Vince - Last week, William Regal did something that no man has ever done before - he ended the broadcast in the middle of a title match. As a result of that, many of you delivered protests by sending e-mails, and ask that I come here tonight. Much like you, I found Regal’s actions reprehensible. At the same time, I find them to be innovative, and daring. Not only innovative and daring, but VISIONARY! As a matter of fact, Mr. Regal reminds me a lot of MEE! Which is why I’m here to support and endorse Regal as your king and GM! I would only ask that you show him the same respect you have for me. (fans chant “asshole”) I thank you very much.
Regal - As I said last week, you might not like me, but you will respect me. Do I have your respect? (crowd boos) Pity. Because like last week, I am prepared to turn out the lights at my discretion. (crowd chants Regal sucks) So be it - turn off the lights. (crowd chants Regal sucks) Turn them back on again. This show will continue, but you may not be able to see it, because I’m willing to have this entire show in internal darkness. I will not tolerate being disrespected any longer! (Kennedy’s theme hits)
Kennedy - If you want respect so much, then all ya gotta do is take me up on my offer and go one and one with me in this very ring…tonight! Huh!?
Regal - You just don’t get it, do you? It’s a dreadful shame when people don’t know they’re place in life. I’m your superior!
Kennedy - Well then, PROVE IT!
Regal - I fully intend to, because tonight, you’re in the main event, and you’ll be facing the ECW Champion, Kane. And the WWE tag team champions, Morrison and the Miz. And the winner of the money in the bank match, CM Punk. And the former ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero and his bodyguard. In fact, you will be facing THE ENTIRE ECW ROSTER! It’s a little arrangement I have with Estrada - I promised to promote tomorrow night’s 100th edition of ECW. I will no longer tolerate being disrespected by you or any man. (HHH’s theme hits)
HHH - Please, pardon the intrusion, sir. Unlike young Mr. Kennedy, Kennedy over here, I mean you no disrespect. I just wanted to congratulate you on your newfound position of power and offer you some friendly advice, if I may. If you would like to maintain your newfound status, you need to not make mistakes - take for example, last week. You turned the lights out ON MY MATCH! That was a mistake. When it was off the air, you walked up and ended my match. That was a mistake. Last week, you disrespected me. THAT WAS A MISTAKE! And trust me, Regal, if you would like to maintain your position and keep your power, you do not want to go to war with me!
Regal - War with you? I wouldn’t want that - you’re far too busy. In 2 weeks, you’ve got a title match inside the cage at Judgment Day, because I don’t think you’re going to be able to compete. I’ve changed the main event - it’s going to be the ECW roster against Kennedy…and you.
Lawler - If I’ve done my math right, there are 14 SUPERSTARS ON THE ECW ROSTER!
J.R. - Good move from the country girl, Mickie James, who was always told she was too small to be in the WWE.
Murdoch (singing) - GIVE IHIM SOMETHING WARM TO COME HOME TO WHEN THE NIGHTS ARE WARM AND LONELY! Whadya think, Tirsh?
Simmons - DAMN!
J.R. - Ron Simmons, now a member of the college football hall of fame.
King - Only one thing to say about that - Damn!
Orton - In two weeks, the Age of Orton resumes!
Regal - Before this match starts, turn J.R’s mic off. To call this match, MIKE ADAMLE! (crowd boos)
Adamle - We don’t know much about John Cutler except that his name rhymes with butler, and that the cutler did it!
King - Did you say the butler did it?
Adamle - No, the cutler.
Adamle - This isn’t a handicap match.
King - What do you mean? It’s 2-on-1 - Cutler has the handicap.
Crowd - THIS IS BORING! THIS IS BORING!
King - Mike, I’m not gonna complain about your announcing - the line’s too long! J.R., please come home! Is your mic on? Please say it is!
J.R. - I watch ECW on Sci-Fi every week, and these men are two of the reasons why.
King - Not just ECW, SD too, right?
J.R. - Right. These two men are the future of tag team wrestling - they’re young, athletic, have confidence, and are students of the game. They may be too arrogant for some, but athletically-speaking, these two kids are awesome.
(on fans booing Michaels)J.R. - The fans here in Canada have long memories - in 1997, he defeated a Canadian hero in Bret “the Hit Man” Hart in controversial fashion.
J.R. - I like the combination of Morrison and Miz.
King - I didn’t like the combination of Adamle and me!
Carlito - Cut the music. Last week on Raw, something happened between a hall of famer and a future tag team champion that was…NOT COOL! Let’s clear the air right now - here’s my guest, Rowdy Roddy Piper. Welcome. Now look. I know more than anyone how annoying Santino can be.
Roddy - yes!
Calrito - But you took it too far.
Roddy - Too far? Listen buckwheat! My whole life, I’ve been taking it too far! If I was a normal guy, I might’ve just taken exception to the insult. Another guy might’ve turned the other cheek, and another might’ve insulted him back. BUT NOT ME! I BEAT MR. T, I BEAT HULK HOGAN, I BEAT CANCER! AND I AM SO SORRY THAT I DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO PLAY NICE-NICE TO THE SUPER MARIO BROTHERS! AND I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT HAVING THE TIME TO SIT AND TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE MY NAME AIN’T DOCTOR PHIL! IT’S ROWDY RODDY PIPER! AND I DID IT MY WAY! AND MY WAY WAS WITH A SLAP!
Carlito - Well that guy you slapped happens to be teaming with Carlito, and he’s a future tag team champion! You’re lucky Carlito wasn’t there, ‘cuz I would’ve slapped you back.
Piper - You’re lucky I didn’t bring a seagull to make a nest in that thing you call a hairdo! (Santino’s theme hits)
Santino - Carlito, please, you don’t have to lay a hand on this man! He’s all mine! Rondey the Piper, you tell everyone you’re so tough! And you say that you did it your way, well, when you did it your way, it took you eight years to become Intercontinental champion! I DID THAT ON MY FIRST NIGHT IN THE COMPANY! PLUS, VERY SOON, I’M GOING TO BE WORLD TAG TEAMS WITH MY FRIEND CARLITO! SO FOR YOU TO SLAP ME, IT WASN’T VERY EMBARASSING!
Piper - EMBARASSING!?
Santino - ENOUGH OF THIS, CARLITO! (Cody’s theme hits, crowd cheers) HOLD ON, ONE SECOND!
Cody - This is not how you treat a legend. Cool off so nobody gets hurt.
Carlito - What are you doing this? Your boyfriend Hardcore Holly isn’t there.
Cody - He isn’t, but I know two guys who are dying to meet the Hot Rod! (Cryme Tyme’s theme hits)
J.R. - Know what I mean, dog/
Shad - Just like two chumps to run before the fight. But tonight, it’s not about that money, money, it’s about that ROWDY, ROWDY, YEAH YEAH!
Cody - YEAH, YEAH!(Piper dances)
JBL - You people don’t know what it’s like to be JBL. To be the CEO of a company I own, to ride in a stretch limousine. Sometimes, I even have a flight attendant back here…to serve me. Cena, we each enjoy fine cars - the difference is, I ride in the back. Let’s take a ride. DH SMITH, DAVEY BOY SMITH’S SON. IF I CAN’T BEAT UP JOHN CENA, I’LL BE HAPPY TO BEAT UP A CANADIAN IN THIS TOILET BOWL OF A COUNTRY! THE CANADIAN BULLDOG - BOY THAT’S CLEVER! THE LAST OF THE HART FOUNDATION! WHICH IS DEAD BY THE WAY. SO LET ME EXPLAIN THIS TO YA - YOUR DADDY CAN’T HELP YA RIGHT NOW, BRET HART CAN’T HELP YA RIGHT NOW! IN FACT, HARRY, GOD CAN’T HELP YA RIGHT NOW! RING THE BELL!
J.R. - HHH is a 12-time WWE Champion, and that number is significant. It puts him above men like the Rock, Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart…among others!
(Chavo pins Kennedy)Lilian - Here are your winners - the ECW roster! (HHH kills ECW roster, lights go out, Orton RKOs HHH)