Tenay - THE TNA PRESIDENT DIXIE CARTER IS HERE! THE MOMENT HAS ARRIVED!
Dixie - I wanted to say thank you for each and every one of you who have reached out to me with your e-mails, tweets, face book messages, and talking to you at TNA live events - these months have meant the world to me. Your support has given me strength, but I’m here tonight…to share with you…the outcomes of the legal proceedings and the court ruling that came down this morning and while things did not go as I’d hoped… (MIDI Child hits)
Tenay - DIXIE’S BODY LANGUAGE DOESN’T LOOK POSITIVE!
Eric - Dixie, when we agreed earlier today to let you come out and say goodbye to all your fans, that didn’t mean we wanted you to come out and do your PR psin and spread your Dixie dust around and try to twitter your way out of reality. We’re busy guys with a lot to do tonight and our time is more valable than that. Dixie, I respect you. I’ve learned a lot from you. And even though you’re a woman in a man’s world, YOU HAVE A MASSIVE SET OF BALLS!
Flair - Are you understanding where you are young lady THIS IS FLAIR COUNTRY! YOU GOT THAT VIBRATION! And they all know that had you taken my room key in Orlando, we would’ve avoided all this and you woulda been on a long year-long ride. Instead, you elect to text, tweet, e-mail, voice mail and whatever else you do because you think they’ll love you? Is that what gets you off? WE GET THEM OFF - they don’t get us off, you know what gets me off? LIMO RIDING, JET FLYING, KISS-STEALING, WOMEN THAT WANNA GO WOO ALL NIGHT LONG! And to get that, you gotta have money, and your power, and we want you rmoney, your time, your energy - everything you got. By the way, there’s a Holiday Inn down the road baby, HERE’S THE LEGEND, HULK HOGAN!
Taz - I think the judge went towards Hogan.
Hogan - YA KNOW SOMETHING MANIACS, MAYBE I’M JUST AMPED UP CUZ OF THE ELECTRICITY, OR MAYBE MY ADRENAL GLANDS ARE PUMPING SO FAST THAT I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT, BUT DIXIE, I KNOW CONTROL 100% OF TNA! TNA IS ALL MINE. FROM EVERYTHING IN THE RING, TO MY OFFICE IN NASHVILLE - I MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS. DIXIE, you’re just unemployed. NO ONE’S EGO IS AS BIG AS YOURS. WE USED YOU! WE USED TO GET RIGHT BACK ON TOP OF THE WRESTLING BUSINESS. Somewhere, while you were away being delusional, you forgot what your place in TNA is - YOU SUPPLY THE MONEY. PERIOD! THIS WASN’T ABOUT YOU AND ME BEING PARTNERS, THIS WAS ABOUT ME AND MY REAL PARTNER ERIC USING YOU TO GET BACK ON TOP OF THE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING BUSINESS! WE USED YOU CUZ YOU’RE A WEAK WOMAN. WE USED YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY, AND THE WHOLE THING YOU HAVE LEFT IS YOUR DIGNITY, and like they say in Nashville - we’re fixin’ to take that away too. But you do have ALL THESE FANS OUT HERE. Bur ya know something Dixie? THEY DON’T HAVE MUCH TO SAY ABOUT IT NOW DO THEY!?
Dixie - They do…
Hogan - THEY DON’T HAVE A DAMN THING TO DO WITH IT. IT’S YOU AND ME! (Fortune comes out to a new Power Rangers theme)
AJ - We can do this the easy way or the hard way, BUT WE LIKE IT THE HARD WAY. But there’s a woman in the ring.
Kaz - And by woman, he’s not talking about you Bischoff.
AJ - DIXIE CARTER, A WOMAN WE CARE DEEPLY ABOUT, WHO GAVE US A CHANCE IN TNA, AND THE SAME LADY WHO BROUGHT US HERE TO NORTH CAROLINA! Get out of the ring, Dixie.
Eric - WE’VE HAD OUR FUN!
Roode - HEY HOGAN! I cannot believe that you were the reason I became a wrestler. There’s an old saying that you should never meet your idols, because at the end of the day, all they’ll do is let you down. AND AS SURE AS I’M STANDING HERE TODAY, THAT STATEMENT COULDN’T BE ANYMORE TRUE! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Flair - HE’S MY FRIEND!
Roode - I’m not talking to you.
Flair - YEAH! NOW YOU’RE TALKING TO GOD. YOU KISS HIS ASS, KISS MY ASS, AND KEEP WALKING!
Roode - How about instead of kissing it, WE KICK YOUR ASS!
Hogan - BIG ROB, THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
Bart Scott - Who are you? Jermaine Hardy?
Eric - I get SOME PHONE CALL from SOME NETWORK EXECUTIVE saying that Jeff Hardy’s defending the title tonight. I’M ASSUMING THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHO WAS GONNA WIN THE COURT CASE, AND I ASSUME THAT KEN ANDERSON WILL BE THE OPPONENT!
Hogan - Brother, don’t assume anything - ANYTHING CAN AND WILL HAPPEN!
Tenay - I thought you were the guy that brought Bart Scott here?
Taz - Everyone likes him.
Taz - They singled Storm out as the sacrificial lamb. It’s a tough lamb with a big boot though.
Moore - Whoa boys. James, CHAMPS, WELCOME TO NORTH CACILAKI! And these are my people! AND THIS IS MY HOUSE. And this is my book of DILLIGAF! Do you know what DILLIGAF means? If you don’t, DO I LOOK LIKE A GIVE A

!? Chapter 13 says that at Victory Road the marquee’s gonna read Beer Money versus Ink Inc in a title match, if you boys ain’t cowards.
Storm - Boy, THERE’S NO BITCH IN THIS BLOCK. WE’LL GIVE YOU THE SHOT CUZ WE’RE THE BEST TAG TEAM IN THE BUSINESS TODAY. BEER! MONEY! Sorry about your damn luck.
EY - JEFF, JEFF, CAN I BEAT THE BEST MAN?!
Jarrett - NO ERIC! (slams door)
EY - Okay… MAID OF HONOR!
Jarrett - NO ERIC! (slams door)
Karen - Just KEEP THE DOOR SHUT!
EY - JEFF, RING BEARER!
Jarrett - Ring bearer? Okay…
Karen - JEFF!
Jarrett - It’s just Eric…
Taz - Will this be the first wedding in wrestling history to go off without a hitch?
Cookie - REMEMBER WHEN YOU BROUGHT YOUR FAKE FRIEND JWOWW IN!? YOU BEAT ME DOWN 4 ON ONE. I GOT MY GIRL ANGELINA - THE REAL STAR OF JERSEY SHORE!
Taz - It’s Robbie’s first day with his new feet.
Cookie - Get it together, Robbie!
Angelina Shore - SHUT UP! If you would hang out with JWOWW, IT TAKES A SLUT TO KNOW A SLUT. I WANT HER TO COME HERE NEXT WEEK TO BATTLE ME IN A MATCH JERSEY SHORE STYLE!
Velvet - Skank, if you have something to say to JWOWW, say it to her face! NOW, THE BPS HAVE A CELEBRATION TO DO!
Taz - It’s…THE OTHER ANGELINA AND COOKIE!
Love - HEY YOU STUPID BITCHES! SARITA, YOU WANNA PLAY WITH THE BPS, BRING THE FAT COOKIE, THE JERSEY HOOKER, AND NEXT WEEK, WE’LL HAVE A GOOD OLD SIX WAY!/
Taz - Six way with the knockouts and the other Angelina!?
Anderson - I GET A TITLE SHOT TONIGHT. The network knows they made a mistake last week, BUT THEY KNOW THEY MADE A MISTAKE. THEY WANT RATINGS, AND THEY KNOW WHERE THE RATINGS ARE - HERE! NICE THINGS DO SOMETIMES HAPPEN TO ASSHOLES! ASSHOLES!
Flair - Let’s talk about that honeymoon!
Jarrett - You’re an expert at them, but you’ve never had one like this - big jet, gonna go to Orlando. I’ve got the passes…VIP - straight to the ront of the line at HARRY POTTER! The kids, the seven of us, ONE BIG FAMILY!
Flair - Why not bring your mother in law and kill yourself? IT’S A HONEYMOON! YOU GOTTA GIVE HER THE WOOLALA!
Angle - Cody, Daddy is taping his wrists…
Hogan - I know this business as well as you do - IN YOUR BIG EIFFEL TOWER! Anderson would be THE GUY FOR RATINGS, BUT DON’T HIDE THE BALL! I DON’T AGREE WITH SURPRISES EQUAL RATINGS!
Taz - Orlando’s the flower…person. Girl or boy, depending on how he’s feeling today.
Taz - There’s the groom to be. Is he really a groom to be since he’s married already?
Tenay - THAT TAKES THE CAKE, KURT!
Hogan - No more ladder matches - that last one was crazy.
Hogan - THE COMPANY’S ON A ROLL NOW THAT YOU GOT THE TITLE BACK!
Hogan - For some reason, the network thinks THAT SURPRISES EQUAL RATINGS!
Hardy - YOU WANT ME TO DEFEND AGAINST THE UKNOWN?
Hogan - If I knew who it was, I’d set ‘em up and let you knock ‘em down at 7-11 brother.
Eric - I FRICKIN HATE WEDDINGS!
Taz - The posedown didn’t happen cuz… Steiner wasn’t in the mood to pose.
Taz - Steiner will beat you down then show you his ass. That’s his style.
Tenay - STEINERLINE!
Taz - Steiner’s gonna get his swell on. Sorry. Gym talk. Both of these guys like lift things up and put them down.
Bart Scott - Who’s this guy?
Flair - HE’S KURT ANGLE! HE THINKS HE’S MR. WRESTLING HIMSELF. I GOT ME AN ENFORCER - JACKED AND READY TO DO, AND HE LIKES WHITE MEAT - THAT’S YOU. And if you interfere in the wedding before they exchange their vows, THEN YOU’VE GOT A PROBLEM. YOU WANNA BE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEW YORK TIMES GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED? TRY IT!
Scott - You’re a lot smaller in person.
Flair - WOOO!
Warren - Bellator comes to…MTV2...in 2 days.
Warren - THERE’S ABOUT SIX HUNDRED POUNDS IN THERE!
Tenay - LIVE FIGHTS ON MTV 2 EVERY SATURDAY NGIHT!
Tenay - THAT’S THE FIRST TIME I CAN RECALL SOMEONE COUNTERING THE SHIRT TOSS! THAT JUST SHOWS YOU HOW WELL HE KNOWS HIM!
(after the Morgan elbows that never connect)Warren - THAT’S BELLATOR, BOYS!
Hogan - PLEASE AND THANK YOU - I NEED TO KNOW WHO HARDY’S FACING! GET ANDERSON IN HERE!
Anderson - It’s Mr. Anderson.
Hogan - I don’t like you.
Anderson - And I hate you.
Hogan - You don’t get a title shot?
Anderson - WHAT!? I DON’T GET A SHOT!? WHY DO YOU KEEP SCREWING WITH ME!? YOU AND YOUR CRONIES!
Hogan - THIS IS MY FIRST WEEK BACK, WE’RE IN THE SAME BOAT! This ain’t gonna happen tonight brother…
Anderson - That a back brace?
Hogan - Yeah.
Anderson - YOU DISGUST ME!
Hogan - LEMME KNOW WHEN YOU SLAM A SEVEN HUNDRED POUND GIANT. ASSHOLE!
Taz - That’s Eric Young and that’s Orlando Jordan - the ring…whatever. This is absurd on a thousand different levels.
Taz - Is he a groom? He’s already married.
Tenay - Well…
Taz - YOU LIVE IN VEGAS, YOU SEE PEOPLE GET MARRIED TWICE IN ONE DAY! I’m coming to you for advice.
Tenay - Thanks.
Taz - Well, you are a lot older than me.
Taz - She’s still got cake on her - guess she didn’t take Eric’s advice and take a shower. Mike, cat got your tongue? You ever see a wrestling wedding before? They don’t go well. Round 1 didn’t go well, maybe round 2 will be better. Karen’s gorgeous with cake on her face and whipped cream on her head. This is awkward. Gee, your hair smells terrific.
Pastor - We are here to witness a renewal of vows. If there are any reasons why these two people shouldn’t recommit, please speak now or forever hold your peace. Jeff, will you have this woman to be your wife?
Jarrett - I HAVE AND I WILL!
Pastor - Will you live together and love him and comfort him in sickness and in health? If so, answer I will.
Karen - I have and I will!
Pastor - Now to you in the crowd, WILL ALL OF YOU DO ALL IN YOUR POWER TO UPHOLD THESE TWO!?
People - BOOO!
Taz - I thought this was the Bible belt?
Pastor - Because of their undying love, both Jeff and Karen have prepared their own vows for the world to hear.
Taz - Custom promo he’s got - cool!
Jarrett - Sometimes I’m long-winded and tonight is a special occasion and I knew I’d be nervous, so I wrote mine - Karen, now you are married TO A REAL MAN! And not some HARMLESS, GUTLESS, EXCUSE FOR A MAN. I WILL FOREVER TREAT YOU LIKE THE TRUE PRINCESS YOU ARE. You’re a victim - underappreciated. By a man, scoot over. That didn’t deserve to have you in the first place. Look at me - all the gold medals in the world could never symbolize my love for you - you are the wind beneath my wings.
Taz - I think the gold medal one mighta been a shot at Kurt.
Karen - Jeff, you’re right. YOU ARE A REAL MAN! Not like another man. From the moment we fell in love, you made me your first priority - not like another man may have not done. You make sure whatever the princess wants, she gets it. My big daddy makes sure his princess gets it, and before we go to bed, you make sure your princess goes to bed happy. You make sure your princess is taken care of - not like another man. Jeff, you’re an amazing father. No matter how tired you are, you walk through those doors with a smile on your face, hug all of us, and wanna hear about our days and what we’ve done. You don’t wanna hear about you, you wanna hear about us. You complete me.
Pastor - The rings please.
Taz - It’s in his shoe, and why not?
Pastor - Repeat after me - I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I and all that I have, I honor you. And now Karen, the ring for Jeff please.
Pastor - IT IS MY PRIVELEDGE, WITH THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA AND ITS DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES, TO ANNOUNCE YOU AS MAN AND WIFE.
Angle - Father…we done here?
Pastor - Yes.
Angle - Thank you…
Tenay - KURT ANGLE’S GOT AN AXE!?
Taz - Does he even need an axe?
Bart Scott - DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON BART SCOTT!
Taz - GET OFF HIS ANKLE - YOU’LL RUIN THE JETS DEFENSE!
Hardy - No, no, I’M JEFF

ING HARDY. THIS IS MY HOME STATE. I WALKED IN WORLD CHAMP, AND I’LL WALK OUT WORLD CHAMP!
Taz - There’s a lot of speculation as to where Sting was going - well, HE’S GOING NOWHERE. HE’S HERE IN TNA - TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION WRESTLING!