Girlfriend issues. I need advice.

If shes telling you she only wants to see you once a week, somethings up. If shes just busy as fuck and y'all have completely different schedules, quit being such a bitch and deal with it.[quote name='senorwoohoo']Burn the witch.[/quote]

2nded.
 
I tend to agree with the guys here who are saying this relationship may not have much more left in the tank.

The early stages of a new romance are supposed to be the some of the best and most exciting times of a relationship. Both of you do things you would not normally do. You'll drive 6 hours to see each other, she'll change some of her habits, you'll want to work out more, etc. You even overlook some of the little quirks that would otherwise be annoying. You want to be around each other and there aren't enough hours in the day to spend with each other during this time of courting.

That's definitely not happening here. During a time when there is supposed to be unconditional longing for one another, she has placed conditions on your relationship.

So, as sad as I am to say this, I think you need to end this. Better now than after you've invested more time and have more to lose emotionally. It will hurt today and in the coming weeks, but it will get better and you'll sooner be on the road to your next relationship where you'll get to experience the things I detailed in my first paragraph.

Tell her the truth, don't be bashful. Let her know that this doesn't work for you. You have essentially no say so in how the relationship progresses, no control as Mykevermin put it, and that is bad. Be straightforward and you will feel good at the end of the day.

I wish you the best.
 
If she only wants to see you once a week then this is not the girl for you! Break it off now and find someone that appreciates you. Sorry to say but obviously she doesn't feel the same way as you feel about her. It will never work, regardless of how old or young you are, move on and find someone who feels the same way about you. Unless you do that, all you are doing is wasting your time!
 
Dump her. I don't understand why anyone under the age of 35 stays in a relationship and even entertains putting up with shit like this. There are TONS of girls out there. Go find one that actually wants to spend time with you.
 
Bottom line, you're not happy with the way the relationship is working. Don't continue to do something that isn't making you happy, hoping it will work later on. It's like eating a piece of coal everyday in hopes of shitting out a diamond.
 
Sorry, you're the fubu, not the bf. If you're relegated to seeing each other on a weekly basis after 4 months, either she lives across state lines or she's seeing someone closer to you. I'm bettin' on the latter. Just like men, women are as faithful as their options. If she can find someone just like you (and I'm sure there is, everyone is replaceable) but closer, has more money, whatever, it's more likely she already has and is suffering from a case of having her cake & eating it too. The reason why she flipped out is that you tried to short-circuit her plans - she wants to break up w/ you first. Your preemptive break shocked her, not because she was afraid you were going to leave her, but because she was afraid you were going to do the same thing to her as she's doing to you. Seriously, get out now. No pussy is worth suffering for.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']The reason why she flipped out is that you tried to short-circuit her plans - she wants to break up w/ you first. Your preemptive break shocked her, not because she was afraid you were going to leave her, but because she was afraid you were going to do the same thing to her as she's doing to you.[/QUOTE]

Absolutely correct.
 
it does seem like you are dating the equivalent of a cat. She comes around when she wants attention, but otherwise she is doing her own thing. I don't think thats enough for you and it seems like she isn't about to change. Plus you don't want to force her to change. I say best to move on.
 
[quote name='Theduck'] no I am not 14 years old.[/quote]


So you are 12?

You don't like something talk to the person, not random people online.

You have to be less than 14 not to see that, TALK TO HER! Crazy ass thinking I know. :roll:
 
Maybe she's bisexual? Try introducing a third partner and see what happens...

j/k, I'd say just break up. I'm sure you don't want to deal with this any longer (especially since you confided in us CAGs). Sure the breakup period may be harsh, but it's just better for you in the long run. Sometimes you gotta look at number 1, before you sustain a relationship.
 
[quote name='bigdaddy']So you are 12?

You don't like something talk to the person, not random people online.

You have to be less than 14 not to see that, TALK TO HER! Crazy ass thinking I know. :roll:[/quote]


There's nothing wrong with asking for opinions from other people. OP will be talking to her, he's not asking for CAGers to talk to her, just for their opinions as he may not be thinking as clearly as someone detached from the matter.

All I see in your post is insults, no constructive advice for the OP. So who's acting 12 here?
 
Yeah I don't really fault the OP here. He's smitten with the girl and it's tough to break things off (at least for me it is) when you are in that situation and the other side is playing with you.
 
If she's not lying about preferring to be alone, (Im like that) then the best thing you can do to increase that time with her is to try and sneak in things like...

a quick lunch - on one of your off days. dont try and make it an afternoon, just a quick get together outside of your one day meetings. Make it fun and she will want to do it again.

a movie - just a movie, like the lunch meetings, dont try and do it for the whole night
or other quick hour or two long dates. The important part is to make it so nice that she will not be afraid to do it again or for longer in the future.

Some people aren't "people" persons and they need a bit of time to ease into a relationship. Especially if they live alone and aren't use to being around others 24/7.
Not everyone is a perfect partner. She probably hasn't had many realtionships or good relationships and needs some time to feel comfortable.

I have lived alone for most of my adult life and can honestly say I start to feel uncomfortable around people at about the 4 or 5 hour mark. :p
Either that or shes cheating on you like everyone else says.
 
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']it does seem like you are dating the equivalent of a cat. She comes around when she wants attention, but otherwise she is doing her own thing. I don't think thats enough for you and it seems like she isn't about to change. Plus you don't want to force her to change. I say best to move on.[/quote]

I think he's on to something, no one acts that distant in a relationship if they're happy with things. It sounds like she wants out but doesn't have the heart to do so, and is hoping you'll get fed up 1st. People do this all the time - if they want to end something but there isn't a clear problem as to why, they create a problem and make it more mutual. It's ugly and sad, but it's the truth.

[quote name='dboy81']I tend to agree with the guys here who are saying this relationship may not have much more left in the tank.

The early stages of a new romance are supposed to be the some of the best and most exciting times of a relationship. Both of you do things you would not normally do. You'll drive 6 hours to see each other, she'll change some of her habits, you'll want to work out more, etc. You even overlook some of the little quirks that would otherwise be annoying. You want to be around each other and there aren't enough hours in the day to spend with each other during this time of courting.

That's definitely not happening here. During a time when there is supposed to be unconditional longing for one another, she has placed conditions on your relationship.

So, as sad as I am to say this, I think you need to end this. Better now than after you've invested more time and have more to lose emotionally. It will hurt today and in the coming weeks, but it will get better and you'll sooner be on the road to your next relationship where you'll get to experience the things I detailed in my first paragraph.

Tell her the truth, don't be bashful. Let her know that this doesn't work for you. You have essentially no say so in how the relationship progresses, no control as Mykevermin put it, and that is bad. Be straightforward and you will feel good at the end of the day.

I wish you the best.[/quote]

Couldn't have said it better. Tell her you aren't happy with things the way they are, and if she has any serious interest in having a relationship with you, it needs to stop being so 1-sided. She is not the only person in the relationship!

Now, it's entirely possible she has issues with getting close to people, or has even suffered some kind of emotional trauma that makes her unwilling to open up to people or share much of herself. I'd ask outright, is there anything going on that you don't know about, from another guy to not wanting to date to just a lot of personal emotional baggage. The 1st two, can't do much about. But the third could be very legit.

I saw earlier in the thread you tried to take a break and she got really upset - this makes me think #3 has some plausibility, and if you've only been dating 4 months then it'd be easy not to know these things, especially seeing each other so infrequently.

I gotta ask, how long has it been this way? It seems hard to fall in love with somebody only seeing them once a week, if this has always been the norm. At that rate, you've only been "dating" a total of 16 days. I assume you talk on the phone, etc?

If she got upset the 1st time you brought it up, you need to be prepared for her to react in the same way again, and not buckle under any pressure she puts on you. Make sure you're heard, and ask for legitimate answers to these very legitimate concerns. If she says 'But I love you!", tell her to act like it.

If that doesn't work, get out before this situation fucks with your head any more.
 
You got 6 days a week to fuck around, its not like she'll find out and chances are she's doin the same thing. Atleast this way when she finally throws the "oh yea i've been fucking around for the past 5 months" line at you, you'll atleast have something to throw back in her face.

P.S. what you have is not a relationship, as Dane Cook would say you are in a relation-shit.
 
If she's putting conditions on your relationship during the time when the two of you should be going absolutely crazy for one another's company, what kind of conditions do you think she'd have for you when the new-relationship-frenzy wears off?

There are too many things that aren't right here. Even if she's not doing something that she doesn't want you to know about - which I'd suspect she is - there's a pretty big difference between what you're after and what she's after. If you can't live with seeing her less than 3 or 4 times a week, and she can't live with seeing you more than once a week, it's not a match. It doesn't matter if you're 15 or you're 50.
 
[quote name='magiic']maybe she has cancer and is pulling some walk to remember bullshit[/quote]

Dude- props to you, that is funny! And I admire you for admitting to having seen A Walk to Remember.
 
[quote name='Scorch']That was my impression as well.

I'd pay her a suprise visit during one of those "oh, I just watched movies all day" days.[/QUOTE]

This. Oh, this.
 
Excellent advice all around. Seriously guys, I am very surprised and grateful. I was expecting a bunch of immature replies, but you all pulled it together. Except for that one dickhead that doesn't understand that I need an outside perspective as my mind is clouded by feelings.

To reply to the individual that asked me how much we talk, we talk about 4 times out of the week. I usually have to call her first as well, which makes things look worse.

I think you guys are right. I mean, I've talked to her about seeing her more and she just gives me the same drag bullshit of she wants to be alone, shes a loner, bla bla bla. Anyways, I'm leaning towards ending this.

I forgot to mention that the last times I remember hanging out with her, she's called me for favors and then we hang out after I deliver. =(
 
[quote name='Scorch']That was my impression as well.

I'd pay her a suprise visit during one of those "oh, I just watched movies all day" days.[/quote]Hehehe..."watched movies all day"...right. If by movies she meant some other guy and by watched she meant fucked, then yes, I'd believe her.

Stop in sometime OP.
 
To Duck: Don't kill me, but this sounds like obsession/infatuation on your part. We all been there so, try to ride it out in style and not look like too much of a desperate douche (as..errr..we all have at one time or another).

Now, if she wants to see you once a week and no more, I wouldn't start picking out china, sounds like this girl likes you, but likes her life an awful lot too. My Advice: Date her for a year, then step back and re-assess.

In the mean time, take what you can get....let her know you're kinda freaky about her now and you'd like to spend more time. If anything, like she shoots down that idea, i tmight give youa bit of an emotional hit to snap you back into reality.....that whole "man I wish I was with GirlX" feeling can get in the way of life!
 
[quote name='Theduck']

I forgot to mention that the last times I remember hanging out with her, she's called me for favors and then we hang out after I deliver. =([/quote]

That doesn't sound very healthy. It sounds more like shes playing you.
The whole thing about not wanting to break up with you sounds like she knows she can get you to do stuff for her and likes the power feeling.
I hope you find someone else that doesn't mess with your head as much as she does.
 
Just leave her.

None of her actions make sense and the last thing you want to deal with is someone who has mental health issues. If she wants to be alone now, it's probably going to stay that way for as long as you know her. You can't have a relationship with someone who only wants to see you once a week. That's not a longterm GF or wife material, that's a jump-off.
 
Maybe she's a pimp.

You gotta be the playa, playa!

It's better that the relationship favors you, or even better favors both of you equally. I just don't see how dragging this any longer will benefit you.

I hope this doesn't turn out to be like that couple where the girlfriend sat on the toilet for two years. That shit is just nasty.

One more question, is she that hot to warrant you being whipped?

Hot as in both sexually and personality-wise
 
[quote name='Theduck']
To reply to the individual that asked me how much we talk, we talk about 4 times out of the week. I usually have to call her first as well, which makes things look worse.

I think you guys are right. I mean, I've talked to her about seeing her more and she just gives me the same drag bullshit of she wants to be alone, shes a loner, bla bla bla. Anyways, I'm leaning towards ending this.

I forgot to mention that the last times I remember hanging out with her, she's called me for favors and then we hang out after I deliver. =([/QUOTE]

She's using you. Whenever she needs something she knows who to call because you can't say no. Then she sees you once a week just to keep you around and in her back pocket. You're not really in a relationship at all.

I was once in a similar situation (although not quite as severe as this one) and highly recommend the following: ditch her. It'll hurt for a while but in the long run it's the best and smartest move for you.

Look at it this way, you know those girls that you tell your buddies to ditch when they get involved with because you can see that it's just an awful fit and they're getting the short end of the stick on everything but yet they don't see it that way because they are emotionally invested? You're involved with one of those girls and just haven't fully realized it until now. You're wasting your time.
 
I disagree with some of the other posters saying you should surprise her when she's supposed to be alone. You'll either catch her with someone else, or you'll look like a super-insecure tool who doesn't trust her. Even if the latter is true, that's not the way to go about it.
I had an ex-boyfriend pull a surprise visit on me a couple times, it never turned out well.

I might suggest trying one more time to tell her your problems with the relationship. If she shrugs it off again try leaving her alone for a while. Don't call her, don't ask to come over. It could be that she is taking the attention you give her for granted, she doesn't have to put much into the relationship to keep you around. She may come around if that stops. If she doesn't, you know for sure she was never really into you, and can cut your losses.
 
Good advice, squid. I also don't support the surprise-visit thing, it's way too confrontational for my tastes.

Not calling her or being busy, though, would be a good test, because if she is just super-weird and a loner, she probably is taking it for granted that you're going to call her and seek her company/attention. BUT, only after you try talking to her again, otherwise that's practically playing head games, and head games are bullshit.
 
I think most folks who were recommending the "surprise visit" didn't really mean for him to do so, they are just illustrating the possibility that something not-so-nice might be going on.

She is definitely taking his attention for granted. Without knowing all the details, the major problem I see here is that there is no mutual passion in this relationship, and the early stages is when passion should be at its most exciting phase.

Still recommend pulling out of this relationship, it's not starting out in a healthy manner.
 
My girlfriend lives 35 miles away and we both work and are in school and we see each other 2 or 3 times a week and sometimes that isn't enough.

If I were you, I'd show up to her house on one of her "off" days and bring her chocolate or something. If she doesn't like it then forget about her, if she's ****ing around forget about her. If she likes it then maybe the relationship progresses. It's a win-win.
 
Seems like there are to many varieables in this. Most outcomes look to be negative, a slight glimmer of happynes, but not much. A few things come to mind:

1. She's not into the relationship
2. There's something more going on, maybe you do or don't suspect
3.The mention of "spoiled' triggers more thoughts-mayhap your being used?
4.She hasn't matured and will take longer
5.Maybe you did something to freak her out to cause distance, or she was told something by a "friend"?
6.Maybe she's bored?

The comment on being a "loner" somewhat annoys me- I'm a loner, but do enjoy company of others, just not as much as most. Maybe she's the same? (I dun like dealing with people and their BS) People tend to label this as something as a recluse-diffrent topic and rant.

I'll offer this:
Talk to her about it once more, if she isn't willing to make a small change and be with you an extra day or two, and insists that nothign else is going on, but remains steadfast with the once a week thing, man up and walk away from this situation.
(pardon the spelling, kinda fuzzy at the moment)
 
I'm pretty much a loner myself, but I spend all my time with my fiancee. You can't be in a stable relationship and not want to be around the other person.
 
[quote name='captainfrizo']Look at it this way, you know those girls that you tell your buddies to ditch when they get involved with because you can see that it's just an awful fit and they're getting the short end of the stick on everything but yet they don't see it that way because they are emotionally invested? You're involved with one of those girls and just haven't fully realized it until now. You're wasting your time.[/QUOTE]

Haha, see my friend's wife. Honestly, he married her straight out of high school, and she was his first serious girlfriend. The only time we get to hang out now is when he gets off of work early and even then "it never happened." Its like he feels completely guilty anytime he hangs out with friends, because she doesn't really have many. We used to be in a band together and I'd see him at least once a week, and now I don't think I've seen him this year.

My advice: move on.
 
So how long has this once-a-week horse shit been going on? You've been dating four months -- does that mean you've hung out a total of 16 times during this relationship?

My girlfriend and I live 2 hours apart. We talk daily, even if it's only for a few minutes. We hang out once a month, but that's due to time and financial constraints, not desire.

I'm sorry man, but this chick is yanking you around by your tender middle. Drop her and find a chick that actually gives a damn about you, and not just the things you can do for her.
 
Whats good for her is good for you, ignore her for a while, see how she likes it. When she wants to see you, tell her you just want to chill with a movie. Maybe, just maybe, she'll get the hint.
 
shoot sometimes i would like to see my gf only once a week.. JK..

i think she's doing you "on the side" .. i would leave her there are so many girls out there.. (TRUST ME you'll find another one that is exactly like if not better than what you have now..)

thats the problem with some guys.. they think they are not good enough or subconsciously think that all relationships are like the ones in the movies where the guy gets girl x and they are the only ones meant to be together..

sorry its not like the movies.. you need to play the field a little bit .. its kind of like the old saying of "throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks?" well go out there and see what sticks.

if you need more than one day a week dump this bitch and move on.
 
sounds like you just got hit up on that booty call!!!!!!!


Tell her that you have changed your mind. I only want to see you every other week just to see what happens
 
I agree with some of the previous posters: Ignore her for awhile. She may discover she misses your presence and will try to make more time for you. Or, you may discover that you don't need her in your life after all. Either way, something will come of it.
 
You could always goto one of these in the meantime.

funny-pictures-peep-show-easter-candy.jpg
 
You know what, there's nothing wrong with seeing two girls at once. Invest your emotions in someone else I say, but keep her on the side for a weekend bang.
 
[quote name='BluesCluesMama']^OMG The mother in me seriously wants to grab you by the ear right now. While the woman in me just wants to castrate you.[/quote]
Feel free.
 
[quote name='Renzokuken']You know what, there's nothing wrong with seeing two girls at once. Invest your emotions in someone else I say, but keep her on the side for a weekend bang.[/quote]

While I agree that there's nothing wrong w/ seeing 2 girls at once, this case is a bit different. He's too emotionally invested in this girl. If he really wanted to get into polyamory or just messin' around, it's better to start off fresh w/ 2 completely new girls. Being emotionally invested in any one girl will eventually cause favoritism which results in jealousy. It's difficult enough to handle one girl. Juggling more than one requires finesse & impartiality.
 
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