One of my roommates takes the most foul shits I've ever smelt in my life. Like, burns your eyes/don't light a match 'cause shit'll catch fire bad. About two months ago we both needed to take a shit at the same time. He smells unbearably and I take a long-ass time, so neither of us was willing to relent. We flip a coin, and I lose.
There's no chance in hell that I'm going after him within the hour, though, so I decide to bite the bullet and go in the public bathroom in the lobby downstairs. In order to get to the bathroom you need to enter a door to a forier kind of area with a pay phone and janitor's closet. You then enter into the mens or womens bathrooms, which are single-toileted, through a second door. So I go into the mens bathroom, lay down a layer of TP on the toilet, and get comfortable.
Like I said, I take awhile to take a shit. About 5-10 minutes in I hear someone enter into the forier room. My eyes dart to the door, which I notice with
horror is unlocked.

me. Just as the door handle starts to lift I belt out a "NNNOOOOOOOO" that would've done Vader proud.
Too late. I grab my junk and put my other hand to my face. Just before covering my eyes I can see the guy jolt back from the door with a look of unabashed revulsion. He let out an "OH!" and slammed the door shut. I yelled out that I was sorry, and waddled over to the door to lock it, careful not to spread the shit around my cheeks.
I finish up and hightail it out of the forier room and into the lobby. Wouldn't you know it, the douchebag is sitting there waiting. "Thanks a lot, buddy. That's exactly what I wanted to see tonight. Try
locking the door next time." Classy guy. He walks passed me and into the bathroom, while I just stand there, stunned that someone would be asshole-ish enough to
a)wait around after just having that experience
b)insult someone who's clearly embarrassed after an honest mistake, and
c)think he can get away with that shit without consequence
I get pissed and call all of my buddies that live in the building. There's a pretty good number of us, and we storm into the forier room while the guy is having something akin to explosive diarrhea. Shit was
loud. He finishes up and exits the bathroom only to be met by about thirty people applauding him and patting him on the back. Cheeky bastard turned maroon and bolted through the lobby and up the stairs. Never saw him again, thank god.