment with guys like Festus around?
Mick - Don’t think that this is the same flannel shirt I wore on ECW Tuesday night - the Foley house is full of red and black flannel.
Mick - Hawkins and Ryder learned a lot from their father-figure, Edge.
Cole - Edge, well, Edge considers himself one…
Mick - Yes, and I consider the world title to be the love child of Edge and Vickie.
Cole - Quit while you’re ahead - I don’t even want to think about that.
Mick - Festus doesn’t seem to be responding well to the shot to the throat.
Cole - Well, remember, he was out of action due to a throat injury caused by the Undertaker’s hold!
Cole - Tonight, Atlantic City is host to the biggest show in all of entertainment - FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!
Cole - Finlay facing Julio Dinero, which makes sense because we’re in Atlantic City, I suppose.
Mick - I once toured a battlefield with Julio Dinero - I don’t think that’ll help him tonight.
Cole - Maybe Hornswoggle’s at the nickel slots.
Cole - It’s great to have father and son back on SmackDown…what’s going on?
Cole - Dinero takes a hard shot.
Mick - You talkin’ to me? I think you mean Din-er-o, not Di-nee-ro.
Cole - Boy you can’t help but laugh at Finlay and Hornswoggle.
Mick - Please tell me that Finlay’s gonna dance here in Atlantic City.
Cole - For the third time in a week, the Undertaker is forced to defend the world title. Last Friday, it was against Batista in a no DQ match. At Backlash, it was against Edge, and tonight, it’s against the Great Khali.
Mick - How much can one man take?
Cole - We’ve talked about the adaptation of the Undertaker, and look at his opponents over the past week - totally different styles. The raw power of Batista, the cunning and guile of Edge, and the sheer mass of the Great Khali.
Mick - Khali, who can beat any man on any day, and deliver a great deal of punishment with every blow.
Mick - I still get goosebumps when I’m in the same arena as that man, the Undertaker.
Vickie - Hold on, tonight, there is not going to be a world heavyweight championship match. Wait. Let me explain, please. For the past several months, Undertaker, you have injured several superstars in the ring when you applied that choke hold. CHOKE HOLDS ARE ILLEGAL IN THE WWE, and you have also ruptured the larynx of many superstars, and I cannot let that continue. Please understand as GM of SD, it is my responsibility to look after the well-being of the superstars! (fans boo intensely) What I’m about to say has nothing to do with my fiance - from this moment on, that choke hold is banned! Undertaker, let me make myself very clear - if you ever use that choke hold in a match again, you will have Hell to pay! And since you have not shown any remorse, and since you have no concern over the people you have injured, and I have been under extreme pressure with the regulatory authorities, I regret to inform you that you have been stripped of the world heavyweight championship! Sorry. Sorry. I advise you to walk up this ramp and surrender the title to me. (Taker refuses) Fine, have it your way. If you don’t want to give me the title, I will send someone down there to get it for me. (Khali’s theme hits)
Crowd - UNDER-TAKER! UNDER-TAKER!
Cole - HE’S GOT THE LETHAL CHOKE ON!
Mick - He’s pushing up on the shin bone and pulling down with his hands onto Khali’s throat!