Cole - Tonight, a rivalry is renewed - PERHAPS THE RIVALRY OF 2010 - SHEAMUS TAKES ON RANDY ORTON!
Cena - LAST WEEK’S EXCITEMENT IS CARRYING OVER TO TONIGHT! (fans boo) You know how guys grab the mic and talk about what happened last week? WELL I’M GONNA DO THAT THIS WEEK. There’s a lot of energy in the room. We were fresh off of TLC, there was a roast of Vickie - IT WAS A PARTY. But every party has its pooper. After a match with Dolph Ziggler, THIS happened. Considered the party officially pooped on. I brought this on myself… (crowd chants loudly for CM Punk) I know why they cheer - I did bring it on myself. For those who don’t know, in my pursuit of the Nexus, I accidentally spilled his diet soda. Seriously, it was an accident. I set him back 75 cents TO A DOLLAR AND A HALF, and I was so out of line that I understand why he met me on SD to do this. All calorie-free frustration aside, do you know how much energy it took to lift Vickie that high? Punk, I can’t replace that diet soda, but I can let you air your grievances!
Punk - He comes out every Monday, he’s excitable, HE THROWS HIS HAT AT SOMEONE. I’m so impressed by that - how you get everyone to believe you’re the everyday man. BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH. YOU’RE HEARTLESS AND DISHONEST. There’s millions who want to believe it’s about a spilled diet soda, but THIS GOES WAY BEYOND MY SPILLED DIET SODA. Oh yeah. YOU WERE FIRED, YOU WERE GONE. YOU GAVE A TEAR-INDUCING SPEECH ABOUT SEEING YOUR MOM, YOUR LITTLE BROTHER AND YOU’D BE A MAN OF YOUR WORD. And what happened? YOU CAME BACK THAT NIGHT, THE NEXT WEEK, AND THE WEEK AFTER THAT. Telling the people who aren’t as wise as I that your WORD IS WORTHLESS. Then there’s TLC. You have Barrett beaten, but that’s not good enough for you. YOU DRAGGED THE MAN OFF TO THE SIDE OF THE STAGE AND DROP 15 STEEL CHAIRS ON HIM! AND I WANNA KNOW WHY YOU THINK THAT’S ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR.
Cena - BALDERDASH! 15 CHAIRS, THAT’S INSANE. IT WAS 23 STEEL CHAIRS! And in case you forgot, Nexus gave me 5,000 beatdowns, made me their slave, AND ended my career.
Punk - You wanna talk about ended careers? YOU ENDED THE CAREER OF MY GOOD FRIEND DAVE BATISTA. This is a reoccurring pattern with you. You have him beat, THEN AA HIM OFF A CAR THROUGH THE STEEL RAMP I’M SITTING ON WHICH ENDED HIS CAREER.! Now let’s talk about Vickie - I’m surprised she doesn’t quit based on the abuse you give her. It’s not just the physical abuse, but it’s the verbal abuse.
Cena -- It’s the this and that. Well, one, Batista broke my neck. Two, he showed up on Raw and QUIT. And C, I didn’t single out Vickie - I TALK ABOUT EVERYBODY. Cole, he has an anonymous fetish with Justin Beiber, and has “the Miz” manscaped below his bellybutton. Look at me - I look like the sex child of the Hulk and Grimace. Then there’s you.
Punk - WHO ISN’T LAUGHING. YOU’RE NOT FUNNY! This is all gonna stop - YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT. You will change. I will facilitate that change. John, look at me - the first two attacks were warning shots. SOMEONE’S STANDING UP TO YOUR BARBARIC WAYS. Your phony HUSTLE, LOYALTY, AND RESPECT isn’t gonna cut it anymore. I know the real you, and it’s gonna stop. (massive Cena chant)
Cena - Doesn’t sound like anything’s stopping anytime soon. You’re talking a big game, and the brilliant thing about WWE is we don’t have to sit through the People’s Court - THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO SETTLE THE ISSUE.
Punk - WE DO, RIGHT THERE.
Cena - RIGHT HERE, IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WWE UNIVERSE! So, are you gonna talk all now or do you wanna dance…
Punk - WE CAN DO IT LIVE ON RAW, RIGHT!? Thank you for being oh so predictable. This isn’t the Cena show, it’s the CM Punk show. And this isn’t happening on your terms, it’s happening on mine. I’ll be in the ring later calling YOU out. If you think the last two attacks were shocking, I’ve got a real eye-opener for you. The real surprise happens later tonight, and it’ll be a night you’ll never forget. THIS IS RAW. THIS IS ABOUT FUN, so on behalf of myself, I would like to wish you and your fans, a very happy new year!
Cole - IT’S A COBRA FOR CHRISTMAS!
Cole - DOUBLE COBRAS!
Cole - Morrison was always second-fiddle to the Miz. He can’t admit that he’s not as good as the Miz!
King - What did you get for Christmas other than drunk?
King - You’ve been brainwashed by the Miz - but then again, you could be brainwashed with an eye dropper.
Morrison - It’s gonna be next week - FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE.
Kidd - Are you a millionaire?
Bryan - No.
Kidd - THEN WHY ARE THE BELLAS HANGING AROUND YOU!
Josh - MARK HENRY IS THE STRONGEST MAN ON THE PLANET!
Cole - I’m glad Miz undressed Alex Riley in the back!
Miz - I know each of you are intimidated by me. JOHN MORRISON SHAKES IN MY PRESENCE. Lawler needs to change his Depend’s when I’m around - I’M THE MOST MUST-SEE WWE CHAMPION! I DON’T GET INTIMIDATED, I INTIMIDATE. I know you think I’m the best brawler, the best fighter, but that’s not all I am. NOBODY compares to me in the WWE. (What?) NOBODY COMPARES TO ME IN THE WWE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NOW!? All the golden age classics, the Gagnes, the Theszes and Races of history don’t hold a candle to my ability or my talent. YOU ALL SOUND LIKE DUCKS - WHAT WHAT WHAT SHUT UP WHILE I’M TALKING. I AM A SCIENTIFIC MASTER OF THE ART OF WRESTLING. (What?) ARE WE GONNA DO THIS ALL DAY!? (What?) REALLY!? SHUT YOUR MOUTH I WANT SILENCE WHILE I’M TALKING. TONIGHT, I WANT YOU TO PHONE A FRIEND, E-MAIL, AND TWEET EVERYONE BECAUSE I’M GOING TO DESTROY JERRY LAWLER. IN HONOR OF ALL OF YOU PEOPLE, BECAUSE I’M THE MIZ AND I’M AWEEESOMMEEE!
Josh - Jerry Lawler INVENTED this business.
Cole - But he’s no Miz.
Josh - Miz is half King’s age - the fact that he can get in the ring at all is a testament to the kind of human being he is.
Cole - Eh, anyone can get in the ring!
Crowd - BORING.
Cole - This is getting uncomfortable.
Punk - ALL HAIL KING SHEAMUS.
Sheamus - Thanks Punk.
Punk - How many times has Cena gone out of his way to make you look bad? I don’t wanna make you relive that - but keep a special eye on things, because I’m doing this not just for me, or you, but for everyone who’s been on the other end of his needless brutality. Good look against Randy Orton, tonight.
Sheamus - Thank ya, Fella. But I don’t need any luck!
Cole - AND I QUOTE! I can only hope that everyone in the WWE Universe enjoyed the holidays. I vow that this year will be the greatest year in the history of Raw… (Miz attacks King)
Josh - Randy Orton is Lord Voldemort.
Josh - RANDY ORTON IS THE MOST INTIMIDATING WWE SUPERSTAR IN HISTORY!
Fan - GO BACK TO IRELAND!
Cena - CM SUCKS SAID THIS WAS GONNA BE HIS SHOW.
Cole - Punk.
Cena - CM Sucks said he was gonna call me out.
Cole - Punk.
Cena - SURPRISE. I SHOWED UP EARLY. IF YA WANT SOME, COME GET SOME!
Cole - Punk said that Cena would QUOTE - change.
Cena - That’s the big surprise. We’re playing games and this is the “play CM Sucks Music and NO CM SUCKS!” If CM Sucks won’t come here, I’ll go find CM Sucks.
Cole - IT’S THE NEXUS!
Otunga - Look John, this isn’t what you think. 2 weeks ago, you assaulted me with a chair. I watched you take out Wade and every member of Nexus and it’s EXACTLY what you said you were gonna do. So I made a decision - NEXUS is under new management now. I don’t wanna have a conflict with you - let’s start over and move forward. Start the new year off right. I wanna offer you a truce.
Cena - David. I know why you and your group did what you did to me, and if I thought for one second that one word you said was genuine, I’d shake your hand. You wanna know why I got to all of you? Cuz I watched ya, studied ya, and you’re nothing more than a slimy, manipulative WORM of a man! I DON’T TRUST YOU. There will be no moving forward. You got 2 options - turn around and move backward, or you throw hands and see what happens.
(after Slater hits Paydirt)Cole - SLATER-LATER!
(after he puts on N armband)Crowd - CM PUNK! CM PUNK!
ing flowers on it! Just dresses. 
