Angle - THE MAIN EVENT MAFIA IS THE MOST DOMINANT FORCE IN THE HISTORY OF THIS BUSINESS!!
Angle - Mick, from your favorite movie, Rocky…that’s your favorite right?
Foley - It’s up there.
Angle - If you want to dance, you’ve gotta pay the band. IT’S TIME TO PAY THE BAND!
(on Rocco and Sally Boy)Angle - What are they gonna do?
Foley - Probably nothing.
Angle - Get ‘em, Scotty. (he beats them with a pipe)
Angle - Hold on, Scotty…
Steiner - WHAT, THIS IS WAR!
Foley - I got a horrible deal on the WORST SECURITY TEAM EVER!
Foley - Let’s…MAKE A DEAL!
Angle - What am I, Monty Hall? Fine. Door 1, I kick your ass. Door 2, Booker T kicks your ass. Door 3, Nash kicks your. Behind the curtain…JOE!
DW - He got door 1, 2, 3, and 4!
DW - Here comes Mr. Hamstring with the guitar!
(within 2 minutes, we get a Tenay/DW segment, a JB backstage segment, and a Nash interview)
(on Nash)Tenay - It’s not a stretch to say that you’re the most controversial figure ever.
Nash - Before ‘96, a year before, we were looking at our checks for Summerslam, and one would say I got $85,000, what? I got $45,000!? You got screwed! When I was WWF Champion, I was working 300 dates a year. 311, I think, and barely making seven figures. I’m here for one thing and one thing only - to make money.
Tenay - Does everything revolve around money? YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT LEGENDS TITLE SHOT AT AJ STYLES DOESN’T MEAN A LOT TO YOU?!
Nash - Of course, I think anyone can tell you that I’m in the best shape I’ve been in 10 years and I want to be champ. You go to the autograph sessions and put that belt around a kid’s shoulder? You get about 3-4 grand! It all equates to cash.
Tenay - Last week, Abyss felt the shock therapy of the taser! (Abyss goes into a rage and throws a bucket)
Abyss - I never asked you to stop being a woman, don’t ask me to stop being a monster!
Lauren - You’re not a monster, YOU’RE A MAN!
(after Deaner punches ODB’s tits)Tenay - The striking technique on the speedbags looks pretty good!
Tenay - You’ve had a lot of conversations with the Deaner. Those must’ve been enlightening.
DW - Deaner’s head hit the concrete. The good part about that is that I don’t think there’s much to mess up!
DW - Every time ODB hits her chest like that, it’s her way of telling him to brawl.
Tenay - One bounce means swing away, and two means hit and run.
Tenay - He’s adjusting his cap due to the wind here in the Impact Zone.
DW - Bad day in Muscle Shawls, Tenay.
Tenay - We’ve got a star-studded main event with SPECIAL STIPULATIONS!
Booker - Sharmell, go find Matt Morgan. It’s Mafia business.
Sharmell - Why?
Booker - JUST DO IT! GEEEEEZZZZ!
Tenay - Jesse Neal is such a great human interest story. He’s wanted to be a wrestler his whole life, and Rhino’s spent countless hours helping him achieve his dream!
DW - He’s not taking anything from anyone! Not even a war hero! He just slapped him and threw him into the rail! He gave him a lesson and he’s not even gonna charge him!
Tenay - We’re under Jeff Jarrett’s rules tonight!
DW - He made things up on the fly tonight! THAT’S JUST JEFF JARRETT BEING JEFF JARRETT!
DW - Jesse Neal just cost Rhino the match! TO THE BACK WITH LAUREN!
Morgan - HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A 24 HOUR GYM IF YOU CLOSE AT 9 PM!
Sharmell - Kurt wants to see you!
(to the gym guy)Morgan - GOODBYE! WE GOT CHECKS TO CASH!
Morgan - Thanks, GF!
Angle - GF?
Morgan - Godfather… FORGET THE TECHNICALITIES!
(dring Velvet’s upskirt entrance) - DW - Ohhhh yeeaahhhh…!
DW - Velvet and I were texting last night at 4 in the morning and she said nothing’s gonna keep her from helping Angelina keep her title.
Tenay - Why at 3 or 4 in the morning?
DW - Well if you don’t know by now, I’m not gonna tell ya now.
Tenay - So you’re saying there’s a difference between texting and sexting?
DW - I’m not gonna get into your sick, sordid fantasies. Just call the match!
Tenay - The Beautiful People and high IQs have never been mentioned in the same sentence.
DW - If they hadn’t become wrestlers, they’d be in Harvard Medical School.
Tenay - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL!?
DW - I’m pretty sure Dr. House went there, and Dr. Becker too.
Tenay - Well, you should know where your shrink went!
DW - I wasn’t sure if those mail-order degrees were real or not.
(as Tara puts the tarantula on Velvet’s stomach)DW - I HOPE THAT’S A MALE TARANTULA!
Angelina - THAT IS A BIG SPIDER! IT NEEDS A LEASH! OR SOMEONE NEEDS TO STEP ON IT!
BRD - THERE IS NO CAN’T ON THE ROAD I WALK! I WILL BECOME!
DW - I don’t want these guys interrupting our flow…
DW - HEY GUYS HOW YA DOING! YOU’RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE TEAMS EVER!
Tenay - IT’S LIKE A FOG OVER HERE WITH YOU BLOWING SO MUCH SMOKE!
Roode - I agree.
Storm - What kinda Chap Stick you use, Don?
DW - Whichever one you use, buddy!
Roode - You’ve got 3D with 22 tag titles, Booker T with many tag title runs with his brother, and Scott Steiner, with many more with his brother Rick.
Storm - The best teams in the world are in TNA. TNA is the elite!
Roode - The British Invasion just pokes their nose in anywhere.
DW - Couldn’t have said that better!
Roode - Shut. Up!
Roode - There’s some good confederates. Competitors. Out there.
Tenay - Are you just gonna sit out here and, like a parrot, repeat what they say?
DW - Hey, I’m just letting people know that they’re good points! Come on, Mike, we’re out here doing jobs!
DW - When we talk about the elite of tag team wrestlers here in TNA, you’ve been the man for seven years here, James. How many titles ya won?
Storm - 10.
DW - I WAS GONNA SAY DOUBLE FIGURES!
Roode - Uh oh, we’ve seen that look before.
Storm - Dat’s what we call da Crazy Eyes of Bubba Ray!
Tenay - BUBBA BOMB! SITOUT BOMB!
DW - Kiyoshi and Bashir have come out here wanting beer! Or something! And they got Beer Money outta here!
DW - IT’S OBVIOUS THAT ABYSS ISN’T TAKING HEAD OF SECURITY MIKE DAVIS’ WARNING SERIOUSLY! If I’m Jethro Holliday, I’d get out of Dodge…so to speak.
Abyss - DR. STEVIE! COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE! COME CLOSER! I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY! DR. STEVIE! I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE! NO MORE THERAPY SESSIONS! NO MORE CALLING IN DAILY TO CHECK IN! AND NO MORE SHOCK TREATMENT! EXCEPT FOR YOU! BECAUSE WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I’M GONNA HOIST YOU UP AND DROP THIS 350 POUND PLUS ASS OF MINE! AND I’M GONNA SNAP YOU ACROSS YOU ACROSS MY SHOULDERS LIKE A TWIG!!!!!
Stevie - Lauren says… what did you say, Lauren… SHUT UP! Do you have any idea what I can do to her? I’m not going to, because I’m not the monster you are, and believe me, I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD! YOU TURNED ON ME FOR THIS USELESS PIECE OF MEAT! I OWN YOU, CHRIS. MIND, BODY, AND SOUL. I OWN ABYSS! NEXT WEEK, YOU WILL COME TO MY OFFICE FOR THERAPY, BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T…
Tenay - WITH DR. STEVIE ABDUCTING LAUREN, DOES ABYSS EVEN HAVE A CHOICE?!
Tenay - The TNA Founder has been the focus here tonight.
JB - HE IS THE TNA LEGENDS OCHCAMPION OF THE WORLD! THE PHENOMENAL AJ STYLES!!!!
DW - IT’S THE MASTER OF THE HAMSTRING! THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN! DOUBLE J! THE TNA FOUNDER! Good God, how many monikers can you give a man?
(after being in the ankle lock for a minute)Tenay - SUERPERHUMAN EFFORT FROM JARRETT! HES’S NOT EVEN FEELING IT! HE JUST BLACKED OUT FROM THE PAIN!
Tenay - STING HAS POSSESSION OF THE TNA TITLE BELT!
DW - I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT DIRTY THIEF WOULD STEAL MAIN EVENT MAFIA PROPERTY!