Batista - Well..(crowd loudly chants BATISTA) Well, I planned on coming out here as the new world heavyweight champion, and since Kane interfered, that is obviously not the case. This is what’s gonna happen tonight - since Shane isn’t here, and Steph isn’t here, I’m putting MYSELF in charge. And I’m only gonna make one match - CM Punk defending the world heavyweight championship against…ME! (fans cheer wildly) And Kane, if you’ve got a problem with me, I suggest you find me before I find you because there’s no way in HELL I’ll let you do that again!
JBL - HEY, BATISTA! Who do you think you are!? YOU’RE IN CHARGE OF NOTHING! YOU HAD YOUR TITLE MATCH LAST NIGHT! I DON’T CARE WHO INTERFERED OR THE SUN WAS IN YOUR EYES, YOU DIDN’T WIN! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SPECIAL!? YOUR BIG, STRONG MUSCLES AND BIG STRONG NECK!? I AM SPECIAL! I WALKED INTO THE BASH IN A PARKING LOT BRAWL AND WON, THAT MEANS THE NEXT WORLD TITLE MATCH IS MINE!
Batista - HAHAHAHAHA! Well, it seems that we have a difference of opinion - just come on out here and discuss it.
JBL - What part of this do you find funny? I’m the boss. People answer to me. I am in charge, this is the law of the jungle. The next title match is me fulfilling my destiny when I take the world title BACK! My body doesn’t feel like a world title match tonight, I’m finishing off Kane… Ceen…Cena tonight. You want him so bad? Go find Kane!
Punk - JBL, you’re right about one thing - this is the law of the jungle. We got the Animal Batista, and if the jungle, I’m the champ, and that makes me the KING doesn’t it!? The last time I checked, the king doesn’t have to listen to one word you say!! Excuse me while I take care of some business!
JBL - WHAT!?
Punk - Dave, I want to prove to the world that I can beat you - I didn’t get that chance. I say, instead of talking about it, let’s do it until we get it right! You want me for the world title? LET’S DO IT!
JBL - DO WHAT!? NO, I’M THE ONE IN CHARGE! YOU’RE IN CHARGE OF…(silence)
Batista (to Punk) - You’re agreeing to the match? We’re on!
Cade - Shawn Michaels, you used to be my mentor. And I know that last night, you took the beating of your life, but Shawn, I know that you’re here and that you’re listening to me right now. So Shawn, I’m inviting you to come out here - you can come out here after my match, during my match, or Shawn, you can come out here right now! But Shawn, if you do choose to come out here, YOU AND I ARE GONNA HAVE WORDS that we shoulda had a long time ago.
Cade - Okay, Shawn - if that wasn’t enough to bring you out here, maybe this will be. Ladies and gentlemen, the man who quite possibly ended Shawn Michaels’ career - CHRIS JERICHO!
Jericho - As much as Cade wants HBK to be here tonight, as much as you want HBK to be here tonight, the fact is he’s not coming. I’m going to show you some footage of what happened at the Bash that will explain why he isn’t here and may never enter it again. This footage is graphic - consider yourself forewarned.
Everything that happened last night is all your fault - it’s on each and every one of you. There’s no blood on my hands - Shawn came out and wrestled even thought he knew he was hurt and I knew he was hurt - he did it to make you happy because you INSPIRE him to do things that no other human being can do. He took one chance too many and now he is paying for your sins - when I came back to the WWE, I said I was coming to save you, then I realized you don’t deserve to be saved. You chose to side with an egomaniac, and you will regret that decision just like HBK will live to regret his decision for the rest of his life. Shawn has cracked ribs, internal bleeding, and worst of all, a detached retina, which will prevent him from seeing properly for the REST OF HIS LIFE. He was brutalized, he was damaged, and I have no remorse whatsoever. Ironically, by closing Shawn’s eye, he opened my eyes as well - he made me realize I don’t have to sacrifice for a group of people who didn’t embrace me when I came back to the WWE. You cut me down. You booed me. You ignored me. You wanted the wild and crazy guy with long hair who told jokes - I’m not that man anymore. I matured, Shawn hasn’t, and neither have you! As disturbing as this may sound, I’m proud of what I did. I’m proud of what happened to him last night, and by possibly ending the career of the most immoral individual in WWE history, I now consider myself SAVED!
Cole - Don’t let Santino into the casino - he has no luck at all!
Cole - IN A NEARLY UNPRESCEDENTED EVENT, THE CHAMPION DEFENDS HIS TITLE TWICE IN 24 HOURS!
Duggan - Excuse me, folks. I don’t want to take up much time, ‘cuz I know there’s another match ready to come down. I’m thinking about hanging up my boots. It’s been a great 30 year run. 30 years…I won the first Royal Rumble, I made tons of friends, and with the grace of God, I survived kidney cancer. But I thought what DiBiase and Rhodes said last week, and I gotta admit, they may be right. This is a game for young men, and maybe it’s time for Hacksaw Jim Duggan to just pass by. So, I just wanted to come out and say thanks…
Lawler - Jim, hang on a second man. Listen, I know this is none of my business, but in case you didn’t know it, there’s no age limit in the WWE! Now, I don’t care what DiBiase and Rhodes said last week, as long as you’re passionate about doing what you want to do, you can do it as long as you want to do it! Do you realize that you can do something that Barack Obama and McCain could kill for? Your mere presence can make people stand up and chant “USA”! Jim, I wanna ask you, do you really want to give that up?
Duggan - Honestly…NO, NO I DON’T! Thanks buddy, I just needed someone to tell me that.
DiBiase - Lemme get this straight, Jerry Lawler is giving career advice to Jim Duggan. Jerry, just because you like to date girls younger than us, doesn’t mean you’re linked to us in any way. You both need to hang it up. Badly.
Cody - Lemme put this into perspective - Jim, when you won the first Rumble in in ‘88, I was 2 and a half years old. Jerry, when you went on Letterman and slapped Kaufman, Ted and I weren’t even ALIVE yet!
Lawler - So you didn’t see that? It went something like this! (he slaps Cody)
DiBiase - DUGGAN, LAWLER, WE WILL CONTINUE THIS ANOTHER DAY! But I suggest that you old men leave and let the men who actually have a future take care of the rest.
Lawler - WORD UP, IT’S CRYME TYME!
Cole - Last week, JBL tried to scare, as he said, John Cena with that car accident!
Lawler - There were so many cars last night that the Geico lizard has to be in a coma - I’ve never seen so much vehicular damage!
JTG - COME ON, PLAYA, GET UP!
JBL - COME ON REF, DO YOUR JOB!
Ref - YOU DO YOUR JOB, I’LL DO MINE!
Lawler - JBL’d better be careful - he could be DQed for yelling at the referee. Like when an umpire throws a manager out for verbal abuse.
Lawler - Cena’s standing in the corner like a volcano getting ready to erupt! (crowd chants CENA, CENA!)
Lawler - CENA’S GOT THE ENTIRE WORLD TAG TEAM CHEAMPIONS ON HIS SHOULDERS!
Cole - CENA JUST LIFTED 2 MEN WHO WEIGH OVER 450 POUNDS COMBINED AND HIT THEM WITH THE FU!
Tim Allen - Jenny, good luck with the WWE - give them a hammerlock…and a noogie!
Cole - I found out that the BOOM BOOM BOOM thing Kofi does is a dance move - it’s popular in night clubs. I figured you’d know all about it, King.
Lawler - Boy, you really are Sherlock Holmes-like tonight…
Santino - LASTA WEEK, WHEN I MADE AN OPEN CHALLENGE, I WAS INFERRING TO FIGHT A MAN. I DON’T FIGHTA DAPEOPLE WITH FALLOPIAN TUBES, I FIGHT PEOPLE WITH AN ADAM’S APPLE AND A CANOLE! A MAN! (D’Lo comes out, fans chant “Let’s go D’LO!)
Cole - There’s the number 1 contender, the man who granted himself this rematch - BATISTA!
(after Kane beats up Batista)Punk - C’mon Dave, ya want this match or not!?
Cole - Punk’s trying to prove that he isn’t just a transitional champion.