I just found out my GF of 4 years is cheating on me

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I hate to be a devil's advocate here, but what exactly did she find in your history? You write that you thought it was cleared up but found out that she didn't feel that way. Did she check through 6 weeks of history and see you logging on to a personals web site everyday?

I don't know how you'd react, but I'd be seriously pissed if a girlfriend was checking out a personals site for over a month without giving me a legitimate reason (and you know what? "I was trying to hook up a friend" would not be a legitimate excuse I would readily accept). Honestly, I think you probably neglected to mention it to her because at some level you knew that she wouldn't approve. Who would? Especially if she found out that you checked them habitually for a long period of time.

So here you have a person who's been depressed, uncertain about the direction of her life (I suppose that's what losing her identity means), and she finds out her serious long-time boyfriend has been checking out personals for the past however long. Doesn't seem like that far of a leap until she starts considering that "interesting" co-worker she's know for a while. Not saying a person should make that leap; just that I can empathize a little bit with her situation.

Hell, we don't know you or your situation (well besides buying games off your tradelist and reading your posts where you wax poetic about porn). Don't get all crazy. Keep your cool. How upset was she about you looking at personals? (By the way, even though you say it's just pure entertainment, it's not. It's looking at what's on the other side of the fence/pasture. If it was pure entertainment about reading what other people write, you'd also be reading personals from men. Which I'm sure you didn't do).

Bottom line, ask yourself this: If there had not been that issue about personals, would she have asked this other guy out? If I were you, I'd answer this question first before deciding what I needed to do.
 
you know why?? cuz you're a fucking fairy ass bitch, you f*cking fruit, any girl would cheat on a dude with a half an inch dick, and you're just a little bitch in life's game, so get used to getting used, fucking $$$$$$jucky
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']yyou know why?? cuz you're a fucking fairy ass bitch, you f*cking fruit, any girl would cheat on a dude with a half an inch dick, and you're just a little bitch in life's game, so get used to getting used, fucking $$$$$$jucky[/quote]
What the.. ?!
 
no i'm not drunk, i've come to the sad, sorry pathetic realization, that human life, must end, and that I and I alone must end it, and that anyone that stands in my way must be silenced, and I am the destroyer, and everyone else, friends, girlfriends, etc is just in my way of our goal... join me my brothers, cry no more, suffer no more, and find your true meaning
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']you know why?? cuz you're a fucking fairy ass bitch, you f*cking fruit, any girl would cheat on a dude with a half an inch dick, and you're just a little bitch in life's game, so get used to getting used, fucking $$$$$$jucky[/quote]
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']no i'm not drunk, i've come to the sad, sorry pathetic realization, that human life, must end, and that I and I alone must end it, and that anyone that stands in my way must be silenced, and I am the destroyer, and everyone else, friends, girlfriends, etc is just in my way of our goal... join me my brothers, cry no more, suffer no more, and find your true meaning[/quote]
haha.. wasn't expecting this.

Sorry Mooky.
 
holy crap what a friggin coincidence. I have recently found out I was cheated on by girl of five years. Also a few co-workers have also been cheated on recently too. And one of my bros best friends brother has been cheated on also .Shit what is the world comming to, man good luck mooky if the place is yours get rid of her and move on its was probably better this way you know.
 
She really can't be cheating on you for something as trivial as surfing personal sites. Myspace is getting to be like a personal site in some senses now. She must of really wanted to get out of the relationship and is using that as an excuse to blame it on you. Women are whores, throw her shit out of the house and never look back.
 
Beat the s**t out of him then cut a hole above her bed in the roof.....and wait for her to fall asleep.....take a giant steaming dump through the hole while crouched on the roof and drop it right on her face....scream obscenities through hole down at her while she struggles to realize WTF is going on. That should about solve your problem.
 
Man, I really am sorry about this happening to you. I really think that once trust has been destroyed you can never be too sure if she is being truthful when it counts.

Looking through the personals didn't help the situation. Maybe you could have sat down with her looking through the personals together. Just reading them for a laugh. She could have seen how enterataining it was to you and would have not been so uptight about it.
 
[quote name='mbstuff']I hate to be a devil's advocate here, but what exactly did she find in your history? You write that you thought it was cleared up but found out that she didn't feel that way. Did she check through 6 weeks of history and see you logging on to a personals web site everyday?

I don't know how you'd react, but I'd be seriously pissed if a girlfriend was checking out a personals site for over a month without giving me a legitimate reason (and you know what? "I was trying to hook up a friend" would not be a legitimate excuse I would readily accept). Honestly, I think you probably neglected to mention it to her because at some level you knew that she wouldn't approve. Who would? Especially if she found out that you checked them habitually for a long period of time.

So here you have a person who's been depressed, uncertain about the direction of her life (I suppose that's what losing her identity means), and she finds out her serious long-time boyfriend has been checking out personals for the past however long. Doesn't seem like that far of a leap until she starts considering that "interesting" co-worker she's know for a while. Not saying a person should make that leap; just that I can empathize a little bit with her situation.

Hell, we don't know you or your situation (well besides buying games off your tradelist and reading your posts where you wax poetic about porn). Don't get all crazy. Keep your cool. How upset was she about you looking at personals? (By the way, even though you say it's just pure entertainment, it's not. It's looking at what's on the other side of the fence/pasture. If it was pure entertainment about reading what other people write, you'd also be reading personals from men. Which I'm sure you didn't do).

Bottom line, ask yourself this: If there had not been that issue about personals, would she have asked this other guy out? If I were you, I'd answer this question first before deciding what I needed to do.[/quote]

The full story on the personals, it was the first time she found them in the 4 years... it was 12-13 pages in my history.

I take full responcibility, and say its my bad... but would she of cheated on me anyways? Was she just hurt?

I've gone through her emails where she tells someone stuff like, (Things in "{ }" are added by me)

"I got asked out by a cute boy today, I told him {Get this..} another time, what could I say with Wes outside picking me up from work?"

"I felt bad telling him no, but we set up another time, I'm still a pimp! {She goes on in the next email talking about how she'll teach her, her "tricks"}

And then the email I found which I posted completely in the OP.

I blamed myself all day yesterday, and then I decided after reading those emails at 12:30 - and updating my OP that the personals shit was nothing more than an excuse to do it.

She went on 2 dates, and she kissed him more than once and lied about it a thousand times. I took me 7 hours in all of talking to get all this info out of her, I was asking her the same questions in different ways until she slipped up, then I would go back to the first and ask them all again...

I think it was completely pre-meditated and well thought out. If the personals ads bothered her that much, she would of confronted me, instead she held it and used it as an excuse.

I was gonna make it easy on her give her the PS2, cause shes playing Kingdom Hearts, and make sure she had copies of my 60 gigs of mp3s and our photos.... but fuck that... she would of fucked the guy if I didnt catch her.
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']no i'm not drunk, i've come to the sad, sorry pathetic realization, that human life, must end, and that I and I alone must end it, and that anyone that stands in my way must be silenced, and I am the destroyer, and everyone else, friends, girlfriends, etc is just in my way of our goal... join me my brothers, cry no more, suffer no more, and find your true meaning[/quote]

Someone's been playinig too much Oblivion.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']The full story on the personals, it was the first time she found them in the 4 years... it was 12-13 pages in my history.

I take full responcibility, and say its my bad... but would she of cheated on me anyways? Was she just hurt?[/quote]
Here's how to look at the personals thing: it finally gave her a chance/excuse to step out on the relationship. It would've happened anyway, it was just a matter of when. That's why she was looking through your history, she was looking for something that would subconciously make it ok for her to start looking elsewhere.

You said it yourself. She went to SC because she was having an identity crisis. It doesn't sound like she was content with keeping things stable in her life.

Learn from your mistakes, learn from the experience, and move on. Dwelling on it would be the worst thing you could ever do.
 
[quote name='Strell']Yes, but girls will spin it that way. Easily one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen in humanity.

Either that or they will justify it.

I heard both. Never wanted to spill blood more than at that time.[/quote]

QFT! I've heard them all. From my last TWO exes.

"I just kissed him because I wanted it to be you."

"I need a weekend alone. I'll be staying with my friend John." and later "I'm interested in John."
 
Just make a Myspace, write some shitty sad poetry, and post it there. Then, sulk over her for the next two weeks plotting your revenge, and ultimately end up doing nothing at all and moving on.
:lol:

Seriously though. Like a few others said, if you let her get away with it she'll just end up doing it again.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']I was gonna make it easy on her give her the PS2, cause shes playing Kingdom Hearts, and make sure she had copies of my 60 gigs of mp3s and our photos.... but fuck that... she would of fucked the guy if I didnt catch her.[/quote]

Dude, I know exactly how you feel. I'd like to say don't let the shit tear you up, but it does.

The first time a long time girlfriend (Almost two years) cheated on me, and dumped me for him, it took me over a year to get over her. Just work through it. There's no magic solution that will fix everything, there's no quick fix.

Just watch for the warning signs in the future and don't repeat your mistakes.
 
kissed him? better check for penis breathe.

contact producers of the TV show Cheaters immediately.

post pictures of her all over the web. better yet, post them here.

move on. (sixth now, right?)
 
The best revenge is just living a happy life without her. That's all you can do but believe me it's plenty. Your next long term relationship will be infinitely better than this one because you will have the knowledge of what you are going through now. You can also take comfort in the fact that in 5 years she's probably going to be 20 lbs. overweight. Good thing you're getting rid of fatty asap.
 
[quote name='javeryh']The best revenge is just living a happy life without her. That's all you can do but believe me it's plenty. Your next long term relationship will be infinitely better than this one because you will have the knowledge of what you are going through now. You can also take comfort in the fact that in 5 years she's probably going to be 20 lbs. overweight. Good thing you're getting rid of fatty asap.[/quote]
Again, QFT.

Listen to Javeryh, he is a wise man.

EDIT: Good lord. I just called javeryh wise...
 
[quote name='javeryh']The best revenge is just living a happy life without her. That's all you can do but believe me it's plenty. Your next long term relationship will be infinitely better than this one because you will have the knowledge of what you are going through now. You can also take comfort in the fact that in 5 years she's probably going to be 20 lbs. overweight. Good thing you're getting rid of fatty asap.[/QUOTE]


QFT

+ Posting nude pics of her on cag will ease the grieving process.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']Firstly: PWNED

Secondly: More details. Now.

Thirdly: Dump this bitch.[/QUOTE]
Muahahaha, evil women. I laughed...
 
listen dude, you did nothing wrong. If she freaked out over simple profile browsing then shes way too uptight and doesnt trust you. her tresspass going through your history should have ended it there.

Thats a complete betrayal and somehow she got YOU to apologize. If after 4 years she still doesnt trust you, send her a jack in the box filled with hobo vomit.

In fact, i have some hobos who can help.
 
It burns, but this kind of shit happens all the time.

I've been through this before, and the only option is to get rid of her. If you give her leeway on this she's going to walk all over you. Get your head together and clear up any technicalities (lease, belongings, etc.) and then get rid of her. Find solace in the arms of another woman and move on with your life.
 
[quote name='javeryh']The best revenge is just living a happy life without her. That's all you can do but believe me it's plenty. Your next long term relationship will be infinitely better than this one because you will have the knowledge of what you are going through now. You can also take comfort in the fact that in 5 years she's probably going to be 20 lbs. overweight. Good thing you're getting rid of fatty asap.[/quote]

Jav, you should be my spokesman as you pretty much say what I was going to anyway. :lol:
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']no i'm not drunk, i've come to the sad, sorry pathetic realization, that human life, must end, and that I and I alone must end it, and that anyone that stands in my way must be silenced, and I am the destroyer, and everyone else, friends, girlfriends, etc is just in my way of our goal... join me my brothers, cry no more, suffer no more, and find your true meaning[/QUOTE]
ha ha ha...someone's been watching too much fight club lately. humanity in most respects is pathetic, but what makes you think you are it's destroyer/savior?
 
[quote name='hohez'] If after 4 years she still doesnt trust you, send her a jack in the box filled with hobo vomit.

In fact, i have some hobos who can help.[/QUOTE]

:rofl:
 
[quote name='Strell']HEY NOW.

WHERE ARE ALL THE GIRLS HERE TO REASSURE US MEN THAT THEY AREN'T ALL SLUTS?

Oh.

RIGHT.[/quote] Truth is that there are many who are sluts as you say. Just as there are men who cheat on women, there are women who cheat on men. It's not a gender issue because both sexes cheat. I could probably pull out some statistics out my ass and claim men are more likely to cheat than women, but I find such studies absurd, because such things depend on the person not their sex.
Many people have their own interests in mind and that causes them to do things without considering others.
To the OP: It sucks that it had to happen so long into a relationship, after one dedicates so much time and effort into a relationship, but as several said at least you have found out now before you married her and had to go through a nasty divorce.
 
i gotta ask...what would you have done, prior to the sc weekend escape to find herself (when you hear words like that you should know it's over anyway), if you had found 12-13 pages of history of her browsing personals? would you have assumed she was cheating on you then? it sounds like there were trust issues on both sides here. take it as a sign. it's better that it's over. i had a girlfriend or two that cheated on me a few years back when i first started seriously dating girls. honestly, it was the best thing that could have happened. sure, it broke my heart, but at least i didn't end up married just to find out she was cheating on me then. it will make you tougher and wiser, and in a few months you'll be dating someone else and won't give a crap about her anymore. and if you're smart you'll know what the warning signs are and how to better approach relationships.

in the meantime, watch swingers (great movie, especially for a guy in your position), hit the bar with your friends, and hit the field and get a piece of something strange. it'll help you get over her and not end up one of those pathetic guys that whines for 2 years about his bitch of an ex. or give up and start listening to emo.
 
[quote name='AngellicLulu']Truth is that there are many who are sluts as you say. Just as there are men who cheat on women, there are women who cheat on men. It's not a gender issue because both sexes cheat.[/QUOTE]

A lot of zoologists would say otherwise...
 
[quote name='Apossum']are you absolutely 100% positively sure? don't do anything until then.

if you are, bring home 10 high priced prostitutes, a kiddie pool, 10 gallons of chocolate sauce and use your imagination...ask if she wants to join.[/QUOTE]

sexyparty.png
 
That sucks man, best of luck.

And for the rest of us- this provides us a good lesson- never share your computer with anyone. Period. And if you don't have your own, or you have to share- don't do anything you wouldn't mind someone else finding out about- in detail.

For those of you who play MMORPG's-

Sharing Computer FTL
 
[quote name='Greetard']Slip a roofie in her drink, tape her eyes open and fuck the shit outta her on camera. Backwards, upside-down, standing, kneeling, with a toy, with a friend, in the ass, and down her throat. Finish it off with a huge, steamy crap on her chest and then send it to me because I'm a lonely, desperate virgin that will never know the feel of a woman apart from my grandmother whom I voluntarily sponge bath for arousement.[/quote]

Post fixed.
 
[quote name='Blade']Post fixed.[/QUOTE]

Whoa... you're hilarious!

It has always baffled me why anyone would think that you're just a simple-minded douchebag. Your type of humor is far superior to mine. Seriously, you're stuff is absolute gold compared to anything that I could ever come up with. Yessirree-bob, I can tell that you'll get plenty of laughs from that little slice of genius.

Angry about the Ken doll comment? Is it because I damaged your ego? Wanna' talk about it?

EDIT: Ladies and gentlemen, the reason for the "I Hate Greetard" Thread:
http://www.cheapassgamer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=91822&page=2
 
Yeah, so all in all - even though she cried and cried... I'm moving on. I told her maybe one day, but I dont really think it will ever come to that day.

It wasnt the cheating in the end, it was the deceit. She just kept lying, and it was hard to find an end. I dont know if I still know everything or not. Oh well, Que Sera...
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']Yeah, so all in all - even though she cried and cried... I'm moving on. I told her maybe one day, but I dont really think it will ever come to that day.

It wasnt the cheating in the end, it was the deceit. She just kept lying, and it was hard to find an end. I dont know if I still know everything or not. Oh well, Que Sera...[/QUOTE]

Juka, rest assured this is indeed the correct decision.

Women have these bullshit defense mechanisms that kick in during such a situation. The first is the spin, the second is the justification. The third - enacted when you tell them they are a filthy fucking whore and you need to move on because, as prior said, they are a filthy fucking whore - is to cry and cry and apologize and talk about how they really, truly, honestly want to be with you, that their mistake opened their eyes, etc etc.

There are latter tools at their disposal - running to the person they cheated on you with, convincing their friends you were the reason for the breakup and asking them to support her instead of you, doing the same with any casual/mutual friends (i.e., "pick sides"), claiming they hate you/the relationship, etc etc etc.

It's like a never ending bag of tricks they stole from Felix the Cat. They just never fucking shut up, never have an end to the bullshit. It just keeps fucking coming.

You have done the right thing. For your own sanity, do not call, do not IM, do not e-mail, do not drive by her (your?) house, throw out her things, burn gifts she gave you, etc. If you can manage, resist the temptation to do random acts of vandalism, although I personally think that a gray area singularity is created in this situation, which might give you karmic immunity.

Also, do not consider a "one day in the future" scenario. For two reasons. 1) By then, the girl will be an even bigger filthy fucking whore. Girls do NOT mature until their 30s at best, and by then they are just boring. 2) You're only lying to yourself. It's a comfortability angle - you think some time off might cause you both to realize what was really there, and hence want to secure that sort of stability. Don't fool yourself. It doesn't happen. Much like how you can't be friends after such a thing, don't pretend a relationship can ressurect itself. I'd guess there are exceptions, but this isn't one of them.

Anyway Juka, good show. It sucks. Sucks hard. But it'll pass. Prolly take a while. Took me a while, and the reason for that is simply because it is. Doesn't make you a pussy or anything. Anyone saying otherwise is a clueless fucktard who doesn't realize bullshit and is probably still in high school.

Good luck.
 
[quote name='Greetard']Whoa... you're hilarious!

It has always baffled me why anyone would think that you're just a simple-minded douchebag. Your type of humor is far superior to mine. Seriously, you're stuff is absolute gold compared to anything that I could ever come up with. Yessirree-bob, I can tell that you'll get plenty of laughs from that little slice of genius.

Angry about the Ken doll comment? Is it because I damaged your ego? Wanna' talk about it?

EDIT: Ladies and gentlemen, the reason for the "I Hate Greetard" Thread:
http://www.cheapassgamer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=91822&page=2[/QUOTE]

This is why I put Blade on my ignore list.
 
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