Cole - WE ARE OFFICIALLY ON THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA!
King - IT’S CHAMPION VERSUS CHAMPION TONIGHT - there must be a winner.
Cole - Mariachis!
Ricardo - ALLLBERRRRTOOOOOOOO DELLLL RRIOOOOOOOOOOO!
Alberto - MY name is Alberto DEL RIOOOOOOOOOOO! BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. You people, you never listen! I TOLD YOU IT WAS MY DESTINY TO WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE, but you didn’t listen. That’s your problem. YOU NEVER LISTEN.
Ricardo - YOU NEVER LISTEN.
Alberto - I TOLD YOU.
Ricardo - HE TOLD YOU.
Alberto - TONIGHT, WE’RE GONNA CELEBRATE - I’M GONNA HEADLINE WRESTLEMANIA. Even though you don’t deserve it because this is a blue-collar town, I HIRED THE BEST MARIACHI IN MEXICO! He only plays for the Mexican President AND MYSELF. I have something important to tell - I can choose who I’m gonna face at WrestleMania. The WWE Champion or World Heavyweight Champion. And I have made my decision, and I’m gonna tell you RIGHT NOW. THE CHAMPIONSHIP I WILL BE GOING AFTER WILL BE…nah…
Cole - MIZ HAS RETURNED. WHAT A TRIUMPH!
King - Would you sit down and shut up?
Miz - Congratulations. You winning the biggest Rumble is impressive - almost as impressive as impressive as winning MITB, beating Orton three times and being WWE CHAMPION. I just hope you choose to face me at WM. Because make no mistake about it - I will be WWE Champion when WM comes around. I can’t say the same for Edge. Let’s face it, he’s going to lose it at the Chamber, but I thought I should tell you something about Edge. He was celebrating - telling anyone that he was going to embarrass you at WM. He mocked your accent and said that real champions don’t wear cute little scarves - HIS WORDS. He said that the cars you drive ARE RENTALS! If you don’t believe me, ask Alex.
Alex - I heard him say to anyone who would listen that he has no respect for a second-rate JBL/Tito Santana knock-off. I HEARD IT!
Alberto - I know you, Miz. And to me, this is some play. Are you lying to me?
Miz - Me lie, REALLY!? You took out Christian - he’s threatened by you. And most of all - he doesn’t respect you. I just thought I’d tell you the truth about what he’s said behind your back.
Cole - EDGE CHEATED and you expect him to bring order to this!?
Edge - Alberto - Miz is right, I don’t like or respect you. But he’s wrong about one thing - I wouldn’t say those things behind your back. I’D JUST TELL THEM TO YOUR FACE. If you choose to face me, I will beat me. Wanna know why? I’M THE RRRRATED RRRR SUPERRRSTARR…. But you alredy knew that, didn’t you?
Alberto - THE ONLY THINK I KNOW IS THAT I’M DESTINED TO BE THE GREATEST OF THE GREAT AND AT WRESTLEAMANIA, I WILL BE THE NEW…. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Cole - AND I QUOTE. Tonight, we’re gonna have a Raw Rumble match. 7 Superstars will participate, and the winner will face the WWE Champion at the Elimination Chamber PPV, and the remaining 6 will be in the Chamber itself. The participants will be Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, and Jerry the King Lawler…
King - ME!?
Fans - JERRY! JERRY!
Cole - AND JOHN CENA!
Punk - RANDY ORTON, DO NOT DO THAT! This is nothing you want to be a part of. It’s certainly nothing that I would do. Randy, DO I HAVE TO SAY PLEASE!? For once in your life, take some advice - don’t do it. IF YOU KICK HUSKY HARRIS IN THE SKULL, THERE WILL BE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES!
Ted Jr - THE KING, it doesn’t thrill me to say it…but your career is over, and mine is just getting started. You don’t need anymore opportunities, Jerry - it’s time for guys like you to step aside for the future, so do the right thing and give me tonight’s spot in the Raw Rumble…
Cole - Lemme handle this, King… Teddy, how disrespectful can one man be? You ever meet Lawler? HE’S A LEGEND. A HALL OF FAMER…You’ve heard of the showstopper? THIS MAN IS THE SCENE STEALER! There’s no way he’s gonna allow his ego to take himself out of the match - NOT IN YOUR LIFETIME. It won’t happen. Just exhale, Teddy.
King - Lemme tell both of you something. Ya know, I’m not giving my spot up to anyone. They always talk about the Road to Wrestle Mania - mine’s always been under construction. I’ve been in WWE for 18 years, and I’ve never competitor in a match at WM. MY ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA STARTS TONIGHT. You know what else, Cole? IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU - I’D BE WWE CHAMPION RIGHT NOW. I know I can beat the Miz and I’m gonna be in the Raw Rumble, and Teddy, I’m gonna win I!
Cole - GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE! SHOW SOME RESTRAINT!
Brie - If you have a heart beat, we’ll appear…appeal to you!
King - Toby Keith, our former guest host, has a song that says “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was.”
Cena - MIZ, YOU CAN DO IT! THERE’S A PARTY GOING ON OVER HERE! DON’T MIND ME - WE’RE JUST CHEERING FOR YOU. MIZ IS AWFUL! MIZ IF AWFUL!
Cole - STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN WILL HOST TV’S ORIGINAL REALITY SHOW - TOUGH ENOUGH!
Vickie - ON SMACKDOWN, THE WORLD TITLE WILL BE DEFENDED! IT WILL BE DEFENDED IN A WAY THAT HAS NEVER EVER BEEN DEFENDED BEFORE. JOIN ME ON FRIDAY ON SYFY TO WITNESS THIS HISTORIC OCCASION!
Layla - Shell, you kicked me in the face with your big foot…
McCool - EXCUSE ME, SHREK!?
Josh - I can’t wait for someone to PUNCH YOU OUT.
Cole - KING CAN’T DO IT.
Josh - But someone will…
Josh - The team of Henry and Khali weigh nearly a half a ton - that’s as much as a small car or the chick who played in Precious.
Cole - AND I QUOTE. As I see the Usos stand across the ring from Khali and The World’s Strongest Man…let’s face it, they don’t have a chance. They will compete IN A DANCE OFF. Gentlemen, LET’S BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE!
Cole - Remember on NXT when I won the dance competition?
Cole - This horrid. That’s what I’d do guy s- sneak attack two guys where are twice my size.
Cole - I’M HEARING IT’S CALLED THE FUNNIEST ROAD TRIP IN THEATERS - It’s THE WWE FILMS MOVIE - THE CHAPERONE!
Cole - KING, YOUR ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA HITS A DEAD END IN 3 WEEKS!