No.
No no no no
no. Ok?
No, goddammit. No.
You are NOT adequately explaining how difficult the game is.
Listen up, people. You had to type in the commands, right? And sometimes you had to MAKE UP words. Yes! Make them the
fuck up, like they were an intergalactic
bed or some shit.
Words you'd never expect! Like, for example,
garfunkel. No, it was NOT the name of a character in the game, it was an
action word. It was a
verb, damnitall, a command the game actually under-

ing-stood.
You had to go around and garfunkel shit, ok? YOU HAD TO GARFUNKEL SHIT, and the game didn't give a

that you didn't know wtf that meant, NOR did it give you any damn indication of that command.
In fact, I think the game made fun of me. "OH," it said. "YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT ACTION CORRESPONDS WITH THE FLEEBLPHONGER? TOUGH SHIT, SHINGLEPAGGOT."
I don't even know what the in the
hell a shinglepaggot is, but I was

ing depressed for
days, because I'm sure it is a most insulting word.
I mean, all Il was asking for - as I clawed at my keyboard in agony - was some sort of ingame help or instructions or something. Just a little message - "By the way, did you know you can
garfunkel? But don't do it too much - your squiddolyspooch might get infected."
THAT'S ALL I

ING NEEDED,

ERS!
The point is, when he says "oh your little spawnlings
might need some help,"
yeah - they're gonna need some
dayum help. Like, you might need to get them, oh, some stakes and garlic, because

in' Dracula might pop the

out at any moment, and feast upon their blood.