Men Over 30

[quote name='2DMention']I would think extroverts would be easier to be around because they'd do all the talking. But then you'd have to put up with their wanting to go out all the time and be around their friends.

I've tried online dating and haven't had much luck. I used mostly CL and it was a bot-fest. I still get bot messages over 2 years old from girls who are probably just call girls.

I'm very hesitant to try paid sites like match and eharmony because that's alot of money to be out of when it doesn't get you results.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but the thing is, most extroverts aren't going to be interested in someone that's shy and doesn't do much talking etc. The opposites attract thing is largely a myth. And as you note, you wouldn't be happy either as they're going to want to go out all the time etc.

And yeah, CL's is bad. The friends of mine that have had some luck were mostly through Match.com. But the thing with those sites is you can't be shy on their either. Women seldom contact men so it's up to you to put up a good profile and be active in contacting people etc. if you're going to have any luck. It does cost money, but unless it's changed they usually had pretty cheap deals for the first 1-3 months so you could try it out without spending too much.

And yes, getting out of your parent's is key. I'd probably suggest just renting rather than buying right now since you're not at a stable point in life. Better not to get tied down somewhere right now IMO.
 
[quote name='nasum']well the metrodome is open again for rollerbladers so hopefully I can start getting some proper cardio going again.[/QUOTE]

Give up them froot boots and get yourself some quad skates, son.

[quote name='dmaul1114']Added on that I recently got out of a 6 year relationship and got tangled in kind of a messy situation in the aftermath of that with someone else so I've been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out what the fuck I really want to do with my life lately.[/QUOTE]

I've been married years now, but what I see in friends and colleagues that aren't married is this: the transition from "swinging single" to "dirty old man" is one that can appear virtually overnight. So if you've any desire for philandering left in you, get it out of your system now.

(speaking of philandering, when we were in SF, did I tell you about the creepy old cougar who tried to pass me off some xanax at the same time a gay dude was trying to pick me up?)

There's a big dichotomy at our age: keep fucking around, or settle down. A lot of interest in both of those, but little interest in the "dating circuit" for lack of a better phrase. It's not my place to tell you which you are (or even if you're in the middle), but the one thing I would advocate is to make that choice and go with it.

As for my experiences with the thirties:

I'm going semi-grey, and the only odd thing is about the time I started going grey some 3-4 years ago, I stopped bleaching and dying my hair. So I spent a good decade or so coloring my hair for the fun of it, and now that I have a somewhat pragmatic rationale for doing so, I don't. Quite odd. And I don't believe the hype about grey being "sophisticated." fuck all that, it means I'm going grey!

Also, the only major thing I've noticed is I can't drink as much caffeine as I used to. I would drink 8-10 cups a day all throughout the day for decades. Now if I so much as look at a cup of coffee after 7PM I'm awake until 2AM and I get no deep sleep at all. Positively heartbreaking.

But I suffer no energy issues or things other people brought up. Hangovers are a bit worse, but not horribly so.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']
I've been married years now, but what I see in friends and colleagues that aren't married is this: the transition from "swinging single" to "dirty old man" is one that can appear virtually overnight. So if you've any desire for philandering left in you, get it out of your system now.

(speaking of philandering, when we were in SF, did I tell you about the creepy old cougar who tried to pass me off some xanax at the same time a gay dude was trying to pick me up?)

There's a big dichotomy at our age: keep fucking around, or settle down. A lot of interest in both of those, but little interest in the "dating circuit" for lack of a better phrase. It's not my place to tell you which you are (or even if you're in the middle), but the one thing I would advocate is to make that choice and go with it.
[/QUOTE]

I definitely know what you mean about that dichotomy. And I do worry about the dirty old man thing. Though thankfully, as noted above, I have no interest in women much younger so I can't see myself every getting entangled with students etc. which is the main risk in our profession.

But yeah, I really don't know where I am on that dichotomy myself--that's the main thing I'm trying to figure out. I've been pretty much a serial monogamist (cheating aside) and had very few periods of just fucking around in my life, so that's not very appealing. But I'm also not much feeling like settling down anytime soon either. *shrugs*

Best is to just take some time to myself, focus on sorting on my career goals etc. and just be single for a while I guess until I figure out things. As I do agree with you that, being a 30 something, I need to make a decision and stick with it.

And yeah, you did mention the cougar/xanax/gay dude story. :D
 
Oh, certainly. I wouldn't even think of saying to stay away from students, as that's a given.

You sound kinda indifferent (or perhaps defeated if the split was recent) on relationships in general right now. Maybe my perspective is skewed as someone who has settled down, but my ideal evening is with good friends and good beer. As long as you have that, what else is there?
 
I think I've resigned myself to doing this laboratory job for the rest of my life. I focused myself for college too late and now that I've got two kids I can't really go back and choose a more 'open' degree.

I mean, I could do this for the rest of my life. It's stable, secure and has market adjustments for wages every few years. It's just that I feel like I've already 'mastered' it. There isnt much of a challenge or thrill to it anymore.

But it provides for the family so I just go there and turn off part of my mind for 8 hours. Do the work, ignore the annoying co workers and come home to games and family.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']Oh, certainly. I wouldn't even think of saying to stay away from students, as that's a given.

You sound kinda indifferent (or perhaps defeated if the split was recent) on relationships in general right now. Maybe my perspective is skewed as someone who has settled down, but my ideal evening is with good friends and good beer. As long as you have that, what else is there?[/QUOTE]

Yeah, indifferent is exactly the situation at the moment. Not defeated as it was my decision to make the split as she wanted to keep trying despite my indiscretion.

But I just hadn't been happy in the relationship for quite a while, and definitely not happy enough to keep up the super-long distance relationship since she'd moved back home last summer.

So I guess I'm just kind of burnt out on relationships for the time being. That and I don't trust myself to be in one right now after said indiscretion, so probably best to just chill for a while and not worry about dating, settling down or fucking around for the time being.

And I agree about the perfect night out. Nothing better than an evening of good beers and good conversation with good friends. That was one of many negatives in that relationship. She didn't drink at all and thus was seldom up for nights out. We just weren't a good fit in many ways as we just had very different lifestyles.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']

And yes, getting out of your parent's is key. I'd probably suggest just renting rather than buying right now since you're not at a stable point in life. Better not to get tied down somewhere right now IMO.[/QUOTE]

I admit, I could go for a cushy gub'ment job that was stable and had annual increases. There's been a wage freeze and I've been part-time for the past 2 years, and I'd be ok with a steady job and a place to roost, but that's just me.

+1 for good beer and good friends. My friends and I seldom drink, but that sounds good right about now.

And I generally agree about the younger women thing, but there's a former co-worker of mine on facebook that I've got my eyes on who's 23 (I'll be 35 next month), who's pretty shy like me. But the thing is, she just got out of a divorce, bought a house, and works 3 jobs. So she's not some bubble headed college kid that just drinks her life away. Something tells me that would be bad news and just be trouble.
 
FYI a lot of government jobs are on wage freezes too. There's been no raises where I'm at the past 3 years, and last year we had 8 furlough days deducted from our salaries--none this year thankfully. Wouldn't be surprised to get some next year though as the new republican governor is talking more cuts, including higher education.
 
[quote name='eldergamer']I think I've resigned myself to doing this laboratory job for the rest of my life. I focused myself for college too late and now that I've got two kids I can't really go back and choose a more 'open' degree.

I mean, I could do this for the rest of my life. It's stable, secure and has market adjustments for wages every few years. It's just that I feel like I've already 'mastered' it. There isnt much of a challenge or thrill to it anymore.

But it provides for the family so I just go there and turn off part of my mind for 8 hours. Do the work, ignore the annoying co workers and come home to games and family.[/QUOTE]

This is amazingly accurate for me too. Would love to go back and get my teaching degree/license because I realize now that teaching is a passion of mine. At 19 years old, just out of HS, few people know what in the hell they want to do. It would cost a small fortune, not to mention quitting my job to pursue it at this point. Cubicle dwellar for life now, unfortunately.
 
[quote name='2DMention']
And I generally agree about the younger women thing, but there's a former co-worker of mine on facebook that I've got my eyes on who's 23 (I'll be 35 next month), who's pretty shy like me. But the thing is, she just got out of a divorce, bought a house, and works 3 jobs. So she's not some bubble headed college kid that just drinks her life away. Something tells me that would be bad news and just be trouble.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that would just be asking for trouble if she's just out of divorce. She'd either be bitter and not looking for anything serious, or vulnerable a get attached to quickly etc.

People need time to heal and move on after ending any relationship, especially a marriage.
 
[quote name='berzirk']Midlife crisis even more pronounced with a wife and kids. I still remember the day I nearly had a nervous breakdown. In a dead-end job, wife was 8 months pregnant, I feared that my son would get to the age where he would realize how much my job sucked.

Doing stand-up comedy, and as miserable as it sounds, playing videogames to get my mind off of it, probably saved my sanity.

Didn't want to stress the pregnant wife out about how close I was to snapping, so I just kept holding it in. Still do that to this day in fact. I'm pretty 1950's patriarchal, so I look at it as the man's responsibility to be the bread winner and not worry others with his problems, but daaaamn, that period in my life was rough. Thankfully I'm in a better (yet still dead-end career) and missed out on my dream job this past summer through no fault of my own.

It sounds pathetic, but I'm feeling relegated to just being a regular 9-5 worker bee, not rocking the boat because I've got family responsibilities, and hope for better for my kids. At least while many analysts are saying we're in the generation where we won't do better than our parents, I've set the bar so low, that as long as my kids aren't wearing nametags in their 30's, they'll do better! hehe[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'm there too, constantly worry about the kids future, life in general, etc., midlife sucks.
 
2D - Seriously, go to a peel joint and pay attention to the way the girls act as opposed to how they look. I.E. pay attention to body language and not nipples. It'll cost you $30 or so for a night, but you can learn quite a bit how it looks when someone comes at you in a highly sexualized manner. If you're on the shy side, you'll get over it pretty quickly as the honus is on them to come to you.
I was quite shy in my early 20's and dating was miserable. I ended up going to a bachelor party and that was basically the end of that. Just use how they act and how they're good at being approachable, turn it around without the "you can look at me for $20" attitude and you'll find people being coming to you instead of getting nervous because there's a cute girl across the bar. Also, if you're out, instead of getting all worked up, just smile and wave, if it's returned wait until it looks like you're both about half full and introduce yourself. If you're still having a good amount of banter when you're done with your drink, offer to buy her next one. Never on the other hand directly walk up to a girl and offer to buy a drink.
Also, go to bars where live bands are playing. If you hate the KQRS kind of tunes, you're sort of SOL but you can find bands that play in cheap bars even up in your neighborhood (p.s. if you ever see a Sabbath tribute act called Hand of Doom, say hi to the guitar player) and that's prime real estate for women that just want to get goofy for a night. Don't feel bad if you go home empty handed the first couple of times, just know that it'll eventually happen.

If you're going for internet dating
okcupid.com
plentyoffish.com (more like plenty of ISH!)
are both free and pretty easy to use.
there's also geek to geek that used to advertise here on CAG, not free but pretty cheap.

failing all that, look at that backpages thing on citypages and just hire a ho every now and then. Certainly cheaper than dating and usually much more interesting in bed as well.
 
The transition over the past 5 years has been rough (early to mid thirties). My kids are making me age much faster I think. When I was 30 I still got carded at the liquor store. Now - not so much. My beard comes in almost completely white and there is a bit of gray on the sides of my head above my ears. I'm also finding it harder to have the energy to work out every day and just generally stay in shape. I'm also starting to feel the effects of an unstable economy and the fear of losing my job and not being able to support my family weighs heavily on me. I'm also way angrier these days for no reason and I find myself snapping at my wife for stupid shit. I think I need to find an outlet or set aside more free time for myself but there just isn't any. Damn this is a depressing post.
 
No worries, the whole thread is pretty depressing.

But you're right, the best we can do is try to find some outlets, find some free time etc. but it's hard (especially for those like you with kids) given the hectic pace of life today.

At the end of the day though, there's nothing really to be said other than we all just have to man up and ride out these 30-something rough spells we're in, figure out what we want out of life, and try to focus on the positives and not dwell on the negatives.

But nothing wrong with venting in a thread like this or to friends and families, as it helps to get shit off your chest and see that others are dealing with similar kinds of issues. One just has to be careful to not let the venting dominate their moods and end up leading them to wallow in self-pity etc.
 
Stay away from CL!

Seriously, find some women at work and talk to them. Make it about work at first but ask if you can tag along the next time everyone goes out. When you go out, pay attention to what they're saying and wearing. If one is talking about trying to get laid, pay attention. If one is looking for a "good man", pay attention. Women will telegraph their intentions with body language and clothing.

Second option, start volunteering. Women love generous guys. You don't have cash but you do have time. You might not give two shits about homeless guys but it's not hard to ladle up soup or pass out drinks in a soup kitchen. You can always plant trees for Arbor Day. There are many many different options out there.

Again, don't act like every conversation is a wife interview.
 
I've been a 4-5 times a week at the gym guy, so I've been able to keep pretty youthful. I definitely can't stay up like I used to, but can still drink the same except for shots... they RUIN the day after for me. Shots suck anyways.

I actually find like at 30 even better than what I was doing in my 20's. I don't go out a ton, but I like spending time watching movies and playing games with my wife. I have a pretty good circle of friends we get together with, and we still do things together we did in our 20's.

Life isn't perfect, but I'm definitely happy.

I read a lot of what other posters said, and everyone goes through ups, downs and lulls. You just need a positive attitude and you can work through it.

Also, with the women. Don't stress relationships, finding someone, and needing it to go somewhere. That's how you fuck up. Just let it all happen, it will. And, as far as dating younger chicks, do it if you can. You can usually find hotter 24-year-old girls who will be really into you and appreciate where you are at in life.
 
[quote name='DestroVega']I've been a 4-5 times a week at the gym guy, so I've been able to keep pretty youthful. I definitely can't stay up like I used to, but can still drink the same except for shots... they RUIN the day after for me. Shots suck anyways.

I actually find like at 30 even better than what I was doing in my 20's. I don't go out a ton, but I like spending time watching movies and playing games with my wife. I have a pretty good circle of friends we get together with, and we still do things together we did in our 20's.

Life isn't perfect, but I'm definitely happy. [/QUOTE]

Same here generally except that about 4 months ago I decided that I wasn't seeing my kids enough so I stopped going to the gym in the morning... which means I stopped working out completely. The plan was to find something closer to the house so I could go work out and then come home to see the kids and get ready and then go to the office but I haven't been able to pull the trigger yet. About 2-3 times a week I have to stay late at the office and on those days it means I just don't see the kids at all - completely unacceptable so I make it a point to see them in the mornings now even if I can't see them at night every night.

I was a 4-5 day a week guy for the last 10 years and I think not going to the gym is the source of my lull right now. I was sleeping less but I had a ton more energy - I need to get back into it but I don't know if I can find a workable schedule... plus the damn cold isn't exactly motivating me right now.
 
^I have no interest right now at all in having kids, I totally understand that would change my life completely.. and I'm just too selfish.

The decision (and possible pressure at some point from the wife) is definitely going to be the biggest and most life altering situation I'll have to deal with if the time comes.
 
On the plus side, I am finding I am generally a lot more sociable than I was in my 20s, I'm meeting new friends and going to more parties with people my own age. (My friend's real sociable girlfriend is partially responsible for that).

It's hard to find activities, but I'm trying there too, going to pinball gatherings and tournaments.
 
[quote name='DestroVega']I've been a 4-5 times a week at the gym guy, so I've been able to keep pretty youthful. I definitely can't stay up like I used to, but can still drink the same except for shots... they RUIN the day after for me. Shots suck anyways.

I actually find like at 30 even better than what I was doing in my 20's. I don't go out a ton, but I like spending time watching movies and playing games with my wife. I have a pretty good circle of friends we get together with, and we still do things together we did in our 20's.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm trying to get back to going to the gym regularly. I was a 4 or 5 times a week guy through most of college and grad school. But once moving and starting the prof gig, I've been very lackadaisical about it, and have hardly gone the past 6 months or so despite having an LA Fitness membership, a decent gym in my condo building, and living a block from a park that's nice to run in.

So I'm trying to get back to working out at least 3 or 4 days a week. Doing ok so far since new years on that front. Also trying to get back to eating better and drinking less--also doing well on that since new year's. My goal is to not drink at home alone anymore, and only when going out with friends etc.

So hopefully feeling better physically will help everything else along. My social life is also lacking a bit as well. Consequence of graduating was having to move away from all my friends and family for work, and with the busy schedule it's hard to meet people outside of work. I get along well with a lot of my colleagues and we go to happy hours etc. But not all that frequently as they're all swamped with work too, and most are married with kids etc.



[quote name='DestroVega']^I have no interest right now at all in having kids, I totally understand that would change my life completely.. and I'm just too selfish.
[/QUOTE]

Same. But I don't see myself changing on that. I'm not willing to make that concession for any relationship. I'm just too selfish and just flat don't really enjoy being around kids.
 
^ I don't really see myself changing either, but my wife is always back and fourth and I'm sure I'm going to have to just do it at some point. It sounds terrible for me to say that, but I guess it's a "compromise"?
 
Yeah, my ex was teetering on wanting kids as well, which was part of the divide. To me that's just not something I can compromise on. I know a few guys that are just miserable from having kids they didn't really want because their wives wanted them. Now they're unhappy, contemplating divorce and child support etc. Or just miserable and are crappy dad's that don't pay much attention to their kids etc.

So be wary of that and make sure if you make that "compromise" that you're truly willing to put for the required effort to be a parent without being completely miserable.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Yeah, my ex was teetering on wanting kids as well, which was part of the divide. To me that's just not something I can compromise on. I know a few guys that are just miserable from having kids they didn't really want because their wives wanted them. Now they're unhappy, contemplating divorce and child support etc. Or just miserable and are crappy dad's that don't pay much attention to their kids etc.

So be wary of that and make sure if you make that "compromise" that you're truly willing to put for the required effort to be a parent without being completely miserable.[/QUOTE]

I can understand this. Also note that raising a kid from birth - age 18 (not including college) costs $250K
 
I don't think anyone is ever truly ready to have kids. I wasn't but I knew I at least wanted them in theory. It was scary (and still is) but I know now that my life would be empty without them.
 
Yeah, for me it's not a matter of not feeling ready or being afraid. I just don't plain don't enjoy kids and already feel like I have too little time for myself. So I just have no interest in having them.

Having kids, being around kids etc. takes a level of patience I have never possessed.
 
Just turned 32 yesterday. I think after 30, you begin to forget your age. I was actually uncertain at a particular point Monday as to how old I was. I actually counted years.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Yeah, for me it's not a matter of not feeling ready or being afraid. I just don't plain don't enjoy kids and already feel like I have too little time for myself. So I just have no interest in having them.

Having kids, being around kids etc. takes a level of patience I have never possessed.[/QUOTE]

I felt the same way... all the way until we brought my daughter home from the hospital. Sure... I don't get nearly enough time for myself, but my daughter provides me with a seemingly endless supply of entertainment.
 
I just wouldn't be willing to take that kind of chance. Again it's not just the time, I just actively dislike kids. I have no patience of the crying and whining and bitching, need for constant supervision etc. and just get angry very quickly with putting up with that kind of crap.

Some people say they like playing with other people's kids, but wouldn't want their own. I don't even like playing with other people's kids, my nieces/nephews etc. Well the older ones that are 6 or up are ok guess--in small doses.
 
It's different when they are your own. I think there is some sort of biological stuff that kicks in - my daughter literally didn't sleep at night for the first 6 months of her life and during that time I was wondering if I was going to go insane but you forget all about that and we had another one without hesitation. I can't explain the joy of having kids - it is something you have to experience on your own.

At least you are aware about your feelings towards kids and if you don't want them then it is a good idea not to have them. It is completely life altering and once you are there you can never go back.
 
Yep, I'm glad I'm aware so I don't end up like those aforementioned acquaintances that had kids they didn't want and didn't have the experience of you or metaphysicalstyles and are miserable and contemplating divorce and child support etc.

Kids just aren't for everyone. I'm far too impatient, short-tempered and self centered to ever want any.
 
[quote name='metaphysicalstyles']Just turned 32 yesterday. I think after 30, you begin to forget your age. I was actually uncertain at a particular point Monday as to how old I was. I actually counted years.[/QUOTE]

haha I forget my age a lot - especially if I'm put on the spot and somebody asks how old I am - I have to think about it for a second. I'll be turning 35 in a couple of months...

I was as ready as I felt I could be when we started trying to have our daughter - it was about 16 months ago (she's 3.5months now). It took me a while to get mentally ready for it. Me and my wife had talked about it for a few years but I just wasn't ready. I'm not sure how I got in the mindset but once I was there - I was all in - gung ho and ready to have a kid. I don't mind kids but I don't really play with other people's kids - I hardly even interact with them - even the kids in my family (wife's side - all the kids on my side are grown up!) But when it comes to my daughter I'm completely and totally engrossed in her life.

You guys who don't want kids now or ever shouldn't be ashamed. I certainly don't look down on those who don't want kids. You should be proud that you are a responsible adult and realize you aren't ready or aren't the type. I think too many people have kids who just aren't ready - they are bored or lonely or trying to keep up with the Joneses/status symbol and the child suffers.
 
[quote name='bordjon']
You guys who don't want kids now or ever shouldn't be ashamed. I certainly don't look down on those who don't want kids. You should be proud that you are a responsible adult and realize you aren't ready or aren't the type. I think too many people have kids who just aren't ready - they are bored or lonely or trying to keep up with the Joneses/status symbol and the child suffers.[/QUOTE]

Agree 100%. I've never felt shame over, even though many times people (especially older family members) try to play the guilt trip and make it out like your a bad person or have something wrong with you for not wanting kids.

The people who should feel shame are those who you note (and my aforementioned acquaintances) who aren't ready/didn't want kids and end up neglecting them.
 
Well I'll be damned. Just posted yesterday about how I was signing off on career changes and realizing I'm stuck in my current position, then lo and behold, an app from back in September just resulted in a scheduled interview for next week. Complete career change, they train, once you're in, you're set.

Heh, we'll see where this goes. The power of negative thought!
 
Congrats and good luck on the interview!

I'm feeling a bit better about career stuff myself. I taught a master's/Ph D class for the first time last night, and really enjoyed it. A lot more fun teaching smaller classes of students who are interested and participate in discussion, vs. the larger undergrad classes where a lot of the students don't care.

But on that front, I just went through my teaching evaluations from my undergrad classes last semester, and they were a good bit better ratings than I got in prior semesters--despite having spent a lot less time on the teaching than in the past. So that made me feel a lot better about things as well.
 
the kid thing is kind of weird. There's one reason that I do want kids, and it was pretty well in the spotlight at the end of that Parenthood show on NBC from last week. The teenage daughter played a little gig at a coffee shop on her acoustic. I see that kind of thing happening with a kid of mine (mainly because they'll have instruments around the house since birth) and I can't imagine how awesome it would be for my kid to be artistic in some way shape or form.
I don't want them because I don't want to deal with poopy diapers and screaming and all that shit. I'm not terribly patient and as said before, I tend to prefer to be alone. Then again, I love my dog so I can see how I could love a human child even with all the responsibilities and such.
 
[quote name='berzirk']Well I'll be damned. Just posted yesterday about how I was signing off on career changes and realizing I'm stuck in my current position, then lo and behold, an app from back in September just resulted in a scheduled interview for next week. Complete career change, they train, once you're in, you're set.

Heh, we'll see where this goes. The power of negative thought![/QUOTE]

Congrats man. Hopefully it will lead you someplace better...
 
[quote name='javeryh']I don't think anyone is ever truly ready to have kids. I wasn't but I knew I at least wanted them in theory. It was scary (and still is) but I know now that my life would be empty without them.[/QUOTE]

I agree 100%. That being said, I'm glad I had mine in my early 20s and I'm looking forward to my 40s and 50s being open for traveling and what not.
 
[quote name='depascal22']I agree 100%. That being said, I'm glad I had mine in my early 20s and I'm looking forward to my 40s and 50s being open for traveling and what not.[/QUOTE]

yeah - that's a catch-22. I was happy to have my kids in my early 30s (and counting) because my 20s were an awesome drunken mess filled with vacations all over the world and lots and lots of goofing off - I wouldn't trade it for the world.... but I'm not looking forward to being in my 50s with college to pay for!
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']I definitely know what you mean about that dichotomy. And I do worry about the dirty old man thing. Though thankfully, as noted above, I have no interest in women much younger so I can't see myself every getting entangled with students etc. which is the main risk in our profession.

But yeah, I really don't know where I am on that dichotomy myself--that's the main thing I'm trying to figure out. I've been pretty much a serial monogamist (cheating aside) and had very few periods of just fucking around in my life, so that's not very appealing. But I'm also not much feeling like settling down anytime soon either. *shrugs*

Best is to just take some time to myself, focus on sorting on my career goals etc. and just be single for a while I guess until I figure out things. As I do agree with you that, being a 30 something, I need to make a decision and stick with it.

And yeah, you did mention the cougar/xanax/gay dude story. :D[/QUOTE]
Funny you and Myke mention students, a professor that I had no actual academic connection to, just that I'm friends with, was telling me some stories that you two should like. The first one was his shock at running into a student at a strip club he once went to. She wasn't there as a customer either, she was working the stage so to speak...:lol: Now imagine that happening, talk about awkward. The other is a little creepy, he had some student develop a crush on him and now she's apparently stalking him, leaves him things by his office and stuff, he isn't even really sure who it is since he never sees them, he just suspects.

So yeah, stay away from students.;)
 
[quote name='javeryh']yeah - that's a catch-22. I was happy to have my kids in my early 30s (and counting) because my 20s were an awesome drunken mess filled with vacations all over the world and lots and lots of goofing off - I wouldn't trade it for the world.... but I'm not looking forward to being in my 50s with college to pay for![/QUOTE]

Let me guess.. Backpacking across Europe? Where'd you get the money for all those vacations in your 20s? Most people can barely afford rent in their 20s..

That girl I talked about bought a house at 22... Good idea in the long run and much cheaper, but hell in the short run.. People in their 40s and 50s struggle to pay for houses as it is...
 
[quote name='2DMention']Let me guess.. Backpacking across Europe? Where'd you get the money for all those vacations in your 20s? Most people can barely afford rent in their 20s..

That girl I talked about bought a house at 22... Good idea in the long run and much cheaper, but hell in the short run.. People in their 40s and 50s struggle to pay for houses as it is...[/QUOTE]

I did the whole backpacking thing after college... I slept in hostels and on beaches most of the time there - it's actually very cheap if you do it that way. I came home when I literally ran out of money. I stayed with my parents for about 2 months and then moved out for good once I found my first job - I was making like $35,000 a year or something and I felt like I was a king. Once I moved in with my girlfriend the two of us had plenty of money for vacations - Disney, Hawaii, Aruba, Bahamas, etc.

It's a definite financial sacrifice though. My brother-in-law bought his first house in his 20s and he's paid it off already. I am in my mid-30s and I'm probably not paying off my house completely until my mid-60s. I'm also stuck in a job I don't like because it is the only thing that pays the bills. Depressing. Maybe I would have done things a little different knowing what I know now but I don't regret a single second of it - I had lots of fun and I have lots of great memories.
 
[quote name='Clak']Funny you and Myke mention students, a professor that I had no actual academic connection to, just that I'm friends with, was telling me some stories that you two should like. The first one was his shock at running into a student at a strip club he once went to. She wasn't there as a customer either, she was working the stage so to speak...:lol: Now imagine that happening, talk about awkward. The other is a little creepy, he had some student develop a crush on him and now she's apparently stalking him, leaves him things by his office and stuff, he isn't even really sure who it is since he never sees them, he just suspects.

So yeah, stay away from students.;)[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'm all business with students but...

My wife was once my student. Sure enough. Thing is I never knew she was interested in me because I don't think of students like that. It will definitely get you in trouble if you do as I've seen it happen with a studio mate. She asked me out after the semester was over. She emailed and said something to the effect of - in response to the ad on the bathroom stall. Someone, surely a student, put my email address on a stall in the girls bathroom and said something like - for a good time email xxx - now he's the man - or something odd like that. I saw it because one of my profs thought it was so funny/cute that she had to show me. For some reason it stayed on the stall for over a year. So anyway, I was surprised by the email but we went out on a date and the rest, so they say, is history.

Also, one of my students was in Playboy - and - I got her to autograph it - no shit. It's the Oct 2001 issue with girls from the SEC. They were at the local booksamillion signing autographs so me and a couple of friends went (this was before I was married or had even met my wife!)
 
Quit bein' a wimp. You still gotta come down to the city and drink with me sometime. Only other CAG I've drank w/ was dmaul, I think. I still owe Quillion.

Show you whippersnappers a thing or two.
 
Yeah, don't be too worried sean. Keep in mind this is just a thread for us 30-something old farts to bitch and moan about the negatives. :D

I'm generally quite happy with my life, but in this thread we're just focusing on the negative aspects of life after 30. So don't get the impression that it's all negative, when it's more just that we're not listing the positives along side the negatives.

In general, I like my job. I still have a great circle of friends (though it sucks that most of them are 10+ hour drives away now). I like finally having a reasonable amount of disposable income--though a downside is having less free time to enjoy it! So their are pluses to life after college/grad school/hitting the big 30.

Just also a lot of new stresses as people move into real careers, starting families of their own etc.--and that's what this thread focuses on so it ends up being negative/depressing to read through if you don't keep in mind that it's just a "bitch and moan" thread and that most of our lives aren't nearly as negative as our posts make them sound! :D
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Keep in mind this is just a thread for us 30-something old farts to bitch and moan about the negatives.[/QUOTE]

More or less, yeah. A combo of incredulity because we thought we'd be young and healthy forever, as well as the damning realization that we are, in fact, mortal beings.
 
I'm in center city every Tuesday near love park. Maybe we can work something out then?

Otherwise, now that I passed my IRB, I keep my data with me :)

Dmaul, thanks for shedding some light on all the negativity.
 
I'm only 25 but I notice you take a physical hit every 5 yrs or so. I hate getting old. It sucks. I wish I was still 18-22. Thats a good physical range to be at. I will say though, I don't think that was my physical peak, it seems you get a bit stronger and faster after that age range. At least thats what I've noticed.

However I'm rarely tired. I barely sleep. Where as a few years ago I could nap all the time and still get a 8 hr good nights rest. If I even nap once throughout the day, I won't be falling asleep till 3-5 am.
 
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